A muscle jumped in Abe’s jaw, but it was Abe who bridged the space between them. Abe, as always, took that weight upon himself. He crossed the floor and put his arms around our father’s thin shoulders, and hugged him tight.
29
Malcolm smeared a layer of wax over the fender. “You okay?”
From his position flat on his back in the bed of the truck, Paul stared up at the light shining down on them from Malcolm’s garage. It was too bright, but he forced his burning eyes to stay open, everything whiting out. A shadow came to rest over his head. Paul squinted up at his friend, who always knew too much, who told him the truths he didn’t want to hear, who pointed north on the compass of normal. Malcolm leaned his elbows on the edge of the truck, the rag still in his hand, waiting.
“It’s hard to be okay when she isn’t.”
Malcolm nodded. “Fay says she’s alright,” he said, leaning closer to look at Paul’s face. “You look like crap, by the way. Have you been sleeping?”
Paul ignored the insult. “I’m glad she’s talking to Fay. If she won’t talk to me, at least she has someone.”
“It’s a lot to process, what she went through. It’ll take some time.”
It would take a whole lot more than time. Time was only a small drop of what Celia needed. Wednesday morning at school, the day after her birthday, Paul had expected things with Celia to be different. He felt closer to her, drawn deeper into her life. He reached for her at her locker, but after only a short embrace, she pushed against his chest and said she had to get to class. He tried calling Fay’s house later, and was shocked to learn that Celia, Abe, and Mrs. Young had all gone home—and that Mr. Young was there too.
Celia avoided him on Thursday. He went to cross country practice, but the coach said she quit the team. After school she was at the restaurant, and she brought him tea, on the house. But then she hid in the kitchen. He didn’t expect Heidi would like it if he barged back there. Abe waved to Paul from a table in the corner, fries piled high on a plate in front of him, and Paul moved to his table and sat down across from him. Abe told him about the B he got on a history test and talked a lot about Jeremy and his new girlfriend, but he didn’t mention anything else. Paul saw Celia look at them as she delivered food to a table in the corner, and he warmed as a smile touched her lips. He called her house that evening, and her mom took a message but Celia didn’t call back.
Apprehension had ruled him all day yesterday, keeping him from focusing at school or doing anything but thinking about what he could do to get Celia to go back to how she was a week ago. Then at around two in the morning, she’d finally sought him out. She tapped lightly on his window, and he woke up immediately.
She refused to come in, so he went out. She stood looking at him with sad eyes. “I’m sorry,” she had said, and pulled him tightly to her body, burying her face in his neck. After a couple minutes like that, she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him deeply, then turned away and disappeared in the night. Instead of feeling better, the encounter made him feel worse. He wondered if she’d ever learn to lean on someone else, and he still didn’t know what she was sorry for.
He hoped things would change tonight, at the small gathering Fay had organized for Celia’s friends to celebrate her birthday. He couldn’t imagine she was in the mood for it. She probably just wanted to forget all about her birthday this year. Fay said she wanted to give Celia a good memory to pull up when she thought about turning sixteen.
Malcolm went back to waxing. The truck swayed slightly as he polished off the dry wax, bringing the old truck to a high shine.
Paul hadn’t yet figured out how to help Celia. He thought about his mom, and how he felt when people interpreted the small snippets of her life they saw, like three awkward minutes in a grocery checkout line, or one tearful encounter on the phone, and the assumptions they made about her, and him by default. They didn’t know. Maybe Celia didn’t want him making any assumptions about her family, either.
She had her reasons for shutting him out, for holding him at a distance. He knew enough to see she was motivated by love for her family as well as self-preservation. But she loved him. She’d said so, and she wasn’t a person who said things like that without meaning them. Malcolm was probably right. She was processing what happened, and he’d just wait her out. He was no stranger to waiting.
Malcolm slapped the side of the truck. “I’m finished. Ready to move?”
Paul sat up in the truck bed. “Yep, and it’s such a pretty evening, I’m going to ride back here.”
