It was only natural for my eyes to take in her body. They followed her graceful neckline, down past her chest and flat stomach, and landed on a set of long legs that I could remember being wrapped so tightly around me. My cock started to grow hard and I had to step away.
“Snap the fuck out of it, Finn. This bitch is the devil. Remember that,” I said to myself.
I went into my closet and pulled out a change of clothes and dressed as quickly as I could. In the bathroom, I turned off the water. By the time I was back in the bedroom, she was coming around. I sat in the chair beside my bed and watched as she opened her eyes and blinked rapidly at the ceiling above us.
The words that I longed to say to her for the past four years felt sour against my tongue. She’d burned me so badly—sucked out any bit of good that was in me and spit it in my face. When she disappeared on me, I went so far into a depression that my mom feared for my life. I drank until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and did so much drugs that any bit of money I made selling anything went straight into my habit.
I didn’t touch another girl until after I’d been with Blow Hole for a while. I remembered Jenny coming over not long after Faith had left. She’d tried so hard to get me to fuck her, and I ended up passing out on her. My boy Leroy informed me the next day that he’d found Jenny straddling me while I was passed out. Being the kickass friend that he was, he pulled her off of me and kicked her out of my garage.
I couldn’t even remember the first girl I’d slept with after Faith. I just remember being drunk and crying the next day. I’d felt as if I’d cheated on her. It took me a long time to build up so much anger toward Faith that I could be with another woman, but I always made sure to never get involved with a woman more than once, and feelings were something I never planned on having again. It worked and that was all that mattered.
I could easily say without blinking that I hated Faith, and I’d spent a good chunk of the four years contemplating the havoc I’d wreak on her if I ever saw her again. So while seeing her lying on my bed reminded me of a bad moment in my life, it also made me happy that I’d finally be able to get revenge for the heartbreak she’d delivered without a care for me.
When she finally realized what had happened, she sat up quickly and grabbed the back of her head like it hurt. Her eyes scanned my room until they landed on me. They widened as took me in.
“Finn?”
“Faith?” I responded.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I live here. I’m assuming you’re the new maid the temp agency sent over?”
She shook her head yes slowly, her eyes still relaying her shock.
“I didn’t… I didn’t know you lived here,” she stuttered.
“And here I was thinking you’d come for a second dose,” I said sarcastically.
I praised myself when she frowned.
“I assure you that is not the case,” she said as she swatted at a piece of hair in her face.
She quickly slid from my bed and went into the bathroom to gather the towels she’d dropped. She folded them and placed them into the linen cabinet without saying another word. I didn’t take my eyes off of her as she worked. I enjoyed the fact that I made her so nervous. The bitch deserved it.
When she came out of the bathroom, she started across the room as if she were going to leave. Something told me she wouldn’t be returning to the condo to clean, and I had to take my chance to get my digs in before she left.
“My, my, how the mighty have fallen.” I shook my head. She stopped with her back to me, and I continued. “When exactly did you start cleaning toilets for a living?”
She swung around like she was going to say something rude. Her eyes blazed and her cheeks turned fire red. I longed for her to say something fucked up so I could fire back and burn her, but instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked away.
I couldn’t help myself. I followed behind her. Thankfully, no one was in living room or kitchen when we got in there. She went to the kitchen counter and grabbed her purse. She turned toward the door and I decided to give one more slap in the face before she left.
“Bye, Faith. Beware of Daddy’s belt when you get home.” I chuckled to myself.
It was fucked up, but so was her walking out on me like I was nothing. If she could treat me that way, then I could treat her the same way.
Again, she paused with her back to me. I waited anxiously for her to turn on me and give me a reason to verbally cut her, but again, she walked away. The front door shut quietly behind her. She didn’t even have the backbone to slam the fucking door in anger. What I’d ever seen in such a weak woman, I didn’t know.
That weekend we threw a big-ass party and instead of getting pissed at the fuckers who trashed our place, I smiled to myself, knowing that if Faith had enough balls to come back to clean, she’d have her hands full.
I drank so much that Tiny had to help me to my room. I knew in the back of my mind that I was trying to drown the old hurtful memories that kept popping up. I’d never admit that to anyone else, but the only thing that seemed to make those thoughts and feelings that I loathed so much go away was liquor and drugs.
“Leave it. Let the maid get it,” I said to Zeke’s girlfriend, Patience, the following Monday when I walked into the kitchen.
She was stacking the dishwasher and collecting the trash. I didn’t mind her being at our place. I actually enjoyed her company. It was nice having a girl around that I could be friends with.
“It’s not a problem.” She smiled over at me. “There’s some Tylenol in the cabinet there for that hangover I’m sure you have.”
I reached out and stopped her from cleaning. “Patience, get your cute little butt back in that bedroom with Zeke and spend some time with him. I got this.”
After I’d gotten rid of Patience, I downed another beer to bite the dog and swallowed enough Tylenol to knock out my headache.
