by Lynn Steward
Dana, feeling sicker by the minute, remained silent until Irwin finished speaking.
“Irwin, let me know when the samples are ready for my approval,” Dana said.
“Susan, I’m sorry we had to see each other under these circumstance. Take care.”
“She’s one tough cookie,” Susan said as she watched Dana turn and walk out of the ER waiting room.
“For God’s sake, Susan,” Irwin said. “She’s in shock. Give her a break.”
Using every bit of strength she could muster, Dana remained composed until she found herself on the cardiology floor. Tears streaming, she asked the head nurse if Dr. Phoebe Cirone was on duty. Concerned about Dana’s condition, the nurse put Dana in a private room and explained that Dr. Cirone was off for the weekend but that she would call her in an emergency.
“I’m Phoebe’s childhood friend,” Dana explained. “I know how to reach her. May I have an outside line?”
“Dr. Cirone here,” was the steady voice that Dana needed to hear in order to unleash her emotions resulting from the traumatic events of the day and the heartbreaking news that Mark was married.
“I need to see you, Phoebe,” Dana said in between sobs.
“Where are you?” Phoebe asked. “I’m coming.”
“I’m two blocks away at New York Hospital. I need some air, so I’ll walk over.”
“I’m coming down to meet you,” Phoebe said.
Blinded by tears, Dana made her way through the pedestrians on First Avenue until Phoebe took her arm and guided her up to her apartment. Dana never uttered a word. A few hours earlier, she and Mark had been riding through the bucolic countryside of Muttontown, believing Mark when he said that their beautiful relationship was just getting started. Now, with that dream abruptly ended, Mark remained at New York Hospital to comfort his injured daughter.
And his angry wife.
Chapter Forty
Dana sat in a daze on Phoebe’s sofa as her friend handed her a cup of tea.
“I’ve never seen you look so frightened, Dana. Tell me, what happened?”
Fighting back tears, Dana slowly related the events at Muttontown, beginning with her leisurely ride with Mark along the trails that morning and ending with her abrupt, chilly meeting with Marsha in the emergency room.
“I’m having trouble processing everything,” Dana said. “One minute I’m upset over Amanda’s accident, the next minute I’m angry with Mark because he wasn’t forthcoming with me. Most of all, I’m overwhelmed with guilt.”
“Guilt?” Phoebe said.
“I didn’t want to go to Judd’s, but Mark was sure it was the right thing to do. Deep down I knew better. My instinct told me Amanda wasn’t ready.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Amanda has been very distant with me from the first time I met her. And you should have witnessed the disdain on her face and in her voice when she saw me right before the accident. Literally just minutes before it happened! She and Mark apparently had a conversation during which she was adamant that I not go to Muttontown. To make matters worse, not only did I show up, but so did a gift from an equestrian shop. The gift was accompanied by a romantic note from Mark. It was inadvertently sent to Amanda at Judd’s, where she receives all of her riding clothes. She was apparently livid when she saw the note, but my presence sent her over the edge. Believe me when I say she held nothing back.”
Phoebe said nothing for a minute, reflecting on what Dana had told her. “No question, the gift and note were an unfortunate mishap, but you and Mark aren’t mind readers, and even Mark couldn’t have predicted his daughter’s reaction.”
“I think Mark and I were both blinded by how much we wanted to be together,” Dana said as she lowered her head. “That seems so selfish now. All I know is that if I hadn’t gone to Muttontown, Amanda wouldn’t be in a hospital, possibly paralyzed.”
“You must stop thinking about what might have been,” Phoebe said, moving from her chair to sit next to her distraught friend. “It will torment you, Dana. Assuming Mark should have honored Amanda’s request, the fact is he didn’t. I suspect he was hoping that the weekend would be an opportunity for you and Amanda to get to know each other better.”
Dana nodded. “That was his desire from the beginning.”
“Then he made the decision for the right reason.”
