I wasn’t sure what was happening. I just knew I liked it, and by the glazed look in her eyes when she opened them, I could tell she liked it, too. I moved closer to her and she didn’t move away. She felt amazing. I set the sugar bag on the counter beside me as I slipped my arms around her tiny waist. I’d never been nervous with a girl before, but Faith wasn’t like any other girl I’d spent time with. She was better than them—so much better, as in she was too good for me.
She swallowed hard and licked her lips and I was gone from that point on. As if magnetized, I was being pulled into her for a kiss. Her lips and eyes begged for it. I slipped my fingers into her thick hair and pulled her face closer to mine.
My lips were barely touching hers when the door opened. We pulled apart quicker than I thought was possible and started awkwardly cleaning up the mess we’d caused. My heart was still beating funny even though we weren’t close anymore.
“What the devil happened in here?” her dad asked from the door.
“We accidently spilled some,” she said with her head down.
I instantly missed the playful girl from minutes before. I hated what happened to her in the presence of her dad, which only added to my hatred for him.
I couldn’t believe what had almost happened. I couldn’t believe how badly I wanted something as simple as a kiss from her. My thoughts were a mess. I didn’t even respond to the pastor when he asked what happened. Instead, like some shy punk, I put my head down and kept cleaning.
“Well, let James clean it. There’s someone here that wants to meet you.” He held the door open and waited for her.
I hated the name James. The fact that he insisted on calling me that after I’d asked him to call me Finn enraged me, and I knew my anger stemmed from his treatment of Faith more than what he called me.
Faith smiled shyly up at me before she stepped away and out of the room. I didn’t miss the smug smile on the pastor’s face as he shut the door behind them and shut me out.
Finn. He was doing something to me. Since we’d started hanging out so much, I’d never felt so alive. I’d never secretly smiled to myself so much. Smiling wasn’t something I did often, and since I’d met him I couldn’t seem to stop. I felt like I was breathing a little easier, looking at the sun a little differently.
I wasn’t out painting the town red or doing any drugs; I was just being around him, and it was amazing. He made me laugh until I cried and was probably the sweetest guy I’d ever had the privilege to meet, even though he’d never admit it. Not that I’d met a lot of guys, but there was just something about him—something special.
It was more than his baby-blue eyes that seemed to see right through me or his dimples that I was almost positive he reserved just for me. It was more than his looks, period. He made me feel different. Like I was just finding myself and living for the first time ever.
I couldn’t believe he was about to kiss me in the church kitchen. I’d never been kissed before and, honestly, kissing had always kind of grossed me out, but the thought of feeling those full lips against mine made my stomach tighten in a way it never had before and gave me a breathless dizzy feeling. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.
I was still feeling high off him when I came face to face with a family I’d never met before. I barely had time to collect my thoughts before my dad was introducing me to them. They’d just moved to town and were thinking of joining our church. My dad told me their names, but my ears were still foggy and I missed it. Still, I reached out my hand to the mother and smiled sweetly.
“And this is Stephen, their son. The Petersons were just telling me that Stephen’s the same age as you, Faith. Isn’t that nice?”
I looked over at Stephen. He was on the shorter side with cropped auburn hair and freckles across his cheeks and nose. When he smiled at me, his teeth were covered in metal, but still, he had a very nice smile. He was khaki covered like me, but instead of feeling comfortable with him, I instantly hated the dreariness of his whole look.
It was even becoming harder for me to put on my boring skirts in the morning. I knew in the back of my head that it had to do with Finn and his comfortable jeans and colorful band shirts, but I didn’t care. He was showing me a thing or two about being comfortable in my own skin, and the prudish cover I’d been wearing my entire life had never felt more restricting.
“It’s nice to meet you, Faith. That’s such a beautiful name,” he said boldly.
I felt my cheeks turn hot as I looked over at my father and waited for the angry look on his face that was always there when Finn said nice things to me… except, there was only a happy smile on his lips.
