by P. G. Forte
Her head moved again. And then, when he didn’t respond immediately, her brow crinkled up into another frown. Her eyelids spasmed. Tears leaked from beneath them. “Se-ethh,” she whimpered.
Frightened, he snatched his hands away from her and clapped; quickly, tentatively, softly, a half dozen times. “Okay? Like that? Is that what you want?”
More tears slipped from her eyes. Her lip curved upward in a ghastly imitation of a smile. “M-mmore.”
“Okay,” he said, clapping again, sniffling back his own tears, keeping his eyes trained on her face. “Okay, I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t die on me, all right? Just hang on, Cara, just a little longer. Don’t die. Please don’t die.”
* * *
Time was passing. Sinead stood at the window watching the sky grow dark again, watching as the clouds moved in to cover the sun and obscure the moon. Nick was at it again, she supposed; lost in the darkness, reliving his fears. She wished she could think of some way to help him, but on the other hand, who was to say that the choice she’d made was any better?
She didn’t turn when she heard Lisa come up behind her, but she stopped just short of wishing her away. Annoying as the teenager was, Sinead wasn’t sure she could face being alone right now.
“Don’t even think it,” Lisa said. “This is my place and I’m not goin’ anywhere. But you can wish yourself away, if you want.”
“Not just yet,” Sinead answered.
Lisa sighed. “He only did what he thought was best, you know.”
Sinead nodded. “I know that. So why can’t he let it go? Why can’t he accept that he’s human, he’s not perfect, he’s not infallible, and just move on?”
There was another one of those pregnant pauses that Sinead was really growing to hate, and then Lisa sighed. “I wasn’t talking about Nick.”
Oh. Sinead nodded again. Right. Adam. Anger, hurt, betrayal – all the emotions she’d been able to forget for a while – surged to the fore again. “That’s completely different.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you loved him?”
“I did,” Sinead answered. Then she sighed and admitted the truth. “I do. But I can’t trust him.”
“What is it you’re really afraid of?” Lisa asked.
Sinead turned then, leaning her shoulder against the glass, crossing her arms. “I guess I’m afraid of what else he’s hiding, what else he’s lied about. I mean, how can we build a future if our past is based on lies? What will we end up with? How long can something like that survive? It’s a house of cards! And, sooner or later, it will all fall down. At least now–”
“At least now, you don’t have to be there to see it happen, right?” Lisa’s smile was wry and without warmth. “You don’t have to watch it fall apart, or wonder what you could have done to stop it. You don’t have to do anything. It’s not your fault. You’re dead.”
“It’s not that easy,” Sinead protested. “And who are you to judge, anyway? You don’t know what it’s like to love someone, to commit yourself to a marriage, to believe it can last forever; only to find forever is a couple of years. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. It was hell. And I won’t put myself through it again!”
Lisa nodded. “Okay, you’re right. Stay here. There’s a good plan. Make him suffer. Make him pay for all the mistakes that were made by all the other guys you’ve ever known. He’s a tough guy, he’s been through rougher times than this. I’m sure he can handle that. I’m sure that won’t feel at all like a betrayal to him. And, eventually, he’ll get over you. Or, maybe he won’t. But, hey, either way, at least you won’t suffer.”
“You don’t understand.” Tears filled Sinead eyes as she thought about Adam, alone and hurting. “I don’t want to hurt Adam. I don’t want him to be unhappy or sad. I just–”
“You just want to be happy, too?”
Sinead nodded. “Is that too much to ask for?”
“Nope.” Lisa shook her head. “But if that’s what you’re looking for, I don’t think you’re gonna find it here. Trust me. I’ve looked.”
“So, what do I do?”
Lisa shrugged. “Go back. You’ll have him, you’ll have your baby, and look, if the dude is really that stupid, if he doesn’t understand how friggin’ lucky he is that he didn’t lose you, or if he gives you any grief at all, then dump his ass. Break up with him. Leave.”
Sinead laughed at the girl’s naivete. Was I ever that young? “If I go back, I’m not going to leave him. I’m going to stay. I’ll probably marry him, if he still wants to. Don’t you get it? He’ll end up with everything he wanted – even though he lied and cheated and deceived me to get it. He’ll still win.”