“And what about his decision not to tell me that he’s still married,” Dana said, turning to look at Phoebe. “Was that, too, for the right reason?”
“Soon enough, Dana, Mark will explain. For now, try not to speculate.”
“Irwin tried to comfort me,” Dana continued as her body trembled, “but what he said was more confusing than enlightening. Something about Mark’s situation being complicated—how many times have people heard that one?—and that he’s been living apart from his wife for two years and wants a divorce. Years? A week is a lifetime for Mark. He makes decisions in a New York minute. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I learned in my psychiatric rotation that people’s lives, especially their relationships and marriages, are both complex and unique.”
“Well, Mom looks at life simply and, in this case, she was right. She told me last week that I should have known how long ago Mark got a divorce. For him to say nothing was to leave me with the impression that he’s divorced. What else was I to assume?”
“I would have thought the same thing,” Phoebe said, “but again, you don’t know the entire story yet, certainly not from Mark’s perspective.”
“You’re right, but …” Dana broke down in tears. “I feel like Mark and I stepped in a minefield and that our lives will never be the same. Worst of all, Amanda may be the one to pay the heaviest price and never walk again and—”
“You don’t know that,” Phoebe interrupted. “I’m not a neurosurgeon, but the outcome of a spinal injury can be very hard to predict.”
“Okay, but she has serious injuries nonetheless, and her condition is a result of Mark and me being together. That’s a fact, Phoebe.”
“The fact is that there are many variables to consider. Things are too up in the air right now to make assumptions. I’ll call the hospital in a little while and get an update on Amanda’s condition. In the meantime, you need to rest, Dana. Doctor’s orders.”
“But—”
“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Phoebe said patiently. “Get some rest.”
As Dana rose from the sofa, the doorman called to announce that Johnny was on his way up.
“It’s Johnny,” Phoebe said. “We were going to dinner.”
“Oh, great,” Dana said. “He has to be told, of course, but I don’t think I can listen to him berating Mark when he hears the gory details. I’m going to take that nap now. I’ll see you when you return. Johnny should be calm by then.” Dana walked down the hall to Phoebe’s bedroom.
Walking past Dana’s riding boots at the door, Johnny teased Phoebe as he gave her a kiss. “Don’t tell me you’re taking up riding, too?”
“Let’s go,” Phoebe said as she quickly put on her sweater.
Noticing the tea cups on the table as well as Dana’s hacking jacket on the sofa, Johnny pointed to the closed bedroom door and said, “Dana’s here, isn’t she? What happened? Was she in an accident?”
“She’s fine, but she’s resting. I’ll tell you everything over dinner.”
The telephone rang as Phoebe and Johnny were heading for the door.
“She’s sleeping, Mark,” Phoebe said after taking the call. “How’s Amanda?”
“What happened?” Johnny said, looking confused.
Putting her hand up, Phoebe signaled for him to remain silent.
Phoebe listened carefully for several minutes as Johnny paced the room, looking concerned.
“Yes … yes … okay,” Phoebe said. “Thanks for the news. We’ll be praying for Amanda.” She hung up and turned to Johnny, apprising him of the riding accident.
“What’s Amanda’s condit
ion?” Johnny asked.
She’s suffered a thoracolumbar fracture of two of her vertebrae. The breaks are between the ribcage and pelvis. She’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning.”
“But what about—” Johnny began.
“Not here,” Phoebe whispered. “I don’t want to wake Dana. Let’s go.”
“I was on the line, Phoebe,” Dana said, sobbing as she appeared in the hallway. “I heard everything. Amanda may never walk again. Dear God, it’s all my fault.”
Johnny immediately went to Dana to comfort her.
“Dana, there’s no way you can take responsibility for Amanda’s accident,” Johnny said. “That’s crazy.”
“No, you don’t understand,” Dana said. “I shouldn’t have been there and—”
“Dana, you can’t go through the story again,” Phoebe said. “I’ll explain everything to Johnny later. In the meantime, you need to have faith that Amanda will be okay. You heard what Mark said, and I can confirm it. Amanda’s surgeon is world-renowned. She’s in excellent hands.”
