I rarely talked about my mom. Mostly because it caused this strange pressure in my chest that I didn’t like, but also because I didn’t think it was anyone’s damn business. It was different with Patience. She wasn’t being a nosey bitch. She was just making conversation.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She looked over at me with a wounded look in her eyes. “My mom’s dying.”
I didn’t say anything. There’s not really much you can say to something like that and even if there was, I wasn’t the kind of guy who’d say it. Instead, I looked away.
“I don’t know why I said that,” she mumbled. “It’s actually the first time I’ve said it out loud. I’m sorry.”
When I looked back up at her, her bottom lip trembled and the strange pressure that I hated so much when I talked about my mom seeped into my chest.
“Don’t apologize,” I said as I stood up. I needed to move. I needed to do anything that would make the pressure in my chest go away. She stood up next to me and looked back at me with those big blue eyes. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
I reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She jerked at the contact and then her body relaxed.
“Thanks,” she said as she started to walk next to me to my car.
“No worries, you’ll owe me one,” I grinned over at her.
I’m not sure what made me tell Zeke my mom was dying. Even saying the words made me feel sick, but we were having an honest moment and I wanted him to know I sort of understood his pain. I’d seen the look in his eyes when he said his mom was dead and it had been like a punch to the ribs to see such a hard, carefree guy show so much pain in that brief moment.
Being around Zeke was like watching a movie on a broken TV and having the screen blink on and off. Every now and again, I got to see brief flickers of the real him and I had to admit, I really liked those brief moments. More than I should.
We didn’t say much on the drive to my house and he even stopped and pulled over before getting to my house without me saying so. I appreciated him doing that.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?” I said, before I got out of the car.
“It’s a date.” He grinned over at me.
I popped open the car door and got out. I shut the heavy door and turned to walk away.
“Hey, snowflake,” he called out. I turned back around and leaned into the car window. I was starting to like my nickname, although I’d never admit it to him.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about your mom. I’m an asshole, but even I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on someone.” He looked uncomfortable with his confession.
I nodded my understanding and stepped away from the car. I stood there as he drove off. His car stood out in the upscale neighborhood. It wasn’t often a car with a mismatched hood and smoking tailpipe drove through here, but truth be told, I was even starting to like his car. It suited him somehow.
Once he was out of sight, I turned and jogged the rest of the way home. After my shower and visit with my mom, Syd and I watched a movie in my bed. She fell asleep halfway through and I didn’t wake her. I turned off the TV, got under my comforter with her, and then got another amazing night of sleep.
Thankfully, Megan’s car was back on the road and she was able to pick me up for school the next morning. I was told to stay away from her, but Dad was already gone before she got there. I’d have to make arrangements for her to pick me up at the stop sign near my house. She’d question it, but I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.
I was never so happy to see her jerk into my driveway. I hated riding the bus full of staring freshmen and sticky seats with gum on them. It was disgusting and I prayed I’d never have to do it again. Still, it was better than riding with my dad or driving the car that was supposed to be mine.
“I’ve missed you, chick. Anything new going on? How’s the voluntary community service going?” She laughed.
I immediately thought of Zeke and how glad I was that I’d decided to volunteer. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was starting to like him. Nothing could ever come from it because I was a total mental head case, but still, it was nice to think I was capable of liking a guy. It gave me a tiny spark of hope and I wanted to latch on to that hope and water it and load it down with sunlight so it could grow.
“What is that look about?” she asked with wide eyes.
“What look?”
“Oh my God, don’t even try to play me! I’ve seen that look before, just never on you.” She giggled. “So, spill it, woman! Who’s the guy?”
I tried to school my face, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the smile to go down. I tried to smooth the sides of my mouth down with my fingers, but still the goofy smile remained.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I looked out the window since I couldn’t keep a straight face.
“Oh come on, Pay. As women it’s our job to talk about boys. Tell me about him. Anyone I know?” She tapped her fingernails on the steering wheel.
“Okay, so you have to swear not to say anything.” I sighed.
Her eyes lit up at the prospect of some juicy gossip.
“I swear I won’t.” She turned into the school parking lot and barely missed another car. They blew their horn at us and Megan flipped them off.
After I unlatched my hand from the dash, I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. This was the first time I’d ever confessed being in like with someone.
“So, you know I’ve spent the last few days at the Boy’s Club with Zeke,” I started.
“Oh my God, did you and Zeke make pre-babies?” Her eyes were so big I was afraid they were going to pop out of her head.
“Did me and Zeke what?” I’d never heard anything of the sort.
“You know! Did you guys bump uglies? As in, did you have sex?” She was motioning with her hands for me to hurry up and tell her.
“God, no! Geez, Megan. What I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, is he’s been taking me home afterward and I don’t know… I guess I kind of like him.” My face felt like it was about to combust.