“But you love him, right?” Lisa asked.
Sinead nodded reluctantly. “Yes.”
“And you love your baby?”
“Yes!”
“And you’ll have them both? You’ll have everything you wanted, too—just like he does?”
Another nod. “Yes.”
“So, now who’s the winner?”
“I guess.” Sinead sighed. “It’s just not the way I wanted it to be, that’s all.”
“Then make it what you want!” Lisa urged, stepping closer, close enough to lay a hand on Sinead’s arm, to stare into her eyes with fierce intensity. “This can be a fresh start – for all of you. A clean slate. With new ground rules and new stakes. Don’t you get it? You’re getting a second chance. Take it! Live!”
Sinead smiled and nodded, hurting for the girl who’d lost so much, who hadn’t gotten a second chance. “Okay. You’ve made your point. I’ll do it. There’s just one problem.”
“Problem?” Lisa frowned. “What problem? I see no problem.”
“I don’t know how to get back. What do I do, click my heels together, or something?”
Lisa grinned. “No, but hold that thought and, in a few years, I can promise your kid’s gonna love having you for a mom.”
I hope so, Sinead thought, swallowing more tears.
“Now, come on.” Lisa turned and pointed to a doorway Sinead hadn’t noticed before. It was just a door, nothing out of the ordinary, except for the bright, bright light that was spilling all around the edges.
“You’ve got to be kidding?” Sinead stared at the door, and then at Lisa. “What is this, ‘go into the light’? Are you serious?”
Lisa nodded. “Oh, yeah. It’s like most things. Always simpler than you think. Now get going. Oh, and, uh…yeah, there’s just one thing.” She shrugged sheepishly as she added. “Sorry about the headache.”
* * *
Adam was dozing in the chair by Sinead’s bed when a sound jolted him awake. As he opened his eyes, the low groan was repeated. “Sinead? Tesoro? Are you awake?”
“Owww, yes, I’m awake,” Sinead muttered, wincing slightly as she clutched her head. “Sorry about the headache? Jeez, could she have understated that a little more? Oh, my Gawd, that hurts.”
Adam grabbed for the buzzer to alert the nurse and then tried to take Sinead into his arms.
“No, Adam, stop,” she moaned. “Not now. I’m in too much pain.”
“I know. I know, I’m sorry,” Adam groaned, wishing he could do something to soothe her. He could, of course, but he wouldn’t. Never, ever again. So he contented himself with stroking her head, kissing her hand, almost weeping in relief, murmuring, “thank you, thank you, thank you,” over and over again.
He barely even noticed when the nurse came in answer to his summons. She checked on Sinead, asked a few questions, and left – gone to get the doctor, Adam supposed, steeling himself for the inevitable invasion of medical personnel, for being shunted aside again. It didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.
“Adam, listen to me, please!” Sinead grasped hold of his hand and tugged.
He raised his face, gazing at her, heart swelling with happiness. “Yes, beloved?”
Sinead blushed. For a moment she, too, seemed too overcome
for words. “Listen, you gotta get Scout. I need to talk to her.”
Scout? Adam blinked in surprise. What did she want with her? Shouldn’t she be asking about their baby? But he was not going to argue. Not now, not ever. Sinead could say or do anything she wanted, anything, at all. “Okay, I-I guess. Is there something you want me to tell her? She’s still with Nick, you know. I’m not sure she’ll leave him.”
“Well, she’d better,” Sinead answered. “If she wants him back, tell her to get her butt in here. Pronto.”
* * *
Liam felt his heart lodge in his throat when Chay stopped his car along a wide, tree-shaded street.
“Sorry,” Chay muttered. “Looks like this is as close as we can get.”
Liam nodded agreement. Yeah, he could see that. It looked like half the emergency vehicles in the county had been called in. He climbed slowly out of Chay’s car and looked at the house where all the activity seemed to be centered. The drive was full of vehicles, Cara’s car among them. The ME’s truck was pulled alongside it, but there was no ambulance. And for all the activity that seemed to be going on, there was none of the hurry that would have accompanied a situation in which there was any reason to hope.
