by Sy Walker
He bought a few more supplies to eat at the campfire and headed back out to his campsite, wondering if maybe it was time for him to leave. He had gone to the Joshua Tree National Park to clear his mind and learn more about who he was. Unfortunately, all he was finding out was that he was a pathetic and hopeless romantic who had gotten himself involved with a guy who was bad news.
Not only that, but that guy spent most of his time with men who would kill people because they were being territorial and somehow found themselves endangered by the idea that other people might encroach on their turf. And if he wasn’t understanding the conversation well enough, it only meant that he was even more clueless than he thought. Whatever the case was, he knew that he had to get himself away from Saber. The man was just a bag full of trouble.
He was disconcerted by the fact that Saber would be able to find him. Apparently he was quite the outdoorsman and had even rescued him from falling off the cliff. He had tracked him in the dark and found his campsite easily. He always came and went when he wanted to, but what about when Mack needed him? How was he ever supposed to find him? And when he did find him, it was never a welcome meeting. He couldn’t live like that any longer. He had to get Saber out of his mind.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Saber’s low, rumbling voice said from out of nowhere.
Mack nearly jumped out of his skin and turned around, his face contorted in fury. “What are you doing here?”
Saber raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Looks like it’s a bad time,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe I should just get out of here.”
Suddenly, Mack felt foolish. His anger evaporated immediately. He had been pissed off that Saber had offered to throw him under the bus, but to be fair, he had only said that they could do that if Mack proved Saber wrong about the kind of man that he was. Maybe he should try and talk about it. They could still try and work things out. He just wanted things to be okay between them.
“It’s always a bad time if it’s only going to be your time,” Mack said.
Saber cocked his head in confusion and Mack sighed, frustrated both by Saber and his own inability to express what he meant.
“You’re not making sense, man,” Saber said, speaking slowly as if to a toddler.
“I mean, sometimes I want to see you, and when I go to find you, I hear things like you would kill me if people started encroaching because it was my fault or something like that,” Mack exclaimed, flustered.
He had expected Saber to be mad, but instead, he shook his head and uttered a low whistle.
“I thought I saw your car out there,” Saber said. “You were taking off, so I figured you hadn’t been there to see me. What’s wrong, you don’t think you can find me? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“You would let your friends kill me?” Mack exclaimed.
He had thought that he was over his anger, but apparently, he wasn’t. Because here he was, doing exactly what he had just told himself not to do. Or maybe this was how they would have to work things out. Either way, he knew that he should feel fear in trying to confront somebody like Saber, but all he felt was righteous indignation.
“Of course not,” Saber said with a dismissive laugh. “But that’s what they wanted to hear. Besides, if you hadn’t been the one who tipped off the newspapers in the first place, this whole area would have been in serious trouble. And it would’ve happened before anybody was any the wiser. I explained that to them after I saw your car pull away, you know. But they don’t trust you. They don’t trust anybody. Except each other. That’s why they’re a fucking MC and you’re on the outside.”
Mack considered this for a moment before sitting back down in front of his campfire. He was starting to feel pouty, which was embarrassing. What were the odds that Saber would have the patience required to deal with the heightened emotions of a little queen like himself?
“Look, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Mack huffed and turned his face away from Saber. He knew that he was putting himself on the line, and might very likely get decked for it, but he wasn’t going to pretend that he wasn’t upset when he was.
“I’m sorry I said I would let them kill you if you were a traitor,” Saber said in the dismissive and begrudging voice of a little boy who was forced to apologize for tugging on his sister’s pigtails when he didn’t mean the apology at all. But it was nice of him to say so, and hearing him put it into context made Mack feel a little better.
He turned his soulful brown eyes onto Saber, and Saber grinned broadly at him.
“You know, most guys aren’t so pretty when they pout,” he said. “You’re lucky. I don’t usually put up with that shit.”
He walked past Mack, briefly running his strong hands through Mack’s hair, before digging into the cooler behind him and pulling out a couple of beers. He offered one to Mack as he sipped on the other.
“Truce?” Saber asked.
Mack looked off into the distance for a moment, considering what it might mean to forgive Saber. What would the point be of leaving this beautiful countryside just to try avoiding this handsome, ridiculously charming man that he couldn’t get out of his head? Finally, he grabbed the beer and nodded.
“Truce,” Mack agreed.
Chapter 15
For the first time, they spent a full night together. When Mack awoke, they were tangled up in his sleeping bag, naked. He watched as Saber slept, his eyes tracing the lines of the prominent wolf tattoos that lined his arms and back. Maybe everybody there really cared about wolves, and if anything happened to the conservation area, maybe he wouldn’t be able to blame them for being pissed off.