“Mark sounded so upset, Phoebe,” Dana said. “I’m sure Marsha is adding to his misery, reminding him that he was with me when Amanda had the accident.”
“Who’s Marsha?” Johnny asked.
“His wife!” Dana said as she buried her head in Johnny’s shoulder, deeply regretting her words.
“What did you say?” Johnny asked, looking with disbelief at Phoebe. “Senger’s married?”
Phoebe nodded.
“I’m going to wring his neck,” Johnny said.
“Johnny, you’re not helping Dana or the situation,” Phoebe said. “On the contrary, you’re making matters worse.”
“I knew there was something that wasn’t quite right about Mark from the beginning,” Johnny continued, his voice rising in pitch.
“That’s ridiculous,” Dana said, moving away from Johnny. “There was no way you could have surmised that he was married.”
“True, but I felt that something wasn’t adding up.” He shook his head. “How could anyone be that deceptive, especially to you? He’s worse than I imagined.”
“Irwin told me that Mark has every intention of getting a divorce,” Dana said, feeling the need to defend Mark.
“And I have every intention of getting married,” Johnny said. “But here’s the difference. One day, I will. Can you tell me that Mark will follow through as well?”
“It’s not like Dana didn’t know the man,” Phoebe retorted.
“Actually, it is,” Johnny said as he folded his arms. “She worked with the guy for years, and during that entire time everyone assumed he was divorced. I’ve made my opinion clear from the outset that Dana’s been too trusting of Mark. They’ve only been going out a short time, and she gave him her heart without knowing his background, which he knowingly withheld. Mark has been blatantly dishonest with her. It’s all black and white.”
“Nothing is black and white,” Phoebe chimed in. “As I told Dana, Mark deserves the right to explain.”
Johnny was clearly frustrated and couldn’t hold his tongue. Turning to Dana, he said, “Okay, fine. Let him explain, but he concealed the truth once, regardless of his reasoning, so I say make a clean break after you speak with him and then come work with us, trustworthy friends who love you.”
“I’m not walking away from my plans to open The British Shop, no matter what happens to my relationship with Mark,” Dana said adamantly.
“But how can you trust anything he tells you from this point on, Dana? What isn’t he telling you about this deal with Bauer & Sons ?”
“You’re letting your imagination run away with you,” Dana replied. “I trust Irwin implicitly.”
“Just like you trusted Mark? It’s your life and your career that are on the line. Your mother would agree with me if she were here.” Johnny’s voice continued to grow in pitch as he spoke.
“That’s enough, Johnny,” Phoebe said. “I want you to stop all this—-”
“It’s okay,” Dana said with resignation. “Johnny’s entitled to his opinion. Please understand, I just want to go home now.”
“I think it’s best if you stay overnight,” Phoebe suggested. “You definitely shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“I agree,” Johnny said. “And I’m sorry, Dana. I know this has been a hard day for you, and I guess I haven’t made it any easier. Please stay with Phoebe tonight.”
“I promise I’ll call you both in the morning,” Dana said, “but I need to be alone right now.”
After several more protests from her friends, Dana convinced Johnny to hail a cab on First Avenue while she put her riding clothes back on. Thirty minutes later, Dana, Phoebe, and Johnny had Wills in the taxi and were on their way to Sniffen Court.
Once inside, Dana sat on the edge of her bed and cried harder than she had all day. When her sobs had run their course, she got undressed, put on pajamas, and knelt by her bedside, praying for Amanda. In the morning, she would go to early mass and then jog in the park. She would wait until the surgery was over and Amanda was out of immediate danger to deal with her relationship with Mark. And on Monday morning, she would be back at work as usual.
Dana got into bed, trying to remember lines from a poem that she loved, one that was appropriate for the way she felt, but her mind was too tired to retrieve them. They would come, she thought, some other time. She was asleep by eight o’clock.
