by A. P. Watson
Ter smacked her hand against her forehead. “Ugh! Please don’t mention that horrific class!”
“I loved that class,” Ryan stated, glancing at her.
“Yeah, we know. You’re a genius with that kind of thing. Us artistic-minded people barely scraped by,” she countered.
I nodded in agreement. “I’m not artistic, so I just hung out somewhere in the middle.”
“That was the year Ry adopted us,” Ter added wistfully.
“Truer words have never been spoken,” I replied with a laugh.
After the three of us finished eating, I began cleaning up the kitchen. Ter left to take a shower, but Ryan lingered behind, sitting at the kitchen counter while I worked.
“Hey, Wren?”
“Yeah?” I asked, scrubbing a skillet in the sink.
“I know your business is your business, and I don’t want you to think I’m overstepping my bounds, but there is something I want to say.”
“Alright. What’s that?”
“I wanted to thank you for what you did for Jackson. I’ve been worried about him, but when he left this morning, he looked better than he has in months,” he said, breathing deeply. “I’m not defending his past behavior, and I certainly don’t condone it, but I think it would be a shame to let your connection fade away.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. My fingers scrubbed relentlessly, dousing a metal skillet with soap and water. “Honestly, I’ve been having similar thoughts lately.”
“I thought so.”
“Am I that obvious?”
“I know you, and I know him,” he replied. “You’re terrified of being hurt again, and he’s terrified you’ll never view him the same way you used to.”
My gaze dropped to the sink. “Both seem to be reasonable fears.”
“The question is whether or not the two of you will face them.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m going to get ready for the gym. If I don’t see you before tonight, have a good night at work.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Ryan.” I watched as he turned and went in the direction of the hall. “Wait,” I called out. “What was Jacks like when we weren’t speaking?”
Ryan glanced at me over his shoulder. “What you’ve seen is one hundred times better than what he was. He’s actually put on a little weight.”
I didn’t know what to say to him, so I simply nodded in reply. He looked better? If that was the case, I didn’t think I had the heart to see what he looked like before. Perhaps what Ter said held more truth than I originally believed. Hurting ourselves somehow seemed easier to stomach than the alternative.
If last night taught me anything, it was how certain things, certain people, fit into your life without you having to make room for them. I needed my friend back. But it was more than that. I wanted to have him back. Needs can be ignored. Scraping by on the money I earned by giving lap dances taught me that. Desires, on the other hand, were completely different. Those couldn’t be quieted no matter how hard you tried.
When the kitchen was spotless once more, I headed in the direction of my bathroom. I still had two hours until I needed to get ready for work. My fingers twisted my long locks into a tight braid, and I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. I cleaned out my duffel bag, replacing my pole shoes and towel with my scrubs. Tossing a pair of sneakers into the bag, I zipped it shut and hurried to do my makeup.
In the span of a week, Jacks and I had gone from not speaking to watching television together. I had no doubts David was already in the loop, but I suddenly found that I was in desperate need of his input. He didn’t see the point in wading through all the bullshit. Instead, he was the type of man who cut to the chase, and that was something I definitely appreciated.
I was completely ready to go within twenty minutes, and I shouted a hurried goodbye to Ter and Ryan before rushing out of the townhouse with my bag in tow. Winters in Chicago were on a whole different level. I thought a couple wool coats and some new boots would be all I need to make the transition from Southern winters to Northern ones. I was freaking wrong. Tugging my coat tighter around me, I placed my bag and purse in the passenger seat of my car and slid behind the steering wheel.
It didn’t take me long to reach David’s apartment. He lived in a brownstone not too far from the hospital. I found a spot to park on the street and then climbed the steps up to his front door. I knocked twice, waiting for a response.
“On my way!” David opened the door, beaming as he set eyes one me. “Wren.”
“I thought I’d stop by for a visit before going to work tonight. I hope it’s not an inconvenience.”
He motioned me inside, and I followed his lead, closing the door behind me. “My dear, you could never be an inconvenience.”
“How are you doing?”
“Excellent,” he answered. “I’ve been able to forgo the use of my cane during my afternoon walks.”
I smiled at him. “That’s great!”
“I still have a long way to go, but it’s nice to see some improvement.” David crossed the living room and gestured for me to take a seat next to him on the couch. “So, how are you?”
“I’m good. You know work always keeps me busy, but I’m doing good,” I replied. “I actually stopped by because there is something I want to ask you.”
“Alright, shoot.”
“Well, Terayn and Ryan’s wedding is coming up and I was originally going to take my cousin Sean as my date. But he called me a few weeks ago and told me that he was bringing someone, so that left me dateless again.”
“I see.”
“And I know you’re always up for a good party, so I wanted to stop by and see if you would be my date to the wedding.”
David nodded at my words, his lips slowly breaking into a large grin. “Nothing would delight me more.”
