When he stopped me and told me what had really been going on in the garage, I had no choice but to believe him. He’d never given me any reason not to trust him and the look in his eyes sealed the deal for me. He was just as heartbroken for me as I was for myself.
Thankfully, his ex left as soon as we went back inside. Maybe I was being a jealous freak, but I didn’t want her there. She looked like the complete opposite of me and I didn’t want Finn having any reminders of what he could have if he wasn’t stuck with a church girl who was clueless to anything sex related.
He spent the rest of that night singing sweetly to me in front of everyone, and once the garage cleared out and it was only us, he spent the rest of our time showing me and telling me how perfect he thought I was. It was amazing. He was amazing. I knew in the back of my mind that I was far from perfect, but he truly believed it and as long as he thought I was, then that’s all that mattered to me.
I spent the next day at school watching the clock. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him again. I’d decided that I was going to throw caution to the wind and do whatever it took to be with Finn. I accepted the fact that I had to lie and sneak out. There was no way my dad was going to allow us to be alone together, and after the whole leaving the movies incident, I was put on restriction until I graduated practically.
I made sure Amanda brought me a set of clothes to school, and once I heard my parents snoring down the hallway, I shut my door, locked it, and changed. I giggled to myself as I looked down at my bare knees. I’d never worn a skirt that landed above the knee, but there was a first time for everything. The truth was I kind of liked it.
A few old welts remained, but nothing that was so noticeable that I couldn’t feel comfortable showing my legs. I hadn’t thought about it much, but it had been a while since dad pulled off his belt for me. Not since the incidence where he actually broke skin. I wasn’t complaining. Maybe seeing me bleed is what it took to make him stop.
The shirt that Amanda sent over for me could never really be called a shirt since it barely covered anything. Instead of wearing it, I threw it in the back of my closet and pulled out one of my sweaters. Doing one last check in the mirror, I decided to leave my hair down and put on a little lip gloss that I’d also borrowed from Amanda. By the time I heard Finn knock softly on my window, I was ready to go and full of excitement.
We held hands in his car as he drove us toward the coast. He didn’t think I noticed, but he kept peeking down at my legs, checking me out. I liked it. It made me feel attractive. I gasped when he slid his warm palm over my knee and rested it there.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
The truth was I didn’t care where we were going as long as we were together.
“To our spot.” He grinned over at me and shifted the gears when we hit the interstate.
He looked so good driving his car. It wasn’t in the best shape, but it purred loudly and vibrated beneath us, letting us know it was powerful. It fit him well since he was such a powerful guy. I felt safe with Finn, like nothing or no one could ever hurt me when I was with him.
When he turned onto the familiar wooded street, I smiled to myself. I remembered the first time I’d gone down that road and the beach that it led to. That night had been so perfect and it was romantic of him to bring me back there.
Once we parked and got out, we walked down the beach holding hands and stopping for tiny kisses along the way. I had no idea what time it was. I only knew the water was beautiful beneath the moonlight and Finn couldn’t keep his hands and lips off of me.
“So I think I got a job,” he said as he kicked at a seashell.
He leaned over and picked it up for inspection.
“That’s great. Doing what?” I asked.
He shrugged like it was no big deal when we both knew it was.
“Kevin’s dad owns a construction business. I’m supposed to go up there on Monday and talk to him, but Kevin said he’s positive his dad will hire me. It’s not big money, but it’s money.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued to walk.
“I think that’s great.” I slipped my hand through his elbow and pressed my cheek against his arm.
He smiled sweetly down at me before kissing me on the forehead.
“So how’s Sister Francis and everyone doing?” he asked.
I was shocked that he cared enough about my church family to ask about them.
When he finally took me back to his car, it was two in the morning. He opened the car door for me, but before I got in, I turned and kissed him.
For someone who once thought kissing was gross, I sure couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t seem to mind as he kissed me back. His fingers mingled in my hair and I heard myself moan loudly. He pulled back and stared down at me—his heavy breaths landing against my lips and cheeks.
“What happened to sweet, innocent Faith?” he asked with a grin that showed his dimples.
“She had a taste of Finn.”
A tiny growl sounded against my mouth when he pressed his lips to mine. His kisses felt different—harder and desperate. I didn’t push him away. I was enjoying it too much.
I gasped in his mouth when I felt his fingers against my stomach. He worked his hand up and rested it on my ribs just below my bra. I was embarrassed that he could feel my hard breathing against his hand, but when he moved it down and gripped my bottom, pulling me closer, I no longer cared.
I moaned when his palm wrapped around my upper thigh. His lips left mine and worked their way down the side of my neck. I leaned my head to the side and gave him working room, and then without realizing I was doing it, I grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him closer.
“Is this okay?” he asked as his hand moved higher into my skirt.
The warmth from his hands mixed with the cool beach breeze that was rushing up my skirt felt exotic against my flesh.
“Yes. Please don’t stop.”
I couldn’t believe I’d even said that. It didn’t even sound like me, but I was begging him and I didn’t even know what I was begging him for. I just knew that everything he was doing felt right and I wanted more.
