by Sunniva Dee
A twinge of hurt runs through his gaze, though we both know I’m right. When Gramps got sick, I was old enough to console Grandma. I helped her with the funeral arrangements while Alan roamed Indian ports. The Philippines. Alaska.
My poor grandmother. I’m the only one she can rely on, and that’s how it’s been since my grandfather died.
“Well, I’m here now,” he says. “And as opposed to your mother, I’m done messing around.”
“You’re bringing her up?” I shake my head, incredulous. My runaway mother gave birth to me at eighteen, and her first and only maternal act was to dump me with her folks as soon as I was born.
Alan has the decency to look contrite. “Guess she’s on my mind. She checked in about ‘her inheritance’ again the other day.”
Over the years, I can count on one hand the times I’ve seen her scrawny, haggard self. She means nothing to me, just as I mean nothing to her. “Did you tell her she still has a mother? That no one will be doling out money any time soon?”
“Yep.” Alan’s voice is soft when he reverts back to our earlier conversation. “Think about what you’re suggesting, Dominic. Even if you moved back in with your grandmother, you couldn’t be with her day and night.
“I’ve researched the assisted living facility. Visited. It’s a beautiful and safe community where everyone has their own bungalow apartment. The tenants even share a swimming pool.”
“Oh, my, a swimming pool?” I use my fingers to screw the corners of my lips up in a fake smile. “Gee, why didn’t you say so earlier? Sure as hell makes up for lost, um, freedom!”
I can’t believe that someone with a loving mother who’s taken care of them their whole lives can be so callous. The anger boils in me, but I don’t have time to rant on before he speaks again.
“One of Mom’s childhood friends, Shirley McIntosh, moved in two months ago. I haven’t told Mom yet, but she’s been having the same problems as Mom, with a… spotted memory. She loves being there.”
“Says who? Her kids who don’t give a damn?”
“Oh, they care all right. This place isn’t cheap. Even with the insurance, there’s a good chunk to pay on top.” He pulls in a deep breath. His shoulders heave upward, giving off every sign that he’s about to say something I won’t like. “Dominic, Mom’s on the waitlist there.”
“What?” I get out of my seat so fast the chair tumbles backward and crashes to the floor. “You put her on a waitlist without even consulting me?”
The memory of her all dolled up flashes over my inner screen. Judging by her clothes last night, she must have been on her way to attend an elegant party, or the theater, but by the time we found her, she’d transformed into a five-year-old. As if Alan remembers too, he replies.
“Please. She got up during the night, Dominic—she’s not safe here anymore. This is not a rebuke, but even you didn’t hear her leave. They have twenty-four-hour care at Sunrise, and—”
“Sunrise?” I bark. “More like Sundown!”
“Let’s just check it out, okay? Yes, Mom’s on the list, but I won’t do this without your consent, son. Because you’re right—you are the one who’s always been there for her. Just keep in mind that we can’t afford an in-home caregiver twenty-four seven, while with Dad’s retirement plan, we have an in with Sunrise.”
“Enough, Alan. I’ll work more, send money for a nurse,” I say, my brain overloading with the notion. By now, I realize that I’m dreaming: how the hell can I work more and still graduate this year? I’m already at Elysium every spare hour I have. “I—fuck!”
Alan rises from his chair. He’s always been this remote, silent, uncaring figure in my life, and yet here he is, placing a strong hand on my neck. “We’ll figure this out, son,” he says gruffly. “We’ll figure this out.”
Dominic’s been gone for weeks, and I don’t answer his calls. Still, he never leaves twenty-four hours between trying. He must be psychic, because when the phone rings, it’s always seconds before I do something stupid.
In those moments, my phone goes off with “Perfect,” some song I Googled drunk one night just for the title. Now, the ringtone screams from my purse, causing Leon’s eyes to narrow into a squint.
“Dominic?” he asks like he doesn’t know.
“What’s it to you?” I ask back, eyeing the belt he just pulled off his black Levi’s. A silky lock of hair, so much softer than Leon will ever be, sways down, landing over one of his eyebrows. Everything about Leon is lovely, except…
Him.
