“I’ve got a better idea. How about we meet at Dunkin’ Donuts across the street to get a bite to eat at lunch, and then I can drive you over to the hospital? I was planning on checking out the health club in the shopping center anyway, and that way I’ll have company for lunch. I usually have to eat alone, you know.”
Sarah grinned. “Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you?”
“But you’ll meet me, won’t you?” he pressed.
“Okay, okay, but be there at noon. If you’re even two minutes late, I’m leaving. No excuses.” She swiped the air with her hand.
“No problem. Noon on the dot. I’ll even make sure to reserve a table in a cozy, private corner.”
Sarah sought out Rosemary. “Can you believe this guy?”
Rosemary rested her chin on her hands. “I think it’s sweet. I wish someone would offer to meet me at Dunkin’ Donuts.”
“Rosemary! You’re married with two grown sons!”
“Exactly! Be in my position and you’d understand.”
“That gives me an idea,” Rufus said. “I might just take Thelma later this afternoon. I saw a flyer in the mail with a coupon for their seasonal pumpkin donuts. She’ll be tickled pink.”
“Okay, okay, I get the message. Anyone who’s anyone is going to be at Dunkin’ Donuts. But like I said—noon.” Sarah didn’t bother to look back as she trotted down the hallway. Rufus had to hustle to catch up.
“I’ll say goodbye now, too, Rosemary.” Zach raised his hand. He nodded at Hunt, crossed the room and opened the door to leave.
Hunt saluted Rosemary. “So, I’ll call you later this afternoon to get the boss’s schedule.” Then he sprinted after Zach. “Hey, Zach, hold up,” he called, pulling Fred with him.
As soon as he was through the door, the dog spotted a squirrel digging in the stones. He lunged toward it, almost dislocating Hunt’s shoulder. The squirrel, showing a keen sense of survival, scurried up a drainpipe attached to the low office building. Fred began leaping as far as the leash would allow him in a futile attempt to reach the squirrel, now tantalizingly out of reach atop the gutter. Fred watched the twitching tail and sprung upward over and over despite Hunt’s commands.
“Some dog you got there. He should be in a circus,” Zach said.
Hunt gave him an exasperated smile. “Let me tell you about this dog.”
KATARINA SPOKE ANIMATEDLY into her phone. “We’ve just gotten out of this information lecture given by the admissions people at Yale, and now we’re waiting to be divided up into groups for a tour.”
“Who’s that?” Ben mouthed.
Katarina covered the phone and whispered, “Babicka.” They were milling on the lawn among a large group of high school students and their parents. The admissions offices were located on the elegant tree-lined Hillhouse Avenue in New Haven. Originally the mansions on the street had been private abodes. Now they served as administration buildings or departmental offices.
She nodded as she listened to Lena speak. “Yeah, I agree. Yale is very impressive from what little we’ve seen of it.” She listened some more. “Yes, the weather’s great. In fact, we saw online that the leaves are already beginning to change in Massachusetts and Vermont, so we’re thinking of extending the trip from three to four days. Maybe go up to the Berkshires besides going on to Boston?” She looked at Ben for confirmation.
“I want to get the full maple syrup experience,” he said, coming over. He hugged her around the waist and kissed her lightly on the side of her hair.
She smiled, momentarily distracted. “What? Could you repeat that? You’re fading in and out.” She slapped Ben away when he started to ruffle her hair.
“Okay, I hear you now. No, Babicka, I haven’t spoken to Sarah recently. I mean, I emailed her on Sunday when we decided to take this trip.” She paused to listen. “No, I don’t really know what she plans to do about child care. I know she’s got some maternity leave coming, and I think she spoke with Amanda about maybe working part-time.”
The guides for the tour began calling for people to gather around them. “Listen, Babicka, I really have to go… What? Fine, but I’ll pass you to Matt, but, you know, you were the one who called me and was doing all the talking. Oh, never mind…” She tapped Matt on the back. The teenager was talking to another boy who’d sat next to him during the information session. “It’s Babicka. She wants to talk to—and I quote—‘my favorite person.’” She handed off the phone, and Matt sidled away to talk.
