“I don’t want a rat here. Around my familia. In my home.” He speaks to me in a hushed tone as I set my glass in the sink. It takes all my strength not to break it, not to smash him over the head with it.
“She didn’t have a choice, Vince.” He just needs to listen to me.
“You’re defending her?” I hate that he questions me at all. Someone has to defend her. She’s not a rat. She doesn’t deserve to be killed, and I won’t do it.
“He beat her. When she saw that shit, he made her life hell. She had no choice!”
“He kept her? Are you fucking serious? What’d he keep her as, Anthony? A fucking pet?” He sneers the last word and it’s the last fucking straw.
“How fucking dare you!” That fucking prick! He has no right!
“How can you do that to her when you were supposed to kill your own wife? Catherine’s not good enough to spare?” I ask, raising my voice.
“I love Elle. She’s my wife!” he screams at me. I don’t hold back any longer, I can’t. I let loose and swing as hard as I can, landing a punch on Vince’s jaw. He staggers back a few feet, cupping his chin and looking up at me with daggers, but he doesn’t make a move to counter. He stands there waiting as he rubs his jaw. He gave me a pass this time. But I won't get another.
He takes two steps and spits in the sink. “If you can tell me right now that you love her, I’ll back off. You going to marry her, Anthony?” He’s asking like it’s a dare. Like he knows me. It fucking tears me up inside that he’s right. He doesn’t know her. He doesn’t know us.
“She’s as close to a wife as I’ll ever have.” I didn’t even know how true the words were until I spoke them.
“Until you kill her.” Vince says the words just as Catherine walks into the doorway. Her mouth parts and her eyes widen as she looks between us.
“Fuck you,” I say with disdain at Vince and quickly go to her. I take Catherine by the hand and brush past my brother as he walks into the doorway.
“Whoa,” he says with shock. “You guys alright?”
“We’re leaving,” I answer with my back to him and drag her out of the house with everyone staring at us.
As the door slams shut behind us, I look at my girl, but I know she’s not okay.
My heart hammers with a fear I’ve never felt before. Although I’m gripping onto her like my life depends on it, she’s already gone. I’ve lost her.
Catherine
I sure as fuck wasn’t expecting this to be so...comfortable and normal. I’m usually a bit awkward with people—and I still am today, don't get me wrong—but I don't feel the nervous energy I thought I would. I'm able to relax somewhat and just be my usual awkward self. At least around the women.
“So, do you want to be a writer?” Elle asks me. She’s Vince’s wife. Her voice is soft like you’d think it would be after taking one look at her since she’s sweet and petite. Vince isn’t. He looks scary as fuck. All the men are intimidating. I’m super fucking happy to be in a room with just the girls.
Being around the men is different. I felt like a sheep brought to the slaughter. I couldn't stop trying to determine which position in the mafia each man had. I couldn’t even breathe for the first few minutes. So many fucking flashbacks made me feel like I was drowning. But this is nothing like what I experienced with the Cassanos.
Lorenzo would start talking about things with the other members of his familia anywhere, and then look at me like I shouldn’t have been there. Like it was my fault. It happened a few times, and then they started doing it on purpose and blocking me from leaving. They liked scaring me and taunting me by calling me the meek mouse. I never felt safe, and they said that was a good thing. Lorenzo said it was good to be afraid. And I was. They made damn sure to keep me afraid.
I stayed with Lorenzo far too long because of that fear and then...well, by the time I had the courage to leave, that’s when I actually saw shit. Shit that changed my life forever. I shake my head and try to forget. I don’t want to go there in that headspace. Not now.
It’s not like that here though with the Valettis. Everything is lighthearted. It took me a while to even want to eat, but when I did it seemed to help. I just kept something at my mouth the entire night hoping no one would talk to me. It’s odd how I still felt included in conversations even though I only really ever smiled and nodded. It felt nice though. It’s been a long time since I’ve even talked to anyone. I’ve been too afraid. Back when I was in hiding, I had the ridiculous idea that the very first person I talked to would somehow know the Cassanos and they would tell them where I was.
