by Olivia Grace
I too was giddy. There was more money in my lap than I had ever seen at one time in my life.
“Five hundred and thirty-two,” I said a little above an astonished whisper. “Five hundred and thirty-two dollars and I’m still counting.”
“Holy shit,” Sabrina breathed.
Another five hundred dollars later, I had stuffed the money into my purse as Sabrina slowly crept into the driveway of my place. I stared regretfully at Tyler’s pickup truck. My insides whimpered in result of the disappointment that it wasn’t that Mustang that Justin should have been in days ago.
“Here,” I said handing Sabrina a twenty that smelled like cigars. “Thank you.”
“No,” she insisted, pushing my hand that still clutched the twenty back into my lap. “It was my pleasure. I had a ball!”
I was sure that she did. During random moments of the night as I gave lap dances and attempted to stay upright on heels that had begun to rape my feet, I would catch Sabrina happily bopping about the crowd getting her own gestures of good will.
Before I knew it, Sabrina’s arms were around me and her smell had swum down my throat and suffocated me.
“I’m so proud of you, Stahl. You looked great up there.”
Returning her embrace, I told her, “Thank you for your help. I love you, friend.”
She kissed me on the cheek with so much love that it made my heart melt to see her shed her cocky exterior.
“Your father’s bon fire is tomorrow, right?”
“Right,” I told her as I slowly left the car. “Five o’clock.”
At four o’clock in the morning, I could hear each rock that Sabrina rolled over as she backed out of the driveway. I could also hear the television in the living room blasting Archie Bunker’s voice as I unlocked the hollow wooden door that desperately needed to be repainted.
Tyler’s eyes fell upon a stranger. I hadn’t washed my face free of the makeup, though I returned to the jogging pants, tee shirt, and Converse. The curls, which Sabrina had taken fifteen minutes to perfect, now fell loosely all over. I appeared as a tousled redhead with blush cheeks and blue eye shadow that illuminated my eyes. He looked at me like he had never met me before. I looked at him the same way because he wasn’t who was in my mind. He wasn’t Justin Hunter. He wasn’t the man that cuddled with me and made love to my insecurities. He wasn’t the man that inhaled my low self-esteem and exhaled my confidence. The man who made my day before I even got out of bed.
Yet, for once, I was who Tyler wanted. Residue of the sex appeal that I had inherited at that club was still in my walk. The lustful leer that I learned to display still waivered across my lips.
“Hi.” He tripped over his words as he quickly turned off the television. “How was work?”
“It was work,” I told him as I walked through the living room towards our bedroom. That bed was calling me. I hoped that if I fell asleep right away that the same fantasy that I imagined all night would penetrate my dreams. “It was different. I liked it.”
Still, he watched me curiously and intently as I left his sight and disappeared down the hall.
I had an urge to log online just to see a picture of Justin, or to read his thoughts on his timeline, but at that moment it would have broken me down. I wanted him so bad that my heart was crying out. Surely, if my eyes met his, even in a picture, I would have cried aloud.
So, instead, I shed my clothes eagerly and threw my tousled hair up into a high bun. I didn’t even bother to wash my face. I wanted to be just as blushed, glossed, and contoured in my dreams for Justin that I was in reality.
Surprisingly, Tyler entered the dark room as I lay there anxiously waiting the moment that I fell asleep. Even more surprisingly, once he slid under the sheets, his skin met mine and warmed the spots that acquired goose bumps because of the sudden exposure to the air conditioning. I was stunned when he lovingly spooned with me. My eyes looked into the darkness in amazement when his chin rested on the back of my neck as his nose nestled into my hair.
“I love you.”
Mechanically, I returned the favor. “I love you too,” knowing that it wasn’t me that he loved at that moment.
It was Ginger.
* * * *
A few hours later, as the disrespectful sun beamed its rays through the polyester/cotton blend curtains in our bedroom, I dreamed of Justin.
