by Sharon Sant
By lunchtime, however, Jacob was feeling a strange queasiness and an inexplicable feeling of weakness began to steal over him. He told Ellen about it as they sat together in the canteen.
‘Did you have breakfast?’ Ellen asked as she unpacked her sandwiches.
‘Didn’t really fancy it.’
She peered over at his plate. ‘That’s not going to help either. There’s hardly enough to feed a mouse on there.’
He shrugged. ‘I’m just not hungry.’
‘If you want an answer to why you’re feeling weird, that’s probably it.’ She paused, looking at him thoughtfully. ‘So you’re not feeling ill? Like you did before you landed in hospital?’ she asked, suddenly concerned.
‘Not ill, exactly. Just strange. A bit wobbly.’
‘Like, tired wobbly?’
‘Maybe. I think so.’
She pulled a handful of crisps from her bag and put them on the side of his plate. ‘Eat those. Crisps don’t really feel like food and they’ve got loads of calories in them.’
Jacob grinned. ‘I see; you’re making out like you’re doing me a favour when really I’m doing you the favour.’
‘What…’
‘Eating your calories for you.’
Ellen slapped his arm.
‘Ow. That was uncalled for. I’m putting myself on the line for you here. It’s a dangerous business, eating these crisps.’
Ellen pouted. ‘You certainly seem alright now. Eat them and shut up.’
Despite his good humour, Jacob wished he could be as convinced as Ellen that all was well.
‘Shall I come round?’ Ellen asked.
It was the end of the school day and Maggie had insisted on picking Jacob up. She waited at the roadside as Ellen and Jacob said their farewells.
‘I still don’t feel that great to be honest. Maybe you shouldn’t.’
Much as he loved her company, something bigger than them was happening, he could feel it. The strange symptoms he had been experiencing all day seemed like a warning. If he could take some time alone to order his thoughts, maybe he could figure out what it meant.
Ellen shrugged.
‘Give you a lift home though, if you want,’ he added awkwardly, seeing her look of disappointment.
‘Actually… I have somewhere I need to go. See you tomorrow.’
Maggie tapped the horn in a jaunty farewell as the car pulled away from the kerb. Ellen took a deep breath and walked in the opposite direction from the route to her house.
Fifteen: The Olive Branch
‘Don’t you want something to eat?’ Maggie frowned at Jacob and held the back of her hand to his forehead. ‘You look pale. What’s the matter?’
‘I’m fine,’ Jacob waved her hand away, ‘I’m just not hungry.’
‘You should try to eat a little something. Did you have lunch?’
Jacob nodded moodily. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate her concern, but he was desperate to be alone. This interrogation was a delay he could do without. He still felt strange and weak, but to tell his mother would certainly cause the sort of fuss that would land him back in hospital. ‘If I must, I’ll have some toast.’
Maggie swept into the kitchen, leaving Jacob to curl up in the corner of the sofa.
Quiet and pensive, Jacob leaned on the side of the seat and rested his head on his arm. Something big was happening. He knew it wasn’t Makash - there was no sense of malevolence - but the anxiety of not knowing what it was felt almost as bad. Experimentally, he tried to call Dae. No reply came. He thought about the lack of contact over the previous weeks. Had something happened to Dae? It hadn’t really seemed a serious possibility until now.
Maggie brought in a couple of slices of thick toast and Jacob forced them down under her watchful gaze. Every mouthful made him want to gag but he knew she wouldn’t leave him alone unless he ate it.
‘Can I go upstairs for a bit?’ he asked, hoping his performance had fooled her.
Maggie picked up his plate and looked him over critically. ‘I suppose so. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?’
‘I’m fine. Going to do my homework that’s all.’ Jacob got up from the sofa. His legs felt as though they weren’t attached to him. He made his way to the door and they trembled as he climbed the stairs. Maybe I’ve done too much today, he reasoned with himself as he flopped onto his bed.
There was a loud knock. Jacob bolted up, not sure of where he was. Dusk had crept over the world while he was dozing. Rubbing at his eyes, he shivered. Indistinct words were being mumbled in the hallway below; instantly Jacob recognised Luca’s voice. He scrambled up and made for the stairs on unsteady feet.