“Well, of course you like him, Pay. He’s hotter than hell. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he’s amazing with a guitar, which has to mean he’s good with his fingers, but you know me. I have a thing for tattoos and rock stars. I didn’t think you did, though. I’ve never even heard you say a guy was cute before. Honestly, I was starting to think you were into girls.” She shrugged.
“I am not into girls.”
“Hey, no hate over here. You know I don’t care about shit like that.” She held up her hands palms out. “But I just figured…”
“Yeah, well, you figured wrong.” I jumped out of the car and started toward the school. Within seconds, Megan was right beside me.
“So, Zeke, like, talks to you? Because Chet says he’s not much of a talker.”
I laughed thinking about all the stuff that came out of his mouth.
“Yeah, he talks some. He’d never admit it, but he’s not a bad guy.”
“Tell that to all the girls he’s left behind. Although, it’s not like they didn’t know any better. Chet says Zeke is pretty upfront about only wanting one-night stands.” She waved at some guy as we walked by.
“Yeah, that sounds about right. I don’t know. We’ve only talked a little. I’m not, like, in love with him or anything. I was just saying I like him.” I instantly started to worry that Megan would tell Chet and then Chet would tell Zeke.
Oh my God, he’d never let me live that one down. This whole talking about boys thing was new for me and I didn’t know if I could trust Megan to keep her trap shut.
“Listen, Megan, please don’t say anything to Chet, okay?”
“Cross my heart, hope to die!” she shouted across the hallway to me.
We parted ways as she went to her homeroom and I went to mine.
After a long, exhausting day of school, I went to pra
ctice and sweated my ass off. We played a scrimmage to get ready for Saturday’s game and I left practice with twelve goals. Damn, I loved playing soccer.
Since Megan was spending more and more time with Chet, I had Casey take me to the Boy’s Club after practice again. It worked since it was on the way to her house. When I went inside the gym, I was met with Zeke showing Alex how to play the guitar again, but this time it was a bigger guitar they practiced on. It had to be Zeke’s and I thought it was sweet he would let some kid touch his guitar.
“Sounds good, Alex,” I said as I walked up and ruffled his hair.
He smiled up at me as he picked slowly at the guitar.
I sat across from them and Zeke looked up at me. I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back.
Great! We were going to pretend we didn’t have a nice talk the day before.
He shifted his hair out of his eyes and looked away as he helped Alex. I took the time to take a good look at him. He was tall. At least six-one, and even though he said he’d never played any sports, he had an excellent body. I remembered the day he took his shirt off because he smelled like smoke. His chest and arms were so beautiful and his tattoos were amazing. I even had a little shock at seeing one of his nipples was pierced. I didn’t even know men did that and I liked it, but those tattoos were like living art on his skin. I’d give just about anything to take his shirt off and get a good look at them again.
Without realizing I was staring at him, he bit down on his lip ring and then licked his bottom lip. I didn’t know much about being turned on by a guy. I only knew what Megan and other girls said, but I was almost positive that’s what was happening. I couldn’t look away from him, his dark hair that hung into his face and those full lips he was constantly biting and licking. Everything about him was dark, yet there was a tiny light inside of him that flashed on occasionally, and as sad as it sounded, I was willing to sit in the darkness and wait for that brief bright moment.
They were playing a different song today and I sat and listened as Zeke patiently showed Alex the right chords. Finally, he sent Alex to go play ball with the other boys and I watched as he played. His guitar was nothing like the little beige one that kid had brought to the gym. His was much bigger and it was a darker wood. There was writing on it that I couldn’t make out so I leaned in to get a better look. He looked up at me and stopped playing.
“Wanna give it another try?” He turned his guitar toward me.
“Sure.” I smiled.
He handed me the guitar and it wasn’t as heavy as it looked, but it was way bigger than the other and was hard to hold. I strained to hold it up and he laughed softly.
“Whatever you do, please don’t drop it.” He flashed me a genuine smile.
I liked it when he smiled at me.
“I won’t. This doesn’t look like the one you play on stage.”
“It’s not. That one’s an acoustic. It was my first one. The one I play with the band is more expensive and a different kind, but it’s nice to know you pay such close attention to me when I’m on stage.”
I didn’t respond to that. I just fiddled with his guitar. Except, instead of trying to play anything, I turned it over so I could read what was written on it.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I noticed the writing and I want to see what it says,” I said as I leaned down and tried to read it.
I’d taken my hair down, so it slipped in my face while I was looking down. I looked up when I felt his fingers sifting through my hair as he tucked it behind my ear. He met my stare before quickly looking away. It was then I realized that I didn’t turn away from his touch. I didn’t even jerk. It was a revelation for me.
He ran his finger across the guitar.
“All these are quotes my mother wrote on my guitar when she was sick. Things that she thought were insightful. See right here…” He pointed to a different spot. “That’s her signature.”
There was softness in his voice that I’d never heard before. Not that we were together all the time or anything, but Zeke was just naturally a hard guy. Hearing him speak so softly was kind of strange. Somehow, I knew I was getting another rare glimpse and I soaked it up.
