Laughing, Rachel lifted her up. “My, what a big voice you have.” She grinned at the baby who met her eyes. A smile bloomed on Jenny’s bow-shaped lips. “Hungry for some more now?”
Gurgling, Jenny lifted her hands after Rachel placed her back into the crook of her left arm. The infant suckled strongly and Rachel closed her eyes, feeling as if she were in bliss. Or, maybe it was heaven. Whatever it was, she was happy. Happier than she could recall.
“So,” Cade said, walking into the room, “you’re a singer, too.”
Cade’s gray gaze burned into Rachel. He had just come in, coat in his hand and in his sock feet. There was something vulnerable about Cade despite his remoteness and it tugged at Rachel’s heart. “Oh, I’m no great singer. I just love to sing is all.” She was struck by the sudden thaw in his expression. Generally, when she had seen him, he was scowling. “There’s a difference, you know.”
Crouching down in front of her, Cade gently brushed his index finger along the chubby curve of Jenny’s flushed cheek. “I’d be happy, too, if you were singing to me. My favorite song is the one you were just singing. It’s a Christmas carol we sing in church at this time of year.”
Rachel sucked in a breath as Cade leaned down. His closeness made her heart beat faster. She could feel his warmth, his masculine strength, and, hungrily, she absorbed Cade’s unexpected closeness. Her knees almost brushed his. As male as he was, he was so tender as he grazed Jenny’s cheek and then smoothed her fuzzy black hair across her tiny skull. He’s the opposite of Dirk. Rachel felt her stomach muscles lose their tension over that realization. How could she have been so blind as not to see Dirk for who and what he was? It was a question she’d asked herself a thousand times without a good answer. Her mother and brothers had warned her not to marry him, and she’d ignored their pleas. She’d paid the price.
Rachel sat very still as Cade crouched, smiling at the baby. Why couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone like Cade, a man with strong morals and values? Whatever the answer, Rachel hadn’t pinned down her reasons for choosing Dirk—and why she’d stayed with him. Her family had understood and supported her through it all. She cherished her monthly phone calls to her mother. Once a year, they were allowed one wonderful week together in Puerto Rico.
“She’s really happy,” Cade noted, looking up at Rachel, the baby’s fingers wrapped around his finger. Immediately, he detected pain lingering in the recesses of her blue eyes. A profound sadness surrounded Rachel, and he couldn’t explain why that suffering was there. Maybe a search on the law-enforcement network at his office would give him answers. Though, of course, he didn’t want Rachel to show up on any lists. He wanted her to be free of any illegal past. While it made him feel a little guilty, Cade knew he had to do it—especially for Jenny’s sake.
Rousing herself, Rachel smiled nervously and saw that Jenny was done with the bottle. She removed it from her mouth and blotted the baby’s lips with the diaper from her shoulder. “Yes, she is.”
“Now, she’ll go to sleep,” Cade said. He stood up and held out his hands. “Do you want me to put her to bed?”
“Not yet,” Rachel said, beginning slowly to rock once more. “I want her fully asleep before I do that. Less chance of her jerking awake and then being cranky.”
Nodding, Cade said, “I’m really glad you have baby experience.”
She remembered that he’d lost his family. And he hadn’t divulged much, so she wasn’t going to bring up the topic, either. Instead, she said softly, “Don’t worry. You’ll be a great father for Jenny.” And he would. It irked her that she kept wondering what it would feel like to be touched by Cade. He was a man’s man and so kind to her. Rachel couldn’t stop imagining being with him no matter how much she tried to put it out of her mind. In one day, she’d man aged to become attracted to another man.
“Maybe…” Desperately, Cade scrambled to change the direction of their conversation. It was getting too personal.
“Have you gotten your art assignment?” Cade asked, instead. Since she was taking an Internet art course, he’d invited her to use her laptop in his office.
“I just downloaded the instructions on my next one,” she admitted. “I’m to draw an animal, and I’ve decided I’ll try a moose.”
