by Howe, Violet
11:54 All guests have been seated. Parents and wedding party lined up outside doors.
12:00 Music starts. Doors open. Parents begin to walk.
12:02 Parents are seated and groomsmen return.
12:03 Groomsmen enter at lyric cues provided.
12:05 Groom enters on lyric cue provided.
12:06 Groom scratches his ass.
12:07 Music changes. Bridesmaids enter at lyric cues provided.
12:09 Random uncle coughs.
12:10 Flower girl enters. Scatters petals in two second intervals.
Okay, so she didn't have the groom scratching or the uncle coughing, but she did provide Chaz with the lyrics for each song marked as to which word each groomsman and bridesmaid needed to enter on. And she repeatedly told the six-year-old flower girl to count to two between each petal going down the aisle.
Chaz needed to tell her to chill a long time ago. I'm all about an organized bride, and one who runs on time when I have a wedding after hers? Yes, ma'am. Love it. Give me more. But talk about ridiculously excessive. No one can enjoy their day if they are micromanaging everything down to the second.
She even plotted the time for the kiss. Like, cue song and kiss begins on this word and lasts two minutes, thirty-seven seconds.
Do you have any idea how long two minutes and thirty-seven seconds is when an entire room of people is sitting there watching someone kiss? Interminably long. The kiss lasted longer than some people's wedding night! Guests shifted in their seats, fanned themselves with programs, and cleared their throats, but no matter what social cues they used to scream 'Awkward!', the bride and groom held to the schedule. I bet she choreographed it. Planned out turning their heads left and right at appointed times in the music. Moaning or sighing here and there for effect. I bet this chick literally made the poor dude rehearse the kiss over and over again until he got it right. For his sake, I'm hoping there's no music or itinerary involved for the honeymoon. Talk about pressure to perform!
3. Lastly, weddings are supposed to be about both people involved. I've always said the groom's wishes should be taken into consideration when planning a wedding. After all, it's his event, too. But it has to be a balance both ways. My final wedding today featured an ultimate Star Wars fanatic groom (Dale) and a considerate and giving bride (Keke), who had confided to me in the beginning how sweet it was that Dale wanted to incorporate his passion into their wedding. But as said passion took over her own plans, Keke had lost a bit of her enthusiasm. She readily agreed to him walking down the aisle to Darth Vader's Imperial March. He insisted she walk in to music from a Japanese Star Wars video game. She agreed to have Princess Leia and Han Solo figurines as a cake topper. He added toy Jedis and Stormtroopers standing shoulder to shoulder around every layer of the cake. She agreed to enter the reception carrying light sabers. He planned a light saber battle in lieu of a first dance.
When I saw the surprise Dale had planned for the ceremony, I suggested he discuss it with Keke first. Dale was adamant it should be a surprise, though, and one thing's for sure. His bride was definitely surprised.
When the pastor asked for the rings and neither the best man nor maid of honor had them, Keke began to panic and asked the maid of honor to loan hers. But when she heard the music start and looked up to see a seven-foot-tall, furry Chewbacca headed down the aisle carrying her rings on a pillow, she lost it. That girl said words I've only heard in Tarantino movies. The pastor blushed fifty shades of red, Chewbacca stepped back like his hair had been singed, and the groom went from euphoric glee to shocked disbelief.
It took about twenty minutes to calm her down and get her back inside the chapel, but I think Dale learned a valuable lesson today about his wife. The force may be powerful, but hell hath no fury like a bride on her wedding day. Needless to say, Chewbacca waited outside while rings were exchanged.
Tuesday, April 22nd
I truly had no idea what I was in for today. If only the Universe had sent me some kind of warning.
Chaz had a planning session booked today, which meant it became mine with the promotion. He'd called her to explain I'd be taking over, but we hadn't spoken before today.
I did a double-take when she walked in, certain Stevie Nicks had wandered in off the street in search of a wedding planner. Nadine's long blonde hair swung loose across her shoulders and down her back, except for where she'd randomly braided strands and tied them with brightly-colored ribbons. She wore layered skirts of white and ivory lace and linen, also adorned with multi-colored ribbons. She completed her gypsy ensemble with a long, black velvet shawl much too warm for April in Florida, and high-heeled brown suede boots with ribbons intertwined through the laces up the front.
Nadine's gentle, easy smile exuded kindness. Her eyes were a soft grey, crinkled around the edges, and twinkling with a bit of mischief. Every finger held a ring of different stones and rocks. Not diamonds, or sapphires, or rubies, mind you, but actual stones and rocks. Maybe a couple were crystals.
She greeted me with a huge smile and arms out-thrown like we were long-lost cousins seeing each other for the happiest of days.
"You must be Tyler!" she said as she wrapped me in a huge hug with her thin arms. She smelled of vanilla and ginger.
"I am. You must be Nadine."
"Wow. I have a good feeling about this," she said, nodding and smiling as if we shared some secret. I wondered what it was and if I was supposed to know about it. "Your aura is clearly defined in pale yellow. You must be excited about this new job opportunity. Your vibrations are elevated as well."