But that doesn’t matter anymore. I have Anthony now. I’ve never felt more safe in my entire life than I do tonight. It’s the first time I’ve felt like I could fit in, like I could have a family again. And I want it. I haven’t wanted for anything in so long. But I want this.
The kids are all in bed now and the men are in the dining room. Anthony left me alone with the wives. I start to answer Elle’s question, but hear a crash of toys from the living room. His aunt, Linda I think, is straightening everything up. I feel weird sitting here not helping. Even though it’s not my mess.
“Should we--” I start to ask.
“No,” Becca answers before I can finish. She’s a bit older than me and she’s a no-nonsense kind of person. “Trust me,” she places a hand on my forearm, “she will not let you help.”
“Okay.” I draw out the word and the girls all laugh. It forces a smile from me. I can’t help it. I feel included. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that. My mom was everyone to me. She was my best friend. When she died, I had no one else. It feels good to feel like I belong here. Even though I don’t.
“So do you want to write? Or do you just do the columns and blog thing?” Elle asks again and I know she’s geniunely interested. She's been asking me questions ever since Anthony told them that I work in romance literature. I literally laughed when he said it like that. Romance literature. I love smut. That’s my genre. Smutty smut smut. I shut the fuck up real quick when he gave me that look though. I’m still a little worried about that look. It could be a good thing though.
“I think I’d like to,” I start to answer, but I hear Anthony yell something. We all look to the doorway to the kitchen. But none of the women stand up. Elle grabs my wrist as I start to walk toward him, but I shake her off.
“Don’t,” I hear her whisper, but I ignore her. The women stand up, but they don’t stop me. I know they’re right and I should stay away. But something deep down is telling me Anthony needs me. I need to be there for him.
I walk into the kitchen in a daze and see Vince and Anthony yelling at each other. Their hair is a mess and they’re both breathing hard. Vince has the start of a bruise showing on his face. Anthony doesn’t see me as he says, “She’s as close to a wife as I’ll ever have.” It soothes my soul to hear those words coming from him. But then my heart shatters as I realize what’s happening.
“Until you kill her.” Vince’s words ring out clearly, and I hear them repeated in my head. Over and over. Kill her. Anthony finally sees me and I expect to see something in his eyes that proves to me that Vince didn’t mean that. That there’s no truth there. But it is true. I can barely breathe. I feel him take my hand in his and squeeze, but I don't return the gesture.
People move around us as he leads me away. It’s as though I’m watching this scene play out from a distance.
“We’re leaving.” I barely register Anthony’s words as he leads me away. What just happened? Until you kill her. No. I shake my head. No, it’s not true. But he said it with such conviction. And didn’t I always think he would? Didn’t I know this would happen? I should have run. A small voice whispers inside of me. Weak, you’re so fucking weak.
“You said they didn’t know.” I barely speak the words as Anthony leads me to the car. I have to keep blinking to focus. I feel lost and confused. That didn’t just happen. It couldn’t have. Everything was perfect. It was perfec
t. It was fake.
“Vince was the only one.” Was. But now they all know.
I remember the look in Vince’s eyes and everything changes. My world tilts on its side and my vision blurs with my tears. Vince isn’t a forgiving man. He wants me dead, just like the Cassanos. I don’t belong here. I watch Anthony as we drive away and the same cold, impassive look he had when I first met him is on his face.
In this moment I don’t know why Anthony brought me here, but I do know two things for certain. The first is that Anthony lied to me. And the only other thing I know is that the Valettis want me dead.
Anthony
“You’re going to kill me?” she whispers as I shut the front door behind me. She walks aimlessly in the hall.
“No,” I tell her again. She said it in the car and I shut that shit down. But she won’t look at me. She doesn’t believe me.
