by Sharon Sant
‘What?’ Maggie demanded.
‘I’m sorry, it was nothing.’
‘He gives you the creeps, doesn’t he?’ Ellen seemed to read Christine’s thoughts. Christine shifted uncomfortably, it was enough to confirm Ellen’s guess. ‘I felt the same.’ Ellen turned to Maggie. ‘Maybe you can complain about him?’
‘Not really,’ Christine interrupted. ‘You can’t complain about him just because he makes people feel uncomfortable. If that were the case half the doctors in the hospital would be on suspension.’ She laughed uneasily. ‘He hasn’t actually done anything wrong.’ She paused thoughtfully. ‘Perhaps Mrs Lightfoot could request he doesn’t look after Jacob.’
‘Well, for the same reasons, I don’t think I can do that. I’ll speak to Jacob when he wakes up,’ Maggie decided. ‘Maybe we can get to the bottom of it all then.’
Jacob’s return to wakefulness was fitful and it was impossible at first to make any sense out of what he said.
‘He’s trying to kill Ellen, going to get me… going to get rid of you… drugging me… need to hide…’ he rambled, drifting in and out of sleep between his mutterings.
As he came round more fully, he became more anxious and the nonsense more frightening. Maggie looked across the bed at Ellen who had offered to stay with her until Jacob’s dad arrived. Silently, Ellen and Maggie shared the same thought - perhaps Jacob was actually going mad.
Maggie took Ellen to one side.’ I think I’ll call someone to give him a sedative or something.’
Ellen glanced across and saw that Jacob was watching them carefully. ‘I don’t know, Mrs Lightfoot…’ she began uncertainly in a low voice, ‘it might make him lose it, he seems pretty hung up about the doctors at the moment.’
‘Whether we like it or not, a doctor will be coming in soon,’ Maggie looked at her watch. An idea struck her. ‘Perhaps he will talk to you properly if you ask him. I could do with a quick wander down to the canteen.’
‘Why? He’s more likely to talk to you than me.’
Maggie shook her head. ‘No. Trust me; he’ll be better with you.’ She gave a small smile; something about the knowing look took Ellen by surprise.
‘I suppose I can try.’
Maggie touched her gently on the shoulder. ‘You’re a good girl, you know, and you’ve been a rock through all this. Your mum must be very proud of you.’
Ellen looked away, wondering if her own mum even knew where she was.
‘What’s going on?’ Jacob called, interrupting them. He had not taken his eyes off them for a second.
‘I’m just going to pop out for a few minutes for a bite to eat,’ Maggie called over.
‘You can’t go.’
‘Don’t worry; Ellen is going to stay with you.’
Ellen sat down by the bed and forced an airy smile. His gaze flicked between the two of them before he finally agreed.
‘Don’t go far though, Mum,’ he pleaded. ‘Promise me.’
‘I promise. Be back soon.’
Ellen started by trying to make small talk, hoping to lure Jacob gently into something more meaningful, but the effort was wasted. He gave short, distracted replies, his now grey eyes flicked around the room; he seemed to be looking for something.
‘Do you know anything about drugs?’ he asked Ellen.
She looked at him in surprise. ‘Not really. Why?’
He shook his head but didn’t reply.
‘Jacob,’ Ellen drew herself up and held his gaze. ‘What is going on with you?’
‘It’s complicated…’
Ellen narrowed her eyes. ‘I’m not stupid Jacob. I do complicated really well. You can tell me. Whatever it is, I’m sure I can understand it.’
‘I never said you were,’ Jacob corrected quickly. ‘It’s not your understanding that’s at fault; it’s my explanation that might be a bit hard to swallow. All I can tell you is that I have to get out of here.’
‘You’re not well enough. You can barely walk…’
‘If Mum and Dad won’t discharge me, then I’ll discharge myself.’
‘Jacob, think about what you’re saying. You can’t discharge yourself. Even if you could, how would you get away… you can’t walk!’