“The snow is pretty much gone by May, and I can take you into some good places to see the real thing then.” Cade was shocked at his offer. Where had that come from? He saw the surprise in Rachel’s features, too. What was it about her that softened his hard edges and the wall of grief around him?
“I’d love that. I have a camera and can take some photos to bring back here.”
Rachel was easy to converse with. Normally, Cade would come home from work, say hello and disappear to do his chores. Something had changed, and he wanted to take the time to talk with Rachel. He was hungry for her company. “Have you always wanted to be a children’s illustrator?”
“Always,” Rachel said, “I got an opportunity to go to the art school in New York in the evenings. I found out all kinds of commercial art existed out there, but I loved the children’s illustrations the most.”
“What else did you want to be?” Cade noticed how she avoided his look and her mouth tightened briefly at the corners.
“I dreamed of being married and having a bunch of kids.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but not quite the truth, either. If she hadn’t married a drug dealer, she would have married someone in Iowa and continued her farming life that she loved so much.
“Not exactly what the modern-day woman wants,” Cade noted.
Rachel shrugged. “I think family is the core value of everything.” Cade wouldn’t know about hers and it made her feel badly.
“Brothers? Sisters?”
“No, an only child. My parents died in a plane accident five years ago.” All lies, but that was her ironclad cover. Rachel didn’t want to lie to Cade, but what else could she do under the circumstances?
“I’m sorry about your parents,” he said, meaning it. Again, she avoided his gaze and seemed unusually tense. “Tell me, are all artists introverts who hate being grilled on their backgrounds?” Cade tried to add a hint of a smile to go with his serious question. Maybe that would help her relax. He didn’t want to chase Rachel off, leaving him without a nanny.
Rachel quirked her lips as she rocked Jenny. “I’m an introvert, for sure. I just don’t get many men who are interested in me or what I want out of life, is all.”
“That shocks me. You’re young, beautiful, talented….”
Feeling heat rush to her cheeks, Rachel wanted to shrink and disappear into the rocking chair. Cade’s penetrating gray eyes lost their normal hardness when he whispered those words. He meant it. His unexpected compliment touched her racing heart. “Thank you.”
Cade figured that her shyness and her nanny duties hadn’t given her much luck with relationships. There was no ring on her left finger, and she hadn’t mentioned a boyfriend. As much as he hated to admit it, he was glad that she was single. He hadn’t been interested in women since Abby had died two years ago. Maybe he was ready to start living again. Confused on several levels, he cleared his throat and tried to make his conversation lighter. “My parents have invited us over for Christmas dinner. Ham, mashed potatoes, red gravy and pumpkin pie for dessert. Sound good?”
“Are you sure you want me to come?” She saw surprise flare in his gray eyes and then disappear. From his gruff demeanor, Rachel hadn’t even been sure he wanted her underfoot, much less in the same house with his parents.
“Of course,” Cade said. “You’re part of our extended family now.”
She stared up at him for a moment, and then quickly averted her gaze. Those three words embraced her like a warm blanket. How badly Rachel wanted to believe that. “I’d love to join you.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Cade said. He wanted to reach out and touch Rachel’s cheek. There was such a sense of peace surrounding her. It seemed to Cade that her world was anc
hored around the babe in her arms. “I’m going to get a shower. Dinner’s at 6:00 p.m.”
Cade left the room and it seemed to lose its radiance. As the baby slept soundly, her tiny hands on her chest, Rachel tried to shake herself out of her sudden dreaminess. Dirk Payson had escaped prison, and, no doubt, he was looking for her. And yet, her life had taken a sharp ninety-degree turn and here she was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And with a baby she already loved fiercely, not to mention the handsome rancher’s son who was easy on her eyes.
Rachel rocked and stared out the picture window at the Grand Tetons in the distance. In the past twenty-four hours, since the accident, Rachel had questioned her presence here and sudden employment as Jenny’s nanny. With Dirk out of prison, anyone she associated with was in potential danger. She’d been so worried about the situation, she had called her handler an hour earlier when Cade had left the house. Brenda had told her to stay exactly where she was and maintain her cover. The FBI agent reminded her she had to have a job to support herself. No matter where she worked, whether as a nanny or in an office or a manufacturing facility, everyone was potentially in danger because of her. But what else could she do?