Luca saw him appear at the top step and hailed awkwardly.
‘Can I talk to you?’
‘Sure. Come up.’ Jacob went back to his room and switched the lamp on.
Luca appeared and hovered at the door. ‘What’s the use in you having a phone?’ he asked, seemingly biting back irritation.
‘Sorry. I’ve been asleep.’ Jacob picked up his mobile from the bedside table and noticed the text messages waiting to be read.
‘I suppose you’re surprised to see me.’ Luca sank into a beanbag, his vexation dissipating as quickly as it had risen.
Jacob nodded. ‘A bit.’ He sat down on the bed and mussed his hair.
‘To tell you the truth, I got home after school and started to think-’
‘Must have hurt,’ Jacob cut in.
For a moment Luca was blank, and then a slow grin spread over his face. ‘I was just thinking, it’s stupid, us falling out over a girl.’
‘You mean Ellen?’ Jacob raised his eyebrows slightly. Not just any girl.
‘Yeah, Ell. We’re mates, right? We’ve been mates for a long time. But we were mates with Ellen as well, at least, you were. It’s kinda weird now.’
‘I know. It’s not the way I want things to be either. You had already split up, though.’ Jacob rubbed his nose. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong.’
Luca frowned slightly, as if to argue, then his features relaxed. ‘I know that. And I started to think about everything, you know, all the stuff that’s happened to you. And then I thought, here’s me with more girls than I can fight off, and you being a bit desperate, I thought, why not? I can spare one for him.’
It was Jacob’s turn to smile. ‘Well, thanks. You’re a good friend, Gianluca Valvona.’
Luca shrugged. ‘Can’t help it mate, it’s the way I’m made.’
Jacob’s smile broadened. He saw that things were salvageable with Luca and it lifted his spirits to the point where he felt some strength flow back to his tired body.
‘So, this change of heart… it has nothing to do with the essay we’ve got to hand in next Monday about the Corn Laws?’
‘Of course not!’ Luca cried.
‘So you don’t want me to help you?’
‘No.’ Luca folded his arms and looked away, biting back a grin.
‘You want me to write it for you?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Are you sure?’
Luca turned back to face Jacob with an impish look. ‘If you insist.’
‘I do insist. I want to write your essay more than anything.’
‘Good, then I’ll let you. It’s the least I can do. Just don’t forget to make the grammar a bit dodgy and get some dates wrong so Galley won’t think you’ve done it.’ After a pause Luca became more serious again. ‘You know it’s never going to be how it was before.’
‘I know.’
‘We can’t hang out like we did; all three of us.’
‘I know, Luca, I understand.’
‘I don’t think you do, though. I still like her.’ Luca was amazed at his own sudden frankness. ‘She did dump me, you know. Just tell me honestly, was it for you?’
‘If we’re being honest, where were you when you were supposed to be at Anthony’s that night?’
‘What night?’
‘Ellen told me she we
nt to find you one night when I was still in hospital but you weren’t where your mum said you were supposed to be.’
‘So I’m not allowed to change my plans?’
‘Luca,’ Jacob sighed, ‘I know you better than that.’
‘You think you do,’ Luca replied in a low voice.
‘Where were you?’
Luca lapsed into silence, suddenly finding his fingernails fascinating.
‘Never mind.’ Jacob, seeing he wasn’t going to get anywhere, gave up the argument. ‘If it makes any difference, she didn’t dump you for me. She would never have done that and I would never have let her. We both think too much of you for that.’ He paused. ‘And it was hard at first, we felt bad about being together but…’ Jacob’s sentence tailed off.
‘You always liked her, didn’t you?’ Jacob nodded uncertainly. Luca continued, ‘If I had known how much you liked her…’
‘What? You would have given her up?’
‘Course not. But maybe I would have understood a bit more. I thought you liked her a bit when we were first going out, but then I thought you’d got over it. If you’ve been thinking about her all this time… I suppose I’d be a git to stay mad at you now.’ Luca extended his hand. Jacob took it and they shook.