I was on the very park bench where I waited in vain a few days prior. Only, in my dream, he actually showed up. I was so happy as the Mustang appeared, crept slowly into the parking lot, and eased my anxiety.
I stood to meet him as the car door opened. The simple sight of his foot covered in a boot took my already shortened breath away. Not only did my heart melt when my eyes met those blue pools shaded by lashes that I envied, but my body melted. There were no words between us as he approached me with cool, masculine steps that foretold a presence that stole the attention from anything around me. He seemed to be gliding towards me as I fought to regain the ability to breathe and think.
His touch was electric. It all felt so real. Silently, his mouth met mine and his tongue assaulted me romantically. I fell into the chest that I had stared at for months on end. I had imagined for so long having the ability to run my frail fingers over it. So I did. Frantically, my hands escaped underneath the polo tee that he wore, as if they were hiding from the cold. My skin attached to his like a starving bee to sweet honey.
And he too attached to me. His aggressively alluring grasp was all over my body. We kissed as if kissing wasn’t enough. We touched as if touching wasn’t enough. I wanted to verbalize how happy and thankful I was that he had given my heart the opportunity to be in his presence, but I couldn’t formulate my gratitude in words. I could only show him by running my fingernails against his chest, allowing my tongue to dance with his, and sucking his succulent bottom lip.
The only sound that escaped my lips was, “Mmmm,” in sweet surprise as his tongue found my neck.
Suddenly, I was jolted into reality against my will. Tyler’s penetration snatched me out of my sleep. He was deep inside of my walls that were leaking anticipation of Justin. His tongue was lapping the most sensitive area of my neck.
Unlike the mundane sex that I was usually subjected to, it was dramatic, intriguing, and arousing.
“Oh my God,” left my throat in surprise as I felt more orgasmic than I ever felt before.
“I love you,” was whispered into my ear as I kept my eyes tightly shut.
I wanted to remain in my dream...with him.
Justin’s last words to me played over and over again in my head: I can’t share you.
I didn’t want him to either.
Nine
“Justin…I mean, Tyler is being weird.”
I wasn’t even ashamed of getting the two of them mixed up. I was too engulfed in the confusion of my once jerk boyfriend being so freaking loving and…into me.
I was so happy when Sabrina finally made it to my father’s home in Dyer. We were sitting around the fire pit that blazed high red flames. Many of his cop friends were in attendance, including Brad Miller, which I was sure was the only reason Sabrina glided through the patio doors resembling the main girl in a Justin Bieber video. Her jeans were tight, her heels were high, her hair was big, and her shirt was…tiny.
Since I had to work that evening, I went ahead and brought Ginger along to the bon fire. If I was really going to do this -and the grand I made the night before had solidified that I indeed was - I needed to be Ginger all the time. Which I believe had everything to do with Tyler suddenly being under me.
“How is he being weird?”
Though speaking to me, Sabrina’s eyes were on Brad Miller as he clutched a Blue Moon while leaning against the siding of the home talking to my dad.
My dad caught my eyes and winked at me. Even though he left my mom, admittedly he never left me. He wasn’t there for us like he should have been because he remarried a year after leaving my mom. He and his wife never h
ad children, but being five years his junior, his wife kept my dad fairly busy for the first few years of their marriage. However, I visited on the weekends appointed by the court for years until I turned eighteen and was old enough to hang with dear old dad whenever I saw fit. He and I would never have the close knit relationship that I have with my mother, but he was that father figure that noticed that his once pale, unpolished little girl had walked into his home dressed as if my Halloween costume was a confident redhead in shorts, blouse, and even heels that I’d inherited from Sabrina’s Goodwill pile.
After days of muddling around in her shoes for one reason or another, I had finally become accustomed to wearing the five to six inch sticks on my heel without appearing unstable and foolish.
“First of all, we had sex this morning and it was actually good.”
Finally, Sabrina tore her eyes away from Brad and gave me a sarcastic smirk. “Are you serious? And you’re complaining?”