“Aww, no,” he groaned as he died a little more inside. “No.” His knees gave way and he would have sunk to the ground, right there and then, if Chay hadn’t been there to prop him up.
“Come on,” Chay said, giving his back an encouraging pat. “Let’s go check it out. Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks.”
“Yeah, maybe it’s worse,” Liam muttered, although, really, he doubted it could be.
Revolving lights painted the scene with splashes of red and blue as they made their way through the crowd. No one challenged them or tried to stop them. Maybe it was because the other cops recognized him. Maybe it had something to do with Chay; he had the look of someone who knew he belonged. As though he had every right to be there, and wasn’t worried at all about that right being questioned.
“Look.” Chay pointed toward the house. “Over there. That your guy?”
Liam nodded. “Yeah, that’s him.” Seth was seated on a bench along the walkway, face buried in his hands, and in the low light his clothes looked like he’d been dipped in chocolate sauce. Liam knew better. The boy was flanked by two people who could only be his parents, as well as half a dozen cops whose names Liam probably could have recalled if he cared to think about it. He didn’t.
“Seth. Where’s Cara? What happened?” Liam demanded as he sank to a crouch in front of the teen. He ignored the others, only vaguely aware of Chay stepping up to run interference.
Seth raised a weary, blood smeared, tear stained face and looked at him. Blankly. Hopelessly. Sadly. “What?”
“Cara,” Liam repeated impatiently. “Where is she!”
“I don’t know.” Seth’s face crumpled. “She- she–” He broke off, glancing over his shoulder. “Dad?”
“Yep.” The older man Liam had already pegged as Seth’s father was there in an instant, bending over the boy, his face lined with concern. “I’m right here, Seth. What do you need?”
“Cara,” Seth answered, swallowing hard, gesturing aimlessly toward Liam. “She– Where’d they take her again?”
Seth’s father stroked his son’s head. “She’s gone to the hospital,” he told him, gently. “You did everything you could for her.”
Seth nodded, but fresh tears were already streaking down his cheeks and in another minute he was bawling in his father’s arms.
The hospital. Liam’s knees were shaking as he got slowly to his feet. He turned to Chay. But before he’d gotten a word out, the other man was nodding, eyes gleaming with sympathy.
“I know. I heard. Let’s go.”
Chapter Thirty Five
The right hand of the Lord has struck with power:
the right hand of the Lord has exalted me;
I shall not die, but live,
and declare the works of the Lord.
Offertory Prayer
For the Thursday in Holy Week
“What do you want, Sinead?” Scout asked trying her best to keep any trace of impatience out of her voice, as she was escorted into the room, and failing miserably, she thought. She took a deep breath and tried again. “What’s this about Nick?”
She was glad Sinead had pulled through. Really she was. She was happy and relieved for Adam, for the baby—for all of them, in fact. The last thing any of them needed right now was another senseless tragedy, and besides, she did not want to turn into the kind of person who was so immersed in her own bitterness that she begrudged everyone else their happiness. But, at the moment, it was really hard to not feel envious. Adam’s hand was at her back and that was pretty much the only thing keeping her from bolting right back to Nick’s room. She couldn’t stand the idea of being away from him – even this short distance, a few hundred yards down the hall – seemed beyond endurance. And every second she was away from her husband’s side was another chance to lose him.
“He’s in trouble,” Sinead replied looking ghastly – pale and drawn.
Just looking at her, Scout could feel her own head start to ache. She sighed. “You weren’t supposed to sit up so soon. Didn’t anyone explain that to you?”
Sinead gave her a look. “Gee, no. I guess I musta missed that part of the lecture.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you missed the whole last four days, too? I know Nick’s in trouble. And if that’s all you dragged me in here to say–”
“No.” Sinead started to shake her head and then stopped, wincing. “Look, Scout, you don’t know. But, I do. I’ve seen him. He’s stuck.”
“Stuck,” Scout repeated the word blankly. “Stuck how? What do you mean you’ve seen him?”