Those beautiful lips I’ve learned the texture of. Smooth, supple, demanding. I seek them when I can’t stand myself anymore.
Like now.
They lift into a secretive smile, his pupils dilating with pleasure at my cold reply.
We both ignore the sound of my phone until it dies.
“Took you days to come back this time,” he informs me. The buckle remains in his fist as he whips the belt into the air and lets it hit his palm with a whack.
Since I saw the rapid flick of his hand, I don’t flinch. I might not have jumped anyway, because my instincts tell me not to show fear with Leon. “I was busy,” I say while he arches his brows.
“Too busy for me?” His voice is liquid silk, igniting me, pebbling my nipples. My body automatically prepares for pain and ecstasy. It’s as confused as I am.
I’m sitting on the edge of his bed. Tonight, he didn’t wait until after closing time to bring me upstairs. The music drums into the soles of my feet, and outside his window the crowd yells and laughs from the line. Leon has drawn the curtains, though, shutting us into our own, strange world.
“Are you ready to play?” he asks flicking his palm with the belt again.
“Definitely not the way you have in mind,” I reply. “I knew you were nuts, but really, macho-boy?” I roll my eyes even though my heart tries to leap out of my chest. How many times over the last month have I come here only to think, What is wrong with me?
Leon curls his digits around the belt and caresses the length of it as if it’s something else entirely. Those bright blue eyes travel the same path as his hands, a small smile crooking his lips at my reaction.
“You misunderstand, Pandora. Look at this cute wrist.” He hunches down in front of me, grasps my arm, and holds it up between us. With a swift, circular move, he’s got the belt tightened around my wrist.
Satisfied with his handiwork, he hoists my hand up by the belt, stretching me toward the ceiling, and gives me a once-over that starts at my fingertips and ends at my cleavage. “Now, how much prettier would you look tied to my bedpost?”
“Yeah, not gonna happen. But! We can strap you down instead. I won’t lie and tell you it’d turn me on, though,” I quip.
“Hot damn, Pandora,” he growls, pushing me down onto my back. Leon hikes me up on the bed and crawls up over me, belt forgotten. “You’re so fucking sassy, I want to make you scream.”
Pressing my shoulders into the mattress, he bites into my lip. I’m desperately trying to control my pulse. The adrenaline rages through my veins, urging me to get the hell away from him, but I stay. I stay.
“Get rid of the belt,” I mumble against his mouth, because I can’t reach it myself. Leon has me pinned to the bed. He rises up on one arm to do as I ask, causing the pressure of his hips to drive me down with renewed force.
Leon controls me. I can’t do anything—act on any of my impulses when he traps me like this. It’s great. Awful. Terrifying.
I swallow.
The belt buckle hits the floor with a metallic clang as he presses his crotch against my core. “You been good lately, Pandora?”
At his question, my reality shoots through me in a ribbon of gritty truths.
No. I haven’t been good.
We’re in December. My grades are dismal, but I fend Dad off with half-truths about delayed assignments and projects delivered in late. Once graded, they’ll change my GPA drastically, I told him, and he must have believed me; I got a
way with a warning instead of a visit.
“Mmm… not really,” I pant.
Since I stopped taking Dominic’s calls, I’ve attended classes every other day at the most. On the opposite days, I oversleep because I party—or because my insomnia keeps me awake. The only thing I don’t slack on is my workout regimen and the massage sessions with Dominic’s classmate, Amber.
Mom nags, wanting me to change to a certified physiotherapy practice, but Dominic was right; Amber is excellent. Almost as great as him.
“Yeah? How are classes going?” Leon husks out like he’s talking dirty. I wish I didn’t want to tell him, but I do—I need to confess.
“I’m failing,” I whisper as his fingers dig into the hem of my pants and tug downward in short, insistent jerks. He groans once I’m bare from the waist down, his hand digging in between us. He finds me there, moist, ready.
“You’re the worst student,” he whispers back, his other hand moving up to touch my face, gather my hair into a firm grip. His eyes are approving—oh, yes, he enjoys this.