‘I can walk enough. As soon as I get out of here I’ll be well. You have to help me, Ellen.’ Jacob lunged forwards in bed and grabbed her hand. ‘You have to get me out. It’s the only way we’ll all be safe.’ In her face he could see the doubt. ‘I know it sounds mad… I don’t even know where to begin explaining it, and you wouldn’t believe me anyway, so I’m not going to try, but…’ he paused before continuing slowly. ‘If you ever cared about me you’ll help me.’
‘It’s not that simple.’
‘No. It’s not simple,’ Jacob agreed. ‘Don’t you see? The accident, all the weird stuff going on, it’s all connected and there’s trouble coming.’
‘What sort of trouble? At least tell me that.’
Jacob weighed up her possible responses before answering. He sighed. ‘I can’t.’
Ellen frowned. She made a move to leave the bedside. Jacob pulled her back by the wrist.
‘Please.’
Ellen sat back down. ‘If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you.’
‘Maybe you can’t anyway.’ Jacob leaned back on his pillows and ran a hand through his unruly hair. ‘Maybe you should just get away from me, stay as far away as you can...’ He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. ‘Actually, that’s exactly what you should do. That’s what you should all do.’
‘What?’
‘Go. Get out, Ellen. Don’t come here again.’
‘Jacob -’
‘GO AWAY!’ Jacob snapped. Ellen didn’t move. She sat and stared at him, confusion colouring her features.
‘ARE YOU DEAF?’ he bellowed. ‘GET OUT!’
Maggie caught Ellen as she flew down the corridor, her eyes swimming with tears.
‘What happened?’
‘He really is ill…’ Ellen sobbed. ‘He told me to get out, just like that. We were talking; he wanted me to help him get out of hospital. We were just talking about it and then he told me to go… he was vile, really horrible, not himself at all….’ Ellen buried her face in Maggie’s shoulder.
Maggie stroked her hair. ‘Don’t worry. He’s not going anywhere until we sort him out. Are you ok to get home? If you want to wait, Phil can take you.’
Ellen dried her eyes and shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t want to wait. Not with Jacob anyway. Not right now.’
‘I understand. Will you be ok?’
Ellen nodded. ‘I’ll be fine. I’ll call my mum when I get outside.’
By the time Ellen got out into the cold street, it was dark. She pulled her scarlet coat tightly around her, plunging her hands deep into the pockets, and made her way to the bus stop.
Ten: Winners and Losers
On an impulse, Ellen boarded a bus that went near to Luca’s house, even though he wasn’t expecting to see her that night. The day had been a weird and unsettling one and she craved some comfort. Her mum would most likely be nursing a whisky bottle, if she wasn’t already out cold. Luca seemed the only other person she could turn to.
‘Gianluca is out, darling.’ Luca’s mother held a finger lightly under Ellen’s chin and tipped her face to the light coming from the hallway behind her. ‘Are you alright? You look very tired.’ Ellen nodded ‘Have you been at the hospital today? Gianluca said you were going this morning. How is poor Jacob?’
‘He’s fine,’ Ellen lied. Much as she usually loved to chat to Luca’s vivacious and generous mother she didn’t feel like discussing Jacob with her right now. ‘I’ll go home. Tell Luca I’ll catch him tomorrow.’
‘If you phone him, I’m sure he’ll come home. He’s only with his cousin. Come in and wait for him.’
‘No thanks.’ She paused. ‘Which cousin is it?’
‘Anthony.’
‘Thanks, Mrs Valvona. When he comes home will you tell hi
m I was here?’ she asked, trying to bite back the irritation that he had been missing when she needed him.
‘Of course, darling. Be careful wandering alone.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m going straight home.’
The road Anthony lived on was only a couple of streets away. Ellen had been with Luca once to pick up a DVD that he wanted to borrow. She stopped outside the white plastic door and hoped it was the right one. The sound of the television carried from inside the house. Ellen knocked. There was no reply and she knocked again. This time Anthony himself answered the door. Anthony was almost three years older than Luca. They looked remarkably alike, the same strong, classical features and dark colouring. Anthony was much thinner though; his diet not consisting of quite so many rich Italian sauces. He sported a fluffy moustache which he thought made him look manly.
‘Hi, Anthony. Is Luca with you?’
Anthony opened the front door wider to shed more light onto the doorstep. The homely smell of beef stew wafted out making Ellen feel hungry.