“I wouldn’t be if that was normal Tyler behavior. He didn’t just poke me like I was some random hole. He was actually into me…or something. He opened my car door for me on our way over here. He held my hand at a red light, Sabrina.”
Patronizingly, she allowed her mouth to fall ajar as she covered it and pretended to be taken aback. “Oh my God! He held your hand?! That bastard!”
I sucked my teeth. “I’m serious, Sabrina. Justin…” I rolled my eyes, frustrated at myself. “Tyler isn’t acting like himself.”
Sabrina tore her eyes away from Brad again and gave me a reprimanding stare. “You know what your problem is, Stahl?”
My eyes rolled into the back of my head. “No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“You need to get over cyber guy, first of all. Then you need to tell that low self-esteem of yours that it is okay for your boyfriend to act like a boyfriend.”
“Ouch,” I cringed.
“I love you, but it’s true. You have low self-esteem.”
“Correction; I have no self-esteem.”
That went completely over her head as her attention had fallen back on Brad.
“You have a new job at a bar full of men in a big city, and you walked in the house looking like the new member of Danity Kane. Hell yea he’s going to be all over you.”
She was speaking to me, but now she was so intently watching Brad that I was sure others would notice.
“Stop giving Brad the goo-goo eyes before Lincoln catches you.”
Lincoln had arrived with Sabrina. He and Tyler had disappeared. Surely they were somewhere binge drinking. I would bet last night’s tips on that if I didn’t desperately need them to stay enrolled.
“I am not giving him the goo-goo eyes,” she said as she forced herself to look away. “I feel bad for the guy.”
My eye brows arched with curiosity. “Why?”
“You know I had to get some intel on this guy after I met him.”
“And why would you have to do that?”
“Because I needed to know how this bombshell of a guy had never crossed my path.” I rolled my eyes as she went on. “You know that my parents know everybody, so I casually brought up the fact that he pulled me over while talking with my mom.”
“And?”
“And apparently Mr. Brad Miller is a very unhappily married man.”
“How does your mom know this?”
“Well, Brad’s best friend, Ayden, got way too drunk at Orbies a few months ago. He was totally into the bartender, Rebecca, which is the daughter of my mother’s hair dresser. Ayden was talking his face off about relationships, marriage, and what not. He said that he didn’t want to end up some miserably married man like his friend, Brad, who hates his self-absorbed, materialistic, overbearing wife who is more into shopping with his money than screwing him on a regular basis.”
“Why won’t he just leave Celeste if he’s so unhappy?”
“Besides having to pay spousal support, since she doesn’t work, and child support for three kids, Celeste’s daddy is the chief of police, which is how Brad got his job. He’ll lose everything if he leaves her.” She sighed as she allowed her eyes to land on Brad again. “Isn’t it sad that such a hot guy is so miserable? I mean what girl wouldn’t pay for the opportunity to have his cock lodged in her pelvis? Poor guy is miserable.”
Mournfully, I also watched Brad. I sympathized with him. Being stuck in a relationship was nowhere to be. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, not even Nicole Richards.
* * * *
“I can drive, Stahl!”
I looked at Lincoln, begging for help, but he was also too drunk to give a damn. Tyler was actually in his pickup truck sleeping off the ridiculous amount of beer that he managed to consume in three short hours. He wasn’t the only one. The entire front and back yard of my father’s home was filled with belligerent adults, wasted beyond repair, talking quite loudly about nothing important; all except Brad, who looked as somber as I felt on the inside. I think he actually noticed that I also wasn’t having as good of a time as everyone else. Now and then our sad eyes would meet, and his would wink and smile. He was trying to bring me out of my funk. Honestly, a man of his caliber smiling at me for any reason should have been a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being ridiculously stupid.
There I was shying away from my own boyfriend, who was finally acting like he saw me, just because of this imaginary guy that wouldn’t even talk to me. I actually felt like I was cheating on Justin with Tyler that day. My intimacy had been committed and faithful to Justin for so long. Being anything more than dry and vulgar with Tyler made me feel like a whore, which was totally ridiculous because Justin and his inbox were over me.