I didn’t understand it. Daddy had never liked me being around boys, yet here he was introducing me to one and smiling happily as the boy complimented me.
“Thank you,” I whispered softly.
“That’s such a nice thing to say, Stephen. You know, since you’re new in town, maybe you and Faith should catch a movie or something. Maybe she can show you around town and get you familiar with the place before you start your new school on Monday. How’s that sound, kids?” my father said proudly.
My jaw almost hit the floor. My dad was definitely having a midlife something. Perhaps he was in the middle of a stroke and the side effects hadn’t starting showing, because my dad would never say such a thing. He’d never be okay with me going anywhere with anyone besides him and my mom. The idea of him allowing me to go on a date with a boy wasn’t something I’d ever thought would happen.
I looked back over at Stephen and he blushed brightly and smiled over at me.
“I think that sounds like fun. Do you want to go to a movie with me, Faith?” he asked.
I looked around at our parents, who were all full of smiles and crazy eyes. I needed to run to the bathroom and pinch myself. My occasional bathroom breakdowns had stopped, thanks to Finn, but I definitely needed a hard pinch or a nice slap across the face to fetch me back to reality.
I stood there with my mouth gapped open as everyone stared at me and waited for a response. Part of me wanted to say no. I didn’t know this boy from Adam and he looked about as boring as I felt, but then again, what were the chances of my dad practically pushing me out the door and to the movies with some boy? I had to take what I could get, I guess. At least that way I’d have a moment to breathe some fresh air outside of school, home, and church.
I looked over at my dad and asked his permission with my eyes. He smiled down at me and shook his head yes.
“Okay,” I squeaked.
The whole time all I could think about was Finn and how much I wished it were him I was going to the movies with. I really had to stop thinking about Finn so much. Yeah, it looked as if he was about to kiss me not ten minutes ago, but I had to face facts, and the fact was I wasn’t even close to the kind of girl Finn would want. We were friends. I had to really stop thinking that sometimes when he looked at me there was more than friendship in his eyes.
After agreeing to my first date ever and watching as our parents made the arrangements, I stopped by the bathroom at church and splashed some cold water over my cheeks. They still felt warm from Finn’s touch and the last thing I needed to do was go back in the kitchen with hot, embarrassed cheeks and make our friendship uncomfortable.
When I got back to the kitchen, Finn was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. He hadn’t heard me come in and he was facing the window with his eyes closed. The room was cleaned and all the cookies were in the oven. The smell of chocolate chip and sugar cookies filled the room. I would forever associate the smell with Finn, which made perfect sense since he was so sweet.
I smiled secretly at my thoughts. If I had ever told him I thought he was such a sweetie, he’d probably growl and do something ridiculously rude just to prove a point.
“Hey,” I said as I walked up to him.
He opened his eyes and smiled at me. He looked genuinely happy to see me.
“Everything okay?” he ask
ed.
“Yeah. My dad wanted to introduce me to a new family who’s joining the church. And something kind of crazy happened.”
He turned, rested his elbows on the counter, and cupped his cheeks with his hands. When he smiled, one of his dimples was hidden behind his palm and I wanted to pull it away so I could see them both.
“My dad set me up on a date.”
His smile dropped instantly, and I thought for a minute that he’d ask me not to go. If he asked, whether I needed freedom or not, I’d skip the date. All he had to do was say the words, but instead, he started laughing. It felt like a slap in the face.
Why was it so funny that I could have a date?
“What?” I asked rudely.
“Nothing. It’s just…” He couldn’t finish his sentence he was laughing so hard.
“It’s just what?” I asked again, louder.
He was really starting to make me mad.
“It’s just go figure your dad would set you up with some church boy once I came around. Touché, big preacher man,” he said to no one as he shook his head.
He wasn’t making any sense.
“What do you mean?” I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms.
