by Sharon Sant
She turned to him and wiped her hands on a teacloth. ‘Don’t you want supper?’
‘I’m not really hungry.’
‘But you need to eat -’
‘Honest Mum, I’d rather not. I just want to lie down.’
She ran a hand over his brow. ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Impulsively, Jacob pulled her into a hug. ‘What was that for?’ she asked, stepping back and laughing in surprise as he let go.
‘I’m really glad to be home.’
Maggie smiled. ‘We’re glad to have you home.’ She ruffled his hair. ‘You’ll soon get bored though… I’m never letting you out of my sight again!’
Jacob felt his stomach twist with her words, knowing what he had to do to her very soon. Barely able to speak, he almost ran from the room so she wouldn’t see the telltale colour of his eyes.
For all his pretence of resting, Jacob was rigid with apprehension. He lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. As always, his curtains were open to let the night in. It was a strange habit, one that he had never really understood, but in the light of recent discoveries, it made more sense, that need to see the star-strewn sky. Tonight, though, lying there with the heavens peering in at him, he suddenly felt vulnerable in a way he had never done before. Quickly, he crossed the room to close them before stretching out again. Despite craving solitude all evening, it was strangely frightening to finally be alone. Even though it was necessary for him to order his chaotic thoughts and work out what was going to happen next, it also made him feel isolated again, acutely aware of the uncertainty of any future he might have. Jacob took a deep breath and made a decision. It was time to meet his destiny head on.
He concentrated and reached inside his mind for the dark place that held his power. Almost too easily, he tuned himself in to the Astraen network, just as Dae had shown him. It was the first time he had done it properly without Dae’s guidance and he was surprised how accurate he could be. What he needed was intelligence; he needed to find out what decisions were being made that concerned him. After sifting through garbled mundane voices, he found himself homing in on a meeting of the Astraen Council. He had thought that by pushing Jacob’s consciousness to the front of his mind while he functioned as Ioh, he could listen without them being aware of his presence. It was a tricky manoeuvre, one that took huge concentration, but he tried it now. It seemed to work and the discussion continued in earnest. Their voices were heavy with age and wisdom, ringing with the burden of responsibility. It was the same note he had often heard in Dae’s voice, but for the Council members, it seemed all the more poignant. At least in Dae’s tones there seemed to be a sense of hope. Jacob couldn’t put his finger exactly on what was different. He listened and was comforted by the fact that they seemed to be making plans for his protection.
After a while the discussion turned to another subject that concerned him, one which made Jacob ache with sadness.
The escort is being arranged. We must wait until the Successor is ready; Dae tells us that it will be soon.
And Makash?
He is being taken care of – but we must be on our guard. He finds it easy to slip past our defences these days.
The Watcher grows ever weaker, does he not?
Yes. We can only hope he holds on long enough.
There was a soft knock at Jacob’s bedroom door and he twitched out of his trance, disorientated for the briefest second. He jumped up with a guilty look.
‘Jacob. Are you awake?' Maggie whispered through the door.
Jacob rubbed his scalp through his hair, trying to massage his brain back into some normal functioning state. The levels of concentration he had been exerting had drained him, but it was only now, on emerging from the task that he felt it. ‘Yeah.’
Maggie put her head round the door. ‘Up to a visitor?’
‘Is it Ellen?’
‘Yes. She says she can come back if you’re tired...’
‘I’ll come down, Mum.’
Maggie moved to one side to let him through. He looked down the stairs and saw Ellen standing in the hallway unwinding a scarf from her neck.
She watched as he carefully descended. ‘I’d better warn you that Luca and I are finished. He’ll probably come round moaning at you if he hasn’t already.’
‘Are you ok?’ Jacob took the last two steps together. Emotions that he didn’t want but found it hard to suppress were fighting their way to the surface. The cold had nipped Ellen’s cheeks, giving her a glow that was accentuated by her scarlet coat and black hair. Jacob had never seen her look more amazing.