“I don’t understand. Why?” She still doesn’t look at me, and I hate it. What we had was pure. But now it’s tainted with doubt.
“I've told you repeatedly I won’t hurt you.” She finally looks at me, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
“Come here, kitten,” I hold out my arms for her. She just needs my touch. I’ll keep her safe. Vince can go fuck himself. They all can. I’ll run away with her if I have to.
She looks at me, but takes a step back.
“I said come here.” I take a step forward and she turns her back on me to run. She’s defying me. She’s running from me. It only takes three strides until my arms are wrapped around her small body and she’s shrieking for me to let her go.
It hurts. It fucking kills me.
I walk to the basement with her struggling in my arms. She flails and kicks. She yells and cusses as I take her down the stairs. I almost drop her as I enter in the code. She’s fighting me. She hates me. I know she does. My heart hurts, but I ignore it. I hold on to the anger. I hate that she thinks I’m lying to her. I’ve done nothing but tell her the truth. I will take care of her. She needs to calm down and listen. She has to listen to me.
I open the door to her cell and she looks up at me with anger and then betrayal in her large brown eyes. She needs to learn she can never question me. She’ll learn.
She shakes her head and backs away from me as I stand in the doorway. Her body language and the look in her eyes make my heart squeeze with pain.
“You will obey me.” I say the words with force, but they’re choked. She looks back with defiance in her eyes. I don’t recognize her, and she doesn’t recognize me.
What we had is gone and I wish I could take it back. I hate Vince. I hate myself.
I watch in the monitor as she huddles into a ball on the concrete floor. Hard sobs rock through her small body, making her look weak and fragile. I know she’s not at all weak. But she’s become reliant on my approval and I know this hurts her.
I’ve seen this before. I’ve only had two subs before who thought they’d enjoy a complete power exchange.
They think they want to be told what to do. And they think they’ll be able to listen, and be rewarded and pampered. But there always comes a time when the desire to obey is challenged too far. The desire can be lost over some concept of degradation or pride, or an issued command can simply be too far outside their comfort zone. Submissives have to learn to trust that everything their dom does is for their benefit. Doubt and lack of trust are the real issues.
Susan and Cassie were sweet girls. But when it came time to push them, it ended up like this. It would have never worked with them anyway. They cried and then left me. The only difference here is that Catherine can’t leave me. Instead she’ll hate me.
She doesn’t trust me. I pace my room, not knowing what to do. I can’t leave her in there to think about leaving me. Her cries ring out from the monitors and I walk quickly to turn them off. I can’t take it.
It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I don’t think about anything other than what I want. And right now I want to comfort her. I want her in my bed. I need her in my arms. I take the stairs two at a time until I’m at her door. No more locks. She’ll learn to trust me. I’ll do anything I can to prove it to her. She just needs to stay with me.
Stay with me.
I walk into the room with purpose, but she doesn’t lift her head. I scoop up her body into my arms and hold her to my chest. I rock her gently and pet her back and her hair. Just holding her calms the beast pacing within me. She needs me, and I need her. That’s all that matters. Doesn’t she know that? She’s all I need. I kiss her hair, but she doesn’t look up. I walk us slowly to my room, but I don’t even know if she notices.
I try to kiss her, but she shoves me away. I hold her closer to me, but she tells me, “No.” She won’t let me in. I watch her deny me over and over as she sheds her pain in my arms.
I want to make love to her and show her what she means to me. But I feel like I’ve already lost her. My need to control her was wrong. I shouldn’t have punished her. It’s my fault. I hold her close to me as she cries herself to sleep.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her ear as her shoulders gently shake. “Please forgive me.” She doesn’t respond and I don’t know if it’s because she never will, or if she’s fallen asleep.
I hold onto her as tight as I can and watch her. That security I’ve had since I first laid eyes on her is gone. I look down and I know I’ve lost her.