‘We’ll play it by ear, then.’
‘I guess we’ll have to. It’s going to be weird for a while, though.’ Luca brightened. ‘Hey, maybe we can go out on double dates.’
Jacob screwed up his nose and laughed. ‘Let’s not get carried away!’
Even in the dim light, Luca could see that Jacob’s eyes had changed into a more luminous, happy colour.
Ten minutes after Luca’s departure, Maggie put her head round Jacob’s bedroom door to find him asleep on the bed, fully clothed. His groggy response to her gentle shake persuaded her that the only thing to be done was to throw a cover over her son and leave him for the night.
As she did every morning, Maggie stepped out of bed and straight into her slippers, neatly placed by her bedside cabinet. As she did every morning, she pulled on the floral dressing gown taken from the hook at the back of the door. This morning, spring sun streamed through the closed red curtains, staining the walls. She threw them open and crossed the hall into Jacob’s room.
It seemed to Maggie that he had not moved his position all night. She nudged him. There was no response.
‘Jacob, time to get up.’
Still, he didn’t move. She approached him almost timidly; afraid of what she might see on closer inspection. But he seemed peaceful enough; his breathing deep and regular. She shook him gently, then more insistently as he failed to respond.
‘Whassssup?’ Jacob snuggled into his pillow, clearly not ready to be woken.
Maggie’s features relaxed a little, but then her frown returned. She shook him again. Jacob’s eyes opened and took a second to focus.
‘Are you alright?’ Maggie asked.
Jacob looked at her with incomprehension as he struggled to rouse himself.
‘Jacob! You’re not ill, are you?’
‘No…’ he finally managed to mumble. ‘What time is it?’
‘You don’t have to go in today. Yesterday was too much; I knew it would be.’
‘Mum. I’m fine, stop fussing. I’m just tired that’s all.’ Jacob pushed himself up. ‘Did I sleep in my clothes?’ he asked looking down in bewilderment. He couldn’t actually remember going to sleep.
‘I think you should stay at home today.’ Maggie briefly placed her palm to his forehead, checking his temperature.
‘Mum, I said I’m fine. I’m not going to be off on my second day. Besides, Ellen is calling for me this morning and I need to talk to her.’
‘But…’
‘I’m going.’
Maggie sighed heavily. ‘I suppose I’ll make you some breakfast then.’ She went downstairs.
Jacob swung his legs over the side of the bed and wobbled slightly as they took his full weight. He hadn’t told his mum just how weak he was feeling. It puzzled him. He didn’t sense a threat, but something else that he couldn’t put his finger on. Jacob reasoned, as he tried to pull himself together in front of the bathroom mirror and saw with some relief that his eyes were a good healthy blue, that the reason for his exhaustion must be the return to busy days after such a long break. What else could it be? And yet, he felt in the part of his mind that belonged to Ioh, that it was something else, something very bad indeed.
Jacob was forcing down cornflakes when Ellen knocked. His appetite had not improved much overnight but he maintained the act for his mother.
‘You look knackered.’ Ellen stepped into the kitchen to wait for him.
Jacob forced a smile. ‘Cheers. That’s made me feel loads better, Nurse Richards.’
Ellen perched on the chair next to him and dropped her bag to the floor. ‘What did you do last night?’ she asked airily.
‘You know very well what I did last night.’ Jacob raised his eyebrows and pushed away his cereal bowl.
Ellen shrugged. ‘Do I?’
‘Luca came round. Now I know Luca and I’m sure he didn’t decide to do that all by himself.’
‘Must have done. Perhaps this is the new improved, sensitive Luca. In fact, perhaps his considerate alter ego has always been there, waiting to break out.’
‘Did you tell him to come?’
Ellen gave a radiant smile and tapped the side of her nose. ‘Did you two sort it out?’
‘Yep. Sort of. He wants us go on double dates with him and Melissa.’ Ellen screwed up her face. ‘I know. That’s what I thought,’ Jacob grinned. ‘Backfired on you didn’t it?’