She gave him a tight smile. ‘I’m fine. You seem to be better already. I haven’t seen you move that fast in ages.’
‘Yeah, actually, I do feel loads better, I told you I would. Do you want something to drink?’ He called up to Maggie, now following down the stairs behind him. ‘Mum, is it ok if we go into the kitchen for a while?’
‘Yes, don’t mind me, I just have a bit of washing up-’ she stopped as Jacob gave her a meaningful look. ‘Well, there is a programme on now that I wanted to see, I suppose I can do it later.’ Maggie smiled. ‘You know where everything is.’ To Maggie’s mild surprise, Jacob took Ellen forcefully by the hand and led her away through the kitchen door.
‘Sit down.’
She gave him a curious look. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘What do you want to drink?’
She shrugged. ‘Whatever.’
‘Hot chocolate?’
Ellen nodded and took off her coat, hanging it on the back of her chair. ‘I don’t even know why I’ve come here.’ She looked around the neat kitchen with its white units, so clean they almost glowed, the walls painted in a warm shade of yellow, the spice rack full of exotic flavours she had never tasted, a red gingham teacloth sweetly hanging from a hook by the sink, the Welsh dresser adorned with antique crockery. ‘Nice house, by the way. Very cosy.’ There was the merest hint of envy in her voice.
Jacob remembered that she had, in reality, never been inside his house. Events in his life had become messy these days, and it was hard to separate real from unreal. ‘You never finished what you were telling me this morning,’ he said.
Ellen paused. Jacob sensed her reluctance to continue the conversation that they had been so involved in when his dad had interrupted them.
‘There’s nothing more to say. I told you about my dream. I was probably imagining the rest. I felt a bit lost when I couldn’t find Luca, especially after you…’ Ellen stopped mid-sentence and folded her arms, regarding Jacob steadily. ‘Actually, I think it was you that needed to tell me something, wasn’t it?’
Jacob didn’t reply immediately as he straightened the facts in his head.
‘What would you say if I told you that I wasn’t quite like everyone else you know?’ he finally asked.
‘I’d say that I knew that as soon as I met you.’ Ellen gave a small, nervous laugh. ‘I’d say stop messing around and tell me properly what’s going on.’
‘What would you say if I told you that I can do things that other people can’t?’
‘I’d say that I already knew that too,’ she answered slowly.
‘You already knew?’
‘Well, you’ve always been a bit different, haven’t you? Your eyes, obviously. I’ve never seen that before.’
‘Oh. I see.’ Jacob could see, however, that Ellen didn’t see at all. It was going to take more explaining than he had bargained for. He had half hoped that Ellen would save him the job of revealing his crazy new identity by guessing at the gist of it. She was always so intuitive and, to him, the facts simply fitted into an incontrovertible truth. He didn’t really know where to start with explanations and she wasn’t helping. It suddenly seemed easier to change the subject. ‘What happened with Luca?’
Ellen sighed heavily. ‘I grew up and he didn’t.’ Her tone held a note of finality that Jacob had no need to question.
The conversation halted as the kettle clicked off. Jacob busied
himself making instant hot chocolate, deep in thought as she watched him.
He put a steaming mug on the table in front of Ellen and sat next to her with his own. Still not speaking, he turned to face her, holding her with a look that made her feel naked, suddenly vulnerable.
‘What?’ She fiddled with the handle of her mug.
The restraint he had been labouring under for months suddenly snapped and he found himself hurtling towards a reckless course of action. The burdens of his future, all the possibilities that Dae had warned him of seemed real in a way that they had never done before. He had to grasp every precious moment when it came, because soon there would be no more, at least, not for Jacob. And who knew what the future held for Ioh? It didn’t matter what he did here and now; he had nothing to lose. He found himself struggling with some inner demon, a temptation that was too great to ignore any longer. He reached inside himself, easy now with the strengthening of his powers by the hour, easier than ever before…
Ellen shook her head, suddenly startled. She stared at him. ‘What are you doing?’
