by Lacey London
Taking a sip of the crisp, sharp bubbles, I swirl around in my seat. Oh well, if I don’t find Li and Gina I could happily stay here all day. Hearing the bartender haughtily inform a woman that they have a strict one complimentary glass per person policy, I decide it best not to push my luck. Doing a quick scan of the room, I clutch my glass of champers and try not to laugh at the commotion behind me. Judging by the noisy disturbance, it seems that someone has already had more than their one glass. Straining my neck to get a better view, what I see nearly makes me fall off my stool.
Janie? What the hell is she doing? What the hell is she wearing? And more to the point, why the hell hasn’t she told me that she is here?
‘Excuse me.’ I squeeze my way through the crowd and tap her firmly on the shoulder. ‘Janie? What’s going on?’
‘This jerk won’t do as he’s goddam told and pour me another drink. Can’t you see the sign? Complimentary Champagne! I don’t know about England, but in America complimentary means free! Now hand it over!’ Janie’s voice gets louder and more slurred with each word.
Grabbing her by the wrist, I apologise profusely to the bartender and drag Janie to the bathroom, praying all the way there that she doesn’t vomit until I can jam her head down a toilet. Even by her standards this is bad. How long has she been here to get into this state?
I roughly shove her into a cubicle and slam the door, just in time to hear her hurl. Leaning against the sink, I pray to God to give me patience. Usually I pray for strength, but if he gives me strength I might just kill her and I can’t do that, Oliver would be terribly upset and also, I really do need a wedding planner.
Chapter 10
‘Jesus Christ! Would you shut up already?’ Janie voice is hoarse as she jabs at me with the tip of her mascara. ‘For the last time, I am not drunk!’
Smiling apologetically at the worried looking cleaner, I wait for Janie to fix her face in the mirror. Ten minutes of face painting and pill popping has left Janie looking relatively normal, or at least normal for Janie. Watching her apply layer upon layer of lotions and potions has been quite mesmerising. If she didn’t insist on the tattooed eyebrows, litres of Botox and straw-like blonde hair, Janie would actually be really pretty.
‘Clara! There you are!’ I spin around to see Lianna strolling into the bathroom whilst clutching her phone to her ear. ‘Have you seen Gina? She said that she was going to the loo, but I have been waiting for ages.’ She leans against the sink and checks her perfectly tousled hair in the mirror.
‘Erm, no I haven’t.’ Noticing Lianna’s eyes widen as she does a quick top to toe scan of Janie, I chew my cheek anxiously.
Dammit. I was hoping to sneak Janie out of the fire exit and tell Lianna that she hadn’t ever arrived. Sometimes I forget how shocking Janie must look to other people. Thankfully, today is one of her better days. The tight black pencil skirt and sheer ivory blouse would actually look quite classy, if the blouse wasn’t revealing a magenta push up bra to match her hot pink stilettos.
Hoping for the best, I take a deep breath and fix what I hope is a pleasant smile to my face. ‘Li, this is Oliver’s mum, Janie.’
‘Oh!’ Lianna’s jaw visibly drops. ‘Hi, Janie. It’s lovely to meet you. I’m so glad that you finally made it.’
‘Finally? Finally? Is that supposed to be funny? Four hours I have been waiting here!’ Janie shoots Li an accusing look and returns to her face painting, totally ignoring Lianna’s held out hand.
I rub my throbbing temples and look at my empty champagne glass mournfully. Why can’t she just let this go? With her head down the toilet, Janie swore blind that I had told her the wedding fair was at ten, when I know very well that I definitely told her two. If I was brave enough to say it, I would tell her that it is normal to start getting forgetful at her age, but I really didn’t fancy my head being shoved down the toilet along with hers.
Much to Janie’s revulsion, Lianna slips an arm around her tense shoulders and steers her out of the bathroom. ‘I’m sure it is all an innocent misunderstanding. Why don’t we go and get some coffee and we can start again?’