“Nothing. I think this is a great idea. I bet he’s really nice and clean.”
He was and I hated that he was. I hated even more that Finn thought I could only get a nice, clean boy. And even worse was that Finn was probably going to see him at Sunday’s sermon and I could only imagine the jokes he was going to make just to be a smarty pants.
“There’s nothing wrong with a nice, clean guy, Finn. Actually, I’d prefer them that way.”
The moment the words left my lips, his face dropped. I wasn’t sure if it was being around Finn or what, but I lied so easily and I hated it. I didn’t prefer any kind of guy, but I knew I liked Finn, which was dumb on my part since it was totally obvious that he didn’t feel the same.
He moved quickly and pinned me against the back wall. Kids’ drawings stuck to my back and a picture of a cross covered in hard macaroni noodles dug into my arm. I sucked in a shocked breath.
“Opposed to a guy like me, huh?” He stuffed his hands in my hair and forced me to look up at him. Stormy bluish-gray eyes stared back at me from under dark lashes. “Are you going to hide behind pretty boys with clean thoughts all your life? Because I know you’re not the saint your daddy thinks you are. I saw the hot look in your eyes when you thought I was going to kiss you. I know you secretly dream of dirty boys with filthy thoughts.” His eyes dropped to my mouth briefly and I held my breath. “I’ll tell you what… When you decide you can handle a real man, let me know.”
He released me quickly and stepped away. Cold air replaced his heat and left chills in his wake.
No one had ever talked to me like that. I felt disgusted. Not because of his words or the fact that I could feel his arousal through his jeans when he was pressed against me, but because it was the most riveting thing that ever happened to me. It was a rush, but I felt my high spiraling down the farther away he got from me. He was right. Maybe I wasn’t as holy as I’d tried to be my entire life.
We barely talked the rest of the time in the kitchen. He sat in the corner and cut his nails with a pocket knife while I pulled out the cookies when they were done. Once they cooled, we wrapped them in plastic wrap with little yellow bows tied around them. When that was done, we said our goodnights and my dad signed his paper for him to leave.
I watched him walk to his mom’s car as I followed my mom and dad to ours. Once he was inside, he looked back at me with an angry expression. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but then again, I was completely clueless when it came to guys.
The following Saturday night, I dressed in my white blouse and another dreaded khaki skirt. Once I was done getting dressed, my mom and dad sat in the living room with me as I waited for Stephen to pick me up. I actually felt nervous, and every time my dad turned the page of his newspaper, I jumped. He looked at me over his reading glasses like I was crazy before finally setting down his paper.
“Faith, I know I haven’t really allowed you to do much, but if I kept you away from things, it was because I worried for your safety. It’s a cruel world out there and believe it or not, there are people out there who would love nothing more than to taint such a precious girl like you. I feel good about Stephen. He’s a nice boy and he comes from a nice God-fearing family.”
I couldn’t think of anything to say back. “I know, Daddy,” I squeaked.
Headlights filled our front window and the butterflies in my stomach fought to escape. Within seconds, the doorbell rang and my parents met Stephen at the door and asked him to come in.
I sat quietly in the corner chair as my father talked Stephen to death. He talked until we barely had time to make it to the movie. It almost felt like he did it on purpose, like giving Stephen and me less time together would prevent us from doing anything sinful.
As I looked over at Stephen in the car on the way to the movie, I couldn’t see him even thinking sinful thoughts, much less doing anything unbecoming. Finn, on the other hand, was a walking sin. The way he strutted into a room like he owned it with his sly grin and amazing dimples. He knew he was nice to look at. He was prideful and confident and it was like staring at the sun. I had to admit, I liked basking in his heat.
The movie Stephen took me to was G-rated. It was insulting. I was seventeen years old. I had no business going on a date to see a G-rated movie. It was definitely something Finn would never hear about. I could practically hear his laughter.