My shoe left a line in the sand as I slowly opened my legs for his hand. My skirt bunched up around my thighs to accommodate my stance. I sighed loudly when his hand moved up higher and I felt his knuckles brush my panties.
“You like that?” he asked as he brushed his knuckles against me again.
My knees were starting to feel weak and when I tried to answer him, no words would come out of my mouth. Instead, a tiny humiliating whine slipped past my lips and earned me another dimple-filled grin.
“I love those sweet noises you make,” he whispered against my lips.
And then he kissed me again, and again his kisses were harder and more passionate. His tongue moved against mine and tickled the top of my mouth. The noise that I made when he slipped his finger in the side of my panties didn’t even sound human.
I’d never known anything like his touch, but while I was mentally clueless, my body seemed to understand and moved on its own. My hips rolled for more of his fingers. The dinging from his car door being held open sounded with the throb of my body as I leaned my head back against the cold rusted steel.
The next thing I knew, my legs were no longer holding me up and somehow, instead of leaning against his car, I was lying in the sand and he was above me. It was as if the things he was doing to me were coming in flashes. The stars above me twinkled with my excitement and the sound of the waves became muffled.
His fingers moved against me in ways I didn’t know were possible. My body was strung tight and my breaths came out in pants. He kissed me until I was dizzy and then when I thought I was about to lose my mind, his hands disappeared from my body.
He leaned back and pushed my skirt up more and I lay there needy and greedy for more of what he was offering. In the back of my mind, I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I couldn’t make myself stop. It felt too good, but once
he started to move down, my body I froze.
I could remember Amanda telling me about what couples did to each other with their mouths and I couldn’t fathom Finn doing that to me. I leaned up and grabbed him around his shoulders to keep him from moving lower. He looked up at me beneath his lashes and grinned.
“Just relax. You’ll like this, I promise.”
Still, I couldn’t make myself relax. Things were moving too fast and I wasn’t so sure I was as ready as I’d originally thought. He softly kissed my ribs and it tickled. I pulled on his shirt again and tried to make him come back up.
“Finn?” The desperate question in my voice was answered when he kissed me around my belly button.
I had no idea what I was asking for. My mind was telling me to stop him, but my body was begging for him to keep going. I was so confused and scared. My body was so tense with anxiety and the need for a release I didn’t know existed.
“Just relax, baby. It’s only fair. I sang for you. Now lay back and I’ll make you sing for me.”
When his mouth touched me, I gave in and fell back. Sand collected under my nails as I dug my fingers into beach around me. His hands and mouth were all over me, pushing and pulling me over the edge of a line that I’d always been afraid to cross.
My toes curled in my shoes and my back lifted from the sand as my insides turned to liquid.
“Let go, Faith. I promise I’ll catch you.”
His whisper floated in the wind around me and then my body dissolved into the sand. I clutched my cross, the blunt tips of it digging into my palm as I called out my release and sang into the wind. Finn’s mouth never left my body, and his fingers dug into my thighs, holding them to the earth as my body trembled and bucked.
When I came down, the sound of the waves was the first thing I heard. My arms and legs tingled and felt heavy. Everything was so sensitive that even the cool breeze felt too thick against my skin. In a daze, I stared at the stars above me and tried to understand what had just happened.
Finn collected me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. His warmth seeped into my skin and spread throughout my body. I continued to clutch my cross. I fully understood that what we had done was wrong—sinful—but what I couldn’t understand was how something so beautiful could be bad.
I began to question everything I’d ever been told in my life. For the first time, I wondered if maybe my dad didn’t know what he was talking about. I refused to believe that Finn was bad. I wouldn’t accept the fact that my soul was in danger with him. Not when I’d just been so close to heaven in his arms.
This time when I closed my eyes, I didn’t think about protecting my soul in my cross. There was no need for it anymore. Finn had my soul, and I knew that no matter what, he’d protect it.
I’d promised myself I’d wait until she was ready, and I’d failed. That wasn’t surprising since I’d spent most of my life fucking up. I hadn’t planned on going down on Faith in the sand. I really had been trying to be romantic and take her on an actual date. Walking the beach was supposed to be sweet, but once she started kissing me and pressing against me, I was done for.
I kept thinking that at least I hadn’t taken her virginity. I wanted to. Damn, I’d never wanted to so badly. The noises she made when she came almost did me in. I was sure I was going unload right there in my jeans. The amount of willpower it took to hold her afterward and not finish the job was amazing. I had no idea I was capable of shit like that.
I wanted to show her how good I could make her feel. I wanted to hear her say my name over and over again like she had. It wanted it so badly for her, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d pressured her into it.
The last thing I wanted was for her to clam up and never talk to me again out of fear. I never wanted to scare her. She seemed okay when I dropped her off. I promised her I’d come by the following night and that made her smile happily, but I knew girls pretty well and I knew they reacted after the fact. I just had to hope that the following day when I saw her, she didn’t hate me.