Coffee? Coffee sounds good. I don’t think that there’s a situation in the world that can’t be appeased with a steaming mug of coffee and a good natter. Judging by the look of disdain on Janie’s face, she doesn’t agree.
After finally locating an overly excited Gina by the garter stand, we grab ourselves four coffees and bag the last seats by the sugared almonds.
‘I absolutely love your shoes!’ Gina nods approvingly at Janie’s vulgar stripper shoes and shoves a handful of almonds into her mouth.
‘Thanks!’ Janie drapes a walnut brown leg across Gina’s lap and inspects her blinged up foot. ‘They’re not as high as I would normally wear, but I can never resist anything Louboutin.’
I shake my head as Gina gushes over the outlandish sparkly stilettos and swallow a laugh. Whatever superhuman pills Janie popped in the bathroom earlier certainly seem to be working their magic and for once she is actually being quite polite. Whilst the three of them discuss dresses, rings and all things bridal, I take a sip of my coffee and allow myself to relax.
‘You really wouldn’t mind?’ Gina’s high pitched squeal pierces my thought bubble as well as my ears.
‘Not at all. Honey, I could plan weddings with my eyes closed. I once planned a wedding in three days flat.’ Janie flashes an excited Gina a wink as they clink coffee mugs.
‘Really?’ Gina gasps. ‘I would be honoured if you would plan mine!’
No. No. No. Oh, God! You have got to be kidding me!
‘Do you think that you could do mine too?’ Lianna chips in. ‘I mean I would pay you, of course!’
Janie’s eyebrows move a millimetre and I know from experience that this is her happy face. ‘Oh, what the hell! Sure!’
Choking on my coffee, I feel my blood run cold. She can’t be serious! Have they both lost their minds? Who on Earth employs the peroxide, drunken American that they have just met to plan their wedding day? Catching Gina enviously eyeing up Janie’s red, glittery handbag, I guess I can believe this from her, but Lianna! Lianna who wants a traditional, English, afternoon tea inspired wedding is allowing Janie to plan her big day? This is insane!
I sit back in my seat as Lianna and Gina fire wedding ideas at a delighted Janie. How has this happened? It’s like one of those really bad movies where you already know how it is going to end and it doesn’t take a genius to work out that this could end in disaster.
3.03pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Your bloody mother!!!
Oliver, I have just watched your paralytic mother vomit into a toilet. Remind me, why is she here again?
Chapter 11
Slipping my tense shoulders under the warm water, I feel every muscle in my body start to relax. The whole bottle of lavender oil that I poured in earlier is beginning to make me feel sleepy and I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Thankfully, after the wedding fair Janie went back to her new BFF Gina’s to pass judgement on potential wedding dresses, so for the past hour I have been dozing in the tub with a very large glass of wine. OK, a few glasses of wine, but I am now on my third glass and things are starting to look a little better.
My alone time in the tub has helped me to search for a silver lining in today’s crazy events. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that at least if Janie is preoccupied planning Lianna and Gina’s weddings, then it might just take the heat off my own. Since she got here, Janie has turned her nose up at every single one of my wedding ideas. I am beginning to think that she won’t be happy unless we are hitched at a little white chapel in cowboy boots.
When I told my own parents that we had set the date they were a little apprehensive at it being so soon, but apart from that they were overjoyed that I am finally settling down. It actually took a lot of persuading to convince my mum that she didn’t need to c
ome down and help out with the wedding preparations. With all the stress of dealing with Janie, I honestly think that throwing my own nagging mother into the mix would push me right over the edge.
To say that my mum and Janie are polar opposites would be an understatement. I genuinely don’t think that I have ever seen my mum in anything that isn’t paired with kitten heels and pearls. From the perfectly set brunette bob, to the painted nails that are changed daily to match her handbag, she really is a picture of togetherness. No matter what life throws at her, Rosemary Andrews is always calm, cool and in control. Just imagining her meeting Janie fills me with dread. Keeping the two apart for as long as possible is definitely the best course of action. Pearls and plastic surgery and are never a good mix.