Suddenly, Saber whimpered, a high-pitched and animalistic sound. Mack was worried that he was hurt, but when he looked down at Saber’s face, his eyes were closed and he was still sound asleep. However, his eyebrows were furrowed as if he were extremely concerned about something. His hands began to twitch, and so did his legs, almost as if he were paddling in the water like a dog. Maybe he was having a nightmare that he was drowning, and he was unable to swim and get himself out of it. Mack had never seen anybody dream so vividly before, except maybe the dog that he’d had when he was a young man.
He shook Saber by the shoulders gently, trying to wake him up from the dream. It took a few minutes, but eventually Saber opened his eyes and gradually began to recognize Mack’s face. He felt a little hurt when Saber pulled away quickly and began searching the camp for his discarded clothing. He dressed quickly and smiled down at Mack, as if he could tell how Mack was feeling.
“I didn’t expect to wake up so late,” he said apologetically, looking up at the sun. “I had a lot of stuff to do today. I usually don’t sleep over with anybody.”
“It’s all right,” Mack said glumly. He found himself feeling annoyed that he was having another one of his temper tantrums, but Saber had dealt with it well enough the day before, maybe he could deal with it again.
“We’ll catch up later,” Saber said, turning his back on Mack and walking away through the forest.
Mack watched him go for a while, as long as he could handle it, before standing up and pulling his boxers on to chase Saber through the forest with his shoes off. He had seen him very clearly just a few paces ahead, but when he passed behind the boulder, Mack paused in disbelief. The man had disappeared completely.
“Saber?” Mack asked, walking slowly through the forest, careful not to step on anything too sharp.
But it was no use. The man had disappeared completely. Mack suddenly felt like an idiot, walking around in his boxer shorts, and realized that anybody would be able to pass him by if they were walking along one of the trails. He cursed under his breath at Saber, for leaving him so abruptly, and wondered how in the hell the man had managed his vanishing act.
He gave up and returned to camp, wondering if he might have been blowing his relationship with Saber out of proportion. It was possible that Saber had never really felt the same
way about him. What if he was just being used? It seemed pretty convenient that Saber only showed up when he wanted to. Of course he was probably busy, and he was the kind of guy who other people were terrified of. He had seen that much for himself. But that didn’t mean that Mack had to answer to somebody who was so used to being in control that it started making him question his own motives.
He had gone out to the forest to try to find himself, and he decided to devote himself to hiking the trails for a while. It didn’t matter whether Saber showed up or not. If he did, they would have their fun, and if he didn’t, then so be it. He would just have to keep his feelings in check and think of Saber the same way Saber must have been thinking of him. As a booty call.
Chapter 16
“So how have you been enjoying your time out there, son?” Mack’s dad asked him the next day. Mack had decided to spend some time at the local library and charge his phone to give his dad an update.
“I’m having a lot of fun,” Mack said, trying to keep the frustration about Saber out of his voice. However, his dad knew him too well and picked up on it immediately.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing much, I met a guy out here…”
Mack wasn’t sure how to progress. He knew his father wasn’t as bad as some people’s fathers about him being gay, but it still sometimes seemed to make him uncomfortable. Despite that, he tried to do his best to be supportive and offer advice whenever he could. It was something that he really loved about his father, and he tried to keep the mention of his sexual orientation to the minimum so that they would both be happy.
“Why doesn’t that sound like a good thing?” his dad asked. “It’s probably good to rebound after Lance, that jerk. I had a feeling he was no good, but I didn’t want to say anything in case…”
“No, it’s all right, I knew he was a jerk, too, but I stayed with him anyway. And I mean it’s all right, but it’s just been hard. I’m not sure I’m good at this rebound thing. I keep feeling like I want something more than this guy will ever be able to give me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He so distant. Secretive. And he only comes to me when he wants me. But at the same time, he saved my life. But there’s just so much about him that seems kind of strange…”
“Strange how?” his father asked, genuinely puzzled.
“I don’t know. He seems almost like an animal sometimes,” Mack laughed. “But not in a terrible way. I don’t know how to explain. And I’m pretty sure he’s bad news. There is a biker gang around here and everybody kind of follows him around like he’s the boss.”
His father was quiet for a moment. “I think I know about that gang,” he said.
“Really? What do you know? Anything would be helpful,” Mack said eagerly.
“Well, it’s mostly just rumors and stuff,” his dad said. “They’re really protective of the woods out there. And something else, but it’s too ridiculous to say. I’d rather not.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You’re going to have to see it for yourself. Just trust me on that, okay, son?”
“But –”
“I’ve got to go get some yard work done now, I hope you have a great trip. Thanks for checking in and letting me know how it’s going. I’m still your dad, you know. Always worry about you the same as I always have. Take care.”
“I –”
Mack tried to press his father for more information, but the man had already hung up the phone. Mack sighed deeply and frustration bubbled in his chest. His father wasn’t going to tell him what he knew, and Saber was just going to keep on keeping him in the dark about what he was doing with the MC, so maybe he would just have to try and find out for himself.
