by Thomas Duffy
“Finn, you will have your time to talk. This is Alexis' time to mourn her mistakes. You will have plenty of time to feel sorry for your actions, Finn, I promise you that.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Finn's time came to speak and he was searching, within himself, for the right words to express his sorrow. Finn knew his mistake was irreversible and that the consequence he was going to face were going to be severe. Nevertheless, he spoke.
“I found myself at a point where my personal dreams weren't coming true. When I graduated college and learned of the separation and that there were women in the world, one of whom I could love, I guess you could say my dreams changed from professionally oriented to personally. I met someone who I fell in love with but the relationship, you could say, was short lived.”
“Did you love her?”
“I don't know, Dr. Pratt. I wish I stayed with her now. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all. I think I see the error of my ways.”
“Hold that thought, Finn. We can talk more about that next group. We have an activity now I want everyone to do. I want everyone to write a letter to the person for who they risked everything for. I want them to write that letter which that person will never see. Get your thoughts on paper. Sometimes, this will help people cope with their ultimate fate. What this activity does will be different for each person here.”
“I like that idea,” said Alexis who continued, “My daughter was my life, my one big contribution to our society and I want to know what it would have been like if I could have lived to tell her that.”
Dr. Pratt started to find herself very emotionally involved in today's meeting feeling sorry for each and every person who was present. At that moment, everyone in the group was writing their letters, including Finn. His message to Leonardo was full of sadness. Finn hated himself for his impatience as well as his senselessness and carelessness.
After the letter was complete and handed over to Dr. Pratt along with the other people in the group's letters, Finn was taken back to the original room he was brought to initially. Finn was left alone. He fell into a three-hour sleep. When he awoke, he was sweaty and wondered if what had happened was just simply a nightmare of his. Looking at the space around him, he realized reality was his worst dream ever come true.
Then, there was a knock on his door. Finn walked over to see who it was. As the door opened from the outside, Finn noticed the two people coming in the room were his parents, Kevin and Carolina. Finn was curious as to what they were doing there.
“Mom, Dad, how did you know I was here?”
“This is serious business son,” Kevin informed him.
“I know,” Finn said as he put his arms around his father tighter than he ever had before.
“Do you realize how far up this goes, Finn?”
“What do you mean, Dad?”
“I always thought you'd avoid trouble at all costs when you were in school and the headmasters told us how well behaved you were. I knew taking that teaching job was a mistake. What happened?”
“Am I allowed to talk about it?”
“You better not, dear,” Carolina said.
“Why not, Mom?”
“This is not the reason we are here right now. We came here because we wanted to see you. You abandoned us and we wanted to let you know that we'd never abandon you even in a time as dire as this one. Finn, you had everything going for you,” Carolina stated.
“Don't act like it's his fault, Carolina,” Kevin said.
“Then whose fault is it?”
“It is my fault, Mom. I take full responsibility for what I've done and I'm ready to face the consequences whatever they may be.”
“These consequences have repercussions that will cost your everything. I'm your mother. I'm not the one to tell you that you're right or that you had a point in what you had done. I'm the one to tell you that you screwed up. And, boy, did you ever make a mistake this time. There were rules, Finn.”
“Don't tell me about the rules. I knew about the rules. I always knew. I think these so-called rules are so unfair. It's inhumane to separate a child from its parents.”
“These rules have been in existence for a reason. They work for whatever reason they have to work for a better world,” Kevin told Finn.
“I'm still taking my sexual suppression medication. This medication that they snuck on us students in high school so we wouldn't feel aroused as much or whatever it was they told us we were feeling when we felt it back then.”
“Keep taking those pills, Finn,” Carolina said.
“I can't function like this much longer.”
“Don't worry, Finn. These days you will be going through a big change and an important one. The lessons you are going to learn will help you make sense of everything and help you understand the mistake you made in trying to contact Leonardo. I carried you for nine months, Finn. I never tried to make contact with you until you were of the proper age.”
“How did you manage to do that, Mom?”
“We're raised to follow the rules and to know there are consequences if we don't follow them. I guess I, afraid, like a lot of people were, didn't want to know what would happen if I broke the rules. Me and your father were never the type to break the rules. We thought you were happy when you met Angela. We thought you'd be together forever. We didn't know her that well but you seemed happy at the time. Or was that an incorrect observation?
“I think something was wrong with me. I don't know what it was. Maybe it's still wrong with me. I think I keep questioning everything I do over and over again in my mind. That's not healthy. Is it? Sometimes I should have just gone with the flow in life and with Angela, I should have definitely gone with the flow. I should have followed our relationship through instead of giving up on it.”
“They told us we can never see Leonardo. You've taken our grandson from us by your actions.”
“Why would they penalize you and Mom that way?”