Ben looked down at Katarina. “What was that all about? Everything all right?”
Katarina shrugged her shoulders. “She seems fine. She just wanted to chat—about the trip, then about Sarah. Nothing special.”
Matt returned and handed back the phone. “Let’s join that group,” he said, pointing to the one where his newly found friend had gravitated. “Only could you both not stand right next to me? This is my tour, after all.”
Ben made a face to Katarina.
Katarina waved it off. “No problem, Matt. By the way, did Babicka say anything special?”
Matt thumbed through a large blue information folder and tried to act casual. “Nothing. She just wanted to know if I knew how to play the ‘Wedding March.’ Then she told me that Yale has this collection of rare musical instruments that sounds really cool. You think we have time to visit it after the tour?” He looked at Ben and Katarina.
“Cool,” Ben said, then looked at Katarina. “Cool?” he asked her.
Katarina was buried in thought for a moment, and it took a beat before she responded. “Yeah, fine. Cool. Whatever. Just let me make one more call.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SARAH’S PLEASURE AT DISCOVERING Hunt holding open the door for her at Dunkin’ Donuts disappeared as soon as she entered the fast-food establishment. “Oh, no. This wasn’t part of the deal.”
“I asked him to come,” Hunt said.
“Well, you can un-ask him.” She crossed her arms in front of her.
Zach pushed his chair back from a corner table and walked over to join them. He seemed at a loss as to where to put his hands and ended up clasping them behind his back. Prince Charles he wasn’t.
Hunt touched Sarah’s sleeve. “I really think you should talk to him.”
“It would just take a minute. I promise,” Zach said.
“C’mon, Sarah. What can be the harm? A few minutes? Besides, I spoke with him this morning, and I think he just wants to do the right thing.”
She shook her head at Hunt. “It’s just not that easy. Or that simple. And he is no longer part of my life.” Then she paused. She refused to lose it in a public place.
She forced herself to look at Zach. “I don’t know what Hunt said or implied to you, but my bottom line is, forget it. You signed away any legal rights to the baby. And I don’t need you or want you involved. End of story.”
She started to leave, but Hunt gripped her arm.
“Sarah, just give the guy five minutes. If you won’t talk to him for yourself, talk to him for the sake of the baby. I never really knew my father, never was given the opportunity to get to know him. And look how that screwed me up. I know how important this can be. If you don’t do this, you’ll regret it. Trust me.” He held her arm and stared at her squarely. “If you talk to him this once, I promise never to bug you about this ever again, okay?”
Sarah scratched her temple. Finally she looked up. “Okay. You make a convincing argument, especially the part about how screwed up you are. But I swear. Five minutes, and that’s it.”
Hunt did his best not to look too pleased with himself and ushered her to the table in the corner by the window. It faced the interior courtyard of the old-fashioned shopping center, anchored at one end by an upscale supermarket and the other by a Rite Aid drugstore. In between were local shops and restaurants catering to everyday needs from screwdrivers to birthday cards.
He pulled out a chair for her next to Zach. Then he sat on her other side. “Can I get you both
something? Coffee? A donut?”
Zach shook his head. “I never have fried foods or take caffeine.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Such a purist.” She leveled a gaze at Hunt. “You can get me a bagel with cream cheese. And why don’t you get yourself a glazed donut? They have extra calories.”
“Always looking out for my welfare.” Hunt slipped off his jacket and joined the lunchtime line at the front of the store.
Sarah watched him go then turned to look out the window. She saw two young mothers with strollers. A toddler ran on ahead, pushing a doll in a ministroller of its own. It all appeared so happy, so innocent. Will my life ever be so uncomplicated? Sarah wondered.