Chapter 17
Mack slowly circled around town, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible in his luxury sports car. Needless to say, that was a difficult task for him, but he stayed determined and continued trying his best. He was waiting for Saber’s motorcycle to appear in his driveway, so that he could explore the MC without Saber being there.
This was dangerous, because he knew that the man would not be there to protect him, but he needed some kind of clue as to what was really going on behind the scenes. Maybe that would help him get some kind of footing on the problem he was having. If he knew what he had gotten himself into with Saber, maybe he would have an easier time getting himself out of it. It was better to make judgment calls that would improve your life before you were into deep.
Unfortunately, he was afraid that he was in it with Saber as deep as he could get. The man would not leave his thoughts. And as much as he wished that he could ask Saber point blank about what was happening, he knew that it would probably backfire and he didn’t want to lose him for good. He would just have to try and figure out what was going on.
Eventually, his stomach began to rumble and he decided to stop by at the diner for a cheeseburger from Saber’s aunt. She recognized him immediately and set to work to serve him.
“Thank you, ma’am,” he said when his food was served. His stomach rumbled loudly again, and she laughed heartily. He looked up at her, hoping to find a resemblance, but there was none.
“You know, Saber don’t bring people around here unless he really likes them,” she said. “He considers me his family.”
“You mean you’re not family biologically?” Mack asked.
“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this,” she said, gazing out the window as if lost in a reverie.
“Telling me what?” Mack pressed. He was desperate to learn whatever he could about Saber, to try and figure out whether or not it was worth pursuing or if he should just turn around and get back to improving his life without worrying about another man.
“Actually, Saber doesn’t have a lot of family. That’s why he founded the MC up there. Most of those men didn’t have anywhere to go. They were just like Saber. Lost and abandoned, left in the woods to die.”
“How could that many men be abandoned in the woods?” Mack asked, bewildered.
“Well, let’s just say that we get a lot of tourists, and sometimes they lose their kids, sometimes they leave them on purpose. Either way, it takes its toll. It’s hard to imagine, but they make do and they adapt. Some of them are even runaways. Whatever the reason, they all feel lost and alone, and they need a group of men to make them feel like a family again. At least in Saber’s case. A lot of them just enjoyed the power that it gives them. But Saber was never really in it for power. He was in it to protect people who he thought might be like himself.”
“So how did he meet you? How does he consider you his family when he doesn’t have one?” Mack was fascinated. And he wasn’t sure that he’d ever heard a more disturbing and sad tale than the one of the tribe of lost boys banding together against the world. No wonder they were so aggressive.
“I found the little guy running around in my front yard. I can’t tell you much about what happened, but suffice it to say I made sure that he was taken care of. He begged me not to take him to the authorities, and I knew the legal loopholes could make our lives hell, so I let him do as he pleased and made sure that he didn’t get in trouble for it. I basically just looked after him. He was used to living in the mountains, you know, but he still needed someone to take care of him. So that’s what I did. Not quite a mother, which is why he calls me an aunt.”
“I see,” Mack said. He was quiet for a moment before he turned back to his plate. “Thank you for telling me. So what kinds of things does the MC do around here?”
She laughed and threw her hands up in the air, shaking her head as if to say she had no control over what they did. “I really couldn’t tell you, honey, it depends on the day. Saber tries to keep everybody in line, but most of the men fancy themselves to be tough guys and do as they please. But they all answer to Saber and respect him, so they try not to piss him off too much. Basically, he keeps them out of trouble th
e same way I kept him out of trouble, and he keeps them from causing trouble, too. It works out for everybody in the long run. Don’t let the MC bother you; he’s really a sweet guy underneath it all. Sometimes I think he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Mack smiled warmly at her as he finished his meal. He paid her generously and left, heading back to the mountains. It was time for him to go on a hike and think about everything that he had learned. Who would’ve thought that he didn’t need to stalk Saber the way he had been to learn about the MC. The answer had been right in front of him all along.
Chapter 18
Mack was too busy whistling to notice the motorcycle following him along the road, and then he was too busy hiking up and down the trail to feel the eyes burning into him. If he had noticed, he probably would’ve just assumed that it was Saber, but Saber was snugly tucked inside his own bed and sleeping the day away.
Mack had no sense of danger and felt perfectly at peace, and so he believed himself to be for the rest of that night and the morning after. It had been a while since he had spoken to Saber, but talking to his aunt about his origins had helped Mack to start making sense of the way he was. It had probably been very troubling for him to grow up without anybody, and so Mack decided to reach out to Saber and show him that he really cared about him, and he could be trusted for something long-term if he was willing to commit to him.
Commitment was sometimes a big deal in the gay community, because it could be so wildly tempting to enjoy the affections of whatever man was convenient. A lot of the men he knew in LA had disagreements with their partners, but Mack had never been interested in sharing. He was a very old-fashioned man who enjoyed the values of traditional marriage, despite his untraditional taste in lovers.