“They said it would be too confusing for Leonardo. He may remember that you made contact with him all those years back if he saw a picture of you.”
“And what about his mother?”
“Angela will never be able to see him either, unfortunately.”
“I've destroyed people's lives by what I've done.”
“Yes you have, son.”
“Sorry Mom.”
“Sorry won't help here. It's the regret you have to live with for your remaining days that will hurt you the most,” Kevin reminded Finn.
“Why can't we just move on?”
“You took a job with youth. They told me you signed a contract, did you?”
“Of course, I did, Dad.”
“Then what were you trying to prove by making contact with Leonardo?”
“I just wanted to see him. Why did they keep Leonardo at a school so close to me? Did you ever ask yourself that question? Maybe I was set up. I mean what would you have done if you knew it was possible to see me when I was younger?”
“I don't know, Finn,” Carolina replied.
“There were never any exact addresses on the correspondence from the school when you were young so we never could have even tried to see you,” Kevin said.
“If you could have seen me, would you have, Mom and Dad?”
Carolina replied, “It was illegal to see you, Finn. Of course we couldn't have.”
“Angela. I think about her life now. Her life without seeing Leonardo. Will I be able to see her again?”
“She's coming up soon, I heard,” Kevin informed him.
“She is?”
“Don't expect Angela to hold your hand. She's not too happy,” Carolina said.
“Where am I, exactly?”
“That's confidential. You will know the answer to that question when they want you to know, not a moment before,” Kevin told him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Finn sat with his parents for about an hour before they were ready to go. As they were getting ready to leave him for
the last time, Carolina started to tear up. She was crying as she started to talk to him.
“When I knew I was going to see you after you were done with college, my whole life seemed to change for the better. I was so happy. When I met you, I was so proud of your accomplishments. You were a good son. You just didn't know how to not follow your heart and that's probably our fault. Me and your father were always people who tried to pursue our passions and ambitions. We went to study medicine against the odds in hard times and we did pretty damn good. We wanted better for you and, for a while, you had better, Finn. You really did. Angela will be here. You talk to her. Don't let her ever regret a single moment you two were together. You need each other now even though you don't know it, yet. Just live as long as you can and love as long as you can. Love Angela. She was what your life was supposed to be. Not this.”
Finn was crying as his father hugged him goodbye. Pretty soon, his parents sadly exited the room. His heart was torn and he anxiously awaited the moment Angela would arrive and he would begin to discuss with her the errors of his ways.
Finn didn't know when Angela would be there but Dr. Pratt knocked on his door and notified him that there would be another group session the following morning. Finn wondered to himself when his ex-wife was going to be there to see him. He wanted to confront his past relationship with her and see if he could reconcile any old feelings he still felt deep within himself. Finn started to try to put his feelings on paper. After writing the words, “Dear Angela,” he couldn't write anymore and he thought about using the pen he found in his hands as a weapon to end his life. However, he soon realized that he wanted to see Angela again more than he wanted to die.
Alexis was the key speaker at the group session the next day. She was holding a teddy bear as she sat in the middle of the room on a chair facing the circle of people who were present.
“It's so hard to know that your time is up and that you can't tell your loved ones how you feel because if you do, you realize you'll hurt them more than they deserve to be hurt.”
“The emotional scars and wounds, if you will, that many of us here find themselves in conflict with could have been avoided,” Dr. Pratt said.
“I suppose we serve as an example of how not to behave. Especially to those who knew us well,” Alexis stated.
“I know everybody here had intentions to make things in their lives different but most of you acted on feelings that were not normal to act upon. If you people didn't want to challenge the system, the system would have worked for you. It would have worked in such a way that feelings of happiness would have been plentiful.”
“I like how you put it, Dr. Pratt.”
“Finn, you have been hurt the most, recently. Of all the people among us, could it be you who will suffer the most? A professional and man of great intelligence, your gifts to the world were so prosperous. You shaped young minds with your teachings and your wisdom. Do you find it surprising to sit in a group with other people who didn't have, for the most part, a portion of your academic knowledge to share with the world?”
“I do, as a matter of fact. When you are intelligent and have the gift of mathematical knowledge, you believe that you can do no wrong. I had become so accomplished and so recognized, I thought that the way I behaved in regards to seeing my son could never be punished. For how could one punish a man who has contributed so much to society?”
“You may have contributed a great deal but that doesn't separate you from the rules that have been implemented upon the human race.”
“Dr. Pratt, I just wanted to teach. To educate, And, I wanted to work in my chosen field of study before that. Maybe the separation of the male and female sexes is something that should be permanent for men and women who share my love and passion for academics.” “I'll make a note of it but if such separation was permanent, great scholars would not be able to reproduce or to pass on their unique gifts.”
“Those unique gifts don't necessarily have to be academic. I have the gift of being a great artist. My grades as a student were nothing special but I could paint and draw like nobody else before me,” Alexis said.