When I got home, Reynolds was waiting in my garage for me. His long legs were resting on the coffee table in front of Mom’s old leather couch. He pulled at a ripped piece, exposing more of the yellow sponge inside.
When I stepped in, he looked up at me with hard eyes.
“Where the fuck you been, man? I’ve been waiting here all goddamn night.”
His eyes were dilated and he couldn’t sit still. He crossed his leg over the other and shook his foot so fast it started to blur. No doubt about it he was fucked on the white wizard again.
The tiny bit of white power stuck on the tip of his nose caught my attention and gave him away more than his behavior. He’d been on the decline for a while, but I hadn’t noticed how badly until I sobered up and stepped away. Usually I was along for the party, but since I’d met Faith, I was clean—minus a few beers every now again. That was yet another reason I knew she was good for me. Even my mom had commented on my changes.
“I was out with my girl. What’s up?” I asked as I fell onto the couch beside him.
It was late and I was exhausted. I could still smell Faith on my skin, and I was determined to catch some relief in my palm before hitting the sheets.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blunt. The smell of lighter fluid swarmed around me when he lit his Zippo. The tip of the blunt crackled as he hit it hard and held it in.
“Man, fuck that shit. Relationships are for the birds and bitches. Don’t get yourself all caught up. It’s bad for business.”
I had to force myself to remember that he was fucked up. Otherwise, I would’ve punched him in the mouth. Since I’d known Reynolds, I was always fighting his fights. He had a mouth on him and never knew when to shut it. It also didn’t help that he wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Whenever he got in over his head, which was most of the time, I was always there to pull him out.
He usually never pushed my buttons, but something was up with him tonight. I was starting to worry that he was on something much heavier than usual. He kept making shitty remarks, but I ignored him and turned down the blunt when he held it out to me. His arm hung suspended and he eyed me hard like he was challenging me to smoke. Still, I shook my head no.
“Nah, man, I’m good—high on life and shit.” I tried to lighten the mood. “You need a ride home or something? Looks like you’ve partied extra hard tonight.”
I’d seen his car parked out front, but if he needed a ride home, I’d take him. Whatever got him out of my garage so I could get some sleep.
I was caught off guard when he flicked the blunt at my face. I barely swatted it away quick enough. “What the fuck, Reynolds?” I stood tall.
He stood, too, but I towered over him. I tried to keep myself in check. He was pushing some serious buttons and I was starting to get pissed off. I didn’t want to fly off the handle and kick his ass and feel bad about it the next day when he didn’t remember.
“You don’t know shit about a party anymore. Man, you’re supposed to be our front man. A real front man doesn’t let himself get pussy whipped.”
I’d had enough. I pushed him. “Get the fuck out of here. I’m done with your shit tonight.”
I walked away. At least I tried to, but he had other plans. I didn’t see his fist coming, but it was hard against the back of my head. The oil-covered concrete garage floor dug into my cheek. My ears rang and the world around me shifted for a few seconds. I blinked rapidly and gathered my wits. Once I realized what happened, I was up and on top of him. I’d had enough of Reynolds’s shit.
He blocked and fought back hard. Punches were thrown and words were said. The drums sounded and the cymbals clanged as we tumbled into them, knocking them everywhere.
Once I had him on his back, I continued to hit him. I told myself to stop, but I was so pissed and disoriented from his initial hit that I no longer cared.
Hard fingers dug into my arms and pulled me back. Instead of continuing to
fight, I stopped once I saw that Reynolds wasn’t coming back for me.
“Woah! Chill the fuck out, Finn! What happened, man?” I heard Tiny say from behind me.
He was young, but he had a grip on him.
I wiped the blood from my lip and cheek as I tried to catch my breath.
“He started the shit. I’m getting about sick of him getting all fucked up on coke and acting crazy.” I shook Tiny’s hands from my arms and turned to see Kevin and Amanda staring at me from across the garage. “Get him the fuck out of here until he sobers up,” I said to Kevin.
I sat on the couch pressing a cold beer to my lip and watched as Tiny and Kevin helped Reynolds up and dragged him to Kevin’s car. No way would he even remember the fight the next day, but I was done. I fully planned on sitting his ass down and having a long talk with him about his drug problem. If we were serious about Original Malice, then we needed our heads in the right place. Being fucked up all the time wasn’t going to cut it.
Kevin came back in once everyone was settled into the car.
“He’s getting worse,” he said as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
“I know. We’ll go over tomorrow and try to talk some sense into him.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. You’re different, too, you know?” he said as he exhaled smoke through his nose.
I hadn’t expected Kevin to say that. I looked up at him and nodded my head. I knew I was different and that wasn’t a bad thing. “I know.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, Finn. You’re like my brother, man, and since you got Faith, you seem a lot happier. I’m glad to see that. You deserve it.” He stepped over toward me and grabbed my shoulder. “She’s a nice girl. Be good to her.”
Kevin and I weren’t big on heart to heart talks, so I nodded my head, acknowledging what he was saying. “I will. Thanks, man. Be safe getting his crazy ass home. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.”
Get Rocked Page 52
