No, I tell her. I don’t really know anything about Batman.
Nobody wants to be Batman and Robin with you, says Jackson.
Then she kicks him hard and low on the leg. Jackson pushes her away with one hand.
Cut it out, he tells her.
Did you see Batman Returns? she asks.
I shake my head.
Are you going to be anything or what? Jackson asks me.
Maybe, I say.
I want him to go away now. I don’t care about Halloween.
You got anything in there you could wear that’s scary? asks Jackson.
I shrug.
You’re weird, his sister says to me and then she licks her lips. Her bottom lip is cracked in the middle and it’s bleeding now.
You at least got a white sheet, Jackson says. You could be a ghost.
Okay, I tell him.
Come on, his sister says and she pulls on Jackson’s arm.
Jackson shakes his arm to make her let go.
Come on, she says again.
Jackson pretends he can’t hear her.
Well, he says to me. He keeps looking at my face, so I look away.
See ya, he says.
His sister’s already walking away and he runs to catch up so he can walk in front.
Bye, I say.
Dad says I have to sit down at the table and do my homework. He brings me a glass of water and crackers for a snack.
How many pages do I have to do? I ask.
Two, says Dad.
I eat one cracker and then copy all the spelling words three times. On the fraction page, I make up answers.
Finished, I tell him.
That was quick, Dad says and he comes over to the table to see.
I show him the spelling words.
What about the math page? he asks.
No, I tell him.
Dad sits down and shows me how to draw fractions like pies with slices cut out. Then I can see them in my head and I know how they work. Dad stays with me and watches me do the problems.
Good, he keeps telling me. After I do the last one, he walks over to the refrigerator and looks inside. So, you know those kids? he asks.
They live in the blue house, I tell him.
Dad yawns. We should go to the store, he says.
Yes, I say, I need a white sheet because I’m going to be a ghost.
What are you talking about? asks Dad. He walks back over to me.
I want to be a ghost, I tell him, a ghost is scary.
Dad scratches the top of his head. His hair is messy and greasy.
Your mother is not a ghost, he says.
I know, I tell him, it’s Halloween.
When? Dad asks.
Dear Ms. Lambert,
I want to tell you something.
The night she left, Mother woke me up. She said, Sebby, you have to hear this. On the tape, the man said, And now to sing this lovely ballad, here is Mama Cass. Mother stopped the music then to make it start over. She said, Listen, Sebby. If you listen carefully, you can hear Mama Cass clearing her throat. The song started over again and she asked me did I hear it and I did, so I said yes and Mother loved me then. She picked me up out of bed and held me. I love you, little boy, she whispered. Mother whispered close to my ear and she kissed my face. I put my head down on her shoulder and I loved her, too. We listened to the song and Mother whispered the words to me about saying good night and dreaming about each other.
After the song, she put me back in bed and stayed there with me until I fell asleep. In the morning I found a piece of paper folded up under my pillow. The paper had all the words of the song written on it.
Bye, Sebby
We don’t have a plain white sheet, so Dad gives me one that’s white with little yellow flowers all over it.
You can turn it inside out, he says, then we’ll cut two holes for eyes.
I tell him that we don’t have any scissors.
I’m going to the store, says Dad.
I follow him to the door.
I’ll buy scissors, he says. Lock the door behind me.
Then he goes.
I stand over by the window and watch him walking away. He forgot to wear his coat.
I don’t like the sheet because even on the white side, the yellow flowers show through and I know I’m going to look stupid. I leave the sheet there on the floor and I put on my puffy green coat.
Outside, it’s windy and the trees are loud. All the leaves are blowing away. I walk slow and count my steps so I can know how many it takes to get to the blue house. I count all the way up to 203 and then I stop counting because it’s cold and I want to run, so I run the rest of the way.
I knock on the door and wait. The girl, Shelly, answers.
Hello, she says. She’s wearing a blue sweatshirt that has white sheep all over it except for one black sheep at the bottom.
I have a question, I tell her.
Then Jackson comes running to the door to see who it is. When he sees me, he pushes his sister out of the way.
What day is Halloween? I ask him.
He scrunches up his face at me.
You don’t know? asks Jackson. He shakes his head. It’s today, he says.
I think about how that means it has been a whole year since last Halloween. Mother was alive then and she dressed me up as a white cat, like the cat named Duncan that she had when she was a girl.
Go get ready, he tells me, I’ll come get you when it’s dark.
I’m waiting and waiting, but Dad is not coming home from the store and it’s getting dark now. I keep sitting at the bottom of the stairs, watching the door and listening for Dad. I can’t get up since I didn’t turn on any of the lights and now everywhere inside the house is dark. I bite the inside of my cheek to taste the blood in my mouth and that makes me feel better.
This kind of dark is scary.
I like the dark inside closets because I know that it’s light outside in the rest of the house. When Mother’s head was hurting really bad, I used to help her cover all the windows in my room to make it dark, all the way black dark, and then we liked to sit in there together. I would keep my eyes closed and then open them and nothing changed because the dark was so dark it was like the dark inside of my head.
