Tattered & Torn

by A. J. Downey

  “Can’t stay crouched like this much longer, Babe,” I murmured against her skin. She sighed and uncoiled her arms from around me. I sat up and gently vaulted her leg, letting my body collapse boneless onto the bed beside her.

  With a wicked little smile she sat up and straddled my hips, lowering herself down over my body to softly place her lips over my own. We kissed, a slow and languorous thing full of weight and heat and promise.

  “Hmm, you doin’ okay?” I asked her.

  “Mmm, yeah. Always knew you’d be amazing,” she smiled against my lips and I laughed and gave the outside of her thigh a swat which made her yip and then really laugh.

  “Always loved talking with you, loved the banter and the barbs, every time you parted those lips of yours with a zing or a parting shot it made me so fucking hard…” I sighed out. Shelly folded her hands one atop the other on my chest and rested her chin there, sliding a bit down my body which made me shiver, and my cock stir. She raised an eyebrow.

  “I just wish we’d really talked to each other, much sooner…” she confessed and that made two of us.

  “You and me both, Sweetheart, you and me both…” I kneaded the back of her neck with thumb and fingers and her eyes drifted shut in pleasure. I swear to God, if she were a cat she’d be purring.

  “I’m yours Ghost, you know that right?” she asked softly.

  “I know Baby,” her words caused a contented sigh to escape me, I leaned my head up to kiss her and she returned it, so perfect, so sweet my arms curved around her and held her to me. By now I was hard again and after a few missed attempts I let her go so she could straighten. She slipped me back inside her and sank down over the top of me so slowly, the sight was just so fucking… Mmm!

  “Ride me, Baby,” I ordered and she smiled this brave and at the same time wicked little smile and complied but she did it her way which seemed to be doing a whole hell of a lot for her, getting her worked up and the like but for me, all it did was drive me crazy. It just wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t hard enough, she was such a fucking tease! I laughed and let her have her way. I knew I’d get mine in the end but the thing was, for right now, I was enjoying the hell out of watching my woman take her pleasure off of me. My woman… The sound of that was just as perfect as she looked in the muted lamp light.

  I watched her move above me for I don’t know how long. Her hands on my chest, her long legs raising her up off of me only for her to glide back down. She was so wet, so beautiful and her shell pink nipples hard and all but begging for attention. I grasped them with thumb and forefinger and teased them for her, tugging gently until she cried out, and came, pulsing and fluttering around me, milking my cock but it still wasn’t enough. I gripped her hips firmly and held her as she bowed over my body and finally I was back in the driver’s seat and driving up into her and shit that felt good. I felt my balls tighten with my impending release and I drove up into her the same time she came down on me and I came, deep and hard inside of her.

  No other feeling like it in the damned world… Shelly came again, the same time I did and it was probably the most perfect thing I’d ever felt. Like our bodies were meant to fit together. We kissed, and lay in the circle of each other’s arms and it wasn't long before both of us ended up fast asleep. I felt determined that this would so not be the last night for us to ever be so perfect. She fit against my chest just so damned well…

  Chapter 27

  Shelly…

  The week passed quickly. I didn’t see Blue again, nor did I see anyone else for that matter. Still, I felt a lot better just knowing a Sacred Heart was out there. I got busy and stayed really busy with my numbers and never did get around to asking Ghost why there were protective details on the Old Ladies. I figured it had something to do with The Suicide Kings and when it came to that, I firmly admit to wanting to be an ostrich. I kept my head planted right in the sand where I didn’t have to see it, or deal with it.

  Things with Ghost were really good. Almost idyllic. He would cook with me either before he went out or after he came home from work, we made love quite a bit and he just seemed to know what did it for me. I was satisfied, content, in just about every aspect of this new life and even though the week was winding down, I was comfortable enough that I didn’t have a single thought towards going back to my cousin’s or of moving out. I was startled to find that I was really comfortable here, that it felt just as amazing as I had always imagined it would to have someone to fall asleep beside every night and even better that he was there to wake up to in the morning.

  It was Friday when he called from out in the house somewhere, “Hey Babe! Where’s my blue Ford motors tee?”