Rachel wished she could transport herself to another planet to keep everyone safe from her bad decision made when she was eighteen years old. Brenda had tried to soothe her worries, telling her she was on edge because of Dirk’s sudden escape from prison. Brenda was confident she was fine right where she was.
In her gut, Rachel wanted to run. But run to where? The FBI insisted on knowing where she was at all times. She had nowhere to go and she would never escape. God help her, she didn’t want to put anyone in harm’s way. Least of all this beautiful little baby in her arms.
As she lifted Jenny and pressed a chaste kiss to her smooth, unmarred brow, Rachel now understood what it was like to stand between heaven and hell.
CHAPTER SIX
CADE BREATHED A SIGH of deep relief. He stood over the printer that spewed out the final criminal background check on Rachel. The sounds of people in the sheriff’s office hung around him but he didn’t pay any attention. His undivided attention remained on the fact that Rachel’s record was spotless. There was nothing to suggest she was anything but the beautiful, talented woman who was caring for Jenny—and him. Shredding the information next to his desk, he turned and met Gary Henderson, the captain of the department.
“What are you doing here the day after Christmas?” Gary asked, cup of coffee in hand. “I gave you a week off.”
“I’m just checking up on the nanny I hired to take care of Jenny,” Cade told him. The older man’s black brows moved upward and then he became more grave, nodding with understanding.
“It used to be when people were exactly who they said what they were. Nowadays, we can’t trust anyone. Pretty sad state of affairs our country has slid into.”
Cade couldn’t disagree. He told the captain about the funeral arrangements for Lily to be held the next day.
The captain took a sip of his coffee. “I’ll tell Joann to spread the word through the duty roster.”
Joann was their front-desk receptionist. She had been with the sheriff’s department for fifteen years and knew everyone in Jackson Hole. “That’s a good idea.”
“You’ll be there?” the captain asked.
“Yes, of course. My whole family is coming. I asked Rachel to stay home with Jenny. No sense in them coming out to stand at a frozen, cold grave site.”
“Right as rain,” the officer agreed. “Get out of here, Cade. Relax for the rest of your week as you get Jenny’s legal affairs in order.”
“Yes, sir. There’s the reading of Lily’s will. After that, I’ll be over at her home. Her adoptive parents are going to help me sort through everything.” He shrugged. “It’s going to be a busy time for me. I also have to stop at the courthouse to get the adoption paperwork started.” Cade pointed to a dog-eared tan briefcase sitting on the desk next to the printer. “Wish me luck.”
The captain said, “Paperwork is our nightmare in this world. Hope you have every piece of paper the court demands.”
Cade picked up the briefcase. “So do I. See you next Monday.”
Lifting his hand, the captain nodded.
The bright morning sunlight of December twenty-sixth felt good on Cade’s shoulders. He hadn’t worn his uniform since he was officially on leave, and was dressed in ranch wear of jeans, a red-and-black flannel shirt and his sheepskin coat. He headed across the parking lot to one of the courthouse subdivisions. Today, he was starting a new life as the father of a beautiful baby girl. Jenny wasn’t his by blood, but Cade loved her fiercely because Tom and Lily had been like an extended family to him. He wondered if they were in heaven looking down on him and feeling this was a good thing for their baby daughter.
As he swung through the glass doors, the security guard greeted him. Cade put his coat, his pistol and briefcase on the conveyor belt and then walked through the detector. Even as an off-duty sheriff’s deputy, he carried his weapon. The young man in the starched white shirt and blue trousers nodded respectfully toward him. Cade picked up his pistol. He placed the coat over his left arm and pulled the briefcase off the conveyor belt. He knew every office in this building. As he swung down the polished white-tiled hall, his heart rose. Jenny would have a father. Cade would anchor her life. He just had to make it official. He walked past several open doors, watching court business in full swing. Murmuring voices could be heard, along with Christmas music softly playing in the background.