I know what I have to do. I have to cut the sheet with the knife and make eye holes, but I am stuck at the bottom of the steps. I bite the inside of my cheek again and I think about how Mother said that it’s a bad habit and I should try not to do it.
The dark is everywhere. Sometimes I think I hear Dad coming and I wait for the door to open, but nothing happens. If Jackson comes and rings the doorbell now, I can’t answer it because I’m not ready.
Then the door opens. Dad doesn’t see me in the dark.
Dad, I say and my voice scares him because he doesn’t know I’m right here.
Jesus Christ, Sebby, Dad says and he turns on the light.
You took a long time, I tell him.
He doesn’t say anything. Dad has two bags of groceries and I can see now that his face is red and sweaty from carrying them.
Did you buy scissors? I ask.
Oh shit, says Dad.
How are we going to cut the sheet? I ask and follow him into the kitchen.
We’ll figure it out, he says.
But we don’t have time, I say, because it’s already dark and Halloween is right now.
Dad stops putting the groceries away. I watch him take a deep breath.
Bring me the sheet, says Dad.
When I come back, Dad’s holding the big knife. He takes the sheet from me and cuts all the way around to make it shorter. He doesn’t cut very straight, but that’s okay since I think that makes it look scarier. Then Dad folds the sheet in half and he pokes two holes at the top for my eyes.
Here, he says, try it on.
It’s a little bit long, but I like it.
Come over here, says Dad. He cuts off a piece from the leftover sheet and uses that like a s
carf to tie around my neck. Now the ghost costume stays on me and I can run and it won’t fall off.
I run upstairs to the big mirror in the bathroom and I look at myself. I’m only kind of scary because you can see the yellow flowers through the sheet. Maybe outside in the dark you won’t be able to see the flowers. I run around fast at first and then slower, like how a ghost moves, and I keep going back to the mirror to see what I look like again.
When the doorbell rings, I run downstairs to answer. Jackson is there in his black ninja costume with his ninja mask and I know his costume is better than mine.
Are you ready? Jackson asks.
Yes, I tell him.
We’re only allowed to stay out for an hour, Jackson’s sister tells me. I’m in charge of the time, she says and shows me the black watch on her wrist.
I nod, then look at her feet and see that she’s wearing her white shoes. They’re so white in the dark that her feet glow.
Come on, Jackson says and starts running.
I have to hold up the bottom of my sheet so I can run without tripping. It’s hard to see because my glasses are getting foggy from my breathing. I can hear Shelly behind me. Her white shoes make loud clicking noises on the sidewalk.
We gotta get to the good street, Jackson tells me when he stops to catch his breath.
Okay, I say.
They give out whole big candy bars, he says.
Shelly catches up to us and starts to cry.
I can’t go that fast, she says.
You should have gone out with Mom, Jackson yells at her.
She just sits down and cries with her hands covering her ears and pretends she can’t hear anything.
None of the houses here have their lights on for Halloween. I don’t know where we are. The dark is all over and it makes everything far away, like you can’t touch anything and I think I could run and run and still it would be dark like this with nothing to touch.
I think of Cass, far away with Leo. In my head, I can’t see them. I can only see our house from the outside and I know they are somewhere inside of it. Even though it’s night, I think of Ms. Lambert at school, sitting on her desk in front of the class with one ankle crossed over the other. She takes her black-and-white Chap Stick out of her pocket and I watch how she puts it on. Katya’s wearing her yellow sweater. I can see her standing alone in the dark on the grassy school field.
Shelly cries louder and she’s kicking at Jackson so he can’t get close enough to talk to her. I want Shelly to stop because out here the sound goes everywhere and everyone can hear us.
Shelly, please stop, I tell her. I’m leaning forward, close to her ear.
Shelly looks at me. Her face is red and wet.
I’m not getting up unless you go slower, says Shelly. Her voice sounds stuffy like she has a cold.
Fine, Jackson says, I hope you know you’re a big baby.
I’m telling, Shelly says.
Go ahead, says Jackson and he grabs her arm to pull her up so she’s standing. Then he starts running, still holding her arm and pulling her along.
I run again, too, and it’s quiet except for the sound of our feet. Running in the dark feels like being alone. I have to keep up with Jackson or I will be lost. I’m breathing hard and the air hurts the back of my throat. My sheet keeps slipping down and then I almost trip.
Here! Jackson yells and he stops.
Down the street, the houses are big and lit up and there are other kids. We can walk now because we made it. Jackson still holds Shelly’s arm and has to pull her.
The first house we go to has fake cobwebs all over it and plastic skeletons and spooky music playing out the windows. Kids come running down the front steps and they push past us on our way up. I stay close behind Jackson and Shelly. Another kid comes down the steps by himself. He’s wearing one of those plastic costumes you can buy at a drugstore. He’s supposed to be the beast from the cartoon movie Beauty and the Beast.
She’s only got Raisinets left, he tells us.
Jackson doesn’t say anything to him, so I don’t either.
At the top of the steps, a woman with gray hair says, Boo. She’s not wearing a costume really, but she has fuzzy cat ears on her headband.
We take her Raisinets and run back down the stairs.
At the next house we get Snickers.