  “Check the dryer!” I called back. I was parsing through his receipts from the month before when he stepped into the doorway, I looked up and frowned, the expression on his face was as hard and closed off as I had ever seen it.

  “Ghost what’s wrong?” I asked, worried.

  “This isn’t my shirt,” He held up the gray tee Blue had been wearing.

  “Oh, no it’s Blue’s,” I said matter-of-factly and recognized my mistake too late. Ghost’s face looked like he had just been shot in the chest and his expression immediately turned cold and nasty.

  “You fuck him?” he asked and I froze. I blinked slowly and took a deep breath. In an instant the entire week of peace that had been cultivated between us, shattered… What I said next I shouldn’t have but what he had just asked me… it hurt. It also proved to me he didn’t trust me, not one bit.

  “Yeah, of course, we had a great time!” I said voice heavy with sarcasm. I crossed my arms hugging myself. He slapped a hand on the wall by the door frame.

  “Don’t fuck with me on this Shelly! Did. You. Fuck. Him!?” he yelled.

  “No, I didn’t fuck him you asshole!” I shouted, jumping to my feet, “What the fuck is wrong with you!? He showed up the beginning of this week and had a pretty heavy gash in his side, it was bleeding through his shirt! I patched him up and gave him one of yours, got the stain out of his but it was wet and needed washed so I dumped it and left it in the washer! I can’t believe you don’t trust me! That you would even think that!”

  “Do you blame me!?” he cried, outraged and it crushed a decent sized chunk of my soul…

  I looked at the floor so he wouldn’t see the tears starting to well up in my eyes and said, “Well I guess that’s what you get for taking a club whore as your Old Lady.” I shrugged my shoulders indelicately.

  “That’s not what I meant…” he said trying to back pedal.

  “Yeah. Yeah it is Ghost! Don’t even try to lie about it!”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about it then huh? Why do I have to find this,” he shook the tee shirt in both his fists, a look borne of pure rage on his face, “In my fucking laundry for it to come up?” he demanded and he was right, sort of... I just hadn’t thought anything of it at the time.

  “I don’t know!” I screamed back, “I just didn’t think about it! I have a lot on my fucking mind lately Ghost! What do you want from me?”

  “I want what I’ve always wanted Shelly! I want you to be mine! Just mine! No other man’s!” he threw the tee shirt onto the floor.

  “Well we got a fucking problem there Ghost because you obviously haven’t been paying attention! Because I’m mine now! I gave myself to you, you insufferable ass, but apparently that isn’t enough!” I glared at him chest heaving.

  “Yeah, me and apparently Blue too! You just couldn’t keep your legs shut could you?” I gasped incredulous.

  “You know what? Just fuck you! Go to the club without me. I might not be here when you get back!” I glared at him, I knew I would be here. I knew deep down that as much as he was hurting me right now that I loved him and that I wanted this to work and that in order for it to work it would take work but I was hurt and mad and just wanted some time to breathe.

  “Fine, fuck, do whatever Shelly! You always fucking have!” He punched the door frame and left, went ou
t the kitchen door slamming it so hard I expected the window to break rather than just rattle in its glass. I dropped into the desk chair like a sack of stones and stared at the gray tee on the light cream carpet. Laying there like the dirty accusation it was. I hated to fucking cry but this was definitely the time and place for it. I scrubbed my face with my hands and took several deep breaths and tried to squash it down but couldn’t.

  Fuck Ghost! Fuck him six, seven, no, a million ways to Sunday! The son of a bitch! I put my hands over my lower stomach and really fucking prayed hard I wasn’t pregnant for the first time since we’d made love – no fucked without protection. I felt so fucking stupid for trusting him. It was about this point I couldn’t keep the flood waters back anymore and burst into noisy wracking sobs.

  Why did this shit always happen to me?

  Chapter 28

  Ghost…

  I’d fucking trusted her. Believed what she’d said, that she was mine and only mine. I pounded my fist into the steering wheel and cursed savagely. I went to the club. We were supposed to go together but she’d fucked that up. Couldn’t keep her fucking legs together. I felt sick, a small voice in the back of my head telling me, way to go asshole, what if she’s telling the truth? What if you just crucified Shelly for the sins of your exes all over again?