"Well, that's good," I said, not sure what else to say. "Come on in, and let's get started. Would you like a coffee or perhaps a water?"
"Ooohhh, no coffee for me. It clouds my vision. Perhaps a Chai tea?"
"Um, we have Earl Grey?"
She scrunched her face tightly, shook her head quickly, and then broke into her smile again.
"No. Nothing English. I'll just take a water, thanks. Spring water."
"Sure." I opened the door to our larger planning room and motioned for her to have a seat at the rectangular table.
"Do you have any rooms with a round table? I find the angles of squares and rectangles interfere with my creativity."
"Oh. Okay. No problem." I led her to the smaller room with its round table. "How's this?"
"Too small. We need good energy flow so as not to confine our possibilities." She smiled again.
"Right. Well," I hesitated, my brain scrambling to find a solution that would be just right for Goldilocks. "I'll be right back."
I went to our kitchen break room, which was a little larger than the small planning salon and had a round table.
"Hate to break this up," I said to Lillian and Mel as they sat drinking their coffee, "but I need to use this room for planning."
"The break room?" Lillian asked with her signature eyebrow arch, her British accent strong in derisiveness.
"She needs a round table in a larger room so we don't confine our possibilities."
They looked at each other and back to me. Lillian rolled her eyes as Mel shrugged, then they both got up and left the room. I followed them out and back to Nadine.
"Okay, I think I found us a suitable room," I said with a smile. "Right this way."
I led her down the hallway and into the break room.
"No windows?" she asked with a look of horror. "No, no, no. This won't work at all. Let me look at the first room again."
So back to the first conference room, where she decided the rounded corners of the rectangular table would make it sufficient after all.
I nearly wore out my hand taking notes as she talked. I normally kind of guide clients through the planning session, asking questions in the order of our pre-printed sheet to ensure we cover the event from start to finish. Nadine had a very strong vision of what she wanted, though. By vision, I mean she closed her eyes, hummed for a few seconds, and then swayed back and forth in her chair, talking ninety miles an ho
ur while I tried to keep up writing. She waved her hands in the air as she talked, as though she was drawing out the scene in her mind, stopping occasionally to clasp her hands together and hum.
"I see everything in pale, sky blue," she said. "Blue linens, blue drapes, blue chair covers. I see all the guests dressed in blue."
Humming.
"I see lilies, calla lilies. White, not blue." Thank goodness for that, since they don't come in blue.
More humming.
"We'll have fifteen bridesmaids and fifteen groomsmen," she said.
"Wow!" escaped my lips before I could catch it.
Nadine opened her eyes and smiled at me before closing them again as she swayed and hummed.
"They'll form an entire circle of love and support to envelop us and protect the start of our journey."
She pulled her legs up under her in the chair and clasped her hands together again, eyes closed the entire time.
The humming continued.
"Indoors. I'm seeing a nice chapel. Something very traditional."
Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, and then she stopped humming and stopped swaying. She just sat there motionless and silent. Forever.
Awkward.
Finally she opened her eyes and leaned forward to read what I'd written.
"So, did you have a date in mind?" I asked, pen poised above paper to start taking notes again.
"I'm waiting to hear back on that. I've put the question out there and haven't yet received an answer."
"Okay." I hesitated, not sure if the answer would come to her telepathically or via some other method of communication. Like perhaps a telephone or email.
She closed her eyes again and began to sway.
"I'd like to stop at fifty."
"Fifty guests? Okay, that's good. Not too large, not too small," I said, and her eyes flew open with frustration this time.
"No, fifty thousand. I want to cap my contribution at fifty thousand. I'm not sure how much my beloved will contribute."
"Oh, right, well, okay. You can just let us know the total budget when you've decided." Hearing the budget would be at least fifty grand was a relief. It certainly made my job a lot easier. I can do crazy if I have a budget to pay for it. "How many guests were you thinking?"
Her eyes stayed open this time. "It depends on who he invites. I probably have around seventy to eighty on my list."
"Well, to look at venues, we will need a good estimate of total guest count, just to make sure we're looking at the right size."
Her sharp intake of breath scared the crap out of me and nearly made me fall off my chair. She scrunched her eyes together, wrinkling her nose in what looked like mild pain.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, just seeing fog for a moment." Her face relaxed, and she smiled again before she spoke. "Belly dancers. Fire eaters. A band who can play disco. Cake. Lots of cake. Four, no, maybe it's five different cakes."
"Okay." I wrote as fast as I could, my brain freaking out as much over our transcendental planning as where I was going to find belly dancers and a venue that would let someone eat fire.
Nadine leaned across the table and placed her hand on mine, stopping my pen immediately.
"I see concern on your face, and your vibrations have shifted. I'm not sure yet what my beloved may be bringing to the table, but don't worry. It will all work out. We'll have plenty of funds."
She reached for her purse to pull out a check and a pen.
"I've been saving a while, not knowing how much things might cost by the time I got to this point," Nadine said. "But I've always known it would be Orlando. I could see the city clearly. Just still foggy on the actual site. I can write you a deposit check now."
"Um, okay. We can just do a contract for our services, and then we can talk about venues and dates once you have more information."
