by A. P. Watson
“And what about now?” He stepped forward, moving so that he was close enough for me to reach out and touch his face. “Is that what you still want?”
“What do you want?” I asked, desperately trying to avoid answering his question.
“You already know the answer to that question.”
“Do I?” I braced my hands against the sink to keep myself from touching him. “Because I thought I knew the answer once before, but I was mistaken.”
He shook his head slightly. “You weren’t mistaken,” he breathed. “I was a fool to believe I deserved someone like you.”
My gaze faltered, dropping to the floor. There was too much agony reflected in the depths of his eyes. “You don’t have to . . .”
“I have to do something to make up for what I’ve done.”
“You can’t change the past.”
“You’re right,” he said, lifting his hand to caress my cheek. “But I can make amends for destroying a friendship which meant everything to me.” My body stilled as he placed his forehead against mine. “You were my best friend, and now I don’t mean a thing to you.” His voice broke as he uttered the last word, despair pouring through every line of his face.
The hopelessness hovering around him was my undoing. I assumed pretending to belong to one another would have been enough to satiate any lingering feelings I still had. But I was wrong. The few minutes we had shared only intensified them. My touch alone could alleviate his misery, and in this second, I wouldn’t deprive him of it any longer.
My lips closed the gap between us, tenderly pressing against his. The gesture was so innocent, and yet a rush of emotions exploded from us. Our arms wove around one another to seal our embrace. One kiss quickly multiplied as our mouths moved in perfect synchronicity. I knew this feeling, lived in its memory for months, and yet nothing compared to the reality of surrendering myself to him.
“Jacks,” I exhaled as his lips explored the length of my neck.
The tips of his fingers played with the ends of my hair. “Yeah?”
I kissed every inch of his face that I could, wishing we would never have to part. My palms slid along the front of his chest, unbuttoning his suit jacket. “Do you think—”
His tongue stroked my flesh as his mouth moved across my chest. “Think what?” he questioned, his voice barely above a whisper.
Do you think we can go back?
It was the simplest of questions, but I was incapable of making myself vulnerable enough to utter it. Deep down, I knew I wanted this. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have kissed him at all. But what I wanted and what was good for me were two very different things. Kenneth was sweet. He had never hurt me, and my feelings for him would continue to grow.
And that was when the spell broke. I wasn’t free to do this. Even if Kenneth and I weren’t in a serious relationship, I would never do to him what Liam did to me. “Jacks, stop.”
At my command, he released his hold on me, backing away. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m with Kenneth, and I can’t bear the thought of being . . .”
“Like Liam,” he supplied.
“Yes.” I nodded, quickly wiping away a tear that had collected in the corner of my eye. “We tried this once before and it didn’t work.”
“And you don’t believe we deserve a second chance?”
Truth be told, I did. I wanted to give us a second chance, but the fear of what could happen again stilled my voice. After a long pause, I finally recovered. “I believe I’m incapable of giving you what you want.”
“Okay.” He nodded, sadness enveloping the air around him.
I collected myself and hurried in the direction of the door. Just before I reached the doorknob, I turned. This wasn’t how I wanted to leave things. The moment my hand found his cheek, his gaze shifted upward to meet mine. “I want you to know that I’m glad you’re back home. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
When he planted a soft kiss to the inside of my wrist, I didn’t want to pull away, let alone leave him. My feet resisted as I moved toward the door, but within a few seconds, I was back in the corridor, heading in the direction of the ballroom. I’d only managed to make it a few feet before colliding into a tall man in a navy suit.
“Kenneth?” I asked, completely stunned.
“There you are!” His hands circled around my back, lifting me off the ground. “I texted Terayn and asked if it would be okay if I crashed the reception. I left the conference early so that I could at least get a few dances with you.”
“That’s so sweet of you.”
He spun me in a circle, his hold on me increasing. “I just couldn’t wait to see you.”
“Wren.” Jacks’s voice came from behind us, and Kenneth stopped at the sound. My feet barely hit the ground when I saw Jacks approaching.
“Who is this?” Kenneth asked.
“Jackson Carmichael,” Jacks answered, holding out his hand for Kenneth to shake.
“So, we finally get to meet. I’m Kenneth Davenport.” Kenneth accepted his outstretched hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Jacks replied politely.
This whole encounter was a special type of hell concocted for idiots like me. Idiots who longed to live in the past. “I completely forgot you haven’t met Jacks yet,” I added.
“Did you need to talk to Wren for a minute?” Kenneth asked, possessively clutching my waist. “I was just about to ask her for a dance.”
Jacks’s posture stiffed, and he fastened the front of his jacket. “I’ll talk to her later. I hope the two of you have a great time.”
Kenneth smiled at me. “We will.”
Shock flitted through my veins as Kenneth bent and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but my panic was paramount. When I finally mustered the courage to glance at Jacks, I wished I hadn’t. His jaw tensed uncomfortably as he glared in Kenneth’s direction. What the hell was happening? Kenneth had never acted jealous and possessive before, not even when we went out to a bar and some drunk dimwit mistakenly groped me because he thought I was his girlfriend. So, why was he acting like this now?