Malcolm climbed in and started up the engine. The cold from earlier in the week had disappeared, and it was now unseasonably warm for October. He scooted toward the tailgate, where the wind would be loudest and had the best chance of blowing all the thoughts out of his head.
30
Esta panted as we darted away from her house and toward Fay’s mom’s car, parked two streets over. “Is it normal to feel like my heart’s going to beat out of my chest?” She wanted the full sneaking out experience, and Fay intended to give it to her, high drama included.
“You get used to it,” I said. This was, sadly, a true statement. I missed the breathless feeling of doing secret things. The fear of getting caught or getting in trouble no longer drowned out the fear of the things that might be happening at home.
I almost hadn’t come tonight. Aside from school, and sneaking away in the middle of the night last night when I couldn’t take it anymore and had to see Paul, I hadn’t been apart from Abe all week. I even made him sleep in the other bed in my room. The fact that he didn’t protest told me all I needed to know. Only once Fay suggested Aunt Olive invite Abe and Jeremy over to stay the night, and his parents said yes, and then my mom said she’d spend the evening with her sister, too, had I felt comfortable enough to leave.
Abe was safe in Fay’s cozy home, probably watching movies and eating corndogs, and I had no good excuses for skipping out on my own birthday celebration—none that wouldn’t hurt Fay and Esta’s feelings, anyway.
I followed as Fay grabbed Esta’s hand and pulled her through a yard between two houses. On the other side, she pointed. “There’s my mom’s car. You can catch your breath on the drive.”
I took the passenger seat, relegating Esta to the back. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to celebrate my birthday, but I wasn’t above taking advantage of the perks a birthday girl was allowed.
Esta climbed in the back, and Fay got out her keys and started the embarrassingly loud car. She winced. “Sorry. Mom needs to replace the muffler.”
Esta giggled from the backseat. “So much for making a sneaky getaway. My parents can probably hear this death trap.”
“It’s not dangerous, it’s just noisy, and that’s why I parked three streets over.”
I laughed, but my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t seem to get in a party mood. My mind lingered on an hour before, and the way my hands shook as I rushed around, trying to get Abe packed and out of the house. My ears still stood at attention, listening for the scrape of Dad’s boots on the porch or the rumble of the car engine indicating he was home. I wanted Abe gone before Dad had the chance to tell him he couldn’t go.
“Where are we going, anyway?” I asked. I wanted to get tonight started, so that it could get finished, so I could get home and be sure of where my Dad was. Strange as it was, I only breathed steady when I was with him, my eyes seeing for themselves that everything was okay for that minute.
Fay sighed. “I’m sorry about this, Celia, but I couldn’t find any place better than Derek’s pasture. At least it’s fairly warm tonight.”
“It’s my first field party,” Esta said. “I’ll try to be amazed.”
“It’s perfect,” I said, relieved we’d be sticking close to town.
A few minutes later, the car thumped along as we pulled into the pasture, having taken a longer back way that meant we didn’t need to cross the cornfield, and parked in the grass beside two other cars. We stepped o
ut and Fay pointed. “Look, the guys are here.”
Malcolm’s truck pulled up next to Fay’s car, and Paul jumped out of the back before it came to a complete stop. He stalked to me deliberately, without his usual easy stride. “Hi.”
I felt my shoulders rise up. He pulled me into his arms and I let him, but pulled away quickly. “Lead the way to the party, Fay,” I said, my voice flat and incapable of fake cheeriness.
She tilted her head at me in concern, then took my hand and pulled me around to the trunk of the car. She opened it, and leaned in to pull the foil off the pan sitting in the center of the trunk. “I made you a cake.”
I peered in at the cake, frosted in purple, with lumpy yellow flowers around the edges. “You baked me an ugly cake.” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat and swallowed hard.
She grinned “It’s not a birthday party without a cake, and I didn’t want to get a second one from the bakery. Carry that around and I’ll get the plates.”
I lifted the heavy pan from the trunk and grimaced. Cakes were not usually that heavy. “Is this the first cake you ever made?”
