Child of Her Heart

by Cheryl St. John

  Justin came to her rescue. “No, we want both of ours sent to the same address. I don’t need priority delivery, do you?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “We’ll save a few bucks on shipping this way,” he said to her. “I’ll bring yours over when they arrive. That okay?”

  She nodded. “Sure.”

  Purchases and delivery confirmed, they walked outside.

  Meredith didn’t know what to say. The woman had assumed they were married.

  “It’s okay,” Justin said to her. “It’s perfectly natural for a casual observer to assume we’re a couple, since we’re shopping and sight-seeing as what must look like a family. I’m sorry if you’re embarrassed.”

  “I’m not embarrassed,” she replied, almost defensively.

  “Then there’s no problem.”

  “None whatsoever.”

  “Then let’s continue our holiday.”

  He walked forward and she caught up to him.

  Their next tour was of a boatyard. The owners built reproductions of rowboats and fishing boats dating back to the 1800s, and all the boats were available to rent and take out on the water.

  “I’ll try this one,” Justin said, pointing to a particular rowboat bobbing on the calm inlet. “Who’s coming with me?”

  Jonah and Lamond ran forward, but Mauli hung back. She glanced at Meredith and shuddered. “I don’t think I want to be on the ocean in a boat that small with those two kids jumping around. You go ahead, though. I’ll stay here with Anna.”

  Meredith shook her head. Anna was awake and fussing. “I’ll just sit here with you, thanks.” She called across the distance, “We’ll stay here. Have fun.”

  He and the boys scrambled into the boat and Justin rowed out in the water.

  Meredith and Mauli bought drinks and sat at a round table with an umbrella. Gulls swooped nearby, pecked at the ground then flew off.

  Meredith placed a receiving blanket over her shoulder, took Anna from her stroller and opened her nursing bra to place the baby at her breast. “So you’re a student?”

  Mauli nodded. “I’m in my third year.”

  “What’s your major?”

  “Ethnic studies. African-American history last year.”

  Meredith’s interest picked up. “Do you want to teach?”

  “Teach or counsel. Kids probably.”

  “Big surprise.”

  Mauli smiled. “Yeah, I like kids.” She sipped her soft drink and glanced at Meredith. “You haven’t asked. My dad is black and my mother is white and Hawaiian. In Hawaiian, my name means dark-skinned.”

  “I wouldn’t have asked.”

  “You’ve heard a lot of questions about Anna, haven’t you?”

  Meredith nodded.

  Mauli set her paper cup on the table. “I’ve heard them all. And so have my parents.”

  “Some of them are so…hurtful.”

  “Yes,” Mauli agreed. “But some are just thoughtlessly curious.”

  “I guess so.”

  “People get uncomfortable when they can’t easily categorize you.”

  Meredith thought over the girl’s remarks.

  “There are five standard racial pigeonholes,” she said, holding up one hand. “If you don’t fit, you stand out. Probably the questions I heard the most while growing up were ‘Is that your dad?’, ‘Is that your mom?’ and ‘Are you adopted?’”

  Meredith imagined what it must feel like for a child to hear those questions. “Last night a woman asked me where this baby came from,” she told Mauli, revealing something she’d never thought she would have shared. “The question makes it seem as though Anna is an alien or something.”

  Saying the words aloud made her head buzz for a few seconds, but it was liberating to get the frustration off her chest.

  Mauli studied the shop fronts and the few passing tourists. “Four-point-five million kids under eighteen in this country are multiracial,” she said matter-of-factly, impressing Meredith with her knowledge. “In some areas one out of six babies born is of two or more racial heritages. Multiracial youth is one of the fastest growing segments of our population.”

  “I guess numbers don’t necessarily mean acceptance, do they?” Meredith asked.

  “I would love to unscrew the top of people’s heads and zap racism with a magic laser. That and the obsessive need to put everyone in a category.” The young woman’s voice held a note of wistfulness, but not the anger with which Meredith struggled.

