by Sy Walker
“Where on earth did you run off to last night?" I asked him, setting my jaw in a frown. “You left the door wide open, anything could've come in to eat me."
His bright demeanor suddenly darkened, and I stepped away, unsure of what to expect. I knew many men with terrible tempers, and most of them didn't hesitate from showing a woman her place. Or at least, what he thought her place should be. Instead of turning on me though, he didn't answer and stirred the skillet where our eggs and meat were cooking.
“You don't have to tell me what you're up to, but could you at least try to close the door after yourself?" I asked him, changing my tone and trying to soften it to win his favor.
“I'll remember that next time," was all he said.
***
He had big plans for us that day, and took me outside with him, to the stable where he kept his horses. I wasn't sure what he had in mind, until he saddled up one of the horses and held his hand out to me. He wanted me to go for a ride with them.
“You do know how to do this don't you? Rich girls always get to ride horses, don't they?" He asked, by way of teasing.
“It just so happens that I never showed any interest in horseback riding and my father was afraid I would get hurt. A young girl we knew got killed on one of her horses so I was never allowed to go near them since then.”
“So your parents were a little bit overprotective where they?" He said with a chuckle. “Horses are not going to hurt you if you know what to do. Let me show you how it's done.”
“Honestly I'd rather not, I'm kind of afraid."
“Well it's good that you're honest, if you're scared the horses know it and they get scared even faster. That makes it even more dangerous. About that girl you knew, I bet she was scared on her horse. But I bet nobody paid any attention to that did they?”
My mind went back to the girl and her parents, and I knew that he was right. She had never wanted to be on a horse in the first place, but they had forced her into it and suffered dearly for that mistake.
“All right then, we're going to do it a little differently," he said, taking the saddle off of the horse. “I want you to sit this stable for a while, just you and me and the horses, and will give them a brush so you guys can get to know each other. Eventually you'll be able to read them if you start understanding them and not being so afraid. There's nothing to it really, it's all in your own mind how you do it.”
We spent the morning and early afternoon bonding with the horses, before he finally decided to put them up to his carriage and take us both into town.
“Now if these folks say anything to you, you just tell them that you're my bride-to-be, and that I'm putting you up until were officially married. We gotta get you the fabric for your dress, and whatever else you might want. The last thing I want is you going a single day without something you need, so let's get going before it gets too late and the stores are closed.”
I had no choice but to agree, and found myself gazing at the beautiful countryside as he drove his wagon into town. All the townsfolk stared at us again, just as they had when I first arrived on the train and climbed into Blake's carriage. What I found most peculiar was that everybody stared more Blake than they did at me. Many of them looked at me and shook their heads in disbelief, while others just glared at Blake. I knew that his stories must've been true.
However, that didn't account for all the women who were glaring at him as well. Unless he already tried his hand at womanizing, I couldn't figure out what it was that everybody would hate him for so much. I didn't want to believe that he was a womanizer, but it would make sense, wouldn't it? He wanted a woman like me to come and live with him to keep clear of any blame so that he can continue being a good for nothing scoundrel who didn't give a hoot about the vows of marriage.
I felt guilty for having these thoughts in my head while sitting right next to him, but what else was I supposed to think? Anybody in my position would have thought the same thing. Still, I didn't think that this was his secret, but he certainly did have some kind of secret that he was hiding from me, and maybe everybody else there.
I soon forgot my thoughts and became consumed in shopping with Blake. He was great company, and he didn't hesitate to spend a dime. I wondered how he got all this money, but he didn't say anything about that. I was provided for, and I didn't mind letting him pay because I figured it would be taken out of what he owed me for the cost of being his mail order bride. We were done shopping, the sun was beginning to set and we were laughing together as if we were already friends. All the thoughts of him being a womanizer had left my mind, and all I could do was enjoy the moment and wish that it would never end.
Chapter 5
One thing that I had not counted on when I met Blake was his pride. The man was just as stubborn as I was, and that was saying a lot. You would have to be pretty foolhardy to run off on a train to marry some man you've never met in a place you've never been before, where danger was high and an animal could come out at you at any moment and have you for breakfast. I believed I had found my match the second day we were together, and his stubbornness just kept on coming and showing itself when I least expected it.
Blake disappeared to do some errands for the day, and I was feeling very lonely. I wanted to go out to the horses and brush them like he showed me but I was scared. So instead, I decided to try to reorganize the furniture in the homestead so that I could feel a little more comfortable. I never liked how a table can take up all the space in a room like his did, so I pushed it against the wall and admired my handiwork. It seemed much better to me, and I liked seeing the space on the floor. I imagined there was a band playing and felt happy having room to dance around and twirl in my new skirt. No man had ever been able to take his eyes off of me when I danced, and I wondered how Blake would feel if we danced together. I imagined taking me into his strong arms, and letting his face break out into the carefree smile that I had come to enjoy so much.
