“No.”
“Engaged or anything?”
“Not engaged and not anything—whatever that means.”
“Why haven’t you married?”
Dai smiled. “I never met anyone I’d want to grow old with.”
“What an odd thing to say.”
“Do you think so?”
He put his arm over the seat behind her. She felt it brush her hair and did not know whether it was an accident or not.
“Isn’t that what love is?” he said. “Wanting to be with somebody always?”
“I suppose so, but usually we think of Hollywood love stories. You know, a beautiful girl falls in love with a handsome man, and the violins start playing.”
“Nonsense made by idiots who dream too much! I think Robert Browning had the right idea.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard his poem about mature love. ‘Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.’ ”
“Yes, I’ve always loved that poem.”
“If he had written nothing else, he did well to put into words what some of us feel.” He peered out the window to make sure no one was nearby. “What about you? Have you ever met anyone like that?”
Gabby looked down at her hands, and he knew he had touched on a sensitive issue.
“I didn’t mean to pry—well, I suppose I did.”
When she met his gaze, her wide eyes looked sad. “I thought I found someone like that twice.”
Dai felt a great compassion for this woman. He knew enough of her story to know about the tragedy she had had to face in her life, and now he pulled her into an embrace. She was not crying, but she seemed close to it. He was afraid she would start sobbing if he said the wrong thing.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she whispered. For some reason, she remembered a time when she was a little girl and she ran to her father after skinning her knee. He had picked her up and held her in much the same way Dai was holding her now. She wished for a moment she was still a girl, full of sweet happiness, but she knew that was forever gone. She tried to pull away, but he moved his head forward to kiss her. She put her hand against his chest and said, “Don’t do that!”
“Gabby, you’ve had a hard life. I don’t know exactly what you’ve gone through, but it’s obvious that it hasn’t been easy. But you can’t hide behind that stethoscope forever.”
“I nearly made a terrible mistake twice, Dai. I’m just not one of those people who know how to love, I suppose. I’m not going to make another mistake. Now, please get out of the car!”
He had not known this woman long, but he was convinced she had a good heart, and he didn’t want to push her. “Good night, Gabby,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you later.”
She gripped the steering wheel as he shut the door and disappeared into the darkness. Can I ever care for a man? she thought. I don’t even know what it means to love. She had always thought it meant the world turning over, the difference between living and not living. She had always hoped for a full heart and even for wild, emotional feelings. She longed for a deep and abiding love between herself and a man, but as she sat in the darkness, she was afraid it would never come.
Putting her head down against the wheel, she began to sob. She felt empty and all alone in the world. “Oh, God,” she cried out, “I don’t know who I am or what I am. Please help me!”
Some loud frogs in a nearby pond broke into a melancholy chorus. She straightened abruptly and dashed the tears from her eyes. She put the car into gear and roared away, as if to flee from something she could not face.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Execution
Oberleutnant Mueller entered the room, his eyes bright with anticipation. He snapped to attention and said with excitement tingeing his voice, “Commandant, General Rahn has arrived!”
Erik had been laboring over the papers that lay on the desk before him, and he looked up with less excitement than Mueller had anticipated. “You must not call me commandant anymore, Mueller. General Rahn is now the commandant.”
“Yes, sir, of course.”
“Where is the general?”
“He is on his way here. I had Conrad show him to his quarters first,” Mueller burst out. “Now we will see some efficiency around here.”
Erik smiled slightly and leaned back in his chair. “I am sure of that.”
“Oh, sir, I did not mean that you were inefficient.”
“That would be true enough.” Colonel Erik Raeder got to his feet and strolled to the window. He looked out for a moment in silence, then said quietly, “I was not cut out for this work. I will be leaving soon to go to a field command, which is my desire.”
“You have done an excellent job, sir,” Mueller said quickly, “but I know you yearn for action.”
Erik was watching a group of sparrows that were competing for the crumbs he threw out each morning for them. Even as he watched, a tremendous fight broke out between two of the minute creatures. They were rolling in the dust, pecking and squawking and scratching at each other. The humor that lay not far beneath the surface caused him to smile. “Seems to me a poet once said that even birds in their nest agree, so why shouldn’t we? But those little fellows are fighting with as much ardor as our men in the advanced battle positions. So the birds are no better than we are, are they, Mueller?”
“Sir, I don’t understand you.”
Raeder shook his head. Mueller was a sound man in many ways but absolutely lacking in imagination. He had no sense of humor, and in all truth, Erik hoped that on his next assignment he would have an aide who had more spirit about him than this one. “Never mind, Mueller. I was just thinking aloud,” he said as the sound of approaching footsteps and voices came from the outer office.
“I expect that would be General Rahn,” Erik said.
The door opened and a tall, burly man marched inside. His dark blue eyes fell on Erik, and he threw up his arm in the ritualistic Nazi salute. “Heil Hitler!”
“Heil Hitler,” Erik responded. “It’s good to see you again, General.”