Sinead’s eyes slid toward Adam’s face. “You know about this stuff, so help me out. Where was I? When I was unconscious, I mean. Where was my soul?”
“Y-your soul?” Adam frowned, and any other time Scout would have laughed at the expression on his face. He was obviously trying hard to look thoughtful and wise, when all he was really feeling was confused.
“I was someplace between life and death,” Sinead continued. “Someplace where whatever you think about you can see, and whatever you imagine comes true.”
Adam’s eyes widened. “Sounds like the astral plane, I guess.”
“Yeah, well, whatever you call it, that’s where Nick is now.” Sinead’s gaze moved back toward Scout. “And you need to get there, somehow. You need to snap him out of his funk, before it’s too late.”
Scout felt lightheaded. But was it sudden hope, or cold dread, or sheer disbelief that was making her so dizzy? The astral plane? Sure, no problem. “Just how am I supposed to do that?” Actually, she had a pretty good idea how she might be able to do that, but—No. She couldn’t. She’d promised.
“I don’t know,” Sinead said. “Get together with Marsha, or something? She knows about this stuff, too, right?”
“I guess.” Scout nodded. She was sure Marsha would have ideas, as well. The same ideas as she had, probably. Which brought her back to the same problem. It would mean doing magic and she’d promised Nick she wouldn’t. “No, I can’t. Nick would hate it if I did anything like that.”
Sinead huffed out a sigh. “Well, someone has to do something, okay? And quick. He’s miserable there and, and... look, if he dies he’ll be stuck in that place. Forever. Or close to it, I think. And I don’t think we have much time, either. There was this girl there and she said it was gonna happen soon.”
Soon. “Wh-what’s gonna happen?” Scout asked, eyeing Sinead with caution. “And what girl?” An image had flashed into her mind at the mention of her – but Scout was certain that was just her imagination working overtime.
Sinead gazed at her sadly. “He’s going to die, Scout. I think this may be our only chance to save him.”
“No, he’s not,” Adam protested. “Don’t worry, Scout, we’ll figure something out. We’re not
gonna let him die.”
Scout nodded, ignoring her brother’s attempts at reassurance, focusing her attention on Sinead. “What girl? Tell me about her.” Maybe she was grasping at straws, or maybe she just needed to satisfy her suspicions. She was ready to try almost anything, at this point, but if she was going to break her promise to her husband while he was on his freakin’ deathbed, she’d need some kind of proof that she was doing the right thing. Otherwise, if she tried it and things went wrong—as they sometimes had a way of doing – she’d never be able to live with the guilt.
Sinead closed her eyes, as if to better remember. “I don’t know. She said she died when she was seventeen. So, maybe she was someone I knew back in high school? She says I know her, but I can’t remember. Lisa somebody. She was murdered. You’d think I’d remember something like that happening, though, wouldn’t you?”
“Maybe not,” Scout replied, just before her knees gave out.
Adam caught her beneath the elbows and pushed her into a chair. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Scout shook her head. Lisa. Her stepsister. Was it possible? “I have to go,” she murmured, standing up again. “I have to think. I-” I have to call Marsha. Marsha would know if it was really Lisa that Sinead had seen, and what it might mean if it was.
“I’ll go with you,” Adam said, but Scout could tell he was torn.
“No, you stay here,” she told him. Her thoughts were in a state of confusion right now, and she needed to be alone. “I’m okay.”
That was a lie, if I’ve ever told one, Scout thought as she hurried back down the hall toward Nick’s room. But maybe, just maybe, with a little luck and a lot of help, she could find a way to make it true.
* * *
Adam watched his sister go. It was certainly a night for surprises – morning now, actually, he thought as he glanced at his watch. Early morning, to be sure, but morning just the same, and the start of a brand new day. But just what kind of day it turned out to be, was not yet clear. He supposed he should be calling people – Sinead’s mother and sisters, for example –and letting them know she was going to be okay. But will you be okay, a voice inside his head whispered, and for that, he had no answer. He turned to stare at Sinead. She’d just advocated the use of magic. He wondered if she even realized what she’d done.