‘Oh, hi… Ellen, isn’t it?’
‘I just wanted to talk to Luca for a minute. Is he here?’
Anthony shook his head. ‘No, he hasn’t been here tonight. Sorry.’
‘Do you know where he is… only his mum said he…’ Ellen didn’t finish the sentence. She understood perfectly.
Anthony grinned. ‘Up to his old tricks is he? Why don’t you phone him?’
Ellen shrugged. ‘Battery’s dead.’
‘Want me to give him a call?’
Ellen wondered if she really wanted to know where he was. She wasn’t sure she would like the answer. ‘No. Don’t worry about it. I’ll catch him tomorrow.’
As she left Anthony’s street, something made Ellen want to pull her coat more tightly around her, and it wasn’t the harsh February weather. She suddenly fervently wished her phone was working. No matter how many times she stopped and checked and saw nothing, all the way home she was unable to shake the irrational fear that she was being followed.
When Phil made his way to the hospital, he was prepared for trouble. Maggie had phoned him to explain about Jacob’s apparent attack of paranoia. He wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but he certainly didn’t anticipate the sight that greeted him. Jacob was dressed and clutching the windowsill, doing his best to convince his mum, in an extremely loud voice, that he was ready to go home. Both of them swung around as he entered the room, talking at once.
Phil held up a hand. ‘What’s going on?’
Jacob and his mum both started to talk again.
‘Jacob!’ Maggie shouted. ‘Let me talk to your father.’
‘No, because you’ll persuade him I’m nuts before I’ve even had a chance to tell him anything.’
‘No one is saying you’re mad, Jacob. I just think you’re a little… delicate at the moment.’ The way his mum said the word delicate made Jacob want to throw something.
‘Dad, please listen to me. I need to go home, being in here is making me more ill, it’s driving me mad. I promise I’ll do my physio twice as hard at home, I’ll be no bother, I’ll even go back to school…’
‘I need to talk to your mum.’ Jacob opened his mouth but Phil stopped him. ‘In private.’ He turned to Maggie. ‘Come on Mags, a walk down the corridor. You…’ he prodded a finger at Jacob, ‘back in bed for now. You can forget silly ideas about going anywhere until we’ve had a chat.’
Jacob made to argue again, but seeing the resolute set of his father’s expression fell silent.
His parents were gone for almost an hour. Jacob didn’t know whether it was a good sign or not. They were obviously having one hell of a discussion. Jacob knew those discussions well; he had been witness to many. Indeed, he had often been the subject. His dad always had a more liberal view when it came to Jacob. Like the time when Maggie wanted Jacob to go away to boarding school. Jacob was dead against the idea and eventually won the battle when his dad backed him up and his mum grumpily settled for St Joseph’s. Jacob could only hope his dad’s indulgent attitude would yield a result for him this time.
Knocking the contents of his side-table across the room at an astonished junior doctor was not going to help Jacob’s cause. So it was unfortunate that Phil and Maggie chose the moment to return when Jacob did just that, in an angry and slightly panicked refusal to take any medication. Maggie shot her husband a triumphant look.
‘Jacob!’ Phil shouted, ‘What the hell is going on?’
Jacob instantly regretted losing his temper. ‘Dad, I…’
‘I’ll have to go and get one of the senior doctors; he won’t let me give him his heparin,’ the doctor mumbled.
Phil fixed the earnest young man with a shrewd look. ‘Does he still need it?’
‘I’ve just been told to administer.’
‘I don’t give consent for him to receive it,’ Phil said. The doctor’s mouth opened and closed stupidly as he searched for a reply. ‘Does he really need any medication right now, especially when it’s quite obviously upsetting him?’ The doctor muttered and started to shuffle through Jacob’s notes. Phil disturbed his reading. ‘I don’t think he does - does he?’
The doctor shook his head. ‘I don’t know. I need to consult with a colleague.’
‘You do that,’ Phil said, winking surreptitiously at Jacob, ‘but until I see evidence to the contrary, I withdraw my permission for any medication to be given to my son.’
Jacob exhaled forcefully, tension leaving him. He knew his dad would come through for him again.
