When he spied her standing outside his lodge, he bit the inside of his bottom lip to keep his happiness hidden. There was anger in her eyes and her hands were on her hips. She was mad he had left, and would tell him that. He met her gaze and held it until she glanced away briefly. Like the rest of him, his heart grew whole.
She was glad he was back, but could not accept that. Anger she knew; love she did not.
The visions back in the hills may not have been the ones he had expected, but they had been for him, and he accepted that. They had shown him many things. Poeso would not leave. Here was where she would find the love in her heart.
Black Horse dismounted and greeted his family as Horse was led away.
“I must council with you, my brother,” Little One said as she welcomed him home. “Today.”
“Heehe’e,” he answered, and told her to come to his lodge later. He had not forgotten his sister while on his quest. It was time for her to decide. His thoughts paused to contemplate something he had not considered. Hunting buffalo, finding good land to set their lodges upon, attending councils about wars and dangers to his people were easy things for him. Ensuring the women he cared about were happy was not. If need be, he would seek council from One Who Heals about that. Later. After he was reunited with Poeso.
He greeted others while slowly making his way toward his lodge. Poeso had not moved from her stance, and he was proud of her for that. Her anger made her a brave and fierce woman, like a warrior. He knew how to handle warriors.
When he stopped before her, only her chin moved, so they met eye to eye.
“Epeva’e,” he said.
Her eyes darkened. “Hova’ahane,” she hissed. “Epeva’e.”
He grinned at how well she spoke the Cheyenne words.
“I don’t know what you’re grinning about,” she said. “I just told you, no, it’s not good.”
He nodded and gestured to his lodge. “Nahaeana.”
“I don’t care if you’re hungry,” she snapped. “I’m not your cook.”
The other women of his family had already assumed he’d be hungry and were arriving with bowls. He took one, gestured for her to be given one, and said he and Poeso would eat alone. She did not protest.
He entered the lodge behind her and took a deep breath, letting the air linger in his nose. It smelled like her, like the tiny white flowers that bloomed after the snow melts. He smiled. “It is good to be home.”
She stomped around him and sat down. He lowered onto the ground and set his bowl beside the one she’d set down.
“I thought you were hungry,” she said.
“No,” he answered quietly, “I wanted to be alone.”
“Alone? You’ve been alone for five days.”
“Alone with you,” he corrected.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to be alone with you.”
He shrugged. “You may leave.”
Her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open for a brief moment. “Leave?”
“Heehe’e.”
Anger returned as her eyes narrowed. “Of course I can leave. I can leave whenever I want, but I’m not. Not until you tell me where you were. What you were doing in the hills.”
“I gave my praise to Maheo for many buffalo, and sought guidance as to where to lead the people until the buffalo run again.”
“That took you five days? Couldn’t you just have said your prayers here?”
“Our ways are different, Poeso.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.” She shifted slightly and tucked her skirt around her bent knees. “I’ve figured it out.”
The pout of her lips and the softness of her eyes stirred him, and he thought of the days to come. Of the nights to come. His throat thickened and he glanced around before pointing out, “You have new moccasins.”
She stretched one foot out and twisted it. “I’ll have you know, I made these myself.” Running a hand over the hide, she said, “She Who Smiles helped me, but I did almost all of the stitches.”
“You like them?”
“Actually, I do. They are softer and more comfortable then my boots.”
“Epeva’e.”
She folded her arm and stared at him. Anger no longer glistened in her eyes. “I’m still mad at you,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because you left without a word. I had no idea where you went or when you’d be back—if at all.”
“I regret my leaving angered you, Poeso. It should not. I will always come back.”
“Not if you get hurt, or—”
“You worry about Black Horse?”
“N—” She bit her lips together and closed her eyes. Opening them, she said, “Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re the leader, I guess. Everyone worries about you. Everyone depends on you.”
“Heehe’e,” he said. “This is true.”
Her teeth chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced around the lodge. Bringing her eyes back to him, she asked, “Did Maheo tell you to keep leading the band west?”
“Toward California?”
Her eyes lit up. “Yes.”
“No,” he said. “That is not our land. That is where the Shoshoni hunt.”
“Oh. North, then?”
“Crow,” he said, shaking his head. “And Sioux.”
Her shoulders slumped. “I thought all you Indians got along.”
“We do when we respect each other and our separate hunting grounds.” The direction he would lead the people followed the traditional route taken by his people after the hunt. They had many buffalo hides and beaver furs to trade at the white man’s post. He just liked to tease her. “We will go north, Poeso, and west. But only as far as the fort where the wagon trains stop.”
“Fort Laramie?”
There was surprise in her voice, as he’d expected. It would take a few days to get to the post, and by then she would not want to return to the white man’s world. He would make sure of that. “Heehe’e,” he answered.
“When?”