I took the box of popcorn from Stephen and he ushered me into the theater. The next two hours of my life I spent staring at the screen, but not really watching. Occasionally, Stephen would ask me a question and I’d nod. I was probably the most boring date ever, but then again, he was the most boring date ever so I guess we fit.
I found myself upset over the fact that I wasn’t enjoying any of it. One night of freedom and there I was sitting at a kids’ movie with some guy who barely talked to me, much less looked at me. There were parents and crying babies everywhere, so if I wanted to watch the movie, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it anyway. It was a total waste of a night. I could’ve gotten more enjoyment out of reading.
I’d never been happier to see my house when we pulled up. Stephen wasted no time getting me home. He was the perfect guy for my dad. I should’ve been happy about that. The thought of actually having some form of life outside of church and school should’ve made my night, but all I could think about was Finn and how much fun we had, even at church. I could imagine how much fun he’d be on a date.
Stephen walked me to the front door at exactly nine o’clock. The automatic porch light came on and shined directly in my eyes.
“I had a good time,” he said.
I was glad he did, but I couldn’t say the same.
“Me too,” I lied again.
Lying was becoming easier and easier. That was either a really bad thing or a really good thing.
“Could we do it again?” he asked.
I’d hoped he wouldn’t ask, but I couldn’t hurt his feelings. I didn’t want to be mean and say no. Plus, what would my dad say? Instead, I smiled up at him sweetly and agreed.
“Sure.”
His smile was brighter than my porch light as he leaned in. The thought of kissing him and getting my mouth stuck to his braces scared me. Thankfully, he softly pressed his lips to my cheek and pulled away.
“Goodnight, Faith.”
“Goodnight, Stephen.”
That night I went to bed with thoughts of Finn. His unrushed movements, as if the world moved on his time. His soft blue eyes that never missed anything and his cocky smile. These were the last things I saw before sleep took me away.
There’s a first time for everything. And I could say without blinking that it was the first time a girl had ever been stolen from me. Although, technically, she was never mine. That still didn’t stop me f
rom staring a hole in the back of Stephen’s auburn head during church on Sunday and wishing he’d go back to wherever he came from.
I hadn’t had a chance to be alone with Faith to find out how the date went, but with a guy like the freckled wonder, I’m sure it didn’t go too far. Maybe a goodnight kiss?
Every now and again, Faith would turn her head to the side and I’d catch her looking at me from the front row. I liked it when she looked at me. It let me know she was thinking about me, which worked since I was thinking about her.
She was wearing blue. I’d only ever seen her in khaki and pink. I really liked her in blue. The way her brown waves looked against the soft color, the way the blue looked against her perfect skin—perfect skin that I would’ve gotten to know well if I’d been in Stephen’s shoes.
With my attention back on the auburn head, I couldn’t miss the fact that he kept looking over and smiling at Faith. She’d smile back, but the smiles never reached her eyes. She wasn’t into him. She couldn’t be into him. I mean, he was a short, redheaded boy with freckles and a mouth full of metal. Then again, I’m sure that didn’t matter since her dad was letting her out of her cell as long as she was with him.
After five secret looks between the two, I couldn’t take it anymore. It pissed me off every time it happened. I stood up and slipped out the back of the church. I leaned up against the brick and wished I had a smoke. I’d pretty much quit, but I’d give my left nut for a bowl packed with some sticky green cush.
I leaned my head back against the brick and took in some fresh air. I wanted to be away from the church, the pastor, and all the craziness. I only had a few days left of community service, so I skipped. It was the only day I left without getting my paper signed. I was exhausted and I just wanted to go home and spend some time with my mom before the band came over to practice.
That afternoon, Uncle Lester stopped by for his money and hooked me up with his new stock. Even though I wanted to, I didn’t sample it. The whole drug scene felt different to me—it felt wrong. I was considering giving it up altogether and getting a real job—something with benefits and drug tests, something with health insurance for my mom.
Get Rocked Page 46
