by Daniels, J.
“He’s just afraid of falling for some chick and then getting crushed again,” she continues. “But he’s never admitted that to me. He acts as if Molly didn’t completely wreck him, but he didn’t see what I saw. That boy was destroyed.” We both chew up our mouthfuls, placing our chip bags on the coffee table when we are finish.
I am picking at the label on my beer bottle when I feel a pair of eyes on me. I look up and meet her beaming smile. “What?”
“You got naked in front of him last night, didn’t you?”
There’s the Tessa I know and love. I chuckle and shake my head. “No. I sent him a text that was meant for you.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and show it to her.
She arches her brow, reading over the text several times. “Damn. Well, that’s definitely one way to go about getting him out of the friend zone. How did he react to this?”
“How do you think he reacted to it?” I ask playfully. I scoot over next to her so that we can rest our heads against each other’s. Our legs are stretched out in front of us, our feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table. “You were right.”
“I usually am. But what exactly are you referring to?”
I sigh, pausing for dramatic effect. She bumps her knee against mine, indicating that she isn’t having my stalling tactics today. “I love him.” I actually feel my heart swell inside my chest when I admit it out loud. The butterflies that only Ben can evoke inside my stomach begin fluttering about in there. I feel my love for him streaming through me as if it runs through my veins. And I know without a doubt that I’ll love him fiercely and forever.
Her hand squeezes my knee. “Of course you do. And he loves you. It’s ridiculously obvious, and annoying now that I’m single.” She yawns at the end of her observation, prompting me to do the same at the sound of hers.
I want to believe Tessa. I want to believe what my own heart is telling me. But I’ll never be sure until he speaks those words to me himself. A part of me thinks I shouldn’t love him, but for completely different reasons than I’ve ever had before. I know how hard it’s going to be to leave him when I have to go back to Georgia. And leaving my heart here isn’t going to make it any easier. Maybe that’s why Ben hasn’t said those words to me, if he even feels them at all. Maybe he’s being sensible and keeping his heart out of this. But I want him to jump off that cliff after me. I want him to feel that rush and risk the pain because I’m willing to.
I’d risk it all.
**
“You know you’re best friends with someone when you’re willing to handcuff them, while they’re practically naked, and help them get ready for a sex fest with your brother,” Tessa says through a smile that I hear rather than see. I can’t see much of anything in the position I am currently in besides the headboard and the comforter. She fastens the handcuffs to my wrists, securing my arms behind my back. “This is nuts considering we don’t have a key for these. How fucked up would it be if he got held up at work and you had to stay like this for hours? Or days?”
Shit. I hadn’t thought about that. God, that would be awful. Not to mention embarrassing. I’m not sure how I’d manage to go to the bathroom like this. I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of the sliding glass door opening.
“Showtime,” Tessa says. “I’ll be heading out for a few hours. Try not to kill him.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. My entire body is buzzing with anticipation as she leaves the room, closing the door behind her. I hear muffled voices in the distance, laughing to myself at the speech Tessa rehearsed with me when I asked her to help me out tonight. Mia was not acting like herself today. She seemed a bit on edge and a little hostile. I had to restrain her. And then the kicker. She’s been a bad girl, Ben. A very bad girl. I would’ve loved to have seen her face when she delivered that line. And his for that matter. The floorboards in the hallway creak with his footsteps that inch closer until finally, the door swings open.
I can’t see him, but I can hear him clearly with the one ear that is facing the ceiling. I am kneeling on the edge of the bed, my body angled down and my cheek resting on the comforter. My wrists are bound behind my back and I’m only wearing a very skimpy pair of black panties. They barely cover anything and I might as well be naked right now. And by the sound of his heavy panting, he isn’t hating this surprise.
“Dear God. A man should be warned before he walks in on you like this. I almost came at the sight of you, baby.” He moves closer and places his hand on my lower back, running it up my spine. I whimper at his touch. It’s like fire melting ice. “My dirty girl looks absolutely stunning face down. And I bet you like this, don’t you? I bet you’re dripping right now.”