“We will leave in the morning,” he said.
Lorna tried to believe the news made her happy. It should. Yet it didn’t. She was also wrestling with how seeing Black Horse had sent her heart dancing. Keeping that to herself had been close to painful when he’d ridden into the camp. She’d wanted to run out to greet him like the children had, or at least surround his horse like the rest of the women in his family. Her stubbornness wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t part of his family. Nor were Tillie and Betty, but that hadn’t stopped them from cheering and racing to the center of the village.
With little else to do, and nothing more to say, she picked up her bowl.
“You are saddened by the news?” he asked as she stared at the food.
“No. Why would that sadden me? I need to get to California.”
“To get much money.”
She lifted her head. “Yes, to get my money. Lots of it.”
“Much money will make you happy?”
Not wanting to talk about what made her happy and what didn’t, she pointed toward his bowl. “Aren’t you going to eat? You must be hungry.”
“Will that make you happy?”
She set her bowl down, not caring how the contents bounced over the edge. “Why do you care if that makes me happy? No one has ever cared if I was happy or sad or angry or worried. Why do you? Of all people, why do you?”
“This, too, angers you?”
“No,” she said. “It confuses me, and I don’t like being confused.”
“What confuses you?”
“Everything.” Exasperated, she leaped to her feet. “You confuse me. You are so strong and powerful, yet so patient and calm. Everyone here is patient and calm. She Who Smiles never got mad at me, not once during all the things she taught me and my many mistakes.” Pacing around him, she continued, “Even One Who Heals, who clearly doesn’t like me, no longer makes me feel unwelcome. And that’s confusing. Why do
I feel welcome here? Why have you made all of us welcome here? You shouldn’t have. It makes us not want to leave. Makes me not want to...” Her breath left her lungs with a slow burn.
He stood and the gentleness of his expression, a mixture of understanding and sympathy, made her eyes burn.
“Leave?” he asked quietly.
Lorna knew with all her being she shouldn’t feel this way, yet couldn’t help it. She couldn’t deny it, either. “Yes,” she said. “For some inexplicable reason, I don’t want to leave. At least not as badly as I used to. As I should.”
“I don’t want you to leave, Poeso.”
Her heart beat so hard it hurt, and her mind swirled so quickly she grew dizzy. “Why?” Catching herself, she held up a hand. “No, don’t answer that. I have to leave. We have to leave. The others and I. We don’t belong here.”
“Where do you belong?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Maybe I don’t belong anywhere.”
“Yes, you do.” He stepped closer and held out a hand. “I will show you.”
“Show me?”
“Heehe’e,” he answered, taking her hand. “Sit.”
“I—”
“Sit, Poeso.”
She let out a sigh and plopped onto the ground. He sat down, but not beside her, behind her. Close behind her. He stretched his long legs out around hers and then circled her upper body with his arms.
“Close your eyes, Poeso.” His breath tickled the side of her face.
Her heart beat so hard she could barely think. “Why?”
“Just close your eyes.”
She did so. Within seconds, she couldn’t explain how or why, the tension in her body slipped away and her mind no longer spun. A deep sense of serenity encouraged her to relax and accept the tranquility. Letting the air escape her lungs, she leaned back against him. Much like the last time, she could feel his energy entering her. This time it was peaceful.
“See nothing, Poeso,” he whispered. “Hear nothing but my voice.”
His presence easily blocked out everything else.
“Think of what makes you happy,” he whispered. “See it in your mind. Feel it in your heart.”
“I don’t—”
“Just think happy, Poeso.”
I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy, she finished the statement silently.
“Feel it in your heart,” Black Horse whispered in her ear. “Remember it in your heart.”
That was impossible. How was she supposed to focus on anything with his arms wrapped around her? It reminded her of the night he’d scared her by the latrine, and kissed her. She’d remembered that every minute he’d been gone. In her mind and in her heart. She had been happy then—when he’d kissed her.
At that her heart thudded so hard it startled her.
“It’s there, Poeso,” he said. “Your happiness is in your heart.”
Lorna thrust herself out of his arms and scrambled to her feet before turning around. “You can’t know what’s in my heart! You can’t!”
He crossed his legs and his arms. “Where you belong is in your heart.”
She wasn’t willing to agree to that. Her breathing was uneven and she tried to make sense of it all. “I belong in California. It’s not in my heart because I haven’t been there yet.”
Black Horse gave her one of those little head nods and then stood. “I must speak to Rising Sun.” A mischievous smile fluttered across his lips. “I will return. Do not worry.”
“I won’t,” she said. “And I wasn’t worried before.” That was a lie, but no other retort would form. Her mind was attempting to remember a time she’d been happy—other than the night he’d kissed her.