“He seems like a nice guy,” Zach interrupted her thoughts. “He told me how you’re staying with him until the baby comes, maybe even a while beyond that, which I thought was pretty generous.”
Sarah reluctantly dragged her gaze back to the man sitting so near. She studied him. Zach looked unchanged. No, that wasn’t true. He was still handsome and fit, but he no longer conveyed that serenity, the comfortable sense of purpose that she had once found so attractive. Or had that serenity merely been an illusion?
She pursed her lips. “I said I would sit here for five minutes. If you want to use that time to discuss my rooming situation, fine by me.”
Zach straightened the napkin container in the middle of the table. “I know this is hard for you, and I appreciate you’re willing to listen to me.” He looked up from fussing and drew a large breath. “I want to apologize.”
Sarah pressed the tip of her tongue on the edge of her top teeth. “And now, having said that, you expect me to accept your apology?”
Zach shook his head. “No, not really. I mean, sure, it would make me feel a lot better, but I’m not expecting you to forgive me—not after what I did.”
“You lied to me.” Sarah’s expression was bleak.
“I lied to you. I lied to myself—for most of my life, in fact.” Zach swallowed. “And when I finally accepted who I was, I was too frightened to just come out and let you know. Sneaking around behind your back was cowardly.”
“It wasn’t exactly behind my back on our wedding day.”
“I know. I know. That was really stupid. I wasn’t thinking. The whole wedding thing just spiraled out of control. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You wanted to be caught, didn’t you?” Sarah asked quietly. She peered at him intently.
Zach sighed. “I guess. I guess I wanted you to be the one to call the whole thing off instead of me taking responsibility.”
“Well, we all have moments where we’ve reneged on our responsibilities,” Sarah admitted. She could feel herself softening. But it was one thing to understand, another to forgive. Even now, months afterward, the humiliation hurt. Oh, the shock may have worn off, but she still felt the anger. “You devastated me that day, you know.”
“I know what I did was cruel and unforgivable—” Zach started to speak but held up his hand as if to give himself more time to choose his words carefully. “Okay, please, don’t take this in the wrong way, because I mean it as a compliment. What I want to say is I don’t really think you were devastated.”
Sarah laughed sardonically.
Zach held up his hand again. “Hear me out. You know, I always admired you because you seemed so independent and sure of yourself. I kind of felt like our relationship—and by extension, our marriage—was some kind of an add-on to your life, not a central part.”
“But you knew how much I wanted a family,” Sarah protested.
Zach leaned forward. “But did you want me as a husband and life partner, or was I just one piece of your plan for a family?”
Sarah covered her mouth and chin with her hands. She breathed in slowly. “I don’t know. Right now I’m so mixed up. I can’t even remember.” She noticed the faint lines around his mouth and the enlarged pores along the creases of his nose, all the imperfections that she had never really seen before. “It’s funny that you thought of me as so self-assured, because I’ve never felt that way. I always thought that you were the one who was so together. Did I ever really know you? Did you ever really know me?”
“Did we really know ourselves?” Zach asked.
“Here’s the food and drink,” Hunt announced. He had a large coffee in one hand and two bags in the other.
Sarah reached across the back of her chair for her backpack and stood up. “I don’t think I have time for it now. I need to get going to the hospital. You can drive me, and I’ll pick up something later.”
“But your bagel?” Hunt waggled the bag.
“Keep it.” She heard Zach push his chair back, the legs scraping against the floor.
“Sarah? About the baby. I know I signed away any rights, so there’s no need to worry,” he said, as if sensing the tightness in her shoulders. “I’m not here to contest that. I just wanted to say, that if you need anything, any help, I’m here. I may have been a coward when it came to admitting what I am, but I’m not one to run away from responsibility now. Okay?”
Sarah swallowed. “I’ll keep that in mind. But…but…it’s complicated.”
Zach nodded. “I understand.”
She nodded goodbye and left, forcing Hunt to play catch-up.