Ellen checked her watch, ignoring his quip. ‘We’d better go.’
Jacob stood up from the table and swayed slightly on the spot. Ellen caught his elbow.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I’m fine, just got up a bit quick.’
‘You think you should go today?’
‘Don’t you start; I’ve had my mum banging on all morning. I’m fine, I’m just tired.’
‘Alright. Faint for all I care.’
Jacob mocked a swoon for her.
‘Very funny!’ she scolded. ‘If you pass out for real now, I won’t believe you.’
Even in the midst of his inexplicable tiredness, Jacob felt a peaceful sense of contentment as they walked slowly to school. Lately, he had come to appreciate more than ever how beautiful his human world was; the dot of a bird high above, the spring breeze on his face, the passing scent of a magnolia blossom caught on the air, the little things looked at with new eyes. Ellen squeezed his hand and he gazed across at her, watched the way the sun bounced off her sleek hair as she walked.
‘Are you feeling any better?’ Ellen asked, interrupting his thoughts.
‘I’m just tired. I wish everyone would stop going on about it.’
‘It looked like more than tiredness to me. You’re being weird again.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean.’
Jacob sighed, ‘I do feel a bit odd, if you must know. I can’t tell you any more than that right now.’
‘Your mum thinks you’re going to have a relapse of that virus or whatever it was you had last year. And if I’m honest I can see why she would think that.’
‘I know for sure that won’t happen again.’
Ellen threw him a wondering sideways glance. ‘See. There you go again, being weird. It’s like there’s something going on behind your eyes, like no one can ever know you completely. Sometimes I hate that, but sometimes I wonder if that’s actually one of the things I like about you best, which is quite weird in itself.’ She laughed self-consciously.
‘No one can ever know someone completely.’
‘I know, but somehow it’s more mysterious than that with you. I suppose it’s all your little quirks.’
‘Quirks?’
‘Well,’ Ellen replied carefully, ‘you’re not really like other boys, are you
?’
Jacob smiled. ‘I wonder if there’s a compliment hiding somewhere in there.’
As they arrived at the towering iron gates of St Joseph’s, Jacob spotted a familiar profile, his arm draped round a skinny girl wearing a long ponytail.
‘There’s Luca. We’d better go and talk to him.’
‘He’s got Melissa with him. Oh glee!’ Ellen wrinkled her nose.
Jacob laughed. Then the first wave shook him.
Sixteen: The Completed History
He stumbled as the world seemed to shift out of synch on its axis. The sky turned above him as Jacob clutched at Ellen’s arm. It was a fleeting instant; almost as soon as the vertigo had gripped him it abated again.
‘What is it?’ Ellen asked.
‘What colour are my eyes?’ He tipped his face to her.
‘Blue, same as this morning.’ The observation seemed to reassure her as much as it did Jacob.
‘I’m ok now; it was just a passing thing.’
I don’t feel danger, Jacob reasoned, I just wish I knew what it was I do feel. Something’s coming and I’m not ready.
‘Maybe I’m coming down with a bug or something.’ He shook his head to clear it. Let’s go and see Luca.’
They made their way across the school yard to the low wall where Luca was perched with his new girlfriend. Jacob dropped onto the seat next to him.
‘What’s up with you?’ Luca frowned. ‘You don’t look good today. You weren’t good last night either, practically falling asleep while I was talking to you.’
‘Everyone does that when you talk to them, Luca,’ Ellen bantered.
Luca flashed a wary grin but Melissa shot Ellen a look of pure loathing.
‘You didn’t tell me you went to Jacob’s last night; I would have gone with you if I knew,’ Melissa told Luca resentfully.
‘You wouldn’t.’ Jacob came to Luca’s defence with a clearly hostile note in his tone.
Melissa ignored the remark. ‘Were you there, Ellen?’
‘Oh, no. I don’t interfere where I’m not wanted,’ Ellen smiled benignly.
Luca tried to suppress another grin. ‘I only called for an hour, just to catch up.’ Luca’s explanation was meant to soothe Melissa but she stared coldly into the distance. ‘I wasn’t there long was I, Jake?’