Leon makes quick work of his own clothes. His gaze reverts to arctic as he surveys me from above, but he doesn’t hide the desire flickering behind the ice. “Shit, you’re such a mess, Pandora.”
When he sinks down over me again, his body is strong, so hard he stirs the panic in me. If Leon’s power went to his head, if he lost control over his impulses, I wouldn’t be able to defend myself.
“Don’t hurt me,” I breathe and claw into his shoulders when he pushes into me.
Yes, every apartment is in fact one story. In rows of eight, they attach to each other in a bright white pattern I imagine would look like fallen dominoes from above. The flowerbeds angling their stout corners reveal a mixed level of attention from the residents—some appear well kept and ready for spring, others unassuming and overgrown—the way you’d find in any neighborhood.
Inside, the wooden floor has seen better days. It needs lacquer, wax, or whatever they use to make them shine. The small den gives way into a cozy kitchen, the two rooms only separated by a low breakfast counter meant to accommodate even wheelchair users.
I sweep the space with my eyes and stop at the far, right wall, where an archway opens into a short corridor.
“More than one bedroom?” I ask my uncle curtly. No way I’m showing him that I’m impressed so far.
“Yeah.” He nods. I look away as he tips his chin up, prouder than he should be. Alan needs to wipe the grin off his face, because he sure as hell didn’t build this glorified compound.
The office lady bustles into the hallway, waving us through. “Here’s the bathroom, and every apartment contains an oversized shower.” She pats a plastic contraption with steel armrests. “Of course we remove these shower chairs to give more space for residents who don’t need them, but if your mother, for instance, does at some point, we’ll reinstall it, of course.
“We’ve had an influx of apartments opening up recently, so your mother has moved up the list. I believe she’s number two now!”
I flick a glance at my uncle to check if I’m the only one who finds our hostess overly pumped. Sunrise is the last stop for Christ’s sake, and here she is, breaking into a huge, genuine smile and baring a row of gleaming teeth at us.
Sure, the place seems perfect what with the two bedrooms and allowance for overnight guests, but I can’t get over how the former tenant in this very apartment just fucking died. Ha, the sudden “influx of open apartments” is all due to people croaking, I bet. Or they get towed off to the hospital. Hospice…
Jesus.
“Miss Shirley lives two doors down,” the office lady chirps. “She’s pretty excited about the prospect of having Miss Pearl in the vicinity.”
I whip around to stare Alan down. He looks guilty. “What? I had to tell Mom’s friend something when I came to check out her place.”
I shake my head, disgusted. Grandma doesn’t even know we’re here.
“Let’s move on to the commons area, shall we? I’ll show you the swimming pool, the gym, and the dining hall for those who prefer not to cook,” she sings out.
The gym?
On the way back to Grandma’s, I text Pandora. I’m dying to talk with her, but she never answers my calls anymore.
Hi, babe, I type, using my endearment for her. She hasn’t complained about that in a while.
I don’t get a reply, so I check my watch. Ten p.m. Deepsilver time. It’s Thursday on the week before finals, and I really hope she’s in, studying. Fifteen minutes pass, and she still hasn’t replied. I stare at the screen, ignoring the quick looks Alan sends me from the driver’s seat.
From our conversations over the last months, I know Pandora is smart and can handle the workload, but she has too many issues—too much going on. To be honest, I worry that she’s at Smother. Which would mean she’s given up on getting good grades.
Shit, I wish I were in Deepsilver. I force away the memory of the little lady’s chat with me weeks ago. At the moment, the urge to do what she suggested overwhelms me.
Alan clears his throat in his stiff way. “Son,” he begins, “what’s going on—is this still about your grandma?”
Awesome. Observant Uncle pops his head out of the sand for the second time. I groan out loud in defeat; what the hell, I might as well chuck up my concerns. After all, he’s not the type to dig deep and become all philosophical or anything.
“Nope, it isn’t. I’m dating—or on-and-off seeing—this girl in Deepsilver. She’s way too young, too gorgeous, and too messed up, and I’m sure she’s up to no good while I’m gone,” I tell him.
