by Joan Jonker
‘A slight problem, did yer say?’ Lizzie went into her dramatic pose. ‘Ay, missus, I’ll have yer know that your trap was the cause of me losing me modesty.’
George chortled. ‘What modesty was that, Lizzie?’
‘The modesty I would have had if it hadn’t been for that flaming trap!’ The sun was shining on Lizzie’s red hair, turning it into a golden glow, and bringing her freckles into prominence. ‘It was no joke, I was mortified.’ She grinned at him. ‘If yer don’t know what mortified means, George, look it up in the dictionary like I did.’
Brenda put her arms around her and gave her a hug. ‘Mortified or not, you are more than welcome. Now come in the house and have a cool drink of home-made lemonade. Then we’ll show you around the farm before Tom comes home for his dinner.’ She took Lizzie’s arm. ‘Tom warned me not to mention blue cotton knickers, but what’s a pair of knickers between friends, eh?’
‘Them’s my sentiments exactly, queen. We’d all be in Queer Street without them, walking around with bare backsides. I mean, how would I feel if I got run over by a tram and was taken to hospital with no knickers on? I wouldn’t be just mortified, I’d be bleedin’ mortified.’
After a cool drink and a sit-down, Brenda took them on a tour of the farm. And Lizzie, who’d never been near a live animal in her life, except for the moggy next door, was thrilled and excited about everything she saw. She even picked up the courage to stroke Goldie. But she gave the pigs a miss because as she said, they were dirty beggars and she couldn’t understand how Maddy and Tess could pick them up and pet them.
It was the pigs that started the laughter as they sat around the big farm kitchen table having their lunch. ‘I didn’t mind yer chickens so much, Gwen, ’cos they keep themselves pretty clean. But I have to say, Tom, those bleedin’ pigs are filthy buggers. What yer should do is put nappies on them. I mean, they don’t care where they do it, do they? Or who’s watching?’
Tom was tucking into a slice of home-made mince pie, and he nearly choked as a piece of meat went down the wrong way when he laughed. ‘You reckon that would be an improvement, do you, Lizzie?’
Lizzie’s eyes narrowed. ‘I’m not thinking straight, am I? Silly cow that I am, I forgot it would be Brenda what had to wash the nappies. No, yer best bet, Tom, is to put paper out for them to wipe their backsides on.’
Grace and Alan couldn’t take their eyes off Lizzie, they’d never known anyone like her. There was no swearing in their house, unless there was a catastrophe like the tractor breaking down, or their mam forgetting she had a batch of cakes in the oven and they were so burned they were only fit for the animals. It wasn’t that they’d never heard swear words, mind you, there were women in the village who could turn the air blue. But coming from Mrs Lizzie it was funny, because her face was doing contortions at the same time and you couldn’t help laughing.
‘Those pigs you’re talking about happen to be my friends, Mrs Lizzie,’ Tess said. ‘And they can’t help being dirty beggars.’
Her face dead serious, Lizzie held out her hands. ‘Yer mean I’m yer friend, and Curly and Pinky are yer friends too?’
The girl nodded. ‘Yes, you’re all my friends.’
‘That puts me in me place, doesn’t it? My feller’s always telling me I’ve come down in the world, but I didn’t think I’d come that far down. And I’ll tell yer what, queen, much as I want to be yer friend, ye’re not getting me in that sty while I’m wearing me best blue cotton knickers.’
Tom raised his brows before saying casually, ‘If yer want to see around all my fields, Lizzie, I could take you in the tractor, save you walking.’
‘Oh, that’s nice of yer, Tom!’ She missed the meaningful glances being exchanged and George’s look of apprehension. ‘Yeah, I’d like that. Will the others be walking behind?’
‘They’ll have to, because I can’t get them all on the tractor.’
Lizzie thought that was a splendid idea. She could act like Lady Muck, waving her hand to everyone. And when Tom said they could take photographs, well, there was no stopping her imagination from running riot.
‘Dad, could me and Tess have one taken standing on the tractor, with Mrs Lizzie behind the wheel?’ Alan asked. ‘That would be great!’