Rahn had a face like a bird of prey, his eyes sharp and glittering. His gray hair was cut short, and on his right cheek a scar traced itself from the corner of his eye down to his lower jaw. It was, as Erik knew, a dueling scar, almost a requirement for men who had served in the war.
“Your father sends his good wishes to you, Erik.”
“You saw him before you left Germany?”
“Yes, I had dinner at your parents’ home.”
Rahn had served with Erik’s father in the Great War, and they had forged a bond that had lasted through the years. Erik knew Rahn was the man his father admired most—next to the führer, of course. He himself, as a small boy, had been terrified of the general, and even now he was somewhat intimidated by the man. “I hope your quarters were satisfactory, sir.”
“Adequate.” Rahn removed his crushed hat, and a short, thin aide stepped forward to take it. He had a pasty face and never removed his eyes from General Rahn. He stood back holding the hat, waiting for his orders, and Rahn said, “You can go now, Deacons.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll wait outside in case you have further orders.”
“Very well.”
“This is Oberleutnant Mueller, my aide,” Erik introduced.
Rahn merely inclined his head a fraction of an inch and said, “Leave us.”
Mueller wore a startled look as he wheeled and fled out the door.
“I trust you’ve recovered from your wound, Erik.”
“Completely, sir. I’m ready for service. Do you know anything about my orders?”
“Yes. You will remain here for the time being.”
“But, sir—”
Rahn laughed harshly. “I know. You’re anxious to get to the front. Well, you’ll get there, my boy, but I will need your assistance for a while. This is an important job. I know you young fellows think that killing the
British is the only thing that counts, but the führer’s plan is complex. He has assigned you and me to the job of seeing that Holland is completely subservient to the will of the Reich. These Dutch are a stubborn bunch of fellows, but it is our job to see that all goes smoothly in the master plan.”
“But now that you’re here, sir, I don’t think it will take long for you to take hold and crush any rebellion.”
Rahn laughed. “Your father told me you would be champing at the bit, ready to go and fight. But as I told him and your mother, I will need your assistance here for a time, so let’s hear no more about it.”
“Yes, sir.” Erik was dissatisfied. He hated his service and longed to go to the front. If it had not been for Gabby’s presence, he would have been completely miserable. “Things seem to be going fairly smoothly, General Rahn,” he said.
The general gave him an austere glance, almost bleak. “You think so, do you, Colonel? Well, I do not.”
“You’re unhappy with the situation? In what way, may I ask, sir?”
“This resistance movement. It must be crushed at once.” Rahn laid his riding crop on Erik’s desk. “I know it’s hard to identify these traitors, but I’ve been studying your reports, Colonel, and I am not satisfied with them.” He punctuated his statement with a slap on the desk. It made a resounding noise, almost startling Erik. “They must be rooted out, every one of them!”
“It’s a little difficult, sir. They’re very clever.”
“I understand you’re holding four of them now.”
“We have four prisoners, yes, but they’re merely suspects. So far they haven’t confessed.”
“Confessed! The fools will never confess. Shoot them immediately!”
Erik blinked with surprise, and shock ran through him. “But, General, we’re not certain they’re guilty!”
“You were certain enough to arrest them. That’s enough for me. I want them shot at once. Tomorrow morning at the latest.”
Erik licked his lips nervously. He knew General Rahn was a cold, efficient machine, but this order startled him, and he rebelled against it inwardly. “Sir, give me a few days. If they’re guilty, they shall certainly be executed, but—”
“Colonel, you’ve been running a lax operation here. That’s why the resistance has not been crushed. I want these people to understand that we are the masters, and anyone who questions us will die. Of course, a few innocent ones may get killed, but that’s the nature of war. If you were at the battle-front and ordered to take a village, there would be civilian casualties. It’s unavoidable. We’re in a war here, Colonel Raeder, and these people would kill us all if they had the power. But they will not have it, for we will exterminate this underground—every man, woman, and child involved in it. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Good. Have them shot. Now, let’s get down to business.” Rahn sat down at the desk and laid his hands flat. “You’re a good soldier, Erik, but I want all security doubled. And I want all Jews and all gypsies rooted out.” He looked up and said, “I’m expecting good things from you now. I know that some of my orders will seem harsh, but you have not yet experienced war in all of its horrors. You will be moving out to a fighting unit soon, and I want to be able to write to your father and tell him that you are totally dedicated to the cause of the Fatherland.”
“Understood, sir.”
“Now, I want a meeting of all officers in exactly one hour.”
“I will go alert them.”
As Erik left the office, he felt a great weight settling on him. He had interviewed the four prisoners—three men and one woman. The woman was a housewife who had been caught on the streets after the resistance had pulled off a spectacular feat. She denied her guilt and wept when he spoke with her. As Erik moved stiffly along the corridor, he envisioned the woman tied to a post with a cloth over her eyes. He could almost hear the commands of the officer in charge of the execution. Ready—aim—fire! He shuddered as he imagined the bullets tearing into her soft flesh, crushing the life within her.
Mueller was coming down the hallway toward him, and it required all of his strength to say, “Lieutenant, the four prisoners will be executed at dawn tomorrow.”