“We’re not even supposed to be drinking,” I muttered through gritted teeth as Sabrina hid the keys behind her back with a wicked smile. “Did you forget that my father is a cop? He is going to kill you if he sees you. Get in the car.”
I was taking her home. If she stayed any longer, my father would have my ass and hers. Insufficient funds didn’t allow him to help with my tuition, but I respected the man enough not to threaten his job by underage drinking in front of him and his cop friends.
“I can drive myself!”
Sabrina’s loud mouth got the attention of others in the front yard. I gave in, realizing that no matter who drove, I just wanted her the hell away from my father’s house.
“Fine. Whatever,” I muttered.
I was so over everything. I was actually looking forward to getting her home so that I could drive myself to the Pink Rhino. Getting away from them all and escaping to that smoke filled lust dungeon was actually a relief.
After climbing into the car and pulling off, Sabrina looked at me reluctantly. “I’m sorry, Stahl.”
“You’re always apologizing,” I said staring out of the window.
I just wanted to get her home, not hear an empty apology.
“Because you always look like I ruin everything when I’m like this.”
“Watch the road…”
“If you only knew…” She stopped herself and chose other words. “You don’t know everything about me, but you envy me, when I envy you. Your father; he’s good to you, and so is your mother. They can’t afford to help you, but money…Money isn’t everything.”
I don’t even think she was talking to me. She was rambling. Yet, she was definitely looking at me, like directly at me as if she wasn’t operating a moving vehicle.
“Watch the road, Sabrina,” I insisted as she flew through a yellow light.
She ignored me. “Stahl, you just don’t understand. You never will. Some things I can’t say.” She was rambling and forcing back tears. “You don’t know how it is to have a mother that doesn’t teach you how to be strong. That’s too busy kissing your father’s ass to realize how much of a monster he is…”
I looked at her oddly, wondering what those words meant, wondering what made him such a monster that she was literally trembling. We literally star
ed at one another, her mouth telling me nothing, but her eyes telling me everything.
The crashing sound was deafening. Both of us jumped in shock and fear as we braced ourselves. But it was too late. The car in front of us was quickly becoming the Benz’s hood ornament. Sabrina’s face flew into the steering wheel. I screamed right as mine hit the dash and everything went dark.
* * * *
Again, I thought I was dreaming. I could hear the sirens above my head. I felt myself moving. I even felt someone holding my hand. My eyes fluttered open and Brad Miller appeared next me, holding my hand and looking into my eyes. Oddly, I noticed that he still looked as somber then as he did at the bonfire.
“You’re going to be okay,” came from his lips, but the words sounded so far away.
And then it all went dark again.
Ten
A little over a week later, on a Monday, I was sitting in Psychology class. My head still slightly hurt from the concussion, but I was fine. Sabrina, not so much. Her nose and wrist were broken, her car was totaled, and she was charged with drunk driving. Since Officer Miller was the only sober person at my dad’s party, when my dad received the call from the first responders on scene that recognized me, Officer Miller got there right away. My dad phoned my mom and they all met at the hospital, including Sabrina’s parents.
I obviously couldn’t make it to work that night. They kept both Sabrina and me for observation. I phoned Rosie on Sunday, and she assured me that, once I was released, my spot on the stage was still secure. There were actually a few customers that had returned in search of me. So, two nights later, I was back on the stage, pretending to be that confident girl named Ginger. But just like Cinderella's carriage at midnight, at three in the morning, I turned back into that petite, redheaded, insecure girl, wearing sweats and climbing into her boyfriend’s pickup truck to make the trip back to Indiana.
The money was great. Tyler was even better. Ginger had not only changed the state of my bank account but she had changed my boyfriend’s approach as well. He was either more attracted to her, threatened by her, or all of the above. Whatever it was, he was being lead to have meaningful conversations, hold me as we watched movies, and fuck me with more passion than he ever had before.