“You are the best!”
He chuckled slightly. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do.”
“Well, your cousin’s loss is my gain.”
“You’ll be a better date than Sean anyway! I have no doubts about it.”
“I’ll certainly try my best!” David exclaimed. “Speaking of dates, how was your dinner with Jackson?”
“First Terayn, and now you.”
“I know it wasn’t technically a date, but you can’t blame an old man for being curious.”
“Either way, everyone seems to know about it before I have the chance to tell them.”
“Jackson called me in the middle of the night to tell me that you agreed to have dinner with him,” David explained. “I think he was just . . .”
“Excited?” I blurted out. I didn’t truly believe Jacks could be excited at the prospect of seeing me—anxious or regretful seemed much more plausible.
“Relieved.”
“Is that what he told you?”
“I could hear it in his voice.”
“I know these past few months have been hard on him.”
“Yeah,” David sighed. “He looks terrible.”
“I’m sure the fact you weren’t talking to him didn’t help either.”
“So, he told you about that?”
“He let it slip out during dinner. He said he spent Christmas alone.”
“Well, he deserved it.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at David’s remark. “That may be true, but you are the only family he has left.”
“Jackson had a hard lesson to learn. He’s terrified by the prospect of completely relying on another person. It’s why he pushed you away as far and as fast as possible.” David turned, his focus settling on my gaze. “You got too close.”
“Oh,” I whispered.
“I’m not excusing him, I just wanted to explain.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to be alone.”
David took my hand in between his, softly patting my skin. “Very true.”
“Our dinner went well. Being comfortable around one another was never something we struggled wit
h.”
“Good.”
“It is strange though . . .”
“What is?”
“Ter and Ryan seem to know about everything happening with Jacks and I before I have a chance to tell them.”
“Jackson keeps them well informed.”
“I figured as much, but you know what I’ve found difficult to understand?” I asked, the words rapidly spilling from my mouth. “Why were Ter and Ryan so quick to forgive him? I know they’ve known Jacks a while, but after talking to him, they seemed very keen on getting the two of us back together. Something I wouldn’t even consider.”
“Jackson is my grandson, but I’ll always shoot it to you straight,” he began. “From what I hear, getting Terayn and Ryan to not only listen to him but also forgive him was no easy feat.”
“I hadn’t considered it, which sounds foolish, but Ter and Ryan have always protected me.”
“That is a mark of true friendship,” he replied, smiling slightly.
“I suppose it is.”
“And since we’re airing out all kinds of secrets, how did your date with your coworker’s friend go?”
“We went to dinner, and I had a really great time. Kenneth is a nice guy.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“You are?”
“Of course. I just want my girl to be happy.”
“Thanks.”
“I know you will make sure he is worthy of you, but I also want you to make sure you’re with the person you truly want.”
I swallowed thickly as my brain digested his advice. And who exactly did I want? I seriously doubted my capabilities of knowing such an important thing. What my heart used to want and what was good for me were two extreme opposites on the spectrum.
“I’ll make sure of it.” My reply was filled with more confidence than I felt. At least I could still put on a good front.
“There is also one thing I need you to do for me though.”
“Okay, what’s that?”
“Not now or anytime soon, but one day, I would like for you to hear Jackson out. There are a few things he hasn’t told you. As I said earlier, I’m not excusing his behavior, but I do believe a full and honest explanation will bring you both some closure.”
His request hit me like a ton of bricks. Ignoring the issue at hand was much easier. Jacks and I had met and talked, and while he did apologize, we didn’t discuss what happened at Everest. There were a lot of unspoken things that needed to be said, but I wasn’t certain I was strong enough to hear them. One word would be all it took to make me want to retrace that damn tether. “Okay,” I croaked.
“I know what I’m asking you is difficult, but I think you deserve to hear the whole story.”
“I’ll think it over.” A swell of emotion caught in my chest and filled my lungs. There was no way I could say no to David. He’d become like family to me in the past few months. He even went as far as not speaking to his only living family member out of respect for what transpired between Jacks and me. If he made a request, I would see it done. No matter what it cost me.
“I appreciate that more than I can say.”
When I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, it looked as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. After everything that happened, I never considered stopping contact with David. And now that I could clearly see the effects of being caught in the middle of the mess that Jacks and I left, I was astonished by my own selfishness. David had already been subjected to more than his fair share of difficulties in the past year, but there I was anyway—adding to his burdens.
I took his hand in mine and squeezed. “I’m so sorry if you feel like you’ve been thrust into the center of this whole mess between Jacks and me. I shouldn’t have forced you into such a difficult situation. And I feel like a complete jerk for not even realizing how all this is affecting you.”
“You worry about everyone but yourself.”
“It doesn’t feel that way. Not after recognizing that you’ve been caught in the middle of this whole debacle.”