She nodded. "I feel a harmony between us, Tyler, and I trust you to bring my vision to fruition."
"Well, if I could get you to fill out this profile with contact information for the two of you, I'll go and have Carmen, our office assistant, work up a contract."
Nadine closed her eyes and swayed, grabbing for the table to steady herself but missing it.
I reached to grab her instinctively, but she jerked away and stared up at me, her eyes unfocused for a moment.
"I seem to be experiencing a lot of interference," she said. "It's draining my energy rapidly. Could we get a steak?"
I thought I misunderstood her. "I'm sorry, what?"
"A steak. I need red meat to replenish my zinc levels."
Nope, I didn't misunderstand.
"Right. Well, we don't have any steak here…" Definitely the first time I'd ever gotten that request.
"Could you have someone go and fetch one? I'll need a few minutes to re-center before we continue." She closed her eyes again, and I almost felt shoved from the room.
"Sure. If I could just get you to fill this out? When you're centered?" I tiptoed from the office and went immediately to Lillian.
"She wants me to fetch her a steak," I told Lillian.
"Beg pardon?"
"She wants me—"
"Oh, I heard you. I just don't understand. Fetch? Fetch a steak? Does her highness want you cutting it up and feeding it to her, too?"
Carmen came in to drop off Lillian's mail. "Tell her to eat a granola bar. Who eats steak mid-morning?"
"Says her energy level is low. She needs zinc."
Lillian took off her glasses and twirled them between her fingers as she spoke. "We're not a diner. We don't do steak."
"She needs to take vitamins," Carmen said.
"What do I tell her?"
"Get a contract signed, and then we'll talk steak. No money, no meat," Carmen said, snapping her fingers and leaving the room. She'd been even more feisty than usual since returning from maternity leave.
I turned back to Lillian. "What do you want me to say? She's ready to pay a deposit and sign a contract, but she wants a steak. I have a banana in my office. Should I see if she wants it instead?"
Christ!" Lillian put her glasses back on and shook her head. "It's your call. Your client."
It was. My first client since the promotion. I'd be working with her start to finish all on my own. I didn't want to start off on a bad foot, so I told Carmen to call around and find a place to deliver a steak.
I came back into the room to find Nadine in a cross-legged position on the floor, head dropped forward with her eyes closed and both hands facing upward open-palmed on her knees. She opened her eyes and smiled up at me, nodding toward the table.
"I left you a check there with the information. I just need a few more minutes."
"Oh, okay. No problem."
She closed her eyes again, and I left with the paperwork and check to give Carmen.
Nadine's penmanship was impeccable, her letters in neat, even rows uniform enough to have been printed on a computer. Truly remarkable symmetry. So much so that it took me a couple of seconds down the hallway to realize she'd written no information regarding the groom. No name, occupation, phone number, address. Nothing.
I turned and went back into the conference room and cleared my throat. Nadine's eyes fluttered open and she stretched with a wide yawn, appearing to have just woken from a nap. She unfolded her legs and bent low over her knees as she flexed her toes before rising to a stand.
"Nadine? There's nothing on here about your groom. We can designate you as primary contact if he doesn't want to be involved in planning, but I have to put his information in the system."
She smiled sweetly and brushed her hair gently from her eyes.
"He's not here. The Universe has told me to prepare, so it won't be long now. I can feel it. He's on his way. He'll be here soon. We need to be ready."
"You mean he's on his way here?"
"No, silly!" She laughed like I'd said the funniest thing ever. "I haven't even met him yet! But he's coming, and when he gets here, I don't want to wa
ste any time. I've waited thirty-seven years, so when he arrives, I need to get this show on the road."
"So you haven't met him yet, but you guys have talked online? On the phone?" I was so damned confused.
"No. I have no idea who he will be. The Universe has sent me signs to get ready because he's on his way. Isn't it exciting? My groom is on his way! I'm going to meet him soon!"
I thought maybe then the whole thing had been a joke. Like maybe I was on Candid Camera, and Carmen and Mel would bust in laughing and telling me how silly I looked. But no one came in. No cameras appeared.
So I had to give Nadine back her check and tell her we'd have to wait until she actually had a groom. I couldn't accept a contract signed by her and The Universe.
I offered to get her a steak anyway, but she graciously refused.
Carmen laughed about it all day, but I felt bad for Nadine. She's a nice lady. I hope her beloved does come along soon. I must confess I pity the poor guy already. Who wants to go on a first date and learn that the entire wedding is already planned and the deposit's been paid?
Hope he likes steak.
Thursday, April 24th
Mama called tonight. I've only talked to her once since I got back from Paris. I purposely haven't called her because I didn't want to get into the whole Cabe conversation. But she called tonight, and I figured it was as good a time as any to face the music.
"Hey Mama."
"Hey sugar. How you doin'?"
"Good. How's everybody up there?"
"Alright, I reckon. You remember Johnnie Lloyd?"
I don't know why she expects me to remember every random person who has ever lived in or passed through our county.
"No, I don't think I do."
"Sure you do. She married that boy your cousin Fred went to school with over in Louisiana. They lived in Bogalusa."