Mueller’s eyes gleamed. “Excellent, sir. I will see to it myself. Will you attend the execution?”
“If the commandant orders it, I will. The general has called for a meeting of all officers in my office in one hour. See to it.”
“Yes, sir. Heil Hitler!”
Suddenly, the Nazi salute seemed to be out of place, but Erik forced himself to lift his hand in a halfhearted fashion. “Heil Hitler,” he muttered and watched with disgust as Mueller hurried along, pleased with the execution to come. How can any man be pleased that people who may or may not be innocent will be shot? he wondered. And a woman, no less. I hope and pray to God that I will never reach that point of enjoying seeing people die!
****
The cell had gathered in Betje’s apartment. It was somewhat hazardous, but since the group had never met there, it seemed to be only a small risk. She stood facing the small group and said, “You’ve all heard, I suppose, that the Germans are going to kill our friends tomorrow morning at dawn.” Her face was pale, and her lips were drawn into a set line. Her eyes reflected a rage that she was barely able to suppress.
“How did you find this out, Betje?” Karel Citroen asked.
“It wasn’t hard. The Germans want us all to know about it. It’s been announced publicly.”
“Perhaps I should talk to Colonel Raeder. Or perhaps you should go,” he suggested to Gabby.
“It won’t do any good for anyone to try to get him to do something. Raeder is no longer the commandant. Bruno Rahn, the one they called the butcher in the Great War, is now commandant. You know his reputation.”
“And Groot—he will be shot with the others?” Jan ten Boom asked.
“Yes, all four of them,” Betje said.
Groot Dekker had been taken in the operation, but everyone had been hoping that he would be released, since there was no real evidence.
“We’ve got to do something!” Jan exclaimed. “We can’t let them execute Groot and the others.”
“One of them is a woman,” Gottfried Vogel said, “and innocent at that. I know her. She’s had nothing to do with this operation.”
“The Germans don’t care about that. They’re out to teach us a lesson,” Betje said bitterly. “We’ve got to break those people out of there.”
“Yes!” Jan said, his eyes brightening. “We can get enough men to fight our way in.”
“No we can’t,” Pastor Citroen said. “And even if we did, can you imagine the retribution that would come? Why, they would kill half the village if we did that.”
“But we can’t do nothing, Pastor!” Jan exclaimed. “We’ve got to help them.”
Citroen’s eyes dropped. He had no better answer for them. “It’s impossible.”
“What do you say, Dai?” Betje said.
“I agree with the pastor. I think it’s impossible.”
“I thought nothing was impossible for this God you serve!” Betje cried. “Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says something like that?”
Citroen was stung by her words and retorted, “Of course nothing is impossible with God, but—”
“But what? You think He wants that woman to die? And Groot and the others? Is it His will that these German swine kill our countrymen?”
“Betje, calm down,” Dai said. “In a war people are lost. I may be the next one to go, and if I were there in that cell, I would tell you not to try to rescue me.”
“I can’t think like that!” she said.
“Of course you don’t want to. We’re concerned about Groot and the others, but we have to look at the big picture.”
“You think of the big picture!” Betje flared. “I say if we can’t save one of our own, what use is there in fighting!”
Gabby had said nothing up until this time,
and now she said, “Please, Betje, I hate to hear you speak like that. We all knew when we joined this cell that we might die, and it’s likely that we will. Some of us at least.” She continued in a quieter tone. “I’ll go to Erik. Perhaps there’s something that can be done.”
“You’re wasting your time,” Betje said. “Rahn is now the new commandant and has given the orders, and your friend will obey them.” She felt defeated. She could not bear the thought of losing one of the cell. “Go talk to him,” she said bitterly, resignation on her face. “Little good it’ll do us!”
****
“I wish I could do something, Gabby, but it’s impossible.”
“But, Erik, can’t you at least have it postponed? The woman is totally innocent. She’s a poor peasant who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
He chewed his lower lip with a worried expression. “I’ve already tried to reason with General Rahn, but he won’t listen. He intends to set an example.”
“What good will it do to execute innocent people?” Gabby stood before Erik as he sat at his desk, her face twisted with the horror she felt. This was not someone being killed on a battlefield far away. This was her friend, Groot Dekker, an amiable, good-natured farmer. She had known Groot for years and had bought vegetables from him and laughed at his stories. The thought of him being executed was painful beyond anything she had known.
Erik shook his head slowly. “There’s nothing I can do. I’m sorry, Gabby. It’s not of my making.”
A hot reply rose to her lips. She wanted to scream at him, You could do something if you wanted to! She knew, however, that he was not a cruel man; he was just caught in the complexity of the German war machine. Thousands were being slaughtered right now, and the machine would not stop for four innocent people. “All right, Erik,” she managed to say. “I had to try.”
“Gabby, I am sorry,” he said as he came around the desk. “If it were in my power—”
“I know. But could the pastor and I at least visit the prisoners?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll give the orders.”
“Thank you.”
Gabby walked slowly out of the office, feeling numb, and when she reached the outer office and found Karel there, she shook her head.
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