‘And me and Maddy, Dad?’ Grace was thinking it would be a miracle if Mrs Lizzie managed to get on the tractor, but in case she did, it would be nice to have a photograph to look back on. She’d left school now but hadn’t got a job yet. Not that she’d tried hard, she wanted to leave it until her friends from Liverpool had been.
‘What about little old me?’ Gwen asked. ‘I know I’m no oil painting, but I wouldn’t break yer camera.’
‘We’ll all get in on the act if Tom has no objection.’ George had very grave doubts that photographs would ever be taken of Lizzie on the tractor. The trap was bad enough, the tractor would be ten times worse. But it should be fun.
Lizzie eyed the tractor with a look that gave nothing away. ‘Is that it?’
‘Yes, you’ll have a good view sitting up there.’ Tom reached for the iron bar on the side of the machine and used it as a lever to pull himself on to the very high step. ‘You’ll like it up here, Lizzie, you can see for miles.’
Lizzie crooked her index finger and beckoned for him to lean closer. ‘Yer know what yer can do, Tom? Yer can sod off! I’d need a pair of wings to get up there and I’ve left mine at home on top of the wardrobe.’
‘You could do it, Lizzie, if you tried,’ George said. ‘I’ll give you a push from behind.’
‘Ay, buggerlugs, yer can just keep away from my behind. It’s private property that is.’ She could hear the giggles and laughter, and this made her determined to get on that bloody tractor if it killed her. ‘Come down, Tom.’
‘Ah, aren’t you going to join me? I was looking forward to seeing you sitting next to me.’ Tom jumped down with ease. He’d been driving a tractor since he was Alan’s age and it was second nature to him. ‘I am disappointed, Lizzie.’
‘Oh, I’m not going to disappoint yer, lad, just yer wait and see.’ Lizzie was dying to laugh, but she’d wait until she was perched up there looking down on them all, and then she’d laugh her bleedin’ head off. ‘Brenda, have yer got a stool I can borrow?’
Alan was quick to answer. ‘I’ll get it for you, Mrs Lizzie. Come on, Tess.’ The pair were back in less than a minute and the stool was put in front of Lizzie.
‘Now can yer all see that white cloud over there? Well I want yer all to line up on the other side of this bloody contraption, with yer backs to me, and keep looking at that cloud until I tell yer to turn round.’
As Gwen was to tell her husband that night, the next fifteen minutes were the funniest she’d ever known. They could hear Lizzie puffing and panting, and her language was colourful to say the least. First it was the bleedin’ stool wobbling, then her dress was too bleedin’ tight for her to bend her leg, and whoever made the bleedin’ tractor was tuppence short of a shilling and if she could get her hands on him she’d bleedin’ pulverise him.
When Brenda could stand it no longer, she put a finger to her lips to warn the others to be quiet and crept around the machine. She came back holding her tummy and saying, ‘You wouldn’t believe it. Her dress is around her waist, she’s sitting on the step so she can’t turn to get in the cab of the tractor, and the stool’s fallen over so she can’t get back out.’
‘Oh, the poor woman! I’m going to give her a hand.’ Gwen started to walk, while calling out, ‘It’s only me, Lizzie, and if ye’re shy, just remember yer’ve got nothing that I haven’t got.’
‘No need to, queen, I don’t need no help.’
They all turned around and their mouths gaped when they saw Lizzie sitting in the tractor, waving to them. And the smile on her face said it all: ‘There yer are now, clever buggers, yer can laugh the other side of yer faces now.’
‘How on earth did you manage it?’ Ann asked. ‘I never thought you’d make it in a mont
h of Sundays.’
‘I’d tell yer, queen, if there were no men here. But I can’t say in front of them that I took me knickers off and threw them over the steering wheel so I could pull meself around. Then I was able to kneel on the step and the rest was easy. But I won’t tell yer in case I embarrass the men.’
‘You’re not sitting on my seat without any knickers on, are you, Lizzie?’
‘Of course not, soft lad! I put them back on again, didn’t I? And the only one what saw me doing me contortionist act was a bleedin’ cow, and he ain’t going to tell no one.’
That episode was the start of a week of sunshine, laughter and friendships sealed. A week that everyone was sorry to see the end of.
George put the case down in the middle of the living room. ‘Well, home sweet home again. But what a marvellous holiday it’s been, eh?’