When Blake came home and saw me twirling through the empty floor though, that was the end of my fun. His bright blue eyes hardened and grew fiery, startling me out of my happy dance. I stopped dancing and said hello, but he didn't say anything back. Instead, he pushed past me and grabbed the table, pulling it back into the position where it had been before he left. I watched silently as he did so, my feelings a little bit hurt.
“It's really cramped in here," I complained. “And don't think this is because I hate your table. I just like having room on the floor to do things."
“That's what going outdoors is for,” he said, smoldering. “Why in the blue blazes would you need to dance on my floor when you have all that space outside?”
“I just want to make a little room, that's all," I said, frustrated with him for ruining my fun.
“Just please don't change things in here, I don't like change very well," he said. “I'd rather it be intentional."
From the way he said this, I got the impression that he wasn't just talking about his kitchen table. I wanted to give into my stubborn urge to defend my right to a floor, but instead I found myself wondering what in the world he might've been talking about. What changes did he have to go through that were not intentional, I wondered. For some reason, these secrets reminded me of his disappearance on the night I had arrived on the full moon. The man was full of secrets, and I wasn't sure I would ever find any answers.
**
I felt bad about moving his table and upsetting his home, so I decided to make him some dinner. He left quickly after his little outburst, and I went through the groceries as we had brought home from town the day before. I decided to fix him my favorite meal, hoping that maybe he would like it. I spent the rest of the evening preparing the food, doing my best to keep the fire lit brightly. Finally, I heard him come in just as I set the plates on the table.
“Dinner is ready," I said to him.
“Out here we call it supper," he said, sitting down at the table and looking down at his plate. I saw his nose crinkle and I felt
my stomach drop.
He poked at the food on his plate with his fork before looking up at me and heaving a heavy sigh.
“What is it?" He asked.
“What do you mean what is it? It's dinner. Why don't you just try it?”
“Yeah, but what are these little black things?" He asked, pushing his plate away. He looked at me with his mouth set at a firm line, and I had the distinct impression that I was about to try to feed a stubborn toddler.
“It's spices. From Boston. You'll like them, I promise. Just try it!”
He brought a bite of food to his mouth and grimaced dramatically. I frowned at his display and sat back in my chair, crossing my hands over my chest. He was chewing with a loud smacking sound and I lolled my head on my shoulders before looking him in the eye.
“Really, you eat like a wild animal!" I exclaimed.
“And you cook like a city girl!" He replied, his handsome face now tart and glowering at me.
We glared at each other, the tension between us rising until it was almost too much to stand. I felt a surge of heat course through my body, for some reason landing somewhere in my loins. This startled me enough to want to get out of the situation I was in. I picked up my plate and stalked away with it, closing myself into my bedroom so that I could eat dinner alone. I could feel his eyes following me as I went, and for a brief moment I wondered what he was thinking before I closed the door and heaved a heavy sigh, wondering what exactly I had gotten myself into.
Chapter 6
Over the course of the next few months, we butted heads every once in a while. At least three nights per month, I would find the front door wide open and Blake would be gone. There was one time after he had left that I saw huge, muddy pawprints on the floor by the door. I really gave him the what for for that one, and he looked at the floor sheepishly, apologizing as he had so many nights before for leaving the door open. One night, I decided I would sit and wait up, hoping to catch him when he came home to get some kind of a clue about what he was doing and where he was going.
I was tired of being left in the dark, and so I hid under the big table, waiting for Blake to return. I wanted to know what time it would be to see which direction he might have come back from. I knew I was being a little bit nosy, but I couldn't handle not knowing what was going on in what was supposed to be my own house. I waited up for a long time, until my eyes were heavy with the promise of sleep as soon as I surrendered to it. Finally, just before sunrise, I heard Blake at the door. I looked up quickly and saw that he was entering into the house, completely buck naked.
I had to put my hands over my face to hide my gasp of disbelief. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, his perfectly sculpted body was muscular and lean. It was the first time I had ever seen a man fully in the nude, and his body was hypnotic. He was more attractive than I would have ever guessed, and his hair, now reaching his shoulders, was disheveled. He looked like a wild animal in a way, and he closed the door quietly behind himself and walked silently into his bedroom. I watched him go, my eyes roaming him up and down greedily as a hot sensation I had never felt before stirred me from my seat on the floor.
I didn't know quite what I was doing until I realized I was not heading back into my own room. Instead, I was pushing the door open into Blake's. He was settling into bed and looked at me in surprise. Neither of us said a word as I approached him, not having any real plan but just following my instincts. I climbed on top of him, his body still bare under his sheets, and pushed my aching loins against his middle. He groaned in pleasure and I kissed him passionately. I could tell from his thighs buckling against me that he was attracted to me, and he let his hands roam up and down my body, resting on my waist.