“It sure is, and don’t worry—I licked the spoon and it was delicious.”
Paul laughed and reached up to shut the trunk, then offered to carry the cake for me. I held on tight. “I want to carry it.” I wanted make sure it wasn’t dropped, because I wanted to taste this scary cake. Fay grabbed a sack from the back seat and led me toward the party, the others following at our heels.
I took in the scene before me. Fairy lights were strung up on thin poles in a wide circle around a small bonfire. The bales of straw were covered with purple cloth, and music played from a tiny speaker on a table off to the side. Fay took the cake and arranged it on the table. Esta stood beside me, beaming. “This is why you and Fay both left Heidi’s early.”
She nodded.
“You don’t want to know the ways I cursed you in my mind while I was busting my butt being the only waitress and also the dish washer for two entire hours during a Saturday dinner rush.”
She grinned. “I figured. Didn’t Heidi help you?”
I gave her a look. “She had to file off a hangnail, then she had to smoke, then she had to talk on the phone to her granddaughter. I think she served one tray of food.”
Esta looped her arm through mine, and Fay walked to my other side, looping that arm. “Do you forgive us?”
I looked toward the fire where Bennie, atop a bale of straw, danced like a maniac, his arms waving in front of him and his butt sticking way out. Paul and Malcolm laughed at him, but hung back close to Fay and me. Daisy and Derek popped out of the woods, each holding one end of a large cooler. Molly saw that I had arrived and stood to make her way over. The balloons tied to the table blew almost parallel to the ground with a large gust of wind, and Nick shrieked and steadied the two fairy light poles nearest him. “There’s no need to forgive someone who never did you wrong.”
An hour later, I stood next to a tree, looking out at the group of people I never expected would end up being my friends, my heart in my throat. I was so lucky in so many ways. Paul broke off from the crowd, and I watched as he made his way over to me.
“You’re missing your party.”
“I’m enjoying it in a different way.”
He sat down at the base of the tree, and tugged my arm until I joined him. He nodded to the small paper plate in my hand that held a nearly-whole piece of cake. I’d managed two bites of the dense, powdery thing. “Are you going to finish that?”
I laughed softly and handed it over. “Be my guest.”
When he finished eating it, he leaned back against the tree, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Are you okay, Celia?”
I took a moment to think about it. I wasn’t okay, not really. But I also was. I was breathing and I had people who loved me—one of them was right beside me. And I had a plan. “I will be.”
We sat quietly for a while, and I could practically feel his mind churning with all the things he wanted to say, to ask. He even opened his mouth a few times, but closed it wordlessly.
I’d treated him badly this week. I’d been unable to face him, unable to stand seeing his joyful face upset because of me, yet again. “Paul, I will be okay, but I’m overwhelmed.” I thought about the way Abe had said it. “I’m tired.”
Paul studied me a moment, then lifted up the raindrop pendant, kissed it, and let it thump back against my chest. “When it rains, lean on me.”
I bit my lip and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure that was fair to him. The weight of my problems could tip him right over. “I don’t like that you saw what you saw.” Shame lit my cheeks. “I wish I could erase it from your memory.”
I saw the moment he realized that was the reason I hadn’t been able to look him in the eye all week.
“Oh, Celia.” He put his arms around me and squeezed tightly. We sat like that a long moment. I tried to put together the words to tell him the rest of it in a way that would make sense. It felt like getting whiplash to go from my house to being with Paul, and back again. It didn’t seem right or possible to be carefree and happy with him, straight to stressed-out and worried about my family.
Before I figured out how to say it, Bennie’s loud guffaw traveled up the hill to where we sat, and we both chuckled. “Come on. Let’s go check on the kittens. See how much they’ve grown.”
He stood up and tugged me to my feet, moving in that quick-start way he had. I smiled and wove my fingers through his, letting the worry fall away—and letting the guilt I felt about being happy for a moment fall away too.