Draining my glass, I wrap myself in Oliver’s fluffy bathrobe and saunter into the bedroom. Trying not to complain at the sight of his jeans tossed carelessly at the foot of the bed is harder than you think. Slipping on a pair of pyjamas, I smother my face in cocoa butter and hop into bed beside a dozing Oliver. For a moment I consider waking him, but one look at the drool on his pillow convinces me otherwise. How is it possible to look that hot when you are covered in drool and snoring like a piglet?
Letting out a massive yawn, I twist my hair into a top knot and apply a quick layer of cherry Chapstick. Wedding planning is exhausting and I haven’t even made a dent in the preparations yet. I always wondered what it was that turned relatively normal women into bridezillas at the mention of an engagement ring and I worry that if arrangements aren’t made any time soon, then I am going to find out. No wonder most brides seem to have a meltdown in the run up to the big day.
Rolling onto my side, I pull the sheets up to my chin and flick off the lamp, smiling as Oliver’s arm instinctively wraps around my waist. Stretching out my legs, I close my eyes and let myself fall into a deep, much needed sleep. Shopping and drinking aside, sleeping really is my favourite pastime. It’s nature’s way of saying forget about weddings, Janie and the terrible Texan trio, even if it is just for a little while.
*
Picking up a photograph of Madison from Marc’s desk, I take a seat in one of the plush office chairs and wait for him to finish his phone call. What was once a minimalist, sleek office is now covered in baby pictures, the odd bottle and stacks of unfinished paperwork. Much like Marc’s appearance, his beloved office is starting to show the strain of juggling both work and home life. I remember a time when Marc wouldn’t be seen dead with so much as a hair out of place. Looking at him now with his crumpled shirt, ruffled hair and mismatched socks, he is a shadow of his former self, but I can honestly say that I have never seen him happier.
‘So, where the hell did you find this Janie woman?’ Marc ends the call and drops down into his huge leather chair. ‘I have never laughed so much in my entire life!’
‘Really?’ My brow furrows as I try to work out if he’s joking. He has to be joking. Janie is a few things, but funny? Not so much.
‘Seriously! She’s fantastic and makes a mean Long Island Iced Tea!’ Removing his thick rimmed glasses, he rubs his eyes and tosses me a bottle of water. ‘She and Gina were like a pair of cackling hyenas last night, even Madison was really taken with her.’
‘What?’ Trying not to choke on the water, I look at Marc as though he has completely lost his mind. Janie and alcohol are one thing, but Janie and babies? I don’t think so.
‘She’s over there right now dealing with caterers and so forth. The woman is a godsend! If only Gina’s mum was so great.’
‘Well, I don’t know about that. Believe me, Janie can be quite a handful when she wants to be.’
‘Clara, after living with a pregnant, hormonal Gina, no woman is ever going to be too much to handle.’ Laughing, he loosens his tie and leans back in his seat. ‘Can you believe that I’m actually getting married this weekend?’
‘I really can’t believe it. I know that Gina is pregnant again, but I mean, you already have Madison. What’s the rush?’ Fiddling with my earring, I study my friends face.
‘To be honest, we have been trying to think of the best way to do it for a while now and with baby number two on the way, it just seemed to be the right time for us.’ Marc’s face lights up at the mere mention of babies and I can’t help but smile. ‘Sometimes, something happens in your life that makes you realise that it’s not all about the big party, the extravagant stag do and the overpriced Champagne. It’s about the commitment that you are making to each other, that’s what really counts.’
Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I squint my eyes at him suspiciously. ‘Who are you and what have you done with Marc?’
‘I’m serious. It’s the wife and the marriage that I want, not just the diamond and a big wedding.’ He flicks on his computer and starts typing. ‘Now get out of here, I’ve got work to do.’
Flashing me a wink, he ushers me towards the door.
‘And, Clara, if you tell anyone I said that, consider yourself fired.’
Chapter 12
‘That’s lovely, Janie. How nice of Gina to do that.’ I twirl a strand of hair around my fingers and look at Oliver for help. Annoyingly, he disappears into the bathroom without saying a word.