Jacob snapped out of his trance, colour rising to his cheeks. ‘What?’
‘What did you do just then?’
‘Nothing.’ Jacob cast his gaze down, suddenly embarrassed to face her.
Ellen narrowed her eyes, reading his features. ‘You were… no, you couldn’t have… How did you do that?’
‘I didn’t do anything. Want a biscuit?’
‘STOP IT!’ Ellen shouted.
Jacob shot a look towards the kitchen door. ‘Someone will hear you…’
‘Then tell me what just happened!’ Ellen lowered her voice to an accusing hiss. ‘Every time I’m near you lately, weird things happen… don’t try to deny it, you did something then.’
‘I couldn’t help it.’
‘Couldn’t help what?’
Jacob looked at her steadily. ‘Ellen, do you trust me?’
She flicked back her hair and gave him an imperious look. ‘I’m not so sure after whatever that just was.’
‘I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ he said quietly. Ellen didn’t reply. ‘Ellen…?’
Ellen’s resolve seemed to fail and she faltered as she spoke. ‘I don’t know, Jake. Yes, I think I trust you…. did I imagine that?’
Jacob flushed, slightly ashamed. ‘No. You didn’t. I don’t know how to explain it…’ His sentence hung, unfinished; he couldn’t find the words that would make things right.
Ellen filled the silence, her own angst now spilling out. ‘Everything feels wrong at the moment. Sometimes I think I’m going mad…. not just you, everything... I don’t know what to think of all this. I don’t know who I am or what I want.’
‘Everything is wrong, I know. But I’m trying to put it right.’
‘See, there you go again; strange comments.’ She sighed. ‘You’re a mystery these days… you always were, but now it’s off the scale. I just wish everything could go back to how it was with us.’
Jacob ran a hand through his hair. How could he tell her that things would never be the same again?
‘You confuse me, and even scare me right now.’ Ellen wrapped her hands around her mug and gazed into its depths, as if to find an answer there.
‘Do you want Luca back?’ Jacob asked even though he already knew the answer.
She looked up. ‘No, I want… I don’t know what I want. Not him, though.’
Jacob felt her confusion as his own and wondered if it was the right time to tell her when she was so overwhelmed already. Later, he thought. It seemed cruel to burden her with something else. But there was still the itch that wouldn’t go, the urge that was now stronger than ever, his dad’s words repeating in his head: Life is short. You’d have to decide how much you want her. Because life as he knew it was shorter than his dad could have possibly imagined, and Jacob was painfully conscious of the time ticking by, marking the days down until he had to leave life as a normal boy behind for ever. He struggled against the impulse that would make him burst but he was already moving closer. Not now, he told himself. But then there was still the other small, nagging voice: if not now, when?
He kissed her. Just like that - no more conscious thought - a simple, uncomplicated kiss. Her lips were soft and full, still a little chilled from the walk to his house. Cold and sweet like ice-cream. She stayed very still. It was a brief, crystallised moment of perfection. Jacob opened his eyes and studied her face as his lips left hers. Would she shout, shun him, stalk out of his life for ever?
She smiled, her tension seemingly evaporated. ‘Warn me if you’re going to do that again.’
Jacob gave her an impish grin. ‘I think I feel another one coming on.’
Ellen sighed in mock exasperation. ‘Go on; get it out of your system.’
He kissed her again, this time with the urgency of one who knows his days of happiness are numbered, and just for a short while, he didn’t care what the future held.
Thirteen: Betrayal
I fear you will never be ready, Ioh. You are too quick to succumb to your emotions.
Does that matter? I thought you said that emotions were good, that emotions were what Astraens lacked, that I was going to show them a new way…
Time will tell. But now it clouds your judgment.
I can’t help it. You left me to grow up with humans, Jacob replied accusingly. He bit back his rising temper. Is she in danger now?
No more than before. But your pain will certainly be greater in the end.