  I jerked the wheel of my pickup savagely and turned up into the MC’s lot in a wash of pinging gravel. I shut it off and got down, slamming the door behind me. I stood, chest heaving in anger and couldn’t tell you exactly who I was angry at, Shelly, Blue… or me.

  I strode across the lot past the line of bikes and an arm shot out from the dark and caught me by my jacket sleeve. I turned a black square of cloth thrust at me with white writing on it. I took it without thinking and looked stupidly down at my favorite Jack Daniels tee shirt and up into the crooked smile of Blue. He shrugged and I glared hard at him chest heaving.

  “Did you fuck her?” I demanded. His eyes got real wide and he put up his hands waving them.

  “Answer me you son of a bitch!” I screamed, “Did you fuck my woman?”

  “No man! I was bleeding like a son of a bitch and I was on watch!” he lifted his tee and there was a snowy white rectangle of gauze taped to his pale skin.

  “What’s going on?” Reaver asked from the club’s front door, Duracell right beside him. My stomach churned with acid and rage.

  “Found a shirt that wasn’t mine in the laundry,” I grunted. Reaver’s eyebrows went up.

  “And?”

  “It was mine,” Blue said and looked at Duracell, as if for help.

  “Yeah, you said you knocked on the door, Shelly patched you up and gave you coffee,” Blue nodded.

  “They watched The Expendables, she fell asleep in the recliner; he covered her up and rinsed the cups and put ‘em in the dishwasher. That’s all that happened man. He figured he’d give you your shirt the next time he saw you. Said to me you got a Hell of a woman. She’s smart and nice and funny,” I glared hard at the silent man who was wide eyed and nodding at everything Duracell was saying.

  “Where’s my cousin Ghost?” Reaver asked and everyone turned towards him. His voice held that hollow creepy as fuck tone that was scary with how calm it was, I swallowed, suddenly queasy.

  “Back at the house,” I answered.

  “Alone?” he demanded but it was too late, I was already climbing back into my truck.

  Shit, Blue had nothing but honesty shining out of his eyes when Duracell spoke, there’d been no lie there. She’d been telling the truth and I’d let my hang ups and past experiences rule the day. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Shelly’s number. It rang… and rang and rang and rang.

  “Hi this is Shelly, you know what to do, and if you don’t, well I can’t help you,” her voice sang out the next bit, “You’re retarded!” the message cut and the phone gave the tone signaling I should speak.

  “Shelly, Baby, I’m gonna call you again. Answer the phone, Princess. I’m a fucking fuck, just answer the phone, Babe, I owe you an apology.” I hung up and dialed again.

  “Hi this is Shelly, you know what to do…” I hung up and dialed yet again…

  “Hi this is Shelly…”

  “Fuuuuuuuuck!” I shouted and threw the damned phone into the passenger side floorboard. I cursed me and my god damned temper and drove, breaking every speed limit. I didn’t even care. I just needed to make it right.

  Chapter 29

  Shelly…

  I tried to be adult about this. Ghost was going to go to the club. He was going to get lit, stay out overnight and then come home tomorrow and we’d talk. Or not… I didn’t know. I got over my crying jag pretty quickly and went into the bathroom and splashed cool water on my face. I was red and blotchy and gross which made me sigh. We were both pigheaded on a good day, he’d told me more about his two ex’s, about how much it’d hurt, how much it’d ripped his guts out, their betrayal. I should have remembered about the damned shirt, now he was super upset and I felt super guilty for letting my smart mouth run unchecked yet again but at the same time, I was angry too!

  I went back into the office and sat down again. It felt as if I had been cracked wide open and everything that was me was spilling out onto the carpet in a horrible painful rush. I was so hurt and mad, and guilty and it was all very confusing and over the top of it all I kept trying to logically tell myself, it’s okay, this isn’t the end, he’ll come home and we’ll talk and we’ll figure this out… Because as douchey as his accusation had been, I understood. Didn’t I? I sat in silence as all of these thoughts and feelings agitated inside my skull, until my thoughts were interrupted by a tapping at the kitchen door.