Ann put her arms around his waist. ‘Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.’
‘Mrs Lizzie didn’t half enjoy it,’ Tess said. ‘She’s coming again next year.’
‘It was even better than last year.’ Maddy was wishing the holiday was just beginning and they could go all through it again. ‘I can’t wait to tell James about it.’
‘I’ll be telling Jack,’ Tess said. ‘But not the part about the knickers.’
‘Theresa, I wish you wouldn’t be so friendly with Jack, he’s too old for you.’ Ann turned from her husband. ‘Besides, you know what a funny ossity his mother is. It’s not natural the way she behaves and I don’t want you getting too friendly with any of them.’
Tears were quick to sting the back of the girl’s eyes. She wanted to blurt out that the only thing wrong with the woman next door was that her heart had been broken. But she didn’t, because she’d made a promise. ‘Well I like Jack, he’s my friend and I’m going to keep on talking to him.’
‘All right, leave things be,’ George said. ‘We’ve just come back from a wonderful holiday and I don’t want to spoil the memory. If Tess wants to talk to the boy, and I see no harm in that, let her do so. And can we now close the subject, please?’
Tess tossed her head, that stubborn look on her face. If only Jack hadn’t asked her to make that pledge, everything would be different. Her mam and everyone in the street would understand and sympathise, and they’d go out of their way to be friends with the woman next door. Like she intended to do, no matter what anyone said.
Chapter Twenty-six
Maddy had been working in the shop for three months when Lily Green gave birth to a baby girl. And any hopes Ann had of getting her daughter to night school to prepare her for a better future went out of the window. Maddy loved her job from the first day she started. Although there was the odd customer who could be awkward, on the whole they were easy to serve, pleasant and always ready for a laugh. And she got on well with Bert, proud that he felt her capable of doing the job without him keeping an eye on her all the time. She looked forward to the tea breaks, when Lily would come down and they’d share a pot of tea and a gossip while sitting on the upturned orange box. The day the baby was born in the upstairs bedroom was the most exciting day of her life. Bert had been on edge for hours, as she herself had been, and when the midwife came down and said he was the father of a beautiful baby girl, he waltzed Maddy around the shop before flying up the stairs. When he came down he looked the happiest man in the world, and he told Maddy she could go up and see the baby, but only for a few minutes because Lily needed to sleep. The midwife let her hold the baby for a minute, and it was a wonderful feeling to look down on that tiny face, which was red and wrinkled but beautiful. And the girl fell in love with her. A very weak and tired Lily told her that they were going to have the baby christened Marie, and Maddy could come to the christening.
When she got home that night, all Maddy could talk about was the baby. And the family shared her pleasure and said they must buy a present for the new arrival. ‘I can’t wait to tell James,’ she said. ‘Fancy them letting me hold her!’ She saw James nearly every night, and he’d either come in and have a game of cards, or they’d go for a walk. He had asked if he could take her to the pictures, but Ann said she would prefer them to wait until her daughter was at least fifteen.
A few days after the baby was born, Tess had her own good news. The magazine which had printed her first short story was going to print the one about Mrs Lizzie and her talking rose. And once again they were going to pay Tess the handsome sum of five shillings. The day she found out about that, she was eager to tell Jack and waited for him to come home from work. He was pleased for her, she could see that, and she asked him to promise he’d tell his mother. Whether he did or not was hard to say, because Nellie’s attitude towards the girl was the same as it was to all her neighbours. She either ignored them completely, or was rude to them. She was never rude to Tess, but was never friendly either. Jack said his mam was over the moon for her, and that she must be very clever, but it was hard to believe he was telling the truth.
With only a few weeks to Christmas, Ann was keen to start buying clothes and presents for the girls and George. So, arm in arm with Dolly and Bridie, she set off for a visit to Paddy’s market. And true to form, Dolly’s gift for haggling with the stallholders not only gave them a good laugh but saved them money into the bargain.
‘It’s a genius yer are, me darlin’,’ Bridie said after buying three shirts at thruppence each less than the man was originally asking for them. She thought they were cheap to begin with and would have willingly handed over the money, but haggling was part of the fun for Dolly and she couldn’t resist. And she had an answer for everything. When the man on the stall asked if she’d like to take the eyes out of his head, she shook her head, saying she didn’t like the colour of them.