What about Rachel? Cade slowed his walk. She and Jenny seemed to connect solidly. The fact that her record was spotless made Cade want to give a wild whoop of joy. Nearly overnight his world had gone from a mundane gray to a scintillating rainbow of colors. He’d been so lonely since Abby and his daughter had been torn from him. His heart turned with grief over the loss of Lily. That brought up more sadness because Tom had been like a brother to him. It almost looked as if this Christmas, two years later, gifted him with a new baby daughter and an interesting yet mysterious woman. Cade felt overwhelmed in some respects; life had suddenly given him a present of hope combined with happiness. As he stepped into the office that handled adoptions, Cade yearned to be home. Rachel’s singing haunted him. He was hungry to get to know her better.
“MOM? HOW ARE YOU?” Rachel stood in the living room after she’d put Jenny to bed after her morning feeding. She always carried several throwaway cell phones, which was the only way to protect her mother from detection. With Dirk on the loose, this was even more important.
“Hi, honey, I’m fine. Where are you?”
Rachel chuckled. “Mom, you know I can’t say.”
“I know,” her mother sighed. “If I’d known what witness protection was all about, I swear I’d not have taken it. I miss our farm so much. I miss my boys and you. This is a special hell.”
“Yes,” Rachel whispered, sitting down on the couch and gazing at the shining Grand Tetons, covered with fresh snow from last night. “I’m so sorry I got everyone mixed up in this, Mom. I was so stupid to run off and marry Dirk. I don’t know how I could do such a stupid and dangerous thing.”
“Honey, don’t go there. You were in your rebellious mode. I’ve forgiven you. I wish you could forgive yourself.”
Mouth compressed, Rachel closed her eyes. “I know you have, Mom, but I’ve changed everyone’s lives with my one stupid decision. I keep asking myself why I didn’t see that Dirk was no good. I had three brothers and a mother who saw it. What is wrong with me?”
Daisy sighed. “Baby girl, you did the best you could at that time. I remember when I was your age. The teens and early twenties is a period where they think they know better than their parents.”
Opening her eyes, Rachel whispered, “Maybe if Dad hadn’t died…”
“Oh, he’d have put up a fuss on your wanting to marry Dirk, that’s for sure,” Daisy said. “But you can’t control a young woman or man who has their mind set. What shoul
d I have done? Had your brothers build a cell and lock you up in it so you couldn’t run off with Dirk?” She laughed. “Real life doesn’t work that way.”
“I know…but my one bad decision has torn our family apart forever. You and I can’t go back to the farm—ever. And my brothers do the work now and I worry about them, Mom. With Dirk on the loose…”
“I know, sweetheart,” Daisy soothed. “But listen to me, will you? My handler said law enforcement is out at the farm. They are protecting your brothers, so stop worrying.”
“You don’t know Dirk like I do. He’s like a coyote, Mom. He’ll sit, watch and wait a long time and get to know the system and then he’ll strike during a weak moment.”
“Rachel, stop plowing that furrow.”
Laughing a little, Rachel sat up. A fierce love for her feisty mother smothered her in a warm blanket and dissolved her fear. “You’re so practical. So upbeat.”
“Common sense got me to where we are,” Daisy archly reminded her. “So tell me, are you happy in your new place?”
Rachel knew that even when they got together once a year, she still couldn’t tell her mother anything about her move. “I’m very happy, Mom. I’m a nanny again and I’m balancing that with my artwork.” She could talk in vague terms but never specific ones.
“Ah, good, nanny work supplies you with what you lost,” Daisy murmured. “How old is the tyke?”
“Three months. She’s adorable.”
“Good, good.”
“What about you?” Rachel heard her mother give a snort at the other end.
“Well, let’s just say that it’s fine in the winter, but it will be hell to pay in the summer. Not my favorite place.”
Rachel figured it was somewhere in the southern United States. In Iowa, they didn’t have the weather phenomenon known as “dog days.” They occurred during the months of July and August. The humidity was nearly a hundred percent and matched the high summer temperature and was miserable for everyone. “I feel for you.”
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