I know that… there must be another way, think, Dae, there must be. Please don’t tell me again that I have to go. I could be so happy.
I would wish that for you if I could.
Then, why not?
You have a path. You cannot forsake it. This is the way things have always been.
Jacob was sick of cryptic replies. He was tired of trying to work them out. It was easier not to question it. But another question occurred to him, one that perhaps Dae would answer.
Dae… something happened earlier today. Ellen could feel my presence in her mind. Is that common with humans? As he asked this, Jacob reflected on how surreal it was to be referring to Ellen as a human.
It is not unknown, but rare. I had an idea that she may have a low-level perception at our last encounter.
When Makash tried to snatch her?
Yes. It made it easier for me; I was able to make her understand the danger. And it also enabled you to reach her with your warning. You may find it turns to your advantage again in the future. Jacob imagined mischief in Dae’s thoughts with the next piece of advice, a playfulness that he had never encountered from him before. Ioh, my young friend, you are not quite as clever as you believe yourself to be. I would think twice before I played another such trick on her as you played yesterday….
Jacob took a deep breath as he forced himself away from Dae’s contact. He knew what the rest of the warning would be. He and Ellen were snuggled up together in the second sitting room, the parlour as his mum liked to call it, a distinctly neglected room in terms of his mum’s usually vociferous decorating. There was a dusty, unused upright piano on the wall by the window, a relic from his Granddad’s house. As a small child, Jacob often ran his long, supple fingers over the keys absently; he would imagine himself one day confidently banging out a merry tune and resolved to learn how to play. Somehow it never happened, though he suspected that now he would find it quite easy if he had the inclination to try. The beige abstract patterned wallpaper was faded in sections by the window where the sun caught it; the old sofa where they were ensconced had a hollow at one end and a stringy throw covering it. Jacob couldn’t ever remember the sofa being bought; it just seemed it had always been there. The room was rarely used by his parents, but remained one of Jacob’s favourite boltholes. There was something comforting about the fact that it didn’t seem to matter if he made a mess in there.
Ellen had left quickly after their first kisses in the kitchen and Jacob understood that she ne
eded the space to think. But he also knew she’d be back, and she returned the following afternoon, having free periods that took her to the end of the school day, with a huge brick of chocolate for them both. Having devoured it, they were now watching an old film, the sort that filled spare slots in weekday afternoon TV schedules. It wasn’t a very interesting film, lots of steam trains and soldiers saying passionate goodbyes to girls with outrageously set hair and crisp English accents, but neither of them had seemed to notice. Then Dae had interrupted, calling his mind away from where it wanted to be, though the joy that pulled at every fibre of Jacob’s being was too great even for Dae to distract him for long.
‘Jacob… did you hear what I said? I’ll have to go soon.’
‘Sorry, miles away.’
‘Somewhere nice?’ She sat round and faced him, her smile suddenly fading into an expression of seriousness. ‘What are we going to tell Luca?’
It had been gnawing at his conscience all afternoon, but Jacob had been trying to ignore that small detail. He shrugged ineffectually.
‘We’ll have to say something; he’s bound to find out,’ Ellen pressed.
‘It’s nothing to do with him. You’re not together any more.’
‘You’re right, we’re not, but you’re still his best friend.’
‘Some friend, he’s hardly visited me lately.’
‘You’re making excuses.’
‘I don’t know… I can’t think about that now.’
‘You’ll have to think about it soon.’
Jacob wrinkled his nose. ‘Why can’t we just forget about it for now and enjoy ourselves. It’s all brand new, you and me. I don’t want to think about anything else yet.’ There isn’t time to think about anything else.
‘There are other things,’ Ellen said darkly. ‘I still didn’t get an explanation for what the hell is going on with you.’
‘Aren’t you happy with this?’
‘Of course. It’s just that…’ She noted the ominous change in his eyes even as she spoke. ‘Never mind.’ She looked at her watch. ‘I have to go.’