“Excuse me, I’m going to hunt down the bride and groom,” Jacks said, feigning civility.
“It was nice to meet you, man.”
“Same to you,” Jacks called over his shoulder.
Once Jacks was out of earshot, Kenneth dropped his hand to the small of my back. “He seems a little uptight.”
“He just has a lot on his mind,” I defended.
“I was simply making an observation. I know you’re good friends with him.”
“Best friends.”
“I see.” His mouth straightened into a grim line.
“He hasn’t had the easiest life.”
Kenneth pulled on my arm, leading me back to the ballroom. Music hung in the air and grew louder with every step we took. “He seems to be doing well for himself though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for starters, he’s wearing a thousand dollar watch.”
“The watch belonged to his father,” I spat. The more Kenneth talked about Jacks, the more upset I became. Who was he to judge Jacks? And why did he suddenly seem to have such an issue with our friendship? “I thought you wanted to dance.”
“Right.” He held his arm out to me, and we joined all the other wedding guests at the reception.
Terayn and Ryan were still covering the dance floor when Kenneth and I entered the ballroom. The two of them were inseparable, and I didn’t think it possible, but they seemed happier than I’d ever seen them. Today was only the first day of the rest of their lives together.
Kenneth led me to the center of the floor, his hands clasping my waist. The first few songs we danced to were more upbeat, so when a slower melody began to play, he pulled me in as close as possible.
“You look beautiful,” he whispered.
“Thanks.”
“Is something wrong? Because you don’t seem very
happy to see me.”
I readjusted my hands around his neck. “I think I’m still surprised. The past two days have been chaotic, and I’m exhausted.”
“That’s understandable. Weddings are a lot of work.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Did you and Jackson ever date?” he asked.
I wanted to avoid his question, but there was no way I could lie to him. “Very briefly when we first met.”
He nodded, inhaling deeply through his nose. “What happened?”
“Things didn’t work out, and we quickly realized that we made better friends than—”
“Lovers?”
“Yeah,” I answered quietly.
“Thank you for telling me the truth.”
“I’ve had people be dishonest with me, and I could never do that to another person.”
His hold on me tightened as we made it through a few more songs before Kenneth broke our embrace.
“I’m going to go to the restroom. Do you want me to grab you a drink on my way back?” Kenneth asked.
“Champagne please.”
He kissed me on the cheek. “Coming right up.”
I watched him leave for a second before turning my attention to the tables surrounding the dance floor. David and my parents were seated at a nearby table. David must have been telling a wild story, because the three of them were red in the face from laughing so much. Not far from them, Sasha and Robbie were sipping on flutes of champagne and watching everyone on the dance floor. No space existed between their chairs, and to my elation, their hands rested on top of the table with their fingers intertwined. Nate and Eric were still lighting up the dance floor. Laughter and happiness radiated from every corner of the room, each of Terayn and Ryan’s guests smiling exuberantly. Well, all their guests but one.
Jacks sat at a table by himself. You didn’t have to know him to guess he was miserable. The emotion was evident in the air around him. I approached slowly, cutting through the couples still lining the floor. The room was so noisy, he didn’t notice my presence. Holding out my hand in front of him, I bent close to his ear.
“I promise to dance with you if you promise to smile for me.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Would I be standing here if I wasn’t?”
Jacks placed his hand in mine. “Good point.”
He followed behind me, but the moment we were among the other couples, he pulled me in close. Jacks was an incredible dancer, and he moved us across the floor with ease. His hand slowly descended the length of my spine. I searched my brain, wondering the last time a simple touch felt so good. This was different from the way Kenneth held me. It wasn’t forced or exaggerated—it was effortless, just like we were.
“You still owe me a smile,” I teased.
“That was the term we agreed to, wasn’t it?” Jacks inquired playfully.
“That and you have to suffer through a dance with me.”
Jacks shook his head, smiling mischievously. “It’s funny you believe such a thing to be torture.”
“And why is that?”
“At the moment, my arms are wrapped around your waist.” He leaned closer, our faces mere breaths apart. “If there is a better place on this earth, I’ve yet to see it.”
“That’s a good answer,” I whispered, returning his smile with one of my own.
“Aren’t I always full of good answers?”
I nodded, my attention focusing on the amber flecks dotting the edges of his eyes. “Did you really mean everything you said about our friendship?”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to have it back.”
“Then I think we should try.”
“Are you certain?” he questioned tentatively.
“Yes.”
“So, we are officially friends again?”
“Haven’t we always kind of been best friends?”
At my question, Jacks halted. Every trace of despair which tainted his features melted away, and his mouth curled into the most wondrous smile. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
“To me too.”
“All I want is for you to be happy.”
I pulled him into a tight hug, holding on to him as if I were afraid he’d be torn away. “I am happy.”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.