Chapter Forty-One
Jack had only had three sessions with his psychiatrist thus far, but he was already feeling guilt and remorse about his recent neglect of Patti. The psychiatrist, of course, only asked leading questions to elicit his patient’s true feelings so as to help him make his own decisions: Why do you think that Andrew distanced himself from you? Do you love your wife? Do you think it likely that you might one day leave Patti for Andrew? If so, how much time would you need to break the news to her? Have you contacted Andrew since he broke up with you? Do you still have a slush fund with Hartlen Response?
Jack had been shocked at his own answers. As he told Dr. Stein, he could not envision himself actually revealing to Patti that he was gay and wanted a divorce even though he and Andrew had talked of such a hypothetical conversation on many occasions. He’d been determined to seek a divorce and move in with Andrew, but now that Andrew no longer believed in his sincerity, his resolve had dissipated like so much smoke. And the plain truth was that he loved his wife and had no idea how long it would take him to work up the nerve to break such news to her face-to-face. Andrew had no doubt sensed all of Jack’s inner conflict, and it was not long afterwards that Andrew had broken off their relationship. And had he, Jack, really created a slush fund with the intent of building a nest egg should his family not accept his new lifestyle? He’d broken the law and, but for Brett McGarry, he might have faced federal criminal charges. At his doctor’s suggestion, he would continue therapy for a full year, and probably longer, but he would make no attempt to reach out to Andrew with the intent for a reconciliation. He would throw himself upon Patti’s mercy and hope she would forgive him for the pain he’d caused her.
Jack sat alone in his office on Saturday afternoon, the entire suite to himself. He looked out over the city, a city that had seemed alien to him ten months earlier when he and his father had come to New York City with the intention of opening an office in the north to take better advantage of their response technology that would revolutionize the oil industry. The city had seemed cold and impersonal. There was no grass, no room to breathe. There was no opportunity to walk out into a field and look at blue sky in every direction.
But he’d met Andrew in those early days, and everything had changed, including his perspective on New York. Andrew had helped Jack acclimate himself to the city and appreciate its richness, even its faster pace. But that’s not why he’d fallen in love with Andrew. His feelings for the man had been genuine, and suddenly his life in Texas, including his marriage, had seemed irrelevant and outdated. He placed his hand
on the telephone on his desk but pulled it back abruptly.
He was accustomed to the city now, and he could survive without Andrew. Patti awaited him at their apartment, and where would he have been back in Texas without her confidence in him? He would still have become CEO of Hartlen Response—it was his family legacy—but it had been Patti, a woman of strength and determination, who had always been at his side, helping him to realize his full potential as a CEO in his own right, not just a son standing in his father’s shadow. And despite the distance he’d imposed on them for so many months, she was still there. She still believed in him, and he doubted if other women in her position would have demonstrated the same faith and loyalty in a man seemingly adrift. The first few steps of therapy had been excruciatingly painful, but slivers of light had already penetrated his mind. His answers to Doctor Stein’s questions had been honest. There would be no desperation call to Andrew from the safety of his office. His mind was made up.
He got up slowly from his desk and walked through the empty offices of Hartlen Response. It was time to go home in more ways than one.
• • •
“Back so soon?” Patti asked as Jack entered the den. “I thought you were going to catch up on some work today.”
“And I did,” Jack said with a smile. “Very minor stuff that’s been bugging me. But I’m going to relax for the rest of today.”
“That’s good,” Patti said, running her hand along Jack’s shoulders. “You deserve some rest.”
Jack grabbed Patti’s hand and gently turned her to face him. “I suppose I do, but you deserve more, too.”
“I do?”
Jack took both of Patti’s hands in his. “I know I’ve been distant during the past months. Downright neglectful, in fact. I’m sorry, Patti. I haven’t been a very good husband, but all that’s going to change.” Jack paused, realizing that he sounded like a soap opera character spouting clichés. “I mean it.”