Nothing formed, and as Black Horse left, leaving her in the lodge where she’d already spent many lonely hours, her heart and mind recalled the night they’d kissed with even more longing. Seeing him, knowing he was back also filled her with a unique joy. One she couldn’t help but remember.
* * *
Black Horse was indeed happy to be home, and happy Poeso had missed him. Showing her where she belonged would be easy, and he once again felt power and pride inside himself. That evening, after many people filled the lodge for the evening meal, he told Little One to stay while the others left. When Poeso stood to exit with the others, he grasped her hand, silently telling her she could stay. She smiled softly, but shook her head.
He watched her go, and waited for the lodge flap to close before turning to his sister. “All was well in my absence?”
“Yes. Rising Sun is a good leader. Not as good as you, but the people respect him.”
They were speaking in Cheyenne, and he was surprised how his mind translated the words into English. He’d been doing that more often lately, as if challenging himself to know the language better. When speaking with Poeso, he liked being able to use many words.
“I must tell you something, brother.”
“I know,” he answered. “It is about Swift Fox and his proposal.”
“You know?”
“Yes.” He had known before going on his quest. The signs had been there during the hunt. Silver Bear’s clan was still here because they were awaiting his approval. “You told him yes.”
“No, I have not,” Little One said.
“Do you not want to be Swift Fox’s wife?”
She bowed her head. “I do, but I also want to remain your sister, and I also want to remain Meg’s sister.”
“You are only one person.”
“I know,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know who I love more. Who needs me more.”
“There are many kinds of love, Ayashe, and each is different. I love you very much, and you will always be my sister, but a love for your husband is different and you must be prepared to follow him.”
“Swift Fox will become a member of our band, stay with my family, as tradition requires.”
“For now, but someday he might want his own band.”
“No,” she argued. “We will not leave you. We will not leave our band.”
He chose not to argue that with her. She was too young to understand how things changed. Food had been plentiful, but there could come a time when it was not, and the bands would need to separate into many smaller ones to feed their people. Changing the subject to the other issue hurting her heart, he said, “What of your sister, Meg?”
“I want to be with her, too,” Little One said. “But I don’t know if I could live in her world. It is very different from ours. Very strange.”
An odd tingling made the hair on his arms rise, much like when he sensed someone was near. Yet this was different, like her words made him aware of something inside him. The white world was very different from theirs. He had always known that, but it had concerned him little. Until now. “You remember this?”
“Some, and Meg has told me more.”
Centering his focus on Little One rather than on differences he might need to learn more about, he said, “You are very young for such decisions. I have thought about that and will ask something of you.”
“What?”
“I will ask Silver Bear to join us in the voyage to the white man’s trading post. You will be allowed to visit this post, if you wish.” In all the years she had been with the band, she had never been allowed such freedom. Fear she would be taken back had been alive in all of them since she came to live with them, and he wanted Swift Fox to understand if he took her as a bride, she would need more protection than other maidens. He also wanted her to witness some of the white man’s world and ways. Things he’d protected her from up until now. He also had to make one final warning. “Sometimes we cannot have everything our hearts desire. We must determine which is most important, or what is best for all.”
“That is what you do, decide what is best for all?”
It was harder this time than ever before, but he responded with a nod. His own words were echoing in his head. Just as Swift Fox would need to know Little One
would need more protection than others, he needed to understand Poeso would need more protection than a Cheyenne wife.
Little One sighed heavily, and he knew what he had told her had not been what she had expected.
“You will not decide for me?” she asked.
He knew that was what she had wanted. Just as he now understood he had to make his own decisions. The vision could show him what should be, but only his actions would make them come to pass. “No, I will not decide for you.” There was pleading in her eyes, and he shook his head. “We will not speak of this again until after our journey to the fort.”
Although clearly disappointed, with respect, she said, “Thank you, brother,” before leaving his lodge.
Black Horse pushed the air out of his body. He could not have all he wanted any more than Little One could. Although he knew Poeso was his true mate, he could not force that upon her. It was not the Cheyenne way to make others do what was against their will.
The weight inside him made him feel tired and old. He was neither, and there was still much to be done. He left his lodge to council with Silver Bear, and then told the camp crier to announce they would begin their journey to the white man’s trading post in the morning. On his way to the horses, he spied Poeso sitting near the water where he’d taught her to fish. The memory was a happy one and he smiled. He would forever remember much about this white woman who swam like an otter and hissed like a cat.
He paused long enough to speak with the young boys assigned to his herd. That was a young brave’s first job, to tend to the horses, and they took pride in their abilities. Horse had been rubbed down with grass until his black coat was shinny and slick, and now he snorted, telling him all was well.
Black Horse then made his way to the river.
“I will miss this place,” Poeso said, tossing a pebble into the water as he arrived at her side.
He sat and folded his legs. “You will?”
Her Cheyenne Warrior (Harlequin Historical) Page 16