  Meredith had never before had a straightforward conversation like this with anyone except Chaney, and Mauli’s insights touched her.

  “Acceptance really has to be here,” Mauli said, touching her fingers to her shirt over her heart. “Acceptance of one’s self first. Because fitting in is a challenge. But knowing who you are is the key.”

  Meredith’s throat tightened with anxiety for her child. She felt so incapable of being able to teach those things to her child that it frightened her. “I’m afraid I won’t know how to help Anna,” she managed to say as she moved Anna to her other breast.

  “There are plenty of people to help you,” Mauli assured her. “I belong to a couple of college organizations now. As long as you’re willing to help her explore her racial heritage, there is guidance available.”

  Mauli was wise beyond her years. “If I was underhanded, I’d steal you away from Justin to be Anna’s nanny.”

  Mauli laughed. “Now that would take some doing. But we live in the same town, right? I can sure be your friend.”

  Emotion welled up in Meredith’s chest and tears blurred her vision. “Thank you. You’re the first person I’ve talked to who’s given me hope that I can actually do this.”

  “Someday I hope you can meet my mom and dad,” Mauli said, handing her a paper napkin.

  Meredith blotted her tears. “Where are they?”

  “They live in West Virginia right now. My dad’s in the air force.”

  “Well, you’ve dealt with it all, military upbringing, as well. New schools and all that.”

  Mauli nodded. “Name a state with an air base. I’ve probably lived there.”

  Anna had finished nursing and Meredith adjusted her clothing. Mauli asked to hold the baby.

  Meredith hadn’t been paying much attention to the guys, but turned now to watch them returning to shore. Justin was rowing smoothly and both boys were sitting at his feet. “He’s a great dad,” she said, thinking aloud.

  Mauli agreed. “The best.”

  “Do you know how his wife died?”

  “A freak thing,” she replied. “A bridge collapsed and her car was on the interstate beneath it. The people in the car behind hers were killed, too. She was on her way back from shopping. Started out as a regular day, I guess.”

  “How awful.”

  “I never knew her. Justin hired me about a month later. The boys were still small and all of them were grieving.”

  “You must have been a big help to them.”

  “I hope so. Actually it’s like being in a family. I have a place to live while I go to school, and I get paid to do laundry, shop and supervise the kids. It’s good for all of us.”

  An attendant helped Justin pull the boat into its moor, and the boys scrambled out and ran toward the women. “That was cool!” Jonah cried, uncharacteristically vocal. “Did you see Lamond almost tip the boat over?”

  “We must have missed that,” Mauli responded. She leaned toward Meredith. “Now you know why I stayed on shore.”

  Justin joined them. “I worked up an appetite. Who’s hungry?”

  Jonah and Lamond responded noisily. With Anna on her shoulder, Mauli said, “It’s early enough to beat the crowds for supper.”

  “Let’s go.” Justin herded them back to his Lexus and drove until he spotted a family restaurant.

  He took charge of getting a table and ushering everyone into seats. Meredith was shamelessly enjoying being pampered.

  “Dad, there’s a game room,
” Jonah said after they’d ordered. “Can we have some quarters?”

  Justin took a few one-dollar bills out of his wallet. “At the counter ask very politely for change.”

  “Thanks.”

  The boys took off and Mauli followed, leaving Meredith and Justin alone, except for the sleeping baby.

  Five

  “Did you enjoy the afternoon?” Justin asked.

  “Very much.” The waitress had brought her a club soda with a lemon slice on the rim of the glass, and she sipped the iced drink. “Thank you for introducing me to Mauli.”

  “I thought you’d like meeting her.”

  “You knew I needed encouragement.”

  “Everyone needs encouragement.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He threaded his long fingers together and placed his elbows on the table, looking at her thoughtfully. “I know.”

  She could only imagine what he was wondering about her single-parent status. He was so straightforward, she wished she could share more with him. It was too much to go into so soon, and besides, she was enjoying her anonymity. “I chose to be a single parent.”