Maggie listened to the conversation, open mouthed. ‘But Phil…’
He held up a hand. ‘Sit down, you and Jacob, and we’ll sort this out between us.’
Maggie gave her husband an angry sideways look. ‘I thought we had sorted it out,’ she told him through gritted teeth.
The young doctor sidled from the room with Jacob’s hospital notes, scratching his head.
Jacob perched on his bed and Maggie and Phil took the seats either side.
‘You can’t come home tonight, there’s too much to sort out,’ Phil said.
‘Does that mean I am coming home though, Dad?’
Phil nodded. ‘To be honest, I’ve been wondering why you’re still here. What they’re doing in hospital for you now, I’m sure we can do at home.’
Maggie pursed her lips but remained silent, glaring at her husband.
‘When?’ Jacob looked like a different person; his expression had changed so completely from the one he had worn ten minutes previously. His eyes shone the particular shade of bright blue they always were when he was this happy. Phil noted their colour with satisfaction. It was strange how he and Maggie had so readily accepted this oddity in their son, had never questioned it and, apart from a brief visit to an eye specialist when he had been a baby, had never wondered what made it happen. Right now he didn’t need to know what caused it, only be glad that he could see Jacob’s mood so transparently.
‘There are things we need to do. I’m not sure when, but we’ll sort it as soon as possible. In the meantime, don’t do anything that you don’t want to, try to curb your temper, and don’t act like a nutter…’ Phil paused and grinned. ‘And we’ll have you home in time for Easter eggs.’
Ellen had reached home to find the house cold and her mother slumped on the sofa snoring gently, just as she had guessed she would. She knew it was pointless trying to wake her. Alfie had bravely attempted to throw together a meal for him and Tommy that consisted of jam sandwiches and half a cold-blackened banana, but they still complained bitterly to Ellen when she arrived back. With an efficiency that came from much practise, she rustled up some beans and toast and then ran them both a bath. By the time she had settled a raging dispute and got them to bed, it was gone ten. She had homework but it would have to wait.
Throughout the evening she had been distracted by thoughts of Jacob. It wasn’t the way he had dismissed her, she had already forgiven that. It was the other things he had said that fill
ed her head with teeming thoughts, something else bothered her more than it should, but she didn’t know what. She threw a tartan blanket over her mum, still on the sofa, turned out the lights and went to bed. For what seemed like hours she lay in the darkness with wide open eyes before sleep finally came to her.
Ellen was transported, away from her bed. The cold blackness of space pressed in on all sides; she felt pulled through the stars at speed by some invisible, irresistible force. It was utterly terrifying, but at the same time strangely exhilarating. In her dream, Ellen saw two men. First, there was a bald man with gleaming eyes and pale, soft skin; he flew in the darkness with her. He held out his hand, and without knowing why, she felt herself wanting to take it. His smile frightened her, but at the same time it was mesmerising. Ellen stretched out towards him, but something suddenly made her snatch away. That was when she saw the other man. She only caught a glimpse of him at her side; he reminded her of someone. The bald man’s face twisted into ugliness as his gaze now settled on the new man. The bald man drew back a hand as if to strike in rage, then it was frozen and Ellen could see murder in his black eyes. The other man seemed to be tired, concentrating, but exhausted and Ellen could sense the tension, an unspoken struggle between them.
Suddenly, the stars began to spin away and she was falling, falling, and echoing from somewhere in the blackness, she heard Jacob’s frantic call: WAKE UP ELLEN! YOU HAVE TO WAKE NOW!
Ellen twitched and her eyes opened. It was dark. She lay still, her breathing fast. She wasn’t afraid, but bewildered and her mind strangely separate from her body. It had all seemed so real, and unlike any kind of dream she had experienced before. After a couple of minutes she got out of bed and crept downstairs. Her mum was still out cold on the sofa, breathing in heavy rasps. Ellen sneaked past her, made herself a drink with the last of the teabags and sat at the kitchen table. Without knowing why, she felt sure Jacob would be able to tell her what the dream meant. The silence of the house was oppressive. By the time she raised her eyes to the window and realised that she was shivering, the first pink light of dawn had appeared in a watercolour sky.
