No such luck. Laura squealed and they fell into a long hug. There was high pitched talk…stuff like, how have you been, haven’t seen you in forever, my gosh you look great, etc.
I took in the nice brickwork done by the stone masons who built her house until Laura finally tugged at my sleeve. “This is Sven!”
“Oh my gawd, Laura. He’s yummy!”
“Told ya!” Laura pushed me toward the leggy blonde and I was immediately embraced. I wasn’t sure what to do so I gently patted her back. “Sven, this is Helen. We’ve been friends since before college.”
“Nice to meet you.” I muttered, feeling my tongue slowly swell in my mouth.
She turned to Laura and gave her a look that I recognized but couldn’t put into words if I had to. Basically, it was this “oh my god” and “I could eat him alive” and “you lucky bitch” combined into one. Laura smiled even bigger and nodded. “I told ya!” she laughed again.
The two giggled and retreated into the house. I may be a vampire but I needed no invitation. I followed behind them. I was shocked at what a modern day coven consists of. A couple dozen soccer moms with designer clothes, more jewelry than a rapper, and better tits than a blue ribbon dairy herd. They all looked magazine fake with their perfect makeup and perky noses and nipples that pointed to the ceiling. Maybe it was a spell or some gross potion they took, but whatever it was, it was working. I bet there wasn’t an ounce of cellulite in the entire room. Well, other than on me. I’m telling ya, my ass is really starting to sag. Four centuries is hard on a fella…don’t judge! I have a mirror in my shower room.
Anyway, the hens cackled and I imagined that this is what an upscale PTA meeting might be like. They were all different but all flawlessly gorgeous. And I bet they were married to wealthy jackasses who all looked like Ken dolls and had about as much balls.
After a half hour or more of pleasantries and hors d’oeuvres, Laura finally turned to Helen and handed her the list. “Do you think the girls can help with this?”
She snatched the paper and ran a perfectly manicured finger down it. “Oh, sweetie, we use shit like this on the weekends to cast spells for baked goods.” She paused at one spot and shook her head. “Oh…now this might be problematic.” She turned and addressed the ladies assembled in the room. “Ladies! Ladies. Attention please. Does anybody have any Hawkweed? Snowdonia Hawkweed, people.”
There was a slight murmuring and the shaking of heads. Finally a tall Asian beauty stepped forward. She sighed heavily. “I might have some tucked away.” She gave me a stare that would have knocked a hole in the wall if she had missed me with it. “What would you want that for?”
I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to speak but Laura beat me to it. “Sven is a vampire and he’s recently learned that his god threw his soul out of Valhalla. We need it to reunite his soul with his body.”
There was a murmur and a few “poor things” and “what a shames” amongst those collected and the Asian eyed Laura carefully. She finally blew out a long breath and nodded. “I don’t have much, but what I have is yours.”
“Thank you Celeste.” Helen was gracious. I was still in shock that so much sex appeal could be collected in one room without a very expensive case of wine and a personal appearance by Fabio. Maybe I was in the wrong business. “Okay ladies, here’s the list. Gather what you have and let’s get this party started.”
I turned a nervous eye to Laura. “What party? I thought we were just collecting this crap so we could do this at home.”
Laura shook her head. “This is out of our depth. We should leave it to the professionals.” Her voice was low and she hid her face from the others.
“They may look like high end professionals, but–”
“Sven! Do you want to keep yourself…intact?” She punched me in the arm. Hard.
Have I told you how hard a Were can punch? It HURTS. I tried to suck it up, but I think she knew. She didn’t apologize, but she rubbed the spot as she continued. “They’ve cast hundreds, if not thousands, of spells over the centuries. Trust me on this.”
Centuries? I glanced around at all of the cheekbones and perfectly balanced ballast. “You reckon any of those spells was to make them look so…perfect?”
Laura hiked a brow at me. “Perfect?”