“Touch me and find out.”
His hand moves lower, teasing me between my legs. “Holy fuck,” he grunts, sliding my panties down to my knees. His fingers dip inside me, moving in a steady rhythm as I moan against his touch. His lips press against my back, licking and kissing my skin. “What do you want, angel? Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
“You, Ben. I want you.”
“And you’re going to get me, sweetheart. But I want you to be specific right now. Do you want me to make you come like this?”
I groan loudly into the mattress. Jesus. His fingers are like magic. I am certain he can get me off in two seconds with them if he wants to. But I know what he wants to hear and what I want him to give me. “I want you to do whatever you want with me. Take what you need and don’t hold back. This belongs to you.”
“Yes, baby.” He removes his fingers and the sound of him sucking on them nearly pushes me over the edge. And then I hear his belt loosening and I’m reminded of one more very important thing. This needs to be said before he uses my body for his own pleasure. This is my fantasy as much as it is his.
“Leave your uniform on.”
“Fuck yes.” The sound of a zipper lowering is the last noise I hear before he enters me. We both moan together, his louder than mine, as his hands grip my forearms. “Christ, you’re perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard.”
He moves in and out of me, taking what he needs. His power during sex is immeasurable. The way his grip tightens on me, the way his hips slam against my backside. He is fucking me with such force, such greedy need. And God, I want everything he is giving me. I want him to possess every inch of me. I am certain my body is specifically made for his pleasure and his for mine. Our sounds and his words to me ring out around us. He tells me how badly he wants me. How nothing has ever felt like this. And how he’ll never get enough. I feel everything he gives me and every word he speaks. This is what being in love feels like. Raw. Honest. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted, even in this vulnerable position. When he’s close to losing it, he presses his lips to my ear and his fingers find my clit. And when he tells me to fucking come, my body answers him immediately.
I’m panting into the comforter, trying to steady my breathing as he unfastens the handcuffs. But I know we’re not done. If I’ve learned anything from being with Ben, it’s that my insatiable hunger for him will always be met by his need for me. We’ll never be easily gratified when it comes to each other. Even after we’ve given every piece of ourselves, we’ll still want more. His hands massage my wrists, rubbing the life back into them as I turn over onto my back. My panties are finally removed and he tosses them somewhere off the bed. He pushes my one leg close to my body as he enters me, grinding his hips against mine.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he commands as his forehead beads up with sweat. He grips my other knee and pushes it against my chest, leaning his hard body into mine and stroking me deeper.
Even if I wanted to look away, which I don’t, let’s be clear about that, I doubt I’d be able to. Him fucking me in his uniform has gone way past any expectation I could’ve conjured up. I watch his eyes and the possessive gleam in them. The fullness of his mouth and how it stays slightly parted. The tease of his tongue as it licks the corner of his lips. My eyes dart u
p to his hair and I want to grab it, to pull it hard and bring his mouth down to me. To steal that tongue of his and hold it captive in my mouth and between my legs.
But it’s his eyes that command the most attention from me. He doesn’t just look at me like a man who as he so eloquently put it, is starved for my pussy. He looks at me like a man who would do anything for it. Who would do anything for me. It’s a look that would completely throw me off balance if I wasn’t prepared for it.
But I’m prepared.
“Talk to me.”
His lip twitches with that knowing smile of his and he slides out of me, grabbing me by my neck and sitting me up so we’re face to face. I’m pulled into his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist and he brings his mouth to mine. “And say what, angel? That I could kiss you for hours. That I love the taste of you on my tongue.” He licks along my bottom lip and I open up for him, allowing him the access we both want. He explores my mouth, breathing his fire into me and setting me ablaze from the inside out. And then he breaks our kiss and presses his lips to my ear, his hands holding me tightly against him. “You’re going to have to be specific. There are a lot of things I could say to you right now.” His voice is a low rumble, like thunder in the distance. He leans back and commands my attention with the storm in his eyes.