‘Yeah, isn’t Gina a doll? They are flying in on Wednesday, so we need to find them a hotel and I want only the best for my girls.’ Wagging a bony finger in my face, Janie picks up her pen and makes a squiggle into her folder.
According to Janie, Gina has invited Janie’s nieces to her wedding. Why, I really don’t know. Maybe the pregnancy hormones are making her a little crazy, but after Oliver’s not so complimentary description of Dixie, Dolly and Dallas, I am feeling rather uneasy at the prospect of meeting them. Hopefully it will be a flying visit and they will be gone before I know they have even arrived.
‘Do you know how long they are planning on staying?’ Hoping that the desperation isn’t telling in my voice, I offer her a sweet smile.
‘What’s it to you?’ Janie fires back, shooting me daggers.
‘Oh, no reason.’ I shrug my shoulders as if to emphasise my point and grab the laptop from the coffee table. ‘I’ll have a look at some hotels. Do you think that they would like to stay in the city?’
‘Of course they aren’t staying in the city! You think I’m made of money?’ Shooting me a disdained look, she flicks a nonexistent piece of fluff from her shoulder. ‘It doesn’t grow on trees you know!’
Not wanting to get into a row, I decide it best to change the subject. ‘How are the plans coming along for Lianna’s wedding? It must be hard work planning three weddings all at the same time. I don’t know how you do it.’
‘It’s all under control. She’s putting together a guest list as we speak.’ Digging around in her handbag, she pulls out a notepad. ‘Which reminds me, I need your guest list too and since Oliver seems set on this hotel wedding, you better keep it short. Save yourself the embarrassment of people saying they ain’t coming.’
Taking the notepad calmly, I shake my head at her scathing comments. ‘You do know that Lianna isn’t getting married in a church either, don’t you?’
‘Lianna isn’t Oliver. I couldn’t give a hoot about Lianna. Now get writing the damn list.’
Biting my lip to stop myself from saying something that I will later regret. I pick up a pen and begin scrawling out names. After my parents, Lianna, Marc and some girls from HR I feel a little stumped. Who exactly do you have to invite to your wedding? It’s not like I am close with my extended family or have a big group of friends that just have to be there. Tapping my pen on the table, I rack my brains. I must know more people than this. I can’t have gotten to almost thirty only knowing a handful of people. I try to think back to any weddings that I have been to in the past and wonder how they managed to have hundreds of bums on seats.
Shoving a handful of salty peanuts into my mouth, I turn to Janie. ‘Janie, who will be attending the wedding from your side of the family?’
‘Well, you
didn’t exactly give us much notice! They do have lives of their own to lead. People can’t just drop things at the mere mention of a wedding.’
‘Janie!’ Massaging my now throbbing head, I throw down the pen in frustration. ‘For once, can you please just answer the bloody question?’
I look down at my knees in silence until I finally get the courage to look up at her and when I do, I really think that she actually might kill me.
Staring at me with a look that could reduce Batman to tears, Janie purses her overly pumped up lips. ‘Well there’s me, Randy, Mindy, Dixie, Dolly Dallas and one of Oliver’s old buddies.’
‘Thank you.’ Adding their names to the list, I reach for more peanuts. ‘What’s his name?’
‘Whose name?’ Janie asks, checking out her taut skin in the mirror.
‘Oliver’s friend?’
‘Oh, it’s George, but he’s British so you might wanna put him on your side. You know, Brits with Brits, Americans with Americans.’ Throwing back the last of her espresso, she slams down her mug. ‘I’m taking a shower.’
George? My stomach drops for the floor as I watch her walk away. You have got to be kidding me. Given what happened between us, there’s no way that Oliver would invite George to the wedding. Just thinking back to that time in my life makes me feel sick to my stomach. She must be mistaken. She has to be.
I am about to chase after her to find out more when Oliver appears in the kitchen with a gym bag over his shoulder. Fixing my mouth into a grin, I hold out the bowl of peanuts. ‘Want one?’