I nodded, not realizing I had just stepped in it. “You know, perky boobs, pointy noses, bodies built just for fuc–” I hoped I had caught myself in time though I usually don’t. I saw that look in her eyes.
I don’t think I did. Her face was turning this pretty shade of red that meant I was in trouble.
“You think they all look ‘fuckable?”
I shook my head but my mouth betrayed me. “Yes.” I really need to have a come to Jesus meeting with my mouth.
“If I were you, I’d choose my words more carefully.” I felt her grip my testicles and she squeezed ever so slightly.
My throat constricted at about the same rate as my asshole. I doubled over and suddenly she and I were face to face. “I didn’t mean that I wanted to…er, well…”
“Go ahead. Say it, Sven. I double dog dare ya.”
I shook my head. “I’m just saying…maybe they cast a spell to make themselves look pretty. Not…not as pretty as you, of course, but, you know, passable.”
“Glamour. It’s called a glamour spell.” She released my nards and I nearly fell to my knees. My balls were quite thankful she didn’t squeeze any harder. So was I. At least me and one body part were on the same page.
Stupid mouth. This was all his fault.
Laura gave me a long, hard look and stepped away. “But for your information, no, they didn’t. They really are this beautiful.”
I nodded enthusiastically. “No wonder you’re such good friends with them, you know, birds of a feather.”
It was too little too late. She didn’t buy a word of it. I’m not sure why. Laura really is that good looking. I mean it. She’s a sexy beast and I would be proud to be seen with her anywhere. But there’s a difference in real beauty and this artificial attractiveness that I saw with her friends. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but they seemed fake, too perfect. From the top of their perfectly coifed hair to the bottoms of their designer shoes. I was betting there wasn’t anything “real” about any of them.
I didn’t want to say anything though. One of these women was going to be in bed with me tonight, a vulnerable spot to be in; the rest were the women who were about to try to call my soul home and shove it where it belongs; also a vulnerable position.
Ooh…I just had a horrible thought. If left to Laura’s decision right about now, I have a pretty good idea exactly where they would shove my soul. Not a pleasant idea. Shake it from my head, shake it from my head, shake it from…
“Okay ladies, be back in twenty minutes!” Helen walked by and rubbed my back. “I saw what she did. You poor baby.”
I gave her a double take and she nodded at me. “I can kiss it and make it all better. I promise.”
I was in mid head shake when she kissed the tip of her finger and barely touched my groin. I mean, okay, she touched my jeans, but it was where my groin is. As soon as she touched me, I shit you not, the pain went away.
Don’t misunderstand. Yes, I’m a vampire. I heal quickly. And since I’ve eaten a Nephilim and an angel, I heal almost instantly. But crush a man’s nards and, well, that takes a little longer to get back from; there’s a kind of “phantom pain.” But from the moment she touched them…poof! The relief was instant. I mean, like it never happened. Not that I wanted Laura to know that her bestie just kissed my nards and made them all better. That could get me made into a eunuch. And there’s no coming back from that.
Helen gave me a wink then turned and walked into her kitchen. Laura was already in there pouring another goblet of wine. “That is some man you have out there.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” She still sounded pissed.
Helen poured a glass of wine then began digging through her cabin
ets. I stepped into the kitchen gingerly and watched the pair. Helen was tiptoeing and reaching deep into the back of a top cabinet. Yes, I noticed her body. I decided it was…too perfect. I preferred Laura’s form. She may have short legs, but they’re thick. I mean…muscular. She has cheerleader legs. And an athletic body. Helen and her friends were all long and lanky. Sticks with tits and ass stuck on. Laura, on the other hand…oh crap. There’s that look again.
My hands went instantly to my nards and cupped them protectively. Laura’s gaze could have cut glass and when I turned to Helen again to ask her something, she was bent over, straight legged, her short dress riding up as she dug through a bottom cabinet. I swallowed hard and looked away.
Laura hopped down from the island and marched toward me. I knew I was about to get it with both barrels and my hands reacted before my brain could engage. I grabbed her by both sides of her face, pulled her close, and gave her the deepest, most passionate kiss I could muster.