I shift in his lap so he brushes against my entrance. “I want all your words. I want to be filled with them so that when I go home, I’ll never forget how I made you feel.” I’m hovering over him, wet and ready when he grips my hips and prevents me from lowering myself onto him.
He brushes his lips along my jaw, nipping at my skin. “You are home,” he whispers. I lower my face into the crook of his neck, biting back the tears that sting my eyes. He strokes my hair with one hand, his other still firmly holding me above him. “I’ll always want this, Mia. I could have you every day for the rest of my life and I’d never get enough of you.”
“Me too,” I say, finally leaning back and letting him see my face. He reaches up and brushes the tear off my cheek with his thumb. A smile teases my lips and he gives me one in return. “Can I have it now?” I ask, shifting in his arms so he brushes against my clit. A gasp escapes my lips when he applies the slightest amount of pressure to my swollen sex.
“You want it?”
I nod, slowly, emphasizing my desire. He eases me down onto him, grunting when I’m fully seated. I let him take the lead, moving my hips in the rhythm he wants. He keeps his eyes on my mouth, a constant of his that I love. He isn’t ashamed about his obsession with certain parts of my body and I’ll gladly let him stare at me with that wild hunger of his. His one hand digs into my hip while the other pushes on the center of my back, arching me up so he can take my left breast into his mouth.
“Ben, my God.”
I watch him leave bite marks all over my chest, whimpering each time I feel his teeth graze my skin. He tilts my head, giving him access to my neck while his other hand grabs my ass and grinds me into him. I rake down his back through his shirt and he groans against my shoulder.
“Fuck. Get there, baby. I’m not coming without you.”
I rock harder into him. “Bite me.” His teeth skim over my shoulder and then I feel it. The sharp sting that pulls a gasp out of me like I’ve been starving for a breath. “Ben.” My orgasm knots in my stomach, radiating up to my chest and I grab his face and make him look at me. “Coming. Now.” I can barely get my words out as my climax takes over, burning me from the inside out. I fall around him, a pile of embers as he gives me his release.
My eyes are already closing when he positions me on the bed so my head can rest on a pillow. And the sensation of the bed dipping next to me and his lips on my forehead are the last thing I register before I slip into a dream.
**
I know I’m alone before I open my eyes. His body isn’t tangled with mine, his breath isn’t blowing on my skin, and I simply feel like a part of me is missing. I rub my face into the pillow before opening my eyes. And there, lying in the spot that belongs to Ben is a bouquet of sunflowers. I could cry right here. And I do.
He remembered.
Chapter Seventeen
Ben
She was perfect.
No other woman got to me the way Mia did. No other woman will ever know what I need without me having to ask for it. I want control but I also want her to take what’s hers. To tell me what she needs when I might hesitate to give it to her. To demand I fuck her harder, to bite her there, and to bare my soul to her.
And I almost said it.
I love you. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue but I swallowed them down.
I know she is waiting for my own admission before she gives me that heart of hers that she so fiercely protects. But once I have that last piece of her, I won’t be able to let her go. And how much of an asshole would I be if I asked her to choose between going back to Georgia to take care of her mother and having a life with me? Mia is mine, and she’ll be mine forever, but I can’t have her two hundred miles away from me. And my only other option is packing up my shit and moving to Georgia with her, but that means leaving Nolan behind. Because of my screwed up situation with Angie, I’ll never be able to take him with me. Which means that I am fucked.
Completely fucked.
Leaving her this morning was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She was an angel next to me, curling up against my body as if she couldn’t get close enough. I loved how our bodies sought each other’s even in sleep. We were completely intertwined, one entity instead of two. It was hard to tell where my body ended and hers began. And still, I needed her closer. I wanted her with me at all times. Every second I spent with Mia, I fell harder. And fuck, I wanted to fall. I wanted to risk everything for something so unpredictable. Something I didn’t quite understand. Loving her was wild and I wanted more of it. I wanted all of it.