  “I see. I imagined a guy who didn’t want to deal with fatherhood and cut out.”

  She shook her head. “There was a guy once. But it wasn’t fatherhood he couldn’t deal with. I’m better off without him.”

  “Probably. But you’re wary.”

  “Yes.”

  “And maybe that’s partly why you chose to have a child alone. You didn’t trust a man to stick around.”

  Bingo. “Maybe.”

  “So a man would really have to earn your trust to get anywhere with you.”

  She didn’t have a reply, and she didn’t know if he was suggesting something or not, so she shrugged noncommittally.

  “Tell me about your life,” he said. “Your family and your job.”

  She waved a hand. “I don’t want to talk about my family. My job is great. As you know I work with children recovering from accidents or surgeries who have disabilities. I see a lot of special-needs kids. A couple of years ago, I got this idea that I wanted to start a camp for them, and call it Camp I Can. Some of those children want so badly to do normal things and be treated as equals.”

  “What type of medical problems do these kids face?”

  “The whole gamut. Kidney and liver transplants, leukemia and cancer among other things.”

  Justin nodded thoughtfully. “We’re so fortunate.”

  She leaned forward. “Creating something for these kids became my personal goal. I was fund-raising and doing a pretty good job of it until…well, until I had a few personal setbacks. Then the camp idea took a back seat to my pregnancy and Anna’s birth. But I’m ready to get involved again.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be able to pull it off. I can hear the passion in your voice.”

  “I plan to return to work and get back to this project as soon as my vacation here is over.”

  “How long are you here for?”

  “Two weeks.”

  “We’ve come to this beach for three years now,” Justin said. “When my wife was alive we used to go to Florida to see her family. Now I send the boys for a week twice a year to visit their grandparents. It’s too difficult for me to go back there.”

  “A lot of memories?” she asked softly.

  “Too many.” He propped his chin on a knuckle for a moment. “I met my wife in college, and we married when I graduated. She postponed the rest of her schooling to work while I clerked for next to nothing. We lived in a tiny little place. I landed better and better jobs, but by then Jonah had come along and then Lamond.

  “Kayla didn’t need to work anymore, but she didn’t go back to school, either. She said there was plenty of time for that.” He paused and Meredith felt the bone-deep sadness in his exhalation. “But she ran out of time. One day everything changed and her life was over.” He looked away for a moment, then turned back. “It was an accident.”

  “Mauli told me.”

  “Kayla wanted to be an engineer. She’d have been brilliant.”

  “She had what she really wanted,” Meredith told him. “She chose to be a wife and a mother and to stay home with her children. Sometimes a person’s ambitions change when her life takes an unexpected turn. Like meeting the right person. I doubt that she was unfulfilled.”

  He paused before saying, “She said she was happy. But she should have had more time.”

  Instinct carried Meredith’s hand across the table to cover his. “Yes, she should have. And you have every right to think her death was unfair.”

  “I’ve worked really hard to keep us a family. And Mauli was a godsend.” He noticed her hand then, and turned his over so that their palms touched. He glanced up into her eyes. “I’ve gotten morose and I apologize. I try not to do that.”

  “Please don’t apologize. It’s good to be able to talk about things. All of life isn’t perfect and there’s no good in pretending it is.”

  “Can I be honest with you?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Of course.”

  “When we met yesterday, I sensed you needed a friend. I was hoping to be that. And I knew Mauli could be a friend, too. Instead, you’re turning out to be a friend to me.”

  “Isn’t that what friendships are? Two-sided?”

  He squeezed her hand and released it. “I’ve been too busy to cultivate many friendships,” he admitted. “So I’m not an authority.”

  “Well, I have one very good friend.”

  He raised a curious brow.

  “Her name is Chaney and I’ve known her since college. She’s daring and funny and quite nonconforming. She makes me laugh and keeps me from getting too serious about myself.”