I have no earthly idea why I did that or how my body knew to do it, but I felt her suddenly relax in my grip. When she began kissing me back I knew I was safe again. The kiss seemed to last forever. I had this vision of her and me standing in front of an arch, the entire scene covered in white flowers. She was dressed in a white lace dress and wore a crown of the same daisy-like flowers. There was a man standing in front of us and we were kissing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear we just got married.
When I finally pulled away from her, she was panting and her eyes were closed. “I love you, Laura.”
It was barely a whisper but she heard me. She smiled ever so slowly and when she opened her eyes, she was barely breathing. “Did you see what I just saw?”
I played dumb. “What did you see?”
“White flowers. They were everywhere.” She closed her eyes again and inhaled deeply. “I can almost smell them.”
I smiled and leaned down again. I kissed the tip of her nose and nodded. “Yeah. I saw it, too.”
She practically melted in my arms. She finally opened her eyes and her smiled deepened. “I love you, too.”
I realized right then…that was the first time we’d ever said those particular words. When I heard it from her, it made my insides flutter. I gazed at her and was almost upset when Helen’s voice intruded on our moment.
“Oh my god. If my man ever kissed me like that, I’d absofuckinglutley melt where I stood.”
I turned to her and suddenly she wasn’t so beautiful. I mean, she still looked the same, but the spell, for me, anyway, was broken. I think she noticed that I noticed because her face registered a moment of shock then the patina of perfection reappeared.
“What just happened?” I muttered.
Laura, who was still swaying in my arms smiled broadly. “You just told me that you loved me.”
“I do love you. I mean what just happened here?”
Helen seemed nervous as she went about digging through her things. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Leave it to me to ruin a perfect moment.”
I shook my head and lifted Laura up to a fully erect position. “No. I mean with you.”
Laura was thoroughly confused. “What do you mean?”
I pointed to Helen. “Her. She knows what I mean.”
Helen stiffened then turned and gave us her best painted smile. “You weren’t supposed to be able to see past it.”
“Past what?” Laura gave her a confused stare.
“A glamour spell.”
Laura gasped and turned to me. “You were right.”
“I just never expected that many ‘perfect’ women in one room. That’s all.”
Helen cleared her throat. “That’s just it. We aren’t perfect. But we cast a glamour to make us appear that way to men. It’s just a little game we play; you wouldn’t believe how many free lattes we get.” She tried to make it a joke but cast her eyes downward. “I could see it on your face the moment you saw through it.”
Laura cupped my face. “I’m sorry I crunched your nuts.”
It was my turn to be confused. “Huh?”
She chuckled and stuffed her face into my shirt. “Women can’t see the glamour. Now I feel like shit.”
I was lost. Like, completely lost. The two of them had to explain it to me. Apparently, once a glamour is cast, only the opposite sex is affected, or, well, a mutually attracted party. Laura saw her and her coven as she had always known them. Yes, they were still attractive women, but not the airbrushed magazine cover perfect, coifed, perky versions that they became under the “glamour.” About the time that I concluded that I saw through it because my love for Laura was pure, Helen explained that just isn’t the case.
Stupid me for thinking that.
“There’s more to you than meets the eye, Mr. Vampire.”
I really wanted to be a smart ass and tell her, “you got that right” and cup my junk. After Laura’s attempt at juicing the twins I thought better of it. “How do you mean?”
“The glamour we cast is supposed to be foolproof.”
I looked to Laura and smiled. “She thinks I’m a pretty exceptional fool.” That went over like a fart in church.
“I meant, nobody should have been able to see through it. Unless...are you a witch? A wizard? A warlock perhaps?”
I shook my head. “Not that I know of; although, Atlantis exists, apparently.”