Ann had no money worries these days, with George being paid the wage he was on before the accident and the rent being six shillings a week less. And Maddy was bringing a few bob in now, which made a difference. But old habits die hard, and she was still practical with money, putting a few shillings aside each week. So she was able to splash out on skirts and blouses for the girls, and a shirt and pullover for her husband. Next week she’d buy herself something nice to wear over Christmas and start on the presents for her family and friends.
Feeling pleased with herself, and light in heart, she suggested, ‘How about me mugging you to a cup of tea in that café in Scotland Road?’
‘No, let’s go back to my place and we can sit and talk in peace over a cuppa.’ Dolly glanced around before adding, ‘Besides, I’m dying to go to the lavvy, I’ve been crossing me legs for the last half-hour.’
‘Same here,’ Bridie admitted. ‘It’s meself that’s getting desperate.’
So without more ado they left the market and sighed with relief when a tram came along handy. ‘You two go straight up,’ Ann said, as they stepped off the tram. ‘I’ll call into the corner shop and see if they’ve got any decent cakes in.’
‘Make mine a cream slice,’ Dolly called over her shoulder as she made good time up the street. ‘And Bridie as well.’
‘You’ll be lucky, they don’t get many cream cakes in,’ Ann shouted after them. ‘And I don’t fancy walking down to Sayer’s either, so you’ll have to make the best of what Bert’s got in.’
Maddy’s face lit up when she saw her mother carrying quite a few parcels. ‘Did you get what you wanted, Mam?’
‘Yes, I’m feeling quite chuffed with my little self. But don’t ask me what I’ve bought because I’m not going to tell you. Me and Bridie are going to Dolly’s for a cuppa, and I want to mug them to a nice cake. I suppose it’s too much to ask if you have three cream slices left?’
‘I know we haven’t got three slices left, but have a look for yourself, Mam. Unless Mr Green has sold any in the last ten minutes, we’ve got one slice, a cream bun and an éclair. Oh, and a few iced buns.’
‘I’ll take the three cream cakes, love, beggars can’t be choosers.’ While her daughter reached for a bag to put the cakes in, An
n crossed to the long counter where the shopkeeper was serving. ‘How’s the baby, Bert? Well, I hope?’
Bert included his customer in the conversation. ‘Ladies, she’s got a pair of lungs on her like nobody’s business. When she’s hungry or wants her nappy changing, she soon lets us know.’ All the love he had for the baby was there in his eyes to see. ‘She’s getting spoilt too, ’cos Lily spends most of the day nursing her.’
‘She’ll rue the day she did that,’ the customer said. ‘Once babies know they only have to cry to be picked up, yer’ll never have any peace.’
‘I’ve got a feeling Bert’s jealous because it’s not him nursing the baby.’
‘Ye’re right, Ann. I don’t get to spend much time with her because she’s usually been put in the cot by the time I close up in here. And Lily won’t let me disturb her.’ He grinned. ‘I’ve tried to get Lily to swap places so the baby gets to know me, but she’s not having any. I’ve told her the child will be growing up not knowing who her father is.’
Maddy came to stand beside him with the bag of cakes carefully balanced on her palm. ‘I think the baby takes after you, Mr Green. She’s got your colouring, and your nose.’
‘Then heaven help her,’ he laughed, ‘if she’s as ugly as me.’
‘She could do a lot worse,’ Ann said, putting the shopping on the floor between her feet so she could get to her purse. ‘How much do I owe, Madelaine?’
‘Sixpence, please, Mam.’
After passing the money over, Ann said, ‘Now let me get organised. They’ll have my guts for garters if I squash the cakes.’ After weighing up the problem, she put her handbag in the crook of her arm and the cakes in her hand, leaving one arm and hand free. ‘Madelaine, put some of the bags under my arm and the biggest one in my hand. And then be an angel and open the door for me.’
‘If you leave some here, Mam, I’ll bring them home with me, save you struggling.’
‘Not on your life! These won’t be seeing the light of day until Christmas morning. Now open the door, please.’ When she felt the bags were safe, she called, ‘Cheerio, Bert! Give Lily my kind regards.’