Jacks’s hand disappeared into the pocket of his tuxedo jacket. “I want you to have this.” When his hand emerged, it held the beautiful emerald pendant that had belonged to his mother. “My mother was an incredible woman, and her necklace deserves to be worn by someone just as important to me.”
“But—”
“Even if we are only friends, I still want you to have it. And I think if my mother would’ve met you, it’s what she would have wanted too.”
A single tear fell as I touched the necklace. “I promise to always treasure it.” When he finished fastening the chain around my neck, my fingers immediately moved to touch the large stone.
Jacks and I were still standing in the middle of the dance floor when an elbow collided with my back. My head snapped in the direction of the assault, only to discover Nate was the one responsible for it.
“Super jealous man at twelve o’clock,” he whispered in my ear. I glanced in the direction he indicated with a tip of his head.
Kenneth was storming for the dance floor, his face red. Well, fuck. This wasn’t going to be good. And there was no chance in hell I was allowing a scene at Ter and Ryan’s reception. I’d allow myself to be cut a thousand times and drenched in rubbing alcohol before I let anything put a damper on this day.
“Is everything okay?” Jacks asked, his hand sliding to press against the small of my back.
“Yeah! I just remembered I wanted Nate to meet Sean!” My hands found both of their arms as I all but dragged Jacks and Nate over to where Sean danced with his date. “Sean!” Sean’s head twisted at the sound of my voice. “I want you to meet Nate.”
Sean smiled and nodded as he escorted his date over to us. With such a large group, there was no way Kenneth would cause a scene. “Hey, cuz,” Sean said.
“Hey. I know you met Jacks at the rehearsal dinner last night, but I also wanted you to meet one of my friends and coworkers, Nate Hardwick.” Jacks and Sean nodded at one another before Nate moved forward to shake my cousin’s hand. “Nate, this is my cousin, Sean Beckner.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sean replied.
“Likewise,” Nate added.
“I have to say that I really appreciate both of you looking after my cousin. I’ll admit I was a little worried about her when she first moved to Chicago, but I can tell she loves it here.”
“It’s our pleasure,” Jacks replied politely.
“Yeah,” Nate agreed. “We couldn’t live without our little firecracker.”
“Oh, and this is my girlfriend, Emory,” Sean said, motioning to the woman standing next to him.
“Hi, it’s so nice to meet all of you.” She shook hands with Nate and Jacks before I broke formalities and hugged her instead.
“You have no idea how excited I am to meet you,” I said, smiling at her. “Our Sean has never brought a girl home to meet any of his family.”
“Is that so?” she asked Sean, tucking a strand of her light hair behind her ear. It was such a light shade of blonde that it almost looked silver in the dim lighting of the ballroom.
“Maybe.”
“I think Wren and I may need to sit down and have a private conversation,” Emory teased.
“That’s happening over my dead body,” Sean quipped.
I rolled my eyes at Sean. “Don’t be so dramatic, cuz.”
“Wren!” Kenneth called out my name as he reached our circle.
“Oh, hey, Kenneth. I was just introducing my cousin and his girlfriend, Emory, to everyone.”
“I see.”
“Sean, this is my friend, Kenneth Davenport.”
Sean shook Kenneth’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same here,” Kenneth replied.
“I thought you were going to bring back some champagne,” I said to Kenneth.
“I’m sorry. I completely forgot.”
“Why don’t we all go get some champagne?” Nate asked, motioning for Eric to join us.
“That sounds like a good idea to me,” Jacks added.
“Yeah, it’ll be nice to take a little break from dancing,” I stated, moving to walk between Kenneth and Jacks.
Jacks may not have been touching me, but Kenneth scowled at him all the same. Because Jacks was never anything other than a gentleman, he pretended not to notice. But he couldn’t hide it from me. I saw the way Jacks smirked when I introduced Kenneth as my friend and not my boyfriend. To be honest, the thought of labeling Kenneth as anything different never even crossed my mind, and I wasn’t really sure what to think about that.
chapter seventeen
not even miles
THE SOFT FABRIC OF Kenneth’s couch rubbed against my skin as I lazily traced the pattern sewn into the fibers. I was waiting on him to finish up in the kitchen so the two of us could watch a movie. I heard him grab the freshly popped popcorn and then shuffle behind me as he rounded the side of the sofa.
“Here.”
“Thank you.” I accepted the open beer and made enough room for him to sit.
“Did you find something for us to watch on Netflix?” he asked.
I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t. Instead, I chugged half of my beer and placed it on the coffee table in front of me. “I need to tell you something important.” I didn’t know why the words were spilling from my mouth, but it’s as if I needed him to see me in a different light. After the wedding, we’d quickly grown closer. There was a new level to our relationship, a heightened intimacy. We still hadn’t slept together, but physical attraction wasn’t the issue—my hesitancy was. I sought proof, validation, that I was capable of picking someone who wasn’t destined to hurt me.
“Okay,” he whispered, setting the bowl of popcorn and his beer next to mine. “Whatever it is, you can trust me.”