I stood in the shower for an extra-long time, letting the hot water clear my brain. Once I got out and got dressed, everyone was ready to head out and do some fun stuff for the day. Zeke and Patience were obviously going to do their own thing, so Tiny and Chet tried to talk me into getting into some trouble with them.
“Nah, I think I’m going to hang out around here today. I feel like shit.”
It was a lie. Really, I wanted to stay just in case Faith came back. I didn’t want to miss the chance to talk shit while she cleaned up after me and my boys.
Once the place was empty, I chilled on the couch and watched TV. I couldn’t believe my luck when I heard the front door open and then close. When I turned around, Faith was standing there looking back at me. She said nothing as she set her purse on the kitchen counter and went to work. I was already thinking of everything I wanted to say to her. When I was done with her, she’d never come back in my home again.
His words cut me deep. So deep, in fact, that I cried the entire drive back to my apartment. I cursed myself for letting him lure more tears from me. I’d sworn I’d never cry over Finn again, yet I had, but the things he said to me were so cold, so hurtful.
As soon as I got home, I called the grocery store and tried to get my old job back, but the position had already been filled. I took Jimmy with me to the temp agency to pick up my check.
“Mrs. Cooper, is there any chance you might have another position for me?” I asked.
Her brows pulled down in confusion.
“But I thought you were enjoying it. Is it because the owners came home? Did something happen?” she asked.
Something had definitely happened, but I couldn’t tell her, especially in front of Jimmy.
“No, nothing like that. I was just asking.”
“Unfortunately, Faith, with your lack of education, it’d be hard to find you something else, but I’ll keep an eye out.”
I wanted to cry when I left her office. I was stuck. If Finn didn’t fire me, I’d have to work for him. I’d have to see him over and o
ver again, and that made me feel sick. Not to mention, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. What if he found out about Jimmy? I could not under any circumstances let that happen. He’d take him, and then I’d really die inside.
I took Jimmy to the toy store and bought him his dinosaur. On the way back to the apartment, I kept looking at him in the rearview mirror. He loved his new toy and it was nice to give him something and make him smile. It made me sad that I couldn’t do that whenever I wanted. He was a great kid and deserved so much more, but I could give him all the love in the world. Hopefully, that would be enough.
The fact of the matter was I’d continue to look for something else and hopefully Mrs. Cooper would continue to search, but until then, and as long as Finn didn’t fire me, I was stuck cleaning up after him. I didn’t like it, but I’d swallow my pride if it meant taking care of my son.
The worst thing about it was that I was working for something that Finn should’ve been giving me anyway. Jimmy was his son. There was no denying that one. Not only had Finn been the only guy I’d ever had sex with, but Jimmy looked just like Finn—same eyes and dimples, the works.
On Monday, I went back to the condo to clean. I felt relief when I unlocked the door and found no one inside. That relief was instantly replaced with nerves when I looked around the corner and saw Finn staring back at me from the couch. Quickly, I turned away, set down my purse, and went to work. The place was trashed—all my hard work from the week before undone in just a weekend.
“Look who it is, the preacher’s devil daughter.” He chuckled from the couch.
I ignored him as I loaded the dishwasher.
“I have to admit, you look nothing like the girl I used to know. I guess age is catching up with you, huh?”
He sounded closer, but still I continued to ignore him. His words stung. I’d already started to feel unattractive. I had dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep, and I worked so much that I was finding it hard to gain or keep on weight.
I turned on the dishwasher and started on the trash. There were bottles and drugs everywhere. I shook my head since obviously nothing had changed in Finn’s life. It was probably a good thing that things turned out the way they had all those years ago. I deserved better and so did Jimmy.
Once I was done cleaning and mopping the kitchen, I turned to start on the next room. When I did, Finn was standing behind me with a bottle of soda in his hand. He grinned down at me with sinister eyes as he set the soda on the counter. I started to step away from him, but then he purposely pushed over the soda. It spilled all over the clean countertop and began dripping onto the floor.
I moved quickly to pick up the bottle. When I stood again, he was walking away, laughing. Once he was completely gone from the room, I let go of the tears that had formed in my eyes. I swiped them from my face before I grabbed the cloth and began to clean up the mess.
Three hours later, I was finally done cleaning the rest of the condo. The only room that was left was Finn’s, and I knew that’s where he was. I stepped up to the door and tapped softly.
“Come in!” he called from inside the room.
I pushed the door open and stepped into the room. The smell of beer assaulted me and made me gag a little.
“Come to try me out again?” He took a hard swig from a beer, his bloodshot eyes never leaving mine.
He was propped up in his bed without his shirt on. His body looked just as amazing as it had years ago. With the exception of a few new tattoos that I refused to look at, he looked exactly the same—more stylish maybe, but still just as beautiful as he always was. I secretly hated him for being so stress free. He didn’t have a kid to worry about. He didn’t have bills to worry about or whether or not he had to put food on the table for a kid who wouldn’t eat anything but pizza and chicken nuggets most of the time.
There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but he wasn’t worth it.