“You and Jackson are both important to me. I’m on both of your sides.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
I slowly nodded my head at his words. I should’ve tried harder to express my gratitude, but my mind only seemed capable of replaying our conversation. There were things Jacks hadn’t told me, things which could alter my perspective of that night. At this moment, my desperation to know outweighed every other emotion swirling inside my body. That night had been a nightmare, one I couldn’t wipe from my memory. The image of Jacks and Elise embracing so intimately seared itself into my brain. I was no stranger to such an occurrence, and seeing the one I cared for in the arms of another reminded me of past scars. And wounds like that were hard to forget.
Even though I’d been with other men since Liam, they did nothing to lessen the pain I kept locked inside. But Jacks did. He redeemed me and made me believe I could find love. Jacks lifted me up only to let me down. And as it turned out, this down was much deeper than I’d ever been.
“So, how are the engagement party plans coming along?” he asked.
I snapped out of my daze, directing my focus back on the man sitting beside me. “They are going good. We’re just having a small gathering, but I think it’s going to be really nice.” I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m really excited for Terayn and Ryan to see everything. I think they’re going to have a great time.”
“Well, with you planning it, how could they not?”
Again, I smiled at his words. His input and encouragement were exactly what I needed to hear.
David and I spent the next hour discussing music and the book he was currently reading. My mood and heart lightened as we continued talking about not-so-serious things. So much of my pain and heartache felt like a solitary burden. But possessing the unwavering support of loved ones helped lessen the load. As much as I wished to erase that moment from time, living through it reminded me of my own strength. I could survive anything, especially with the encouragement of those I cared about.
chapter nine
siren’s call
WHEN I STEPPED INSIDE the unit to start my shift, it seemed all hell had broken loose. While Misty and Kara attempted to comfort distraught family members, Nate tried his best to keep a dementia patient in bed. Immediately knowing which group needed my attention more, I rushed across the unit to help Nate with his patient.
“Man, am I happy to see you,” he stated.
“What the heck is going on tonight? Full moon?”
“Not that I saw.” Nate quietly approached the patient once more. “Hey, buddy. It’s really important that you stay in bed, okay? You’re getting some medicine to help raise your blood pressure.”
“Is Sandy here?” the man asked.
“No, she went home to get some rest.”
“What?” I asked, not understanding who the man was asking for.
“He doesn’t remember where he is or anything,” Nate explained to me. “Sandy is his wife.”
“There you are! Sandy!” The man’s attention shifted toward me, and he held out his arms to me.
“Hi,” I answered, taking his hands in mine. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I was coming to see you.”
“Oh, really? Well, it looks like I saved you the trouble.”
“Yes,” he said, smiling at me.
“How about I make you a deal? If you stay in bed and get some rest, I’ll come by in a bit and bring you a cup of coffee. How does that sound?”
“Coffee? That sounds good.” His hands shook as he rubbed my knuckles. “My Sandy.”
“But you have to stay in bed, okay?” I asked sweetly. Nate and I repositioned him in the bed and covered him up with a few blankets. After turning on his bed alarm, I bent beside him once more. “I’ll be back in a little while. You be good for me while I’m gone.”
“Be sure to turn off the light on the front porch before you come
back.”
“Okay, I will,” I assured him. Nate turned on the man’s television while I dimmed the lights.
“Well, that went better than I expected,” Nate whispered as we exited the man’s room.
“He seems so sweet.”
“He is. He just becomes really forgetful at night.”
“Sundowner’s?”
“Yep.”
“I thought so.” Gesturing toward the family with Misty and Kara, I asked, “What is happening over there?”
“A patient passed away earlier, and the family is having a hard time with it.”
“Oh no. Was it expected?”
“To us, yes. But the family was in serious denial. I hate it for them, but it’s a good thing too. That man was really suffering. He had cancer that spread to his brain and bone.”
“That’s so sad.”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go help Misty and Kara, and then the dayshift nurses can finish updating us.”
“Sounds like a plan, wifey.”
The four of us spent the first thirty minutes of our shift comforting the deceased patient’s family members. A loss like that was difficult to endure, even if it was expected. So, we did our part and provided them with support the only way we knew how. Words of kindness and a reassuring hug went a long way when consoling people in pain. It was a language nurses were fluent in. When loss and despair were a part of your job, you found ways to help combat the ache.
Eventually, our efforts proved fruitful. We alleviated the suffering of those family members before watching as they left the hospital to get some rest. The funeral home would be picking up their loved one and taking him away to prepare his body for the visitation.
Nate and I decided to switch our patient assignments. Since the elderly man with dementia seemed to believe I was his wife, I ended up taking care of him in addition to another patient who was intubated and on life support.
I filled a cup with coffee and then made my way to the patient’s room just as I heard him call out his wife’s name again.
“Sandy!”
“Hey, there. I brought you that coffee,” I said, setting the cup on the table beside him.