“Alexis, your work may go down as some of the most unique artistry today's society has ever seen but, like Finn, you are guilty. Guilty of letting your hubris run away with you.”
“Again, Dr. Pratt, I think of things that happened with regret. I know there is a higher power to judge what we all have done and when I meet that higher power then I will be sure whether what I have done is right or wrong,” Finn stated.
After the group ended and Finn returned to the room he had been assigned. Mr. Franklin arrived with a bag of food for Finn and informed him that Angela was on her way to see him. As Finn ate the burger and French fries Mr. Franklin had brought for him, he started to feel emotionally weak. He knew he was no longer in control of his destiny. His fate seemed to have been decided and he only hoped that seeing Angela would help him overcome the hopelessness he had recently discovered in his life.
Finn sat on a chair in the room and put his head down on the table in front of him. He closed his eyes and thought back to his personal accomplishments from the past. He could vividly remember the awards he had received and then, within a matter of moments, there was a knock on the door. Finn walked over to open the door. He discovered it was, indeed, Angela. His heart started to race and he wanted nothing more but to passionately kiss her. Instead, he invited her to come in the room with him.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hi, Angela. I have missed you so much.”
“Missed what? The pain we caused one another?”
Angela put her arms around him and hugged him tight. Finn found his eyes had become teary upon the arrival of the woman who he once loved and, perhaps, still loved completely.
“To what do I owe this honor?”
“Finn, stop crying. You've put yourself in this position and, because of you, they're telling me I won't be able to see my Leonardo in person for the rest of my life.”
“They're punishing you too?”
“Yes. That way is how they are punishing me. Your fate is arguably far worse.”
“What's my fate? Exactly. I've been wondering that.”
“Go to your group sessions. They will reveal in time what is to come.”
“I guess there's no chance of a reconciliation.”
“That depends on how you define reconciliation.”
“I define it as making up.”
“We can make up. Surely, we have some time for that. They've given us that.”
“Who are they?”
“Look. I'm not here to discuss what I am not allowed to reveal. I am here to comfort you in your time of despair.”
“Comfort me, how?”
“Sexually.”
“I've been on sex suppression drugs.”
“You can take a drug for each one-time visit we have.”
“I love you so much. I don't want sex anymore. I want to know you. Truly know you.”
“You knew me better than I knew myself. You knew I was selfish. That was why you left me. Ultimately, that was the reason.”
“Stop talking like that. If anyone was selfish, it was me.”
“I'm not going to argue with you. There isn't the time.”
“How much time is there? Just so I know. So I can prepare.”
“The time remaining is different for each person. That's all I know.”
“Why am I here?”
“That's a question you know the answer to, Finn.”
“I loved my child so much that I had to see him.”
“That may be true but you disobeyed rules with punishments far more extreme than theft, and far more dire than murder.”
“Murderers still exist these days?”
“I've been told they do.”
“That's not who we're here to discuss.”
“Sit down. We need time to ourselves. Let's slow things down just a bit. Let's enjoy each other's company these last few time
s we will see each other.”
“My parents were here.”
“What did they tell you?”
“That they loved me. In so many words.”
“Did my name come up?”
“Of course it did. They told me to expect you. They told me you were the one I was supposed to have loved forever.”
“How did they phrase it?”
“I can hardly remember. All I remember is the first time I saw pictures of you online. When you were on the dating site, I thought you were pretty. So kind and so very pretty. So innocent looking. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the moment I first laid eyes on you in person. Your exquisite beauty still shines as I try to overcome the thoughts I have that tell me you were deceiving me through the love you showed me in the early years.”
“Don't make me cry, Finn.”
“You're right. We're not here to cry.”
“Hold my hand.”
Finn took her hand and held it so tight. The moment was his to cherish Angela, the woman who he once called his wife. He loved her intellectual side and wanted to discuss something such as education or philosophy but decided it would be best to leave such topics that could cause debate alone. By keeping these topics off limits, he was able to innocuously enjoy the time he shared comforting Angela in silences. After several minutes of silence, Angela took a pill from her purse.
“Take this drug. It will arouse you almost instantaneously.”
“Is sex something that needs to happen.”
“Give in to the desire that was suppressed most of your life.”
“Why?”
“Because you love me. Because I've also taken a pill. One to prepare me so I will not become pregnant. You can feel me completely. No need for any barriers between us. There's no time for such obstacles to the love we need to express to one another.”
“My mother said you wouldn't have held my hand. But, you did. Are there any regrets you wish to express to me?”
“So many regrets that I can't express because you don't have the time to listen to them and you don't deserve to listen to them with the limited time that you have left.”
“Time is all I have left. I know that now. Time to do very little. However much time it is, I'm trapped. What else lies in store for me? Have you any idea?”