That oughta shut him up.
Alan pulls into Grandma’s driveway and stops the car.
“What makes you think she’s up to no good?” he asks.
I groan again. So much for shutting him up.
“Because she’s not texting me back, and she doesn’t want to talk with me on the phone. Pandora parties nonstop, and when I’m around, I save her ass from trouble—even from inadvertently hurting herself all the fucking time.”
Now, that shuts him up.
My uncle frowns, trying to fathom the extent of what I’m saying. “So… why’re you thinking about her if she has no redeeming qualities?”
“No, Alan, she has tons of them. Pandora’s beautiful, fucking sexy as hell; she’s sassy, sweet, kind, genuine, and we—sorta clicked the first night we met. The crazy thing is, I make her feel better, and I love that.”
Alan scratches his head at the last part. He’s right—I’m not making sense. What, am I scripting a Lifetime movie?
I chuckle dryly and answer his unspoken question. “Dude, I know, but she’s got Scheuermann’s. Pandora doesn’t take care of herself, which jeopardizes the health of her spine. I’m her only therapist in Deepsilver—”
“Ah.” This Alan understands. “Right, you’re the one who can relieve her pain.” He says it like I’m the inventor of a new pickup trick.
“Yeah, neat little idea I had,” I jest, but Alan nods solemnly, taking notes.
“Well, here’s the deal, son,” he begins, clearing his throat, and I get the hunch he might be gearing up for a life lesson he wasn’t around to give me while I grew up. “You either take action or you don’t.”
I wait, sure there’s more coming. After a moment, I turn to look at him, and Alan swings toward me as well. He blinks, staring back. Then, he punctuates his words with a swift bob of his head.
“True,” I say.
His hand lands on my shoulder. “Son. I’m glad we had this chat.”
Alan follows me inside for a minute, and we wave goodbye to the neighbor I asked to “pay Grandma a visit” while we were out. Honestly, her on-and-off moments lucidity-wise seem to have no rhyme or reason. Which is why I’m still in Stowden, why I’m finishing up this semester long-distance—and why I let my uncle talk me into checking out Sunrise today.
Grandma’s watching an old rerun of the Muppet Show. She belly-laughs, and Al
an shakes his head on his way out again. He’s heading off to a couple of rescheduled appointments at what he calls “the shop.”
“Can you handle this, son?” he asks, brown eyes pinching with concern at the corners. Wow. My uncle is so different lately. Finally grew up, maybe?
“Sure, she’s happy, at least,” I assure him. As I say the words, she bursts out laughing, not giving the darndest that we’re back. In this mood, she’s not running to our rescue with drinks and questions regarding food choices.
I call Christian first. He doesn’t pick up. Not that I’d expected it, what with him working and Smother being famously loud. I try Shannon even though she’s probably right next to him.
“Hello?” she answers, and I’m so fucking relieved, it’s ridiculous. I should call her more often. Surely, she’ll give me a straight answer about Pandora.
“Shannon? Hi, it’s Dominic.”
“Oh, geez—um, what are you up to?” she asks, buying time. My chest constricts, and I realize how not up for small talk I am.
“Same old. How’s Pandora?”
Shannon’s answer takes too long in coming. “She’s… good.”
“Really, Shannon? How about you pass on a couple more details?” I’m losing my cool already, which isn’t the best tactic. Then again, I have no tactic.
Shannon exhales into the receiver, loud enough for me to hear. “Dominic, I’m about to pull up to the bar—”
“Is she with you? Can you put her on?” I’m pathetic, but the thought of Pandora sitting next to her causes my heart to bang against my ribs. I want to touch her, even if it were just to run my fingers over her spine, double check those knots, and verify that Amber’s been doing a good job.
“No, she’s already at Smother,” Shannon mumbles, and I’m sure she’s hiding something.
“Shouldn’t you girls be studying instead of going out?”
“Yeah, most of us are. I’m running in to hug my boyfriend, whom I’ve barely seen all week.” She turns off the radio to hear me better.