I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t know if I can make this right. I don’t see how it’s possible to move forward. I’ve broken her trust. I need her to forgive me, but I know she won’t.
Catherine
I can hear his steady heartbeat and feel his warm body against my back. We fit together perfectly, and that very thought frightens me to the core. My heart hurts as I try to ignore it. But this isn’t right. I’m not okay. I’m falling in love with a man who’s taken me against my will. These feelings can’t be real. I need to leave. I have to get the fuck out of here before I lose what little sanity of I have left. Before he kills me.
I slowly move away from him and hate myself. I watch him sleeping peacefully and I have to cover my mouth to keep the sob from coming up and waking him. If I don’t leave now, I may never have another chance. And I know I have to leave.
I walk as quickly and quietly as I can. I remember him leaving the keys in the dining room. I know it’s a risk trying to leave. He could come down here. He could take me back upstairs by force, or he could lock me away in the cell, and part of me hopes he does. I’m sick for having these thoughts, and I know it. But I use the knowledge that his familia won’t keep me safe to motivate me. I summon my strength and force my limbs to move and go to the door. I take one last look around, gripping the frame and try to keep down the sickness threatening to come up.
I can’t even take anything with me, because it’s all locked in a room I don’t have a code for. If that’s not a fucking sign that this was never real, I don’t know what is.
Rain beats against my skin and thin clothes as I run to the car. My heart pangs sporadically and I don’t know if it’s from the pain or the fear.
What hurts the most is knowing I would have stayed. I never would have questioned him. What we had was fucked up. But it was my fucked up fairytale come true. I loved him. I know I still do.
Tears cloud my vision and I brush them away, shoving the keys into the ignition. I look over my shoulder and hate the pain growing in my chest. I’m leaving him. I don’t want to, but a small part of me is saying if I don’t leave him now, I never will. Is it so wrong? I can’t answer the question. “Forgive me,” I whisper as I put the car in reverse and turn the wheel.
I don’t care if it’s wrong, I fucking loved him. Even knowing he was going to kill me, I still love him and all his broken pieces.
I wipe the bastard tears from my eyes and sniffle as I speed away. I’ve left him. He’s the only man I’ve ever truly loved, and I’ve left him. The car swerves and I fight the steering wheel in the r
ain to stay on the road. I try to steady my breath as a pain radiates in my chest.
In two turns, I’m out of the development and onto the busy road. It’s late. It’s nearly deserted, with just three cars parked at the front of the entrance.
I had to go, didn’t I? I’m not safe with him. I shake my head in denial. He’d keep me safe, but he’d have to fight the world to keep me. I feel so torn and so confused. I hit the brakes and turn off the side of the road. I let the tears consume me.
I know I need to keep going. I need to run as fast as I can. He’s going to find me if I stay here. The thought brings me more comfort than anything else. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe the feelings I have aren’t healthy. But I hold on to them so I can calm myself. As I look in my rear-view mirror I spot the three cars from earlier driving toward me. None of the cars have their headlights on.
Something triggers inside of me and I quickly put the car into drive and hit the gas. As I speed up, so do they.
My heart beats in my chest with a fear I haven’t felt in so long. They’ve found me. I swallow thickly and search the cars for a face. I don’t know if it’s the Valettis or the Cassanos, but as I make a sharp right and see them follow me, I know it’s one or the other. I wish I could turn around and drive back to him. To Anthony. I wish he were here. I wish he could save me.
He would save me.
Out of instinct, I yell for Anthony. Tears fall down my face. No! I hit the gas harder and the back end of the car swerves. I try to straighten the wheel as my hands grip the leather and I pull to the right, but the car spins out, and in a blur my body smashes to the side. My head smacks against the wheel and my body falls limp. My hand touches my forehead and I look down at my fingers only to see blood. My vision spins and my breath feels hollow, but I have to run. I unbuckle the seatbelt and prepare to run. I have to run. I have to fight.
Bad Boy: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) Page 15