He pushed the barn door open slowly. “I don’t want to scare them.” We stepped in and he flipped the light switch, and a pool of warm light spilled on the floor in the center of the room. “I put in a light bulb,” he said.
Mewling started up immediately, followed by the swishing of straw, and four kittens scampered into the puddle of light. One of them had a pink bow tied around its neck—the gray one that I had snuggled last time.
I knelt down, and all four kittens swarmed me. “They got so big!” The mama cat prowled out from a dark corner and approached more cautiously. She casually licked the kitten nearest her, but I felt her eyes on me.
I lifted the one wearing the bow, and held it so we were eye to eye. It batted my hair. Laughing, I lowered it to my chest and looked at Paul, who grinned.
“Is this one…?”
“She’s yours. Happy birthday.”
“It’s a girl for sure?”
He nodded. “What will you name her?”
“Osa.”
Paul laughed. “That was quick.”
“I’ve wanted a pet my whole life, a cat, especially. I’ve had her name picked out since I read it in our history book in fifth grade. Osa Johnson was an explorer who traveled the world with her husband.”
He reached over and rubbed Osa’s head between her ears. “Hopefully this Osa won’t venture too far away from you. I got you some stuff for her.” He went to the opposite side of the barn and returned with a box. “Two bags of food, a litter box, a brush.”
My fingers went to my pendant, which I fingered. Osa pawed at my hands as I did, tiny sharp claws poking me. “You didn’t have to give me two gifts.”
“Celia, there are so many things I want to give you.”
I ran my hand down Osa’s soft fur. “I don’t need you to give me things, Paul. I hope you don’t feel like you have to buy me stuff.”
He sat down beside me, smiling at two kittens wrestling. He swirled his finger in the dirt, until one cat pounced on it. “I like to. Maybe someday I’ll take you on our own trip around the world.”
“I have always pictured myself traveling.”
“And if you want to get out of Juniper, we’ll get out of Juniper. We’ll live in a city.”
I bit my lip and looked over at him. “And get an apartment that allows cats?”
“We’ll have ten cats, if you
want.”
“And you’d do whatever it is you do with computers, and I could be a fashion designer. Or maybe work for a magazine. I’ll wear high heels every day.”
He grinned and leaned against the wall. “We’ll have Fay and Malcolm over to visit, and we’ll take them out to a fancy restaurant.”
I wrinkled my nose. “No, we’ll take them to a cozy diner.”
“A greasy spoon it is.” One of the ginger kittens climbed up onto his foot, then traveled the length of his leg until it reached his hand. He tickled its belly, and it thumped its back legs against his palm.
I scooted closer to him, our shoulders touching. My kitten turned two circles in my lap, licked her paws, and settled in for a rest. “We’re too young to dream like this.”
“Young people make the best dreamers.” He hooked his finger under my chin and turned my face up to his. His lips touched mine, warm and soft. I put my hands on his face and pulled him tighter to me, wanting to show him just how deeply I wanted the things we spoke of. A soft growl rumbled through Paul’s chest, and my heart dropped into my stomach and I opened my mouth to him. My mouth, my dreams, my heart—he got them all.
I pulled away when I felt the tiny stabs of Osa’s claws poking through my jeans, as she rearranged herself. I leaned my forehead against Paul’s. “Is it wrong to kiss in front of kittens?” He laughed softly and brought a hand up to my face, caressing my cheek.
The door to the barn burst open and Fay, Malcolm, and Esta charged in. Startled, Osa hopped off my lap and ran behind a box in the corner.
“There you are.” Fay held her phone out to me, the stricken look on her face out of place in the soft, warm light of the barn.
I reached out and took the phone, my heart racing for an entirely new reason. Esta sat down beside me and put her hand on my elbow—a move meant to calm me that had the opposite effect. I put the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Celia, honey, it’s Aunt Olive. I don’t want you to worry, but Abe and Jeremy aren’t here. We called to see if they were with you, and Fay insisted I let you know what’s going on.”
Juniper Limits (The Juniper Series Book 2) Page 20