I'd never been overcome like that before and felt excited to see where it lead, but after a few more kisses he forced himself to pull away from me.
“This isn't proper,” he said with a frown. “We're not man and wife yet. I think you should get back in bed.”
I sighed and rolled over beside him, my hands resting on his chest. I let them run over his hard, muscular body, and pushed one slowly down until it was between his thighs. The heat he was giving off gave me a thrill, and I gripped him in my hand and tugged gently, surprised and pleased as it grew and hardened in my hand. Blake inhaled sharply but stopped protesting, and let me touch him, my curious, stubborn nature making it impossible for him to resist. He gasped and shuddered as I squeezed him, until finally, a hot eruption wetted my hand and the stiffness relaxed.
I contemplated this for a while until I felt Blake looking at me, an expression I couldn't read on his face. My loins were on fire, but I knew he would not have me that night. I resigned myself to this and snuggled against his broad shoulder, closing my eyes and drifting into a deep, sound sleep.
***
Blake let me sleep in, but when I woke up I felt embarrassed. I was laying in his bed while he was out clattering at the stove, making breakfast. I crept into my own bedroom and dressed quickly, before taking a deep breath and going out to greet him. I knew that he usually disappeared at least two nights in a row, sometimes three. I couldn't imagine what he was doing running around outside naked like a wild animal, but I didn't think that it was anything close to what I thought it was. I didn't know what I thought anymore.
“Mornin' Daisy,” he said, without turning to face me. His back was to me as he scrambled the eggs.
“Morning," I said quietly. I walked quietly to the table and sat down, where he already had bread laid out on a plate.
It seemed he didn't draw any attention to what had happened the night before. There was no way I could explain or justify it, so I just let it be and tried to enjoy the moment at hand.
“That smells mighty good," I said, mimicking his accent.
He laughed heartily. “My dialect suits you."
Blake brought me a plate of food and he sat down across from me with his own. We ate at a comfortable silence, I was still tired and he seemed to be able to sense this. It felt good knowing that he didn't expect anything from me, and I just did my best to try not to think about the night before. Although it was hard, it was necessary if I was going to keep any of my sanity for the rest of the day. When we were finished with our breakfast, Blake turned to me, his blue eyes sparkling.
“Do you think you're ready to ride today?" He asked.
It had been many months since I first started getting to know the horses, and I finally did feel confident saddling up and going for a ride. I flashed him a big grin, and he laughed as if he already knew my answer. He cleared the table and took my hand, leading me out to the stables by the arm. I loved being so near to him, and it reminded me of the sinfully comfortable position I was in in the crook of his arms the night before.
When we reached the stables, he showed me how to saddle up the horse, and he gave me a lift up into the saddle. He lifted me with such ease that brought butterflies to my stomach. He readied his own stallion and sat up straight and tall in the saddle, gently giving me directions on how to start moving and to move myself in order to ride the most comfortably. He led by example, saying his commands loudly and clearly and emphasizing his movements so that I could copy him.
We rode together through the countryside, up a mountain trail that left me breathless for all of its natural beauty. We took a break near a peak, and he tied the horses to a tree and led me by the waist to a lookout point. We sat on a fallen tree together in the silence, overlooking the landscape in front of us. I had never seen anything like it before, and was dazzled by the scenery.
“I have never seen anything more beautiful than this," I said, my voice hushed with respect and admiration.
“Somehow I doubt that," Blake said, his handsome face breaking into a smile.
“Boston looks nothing like this," I said, shaking my head.
“But you've seen a mirror, haven't you?” He asked with a teasing wink.
I slapped his shoulder and we both chuckled, looking back out over the world below.
It struck me then how much I wished that maybe my marriage to Blake wasn't just going to be a sham. If I was going to choose a husband, I don't think I could've chosen a better man myself. But that wasn't what he wanted, I had to try to keep that in mind. We had an agreement, and that was to keep each other company and leave each other alone.
This abrupt reminder sobered me, and I stood up with a sigh.
“Maybe we should head back now," I said. "It's nearly lunch time.”
He looked a little bit confused and hurt, but he nodded and didn't acknowledge it. He untied the horses and we rode together back to his homestead, where I helped him put the horses away before shutting myself into my bedroom. I had to try and keep it together, and not get too attached. I was worried he would think that I didn't want to spend time with him, but the problem was really much different. I wanted to spend time with him too much, probably more than anything in the world. But that's not what we had agreed to.
Chapter 7
That night, I knew that Blake was going to leave again. The moon was still full, and I heard the creaking sound that indicated him leaving. This time, I didn't bother to close the front door, or latch it. I didn't want any kind of reminder of the fact that Blake was gone or what had happened last night. I was feeling very reclusive because of how emotional I was feeling toward Blake. The feelings were complicated and I just wanted to be left alone and maybe not leave my bed for a few days. I fell asleep briefly, before I was woken up by something strange.