He juggled the coffee and the bags, and when some coffee spilled through the hole in the travel lid, he licked it off his fingers. “Slow down a minute,” he pleaded. He rested his paper cup on the car roof and fished the keys out of his pocket. “So, what did he say?”
As the locks clicked, Sarah opened the door and got in, shutting the door in Hunt’s face. When he circled the car and got in, she refused to look across the console. “Just drive,” she said. “Just drive.”
SARAH PUSHED THROUGH the revolving door to the hospital entrance, smiling at the two volunteers manning the reception desk. They were the same two chatty women who had been manning the desk on Mondays the whole time Sarah had lived in Grantham. Their ruthless permanents hadn’t altered in the seven years.
She tucked her chin into the collar of her barn coat and took a left turn, trudging past the cafeteria without bothering to stop. She headed quickly toward the staff locker rooms. But before she changed into the regulation top and donned her I.D. badge she made a beeline for the bathroom.
She desperately had to pee. Not that that was anything new. More than that, she desperately needed privacy. She found an empty bathroom stall, walked in and flipped the lever to lock the door. She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes.
And let the tears come.
She cried silently and deeply, recounting all the screwups of her life, all her emotional bumps and bruises, and all the ways she had hurt others and had been hurt herself. When at last the tears stopped coming, she wiped her nose with the back of her hand and then reached into the zipped section of her knapsack for her cell phone.
She went to Favorites and hit the number that usually was a chore to call. She waited, listening to the dial tone. Finally, the familiar voice picked up and answered.
“Mom? It’s Sarah,” she said, the tears starting anew. “Mommy?” Her voice went up. “I need to talk to you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SARAH TAPPED OUT the security code and entered Hunt’s house. She had left word that Julie was going to drive her home from the hospital, so there had been no need for him to come pick her up. For once, she was grateful for the indulgence of taking an elevator upstairs. She got out at the living room, and Fred bounded toward her, doing his tail-wagging dance in honor of her return. She smiled—who wouldn’t?—and bent to rub his ears. Fred snuggled against her leg before performing a pirouette toward the bag of treats on the counter. Dutifully, Sarah walked over and reached in the bag.
“Fred, watch me,” she commanded, well trained after only two days. Fred responded, and Sarah gave him his treat. Then he rushed away to reclaim a tennis ball from under the coffee table.
She heard footsteps coming down t
he stairway. Sarah knew it was Hunt. He wore socks but no shoes. There was a red crease line running down his cheek, and he hadn’t bothered to put on his glasses. He looked as though he’d just woken up from a nap. She also saw that he was carrying a medicine bottle in his hand.
“Everything all right?” she asked, not wanting to show her concern but doing so anyway.
“Just a headache.” He headed toward the overhead kitchen cabinets and removed a glass. He filled it in the sink and popped a few tablets. “I tested my culinary skills and made us chili for dinner,” he said. “I can’t guarantee the results, but at least we won’t go hungry before your Lamaze class tonight.”
She registered for the first time the smell of slightly burned food simmering on the stove. She hadn’t counted on him ministering to her needs, even if inexpertly. His kindness almost had her burst into tears yet again. She had been a faucet all afternoon.
No, what she had expected was for him to chide her about not needing his driving services, followed by an intense questioning about her conversation with Zach. Was he being polite, giving her distance, or merely putting her on the spot, forcing her to make the first move? She was too tired, physically and emotionally to know.
She shook her head. “Listen, that’s…ah…nice of you—”
“‘Nice.’ Ouch,” Hunt said without his lilt.
She shook her head. “It’s nothing personal.” It was totally personal. “I’m just kind of pooped right now. Do you mind if I take a nap before we have to go out?” She glanced at her watch. “We’ve got about an hour.”
“Sure, no problem. Should I wake you?”
“No, I’ll set the alarm on my phone.” She started for the stairs, and Fred got up and trotted along with her, rushing to go up first. He bounded up and waited for her at the top of the stairs, his tail wagging as usual.
Family Be Mine Page 16