  “She sounds like a great person.” He fixed her with an inquisitive stare. “Now describe Meredith in a few words, just like you did Chaney.”

  She sat back in her chair thoughtfully. “Meredith is…cautious and prepared…and tenderhearted, but purposeful.” Rather pleased with herself, she smiled. “That was interesting.”

  He grinned.

  “What about you?”

  He took a deep breath. “Justin is…well prepared, efficient and takes initiative. Charming, too. Can’t forget that.”

  “Goes without saying.”

  “I said it.”

  “You’re thorough, as well.”

  They laughed. Then sobered and glanced at each other a little awkwardly, their awareness of each other needing more time and discovery. The discomfort passed as soon as Justin’s half smile inched up.

  “Where are your folks?” she asked. “You haven’t mentioned them.”

  “They live in Dallas. We visit them a couple of times a year.”

  A few minutes later the boys and Mauli returned and their meals were served. Anna uncannily chose that moment to wake and squirm in her seat.

  When Meredith moved toward her, Justin stopped her. “You eat, and I’ll hold her. When you’re finished, I’ll eat.”

  “But your food will get cold.”

  “Won’t be the first time. I’ll ask the waitress to reheat it. No argument. Eat.”

  Anna always got fussy at dinnertime, but at home, Meredith simply worked around it. But now it was nice to have Justin’s help. She’d have to add considerate and intuitive to his list of good qualities, she thought, and smiled to herself.

  “Private joke?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  Much later, after Justin had eaten, they left the restaurant. It was still early, and he drove along the highway, stopping once at an exit with an observation tower. They climbed the wooden stairs and breathlessly enjoyed a panoramic view of the coast, a craggy shoreline and a lighthouse in the foggy distance.

  “I’d never have done all this by myself,” Meredith said as they reached Cannon Beach. She was sitting in the back seat with Mauli, Anna’s seat between them. “Thank you for inviting me.”

  Justin caught her gaze in the rearview mir
ror. “Thanks for going.”

  She noticed Mauli glance at her and Justin, then discreetly look out her side window.

  Justin grinned, and in the mirror, Meredith saw his eyes crinkle.

  Sometimes, like during their earlier conversation, she thought they were developing a friendship—and they were. But other times—like just now—she detected flirting and her silly heart responded spontaneously.

  She didn’t have room in her life for anything serious. But flirting? Well, flirting she could probably handle—and definitely enjoy.

  The sun had set by the time they reached the Lighthouse Inn. Justin parked the Lexus and the doors were thrust open.

  Meredith carried Anna around to the rear, waiting for him to open the back and unload her stroller. Mauli and the boys called goodbyes and headed for the front doors.

  Justin surprised her by leaning against the bumper.

  She looked at him.

  “Be foolish to move everything if we’re going to need it again tomorrow,” he said.

  Still she studied him.

  “Will you join us on our excursion to see the whales?”

  Meredith’s heart fluttered nervously.

  “Do you need more time alone?” he asked. “Or can we enjoy our vacations together? It’s more fun this way—for me, anyway.”

  “You’re not just taking pity on me?” She was being serious. She didn’t need anyone feeling sorry for her. She did just fine on her own.

  “Don’t know what there is to pity,” he replied.

  “Right.” She hadn’t told him much, had she? She was enjoying living in the here and now. “Okay. Tomorrow. What time?”

  “We’re leaving at nine.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  “Be sure to dress warm and bundle up Anna.” He walked her up the path and through the entrance into the lobby. “Where’s your room?”

  She nodded toward one of the wings. “That way.”

  “We’re upstairs.”

  Turning to walk down the hall, she smiled and waved. “See you tomorrow.”

  With the door locked and Anna tucked safely into the crib, Meredith undressed and showered, letting the soothing hot water sluice over her to relax her tired muscles and clear her mind. Setting her towel aside, she opened the basket of goodies from Chaney and unscrewed the lid from a bottle of emollient body lotion.