She walked slowly around me and the closer she got, the more I could see through her glamour. She was still kind of pretty, but nothing like she appeared from a distance. No offense, but whereas earlier I thought Laura wasn’t in their league, I realized as soon as I saw through her spell that Laura had Helen beat hands down. My girl was way hotter. This time I knew better than to say it out loud. This witch and her witchy friends were supposed to reunite my soul with my body. There was no way I was going to screw that up. Not on purpose, anyway.
“No, there’s something…different about you.” She continued to walk around me slowly. “You are much more than you appear.”
I shrugged but I’ll admit I was a bit nervous under this scrutiny. These women could get saint’s blood for crying out loud. “Umm…maybe the fact that I’m the only known daywalker?”
She shook her head. “Oh, no. It’s something else.”
“He did eat an angel once,” Laura added.
I nodded, not realizing how stupid I must have looked. “And a Nephilim.”
Helen nodded. “That’s how you became a daywalker.”
I gave Laura a confused look. “That makes sense to you?”
Helen laughed. It was one of those laughs that were real and came from deep inside. “Oh yeah. I know all about that one.” She paused and ran a nail across my chest. Surprisingly, it didn’t turn me on in the slightest, in fact it gave me the creeps. “I’ve never met a real vampire, but I’ve heard of the whole Nephilim thing before. It’s in the ancient writings.”
I nodded. “Gotcha. So, other vampires probably know this then.”
Helen shook her head. “Not unless they were witches before they were turned. And even then, they’d need access to the Alexandria papers.”
I hiked a brow. “Alex who?”
She smiled again only this time it didn’t reach her eyes. It actually made my skin crawl a little. “The Alexandria papers. From the Library of Alexandria. It was burned a long time ago. Very few of us have access.”
“Ah,” I nodded. Don’t know why. It made no sense to me.
“No. Something tells me you’ve been eating something else.” She spun and practically climbed up my front. “Eat any gods lately?”
Now she had my attention.
Chapter 7
What in the name of Odin would make her ask that? And how could she have known?
“Excuse me?” It was all I could think to ask.
She gave me another cat that ate the canary smile. “You heard me, Northman. Have you eaten any gods lately?”
Laura peeled her off of me and stepped betwee
n us. “Why would you ask that?”
Helen leaned against the counter. She just dropped the whole glamour thing and I could see her as she really was. Saggy boobs. Cellulite on her inner thighs. Crow’s feet around her eyes. Still not ugly, but definitely not the vision of perfection I had seen earlier.
“I can smell it on him now.” She pointed at me and shook her head. “He’s been eating more than angels and…Werecats.”
It took me a moment to realize what she had just implied. “Now hold on just a–”
Laura interrupted me before I could say something I might regret. Just one more reason I loved that woman. “Hang on Helen. Explain what you’re saying.”
Helen laughed and turned back to the herbs and other whatnots she had pulled from her cabinets. “The only way he could see past this glamour is if he were a woman, a witch, or had the blood of a god coursing through his veins.” She glanced over her shoulder. “He’s been eating gods, hasn’t he?”
Laura gave me a dour look and I shrugged. I mouthed, tell her. I mean, she was about to see my soul. All naked and scared and alone. Part of me felt that she needed to know everything.
Laura cleared her throat and nodded. “Yeah. He may have taken a bite out of a certain lesser god recently.”
Helen laughed again and turned back to face us. “That is perfect. Absolutely perfect.”
I brightened. “Yeah? That will help you catch my soul and put it back?” That’s me, Mr. Tunnelvision.
She snorted and I knew that wasn’t what she was getting at. “No.”
“Oh.”
Laura stepped in front of her. “What are you getting at?”
Helen shook her head. “Somebody did a number on you, buddy.” She pulled a shot glass from her cabinet and wiggled her fingers over it, reciting something that I couldn’t make out or understand. She lifted the shot glass to her eye and studied me through it. “Oh, hell.”
“What do you see?” Laura asked, stepping beside her and reaching for the glass. She looked through it and blinked a few times. “I don’t see anything.”
Hunter 3 : Lost Souls Page 6