Figure out your shit, Kelly. Then make her yours.
My post Mia mood was tainted by the day I was having. Everything seemed to be going to shit and to top it off; I had a partner that was suddenly into sharing his feelings with me. By midmorning, I was very aware of the reasoning behind my sister’s tears the other night. And I couldn’t tell what bothered Luke more. The fact that he got dumped, or the fact that he had no fucking clue as to why.
“It was completely out of nowhere,” he informs me for the hundredth time today as we patrol downtown Ruxton. No matter what topic I brought up or what the hell we were doing, Tessa crept into the conversation. I can’t say anything though. I did the same shit the other day when I couldn’t get my mind off Mia. “I know you really don’t care to know the details of my sex life.”
“No, but that’s never stopped you from sharing before.” In fact, he overshared most of the time. Luke didn’t have a filter when it came to his sex life, even when it involved my sister.
He exhales exhaustively, dropping his head back to the seat. “I just don’t get it. She was insatiable that night, and the next morning. I don’t think I have any semen left.”
“Jesus, man. I don’t want to know that shit.”
“Sorry. But what the fuck? She goes from not being able to get enough of me one minute to dumping my ass the next. And she didn’t even give me a reason. I could fucking work with a reason.” He starts scrolling through his phone, no doubt debating on sending her another pleading text message. I’ve had to stop him seven times already today from embarrassing himself.
“Do I need to throw that out the window?”
He shoves it back into his pocket with pure aggravation. “She didn’t say anything to you?”
He was in deep. I knew Luke was infatuated with Tessa, but I hadn’t realized until today that he was in love with her. I don’t think he knows that though, and if he does, I doubt he’ll admit it. Especially after getting dumped for the first time in his life. I turn the receiver volume up on the radio before answering. “No, in the ten minutes it’s been since you last asked me that same question, she hasn’t
said anything to me. The only thing I know is that she looked really upset.” I begin tailing a car that is going twelve over the speed limit. I’d normally let it go if we weren’t currently in a school zone and I wasn’t in a shit mood. Having a kid has made me stricter on certain things, and the asshole in front of me picked the wrong day to go a little heavy on the gas. We’ve already ticketed nine people today, all of whom decided it was in their best interest to give me an attitude. And once you argue over a driving violation with me, I’m not giving you a fucking warning.
Luke grips the back of his neck with both hands. “God damn it. How the fuck am I supposed to fix this if she won’t even talk to me?” He turns the laptop toward him and begins looking up the license plate information. I flip on the lights and the driver pulls over onto the shoulder, barely leaving me enough room to get behind him. That just annoys me further. “I’m not okay with being dumped without knowing what the hell I did wrong. If she doesn’t talk to me soon, I’m going to go fucking crazy.”
I grab the bottom of the mount that holds the laptop and turn it so I can see it. “Give me the fucking thing. Do you realize you just looked up my sister’s information in here, dick?”
Luke leans over, looking at the screen that displays every past address and speeding ticket Tessa’s ever had. He flinches before falling back into his seat. “Fuck me. I’m in deep, man.”
“No, you’re in love, asshole.”
And when he doesn’t argue with me, I don’t feel the need to say anything more. He’ll have a hard enough time dealing with that realization himself without me fueling the fire. But I do owe it to him to at least try and get some information out of Tessa. And I silently vow to do that.
I didn’t dare mention my sister’s name again while we finished patrolling. Luke had dropped all conversation involving her after he looked to see if she had a record accidently. And I wasn’t a glutton for punishment, so my conversations with him stayed as far away from that topic as possible. I didn’t even mention Mia because I knew that would just trigger him. And not talking about Mia was more difficult than I had anticipated.