These are the best, Jackson says. He opens his and takes a bite before he puts it in his bag.
Come on, he says with his mouth full.
Shelly holds up her watch in the light from the house and it says 8:37. That means an hour already passed. Shelly starts crying again, not loud like before, but soft and quiet.
You take her now, Jackson says and gives me Shelly’s arm.
I try to pull her along.
Come on, Shelly, I say, walk.
Jackson’s getting way ahead of us.
We have to go faster, I tell her. I pull her a little harder. Jackson’s waiting for us in front of the biggest house at the end of the street.
We’re not going to get any candy if you guys go that slow, says Jackson.
Sorry, I tell him.
This is all your fault, Shelly yells at him.
Jackson ignores her and I follow him up the steps to the front door. I have to pull Shelly along with me. At the top of the stairs there’s a note that says PLEASE ONLY ONE EACH, and below it is a bucket. A little kid dressed like a pirate with an eye patch and a stuffed-animal parrot stuck on his shoulder reaches in and pulls out something like a ball.
What the hell is that? says a bigger kid with a bloody skeleton mask.
I think it’s a real shrunken head, Jackson says.
A kid dressed up in a furry tiger suit throws up all over himself.
That’s disgusting, someone says.
We all reach into the bucket at the same time to grab one of the balls. Then we run back down the steps fast and I don’t even have to pull Shelly.
At the next house we get peanut M&M’s and then we get Tootsie Pops and then Kit Kat bars and that’s it, because a brown van in the street honks at us three times.
Jackson says, Oh crap, it’s Mom.
Shelly grabs my hand and takes me with her to the van. Jackson comes behind us. Their mom doesn’t say anything when we get in.
Are you mad, Mom? Jackson asks her. She looks at him with her eyes small and mean.
Jackson made us come here and he was pulling me and hurting me, Shelly says and starts crying again.
Jackson’s mom drives and it’s quiet except for Shelly’s crying. The crying is okay now that we’re inside the van and not out in the dark.
Jackson’s mom pulls up in front of the white box house.
Here’s your stop, she says.
I can’t get the sliding van door open, so Jackson has to do it for me. He doesn’t say anything. He just opens the door and I get out.
Dad’s still sitting in the kitchen.
What’re you doing? I ask him.
Huh, Dad says. He scratches his hand through his hair.
I take the weird ball thing out of my candy bag and put it down on the table in front of him.
What is it? I ask.
A pomegranate, says Dad.
I shrug. I don’t know that word.
It’s fruit, he says. You can eat it. He stands up and brings a plate and a knife back over to the table.
I watch how he cuts the pomegranate in half. Dad picks out a little red seed and eats it.
Try one, he tells me.
I can’t eat in my ghost costume. I point to my mouth to show Dad there’s no hole.
Here, I’ll fix it, says Dad, but you have to take it off for a minute.
Dad pulls the sheet off me and then uses the pomegranate knife to cut a hole for my mouth. It leaves a stain on the sheet like blood.
That makes it scarier, Dad says. He helps me put the sheet back on and ties the scarf around my neck.
I don’t really like how the inside of the pomegranate looks with so many l
ittle seeds, but I pick one out. It tastes kind of sweet and crunches when I chew.
See, Dad says, it’s good.
So we keep picking out little seeds and eating them. Our fingers turn red. Dad laughs and I laugh, too.
Then the doorbell rings and I don’t want to answer it. I think maybe it’s Jackson’s mom and she’s going to tell Dad how we went really far away.
Who the hell could that be? asks Dad.
I don’t move, so Dad stands up to go see who it is. He licks his fingers and wipes them off on his gray sweatpants before he opens the door.
Leo, Dad says.
Hi Dad, says Leo.
I run over to see him. His hair is longer and hangs down over his eyes.
Leo puts down his duffel bag and gives Dad a fast hug. I watch how Dad pats Leo on the back twice and then they step back to look at each other.
Leo, I say and he looks at me then.
What happened to you? Leo asks.
I’m a ghost, I tell him.
But your hands, he says.
My hands are messy from eating.
Sebby brought home a pomegranate, Dad says and I point to it over on the table.
Do you want some? I ask.
Nah, says Leo. He walks over to where I am and hugs me hard.
How you doing? he asks.
It’s Halloween, I say.
I know, he says.
We’re all standing in the kitchen now. Dad’s rubbing his chin and it makes a scratchy sound because his beard is starting to grow back.
Well, Leo says to Dad, I was worried—I mean, you sounded weird on the phone. Leo puts his hands in his pockets and pushes them in as deep as they’ll go.
I’m fine, Dad says. We’re fine, he says and looks at me.
Leo nods.
Cass wants to know if you’re planning to vote, says Leo. It’s a big deal, Dad.
Can we talk about it tomorrow? Dad says. It’s late.
A social worker came to the house, Leo says, to check on us. She wants to talk to you.
Fine, says Dad. He walks out of the kitchen and then stops to turn around. You can sleep upstairs in the empty bed, he says to Leo. Sebby insists on sleeping down here.
Dad puts up his hand and waves. Good night, he says.
Up High in the Trees Page 8