“So this guitar means a lot to you, then? I mean, more than the one you play with the band?” I asked.
“This guitar is my most prized possession,” he said as he ran his finger down the length of it. He shook off his emotional moment. “So if you break it, I might have to kill you,” he joked.
“Thanks for the warning.” I laughed.
“I always give fair warning to my females.” He winked.
“Your females? I’m not your female.”
“No, but you want to be.” He lifted a challenging brow.
In the back of my head I feared Megan had already opened her big mouth. I didn’t respond. Instead, I placed my fingers on the strings and strummed it. Again, it sounded awful, and again, he touched my fingers to position them. This time I didn’t freak out inside. This time I didn’t want to run away. Instead, I enjoyed the feel of another person’s hands on mine. It was nice to be touched by someone other than my mom or Syd.
I liked it when he touched me and I didn’t want him to stop. The strangest part was I felt guilty for liking it. It was like I was dishonoring the broken parts of myself for enjoying being touched when, after so many years of my life, being touched by a male was a bad thing. There were still alarms going off in different parts of my body, but Zeke made me ignore those alarms. No, Zeke made me run through and smash all the alarms with a baseball bat.
After our hour was up, we left the gym and walked into the evening breeze. I stopped at the edge of the curb and he continued to walk to his car. When he realized I wasn’t walking with him, he turned around with a confused look on his face and came back over to me.
“Aren’t you coming?” he asked.
“Oh, no. Megan’s car is back on the road and she should be here any minute to pick me up.”
His expression seemed to drop a bit and I relished in the fact that he might want me in his car as bad as I wanted to be there.
“Are you sure? I’m already here and I don’t mind. Just text Megan and tell her I got you.”
“Are you sure? It’s way out of your way,” I asked as I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
I hoped he was sure. I wanted him to take me home so badly. I enjoyed that twenty minutes of being alone with him.
“How else am I going to get you alone?” He grinned.
“Do you want to get me alone?” The minute the words left my mouth, I wished I could reel them back in.
Was I flirting? It surely sounded like flirting when I played it back in my head, but I didn’t flirt… like, ever.
“I most definitely want to get you alone,” he said as he reached up and ran a finger down my cheek.
I knew in the back of my head I shouldn’t put much stock into his words. I’d heard the stories about the kind of guy Zeke was, but it was so hard not melt when he seemed so convincing.
“Then let’s go.” I shyly smiled back at him.
I texted Megan as I walked behind him to his car. Once we were in, he started the loud engine and pulled out of the parking lot.
“So, how about we go somewhere fun?” he asked.
It was unexpected and since I didn’t want to go straight home, I was ecstatic when he said those words.
“Um… hold that thought.” I pulled out my phone again.
I sent Syd a text making sure she wasn’t alone. Once she texted back and confirmed that Lynn and Patricia were still around, I felt better about staying out later than usual. I knew there’d be hell to pay when I got home, but there was always hell to pay. I might as well enjoy myself while I was free.
“Okay, I’m all yours.” I smiled up at him.
“I like the sound of that,” he said. The side of his mouth tilted up in a sexy grin.
I didn’t mean it that way, but I didn’t feel like correcting him.
“So, where are we going?” I asked.
“I thought you could come hang out with me at Finn’s house for a bit.”
It was then that I remembered I was in sweaty practice clothes.
“But look at me. I can’t go around people like this.” I motioned to my clothes and hair.
“What’s wrong with how you look?” he asked.
“Um… I have on sweaty clothes and I look like ass.”
He laughed.
“You should know, I think those cute little, gym shorts you run around in are sexy as fuck.” He looked over at me and lifted a brow.
I could feel the heat in my cheeks and instead of responding, I looked out the window to hide my blush.
When we pulled up to Finn’s house, I was surprised by the amount of people there on a weeknight. Didn’t these people have jobs or go to school? They were lounging around his garage and the inside of the place smelled like it was on fire. It wasn’t until I saw the guy across the room smoking a joint that I realized what the smell was.
“Patience? What the hell are you doing here?” Megan ran up to me with a big smile.
“Um… I’m with Zeke. What are you doing here?”
She flashed me a big, goofy grin and pointed across the garage to Chet. He threw up a hand and I waved back.
Megan’s eyes got large as she looked behind me, and then I felt arms come around me. I stiffened and was about to claw the arms like a wildcat until I heard Zeke speak. Just that fast, I felt calm. If anything alarmed me, it was the fact that I was okay with him touching me after a short amount of time. You’d think that after almost ten years of abuse, it would take me forever to become comfortable with someone, especially a guy.
“Do you play cards?” he whispered in my ear.
My entire body lit up with goose bumps and I shivered. His throaty chuckle sent his breath across my cheek.
“Sure.”
He nodded at Megan and she had a big grin on her face as she backed away and walked back over to Chet. Zeke reached down, grabbed my hand, and then tugged me over to a small card table.
“Spades?” he asked as he straddled a chair next to the table.
Get Rocked Page 10