His glassy blue eyes devoured me from across the room. Beside him was a half-empty bottle of liquor, and there were clothes everywhere. His jeans were unbuttoned, leaving a space between his abdominal muscles and his jeans. I knew what was under those jeans. I’d been in those jeans, and although I knew it was wrong, I had a brief moment of weakness. I wanted to climb in that bed with him.
Something about the way he looked at me was alarming. It was like I didn’t affect him at all. Like he couldn’t care less that I was there. He didn’t blink. He just stared right through me. Saw all the shattered faithless parts of Faith and disregarded them completely. I couldn’t help myself. I responded.
“Try you out?”
“So you do speak? I was starting to think you’d gone dumb, too.” He took a big swig from his liquor bottle and chased it with his beer. “I’ll admit, the last time you had some of this,” he said as he grabbed himself, “I wasn’t as good as I am now. I’ve learned my way around a woman’s body. I could do things to you that you wouldn’t believe, and I could do it with my eyes closed. Maybe then you wouldn’t run off the next day like a bat out of hell.” He was drunk, slurring.
I felt his seductive words in my thighs. How was he able to do that? How was he able to send his words across the room and make them dance inside my panties that way?
“I didn’t…” I started to defend myself and my actions.
“Don’t. I don’t care what you did or didn’t do. Either you’re here to screw or we have nothing to talk about.” He finished his beer and set it next to the liquor bottle.
I said nothing. Instead, I turned around and left the room. I grabbed my purse and left without cleaning his bedroom. I was almost to my car when the tears came. At least I could be happy that I’d gotten out of there before he saw my tears. He was nothing like the guy he used to be. Although, the letter I’d gotten four years ago should’ve told me I was wrong about him.
As soon as I walked into the front door of my apartment, Jimmy attacked me with hugs and kisses. He erased every bad thing Finn said to me in that moment. I scooped him up into my arms and blew raspberries on his tummy. He squirmed out of my embrace and ran back to his toy box.
“You’re back early,” Mom said from the stove.
Whatever she was cooking smelled amazing but made my stomach turn. The thought of food made me sick. All I wanted to do was go take a hot shower and sleep.
“Grandma’s making meatballs!” Jimmy said as he ran around the living room with his dinosaur.
I silently wished I had a tenth of his energy. I laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek before I went to get a shower.
Once I was undressed, I took the time to look in the mirror. I really did look awful. I was twenty-one, almost twenty-two, yet I looked like a thirty-one-year-old who’d lived a rough life. I pulled the hair away from my face and looked hard at the circles around my eyes. I’d never worn makeup, but I was starting to think maybe I really needed it.
Finn’s words moved through my mind once more, and I hated myself for letting them hurt me like they did. I didn’t care about him anymore. At least that’s what I kept telling myself over and over again. I’d spent the last four years of my life hating him just to make it through the day.
Why did he have to come back into my life now? Why couldn’t I be cleaning for some old author or a really hip starlet?
I spent the rest of my night lounging in bed with Jimmy and watching cartoons. It had been so long since I’d watched an adult movie or TV show that I could almost forget they existed. I fell asleep to the soft rhythm of a singing dinosaur buzzing in my ears.
The rest of that week, every day was the same. I’d go to work and clean. Every now and again, Finn would say something hurtful or rude and I’d choke on tears until I could make it to Mom’s car and drive myself home.
On Friday, I met the rest of the band. They were all really nice and it was good to see Tiny again, even though he looked at me as if he’d never met me before, which only made me feel uglier and older. It had only been four years, yet even Tiny, who�
�d always been nothing but nice to me, didn’t even recognize me.
I’d never been so happy to see Friday. As soon as I was done with work, I picked up my check and paid bills. I spent the rest of the weekend spending time with my mom and Jimmy. I even got a chance to take him to the jump castle place that he loved so much. It was nice to have a little bit of money to have fun with him.
The following Monday, I was happy to find out that the guys were on the road again. I spent the first two days cleaning the condo, and on Wednesday, I even got to leave early since the place was already spotless.
I stopped by on Thursday and Friday to make sure nothing needed to be done, and then I spent another great weekend with Jimmy and my mom. I even took the time to go by the library and look into going back to get my diploma.
“I’m so proud of you, Faith,” Mom said when I told her my plan. “You’ve been through a lot, yet you still push hard for what you want.”
She kissed me on the forehead as she passed me. I was sitting at the kitchen table, filling out paperwork to go back to school.
The following Monday after I went and checked the condo and dusted, I stopped by the adult education place and got an appointment with the advisor. I’d never been more serious about getting back in school and making a better life for me and my son.
Tuesday, when I went to work, the boys were back. They were lounging on the couch and laughing about random stuff. The pretty blonde girl, Patience, was with them again, and I thought it was cute every time I saw her and her boyfriend, Zeke, the lead guitarist, being all sweet alone in the corner.
I longed for some form of male attention. Not sex so much, but at that point, someone telling me I was pretty would be enough. I felt awful all the time and it reflected on the outside. Now that I wasn’t stuck under my father’s thumb, I could take the time to clean myself up. Maybe dress a little better or put on makeup, but who had time and money for that kind of stuff?
Get Rocked Page 57