  Ghost was my first thought but I hadn’t heard his truck and so with a sigh I resigned myself to the fact that this was likely a Sacred Heart on watch duty who had seen Ghost storm out or was sent over here when he’d gotten to the club all hot headed and was coming to check on me or get the full meal deal on what was up. I opened the door without checking. So stupid, so fucking stupid…

  “Its fine, I’m fine I…” my words died when I looked up at a tall, beefy motherfucker in a Suicide Kings cut.

  “Heard you like to fuck!” he said and I swung the door shut but it was too late. The door bounced off one of his boots and he reached for me. I barely dodged and didn’t quite make it because when he didn’t get me by the arm he lunged and did manage to get me by the back of my sweater. I shrieked as I was hauled back against a wall of muscle. I made another lunge to get away.

  “Woah, woah, woah! Where you going sweetheart? I want to play!” he pulled me back again and I struggled to get free of the sweater and just managed to do it, whipping around as I yanked my last hand free of the sleeve to put the kitchen counter between us. I ripped one of the knives from the butcher block and held it between us, but in my panic, I was holding it all wrong. I slashed at him and he bounded backwards. Laughing he taunted me.

  “Woo! Kitten has claws!” he laughed harder and I lunged again to go around him but he was ready. He caught me by the wrist and squeezed until my bones ground together and my hand popped open and the knife clattered to the floor. He backhanded me next and I saw stars and tasted blood and the world phased in and out for a second flashing photo negative, then positive; then negative again and suddenly I was face down over the kitchen counter.

  He held me, one meaty hand in the middle of my back, the stench of stale cigarettes, motor oil and sweat invading my nose and mouth, cloying and sickening as he struggled to keep me still and get my leggings down with one hand. I didn’t make it easy for him. I fought, hard but I had fought hard in the woods at Lake Eversong too and it had gotten me nowhere.

  Not again, not again, not again… was the mantra in my mind as he gripped the back of my head and reared me back. He slammed me face forward into the counter and blood spurted from my nose. I choked on the copper tang and gagged, trying to breathe around it. It didn’t stop me from fighting as much as he’d have liked becaus
e he pulled me up and bodily slammed my back against the counter.

  The guy was huge, like Trigger big! I didn’t stand a chance without some kind of weapon! He gripped me by the throat and I brought a knee to my chest and kicked out hard when he began to squeeze. My vision started going black and my kicking remained ineffective, my hand scrambled blindly over the edge of the counter at drawers as I choked and coughed and tried to get enough air. The drawer slid out I scrabbled around inside of it and my hand closed around the familiar grip of a gun.

  I found the trigger guard and got my finger in it and scrambled with my thumb for the safety and got that too. I brought it around shoved it in the dude’s face and the world exploded in sulphur and a riot of sound that left my ears ringing. He flew backwards off of me and partially took me with him. I slid off the counter, my back to the cupboards and fired over and over into his prone figure which was sprawled with half his face gone against the wall.

  I dropped the gun with a clatter to the linoleum next to me and chest hitching in these hiccupping sobs, I took a deep breath and screamed, long and loud, over and over even though I couldn’t hear it for the ringing in my ears. It just felt good to let it out. I howled my injustice and my triumph into the empty house and thanked god that the man who’d both picked me and broken my heart was a gun fanatic and that he kept one in almost every room of the house.

  I’d fought back this time. I’d won this time and I’d survived something awful again. Me. No one else. Just me… so why did I wish against wish that he’d just fucking killed me?

  I didn’t have long to ponder it because suddenly a pair of denim clad knees were skidding to a stop beside me, gentle hands were touching me, but I didn’t want to be touched! Not now! Not ever again! I batted at them, shrieking, shoving at them and wondered in my confused haze if I were being attacked again but then those hands gripped me firmly on either side of the head and his voice registered and I was staring into gravely concerned eyes the color of winter come to an end, the brown wreathed in the color of new spring leaves.