by Helene Young
‘You’ve never had a therapy session in your life.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘Really?’
‘I didn’t cope when I left you. I blew my whole world up, then didn’t know what to do.’ He chuckled and she punched his arm. ‘Don’t you dare laugh. The psych asked me if I still loved you and I said yes. Clearly, she’d never met someone like me before.’
‘And you’re surprised?’
‘I didn’t think it was that unusual. Then she asked me about my relationship with my parents. What the hell did that have to do with me and you?’
‘Everything. And you’d better get the gate.’ They were back at Roseglen.
Twenty minutes later, with the van parked behind the homestead again, they were heading south to Cairns. The shadows from the car flickered and grew, riding over fences, juddering along escarpments studded with marble. She’d made the drive hundreds of times, but she was seeing it through Ivy’s eyes today. A new bride from a lush coastal town arriving in this unpredictable land where winter frosts burnt the grass and summer brought flood rains. Where lives could be taken by a raging swirling torrent of water.
They were on the outskirts of Mareeba, passing the showground, then the town’s cemetery full of colourful family crypts, a reminder of the district’s Italian heritage. The Dunmores’ cemetery on Roseglen was austere, laid out next to the tiny chapel.
‘You remember the Roseglen chapel?’ she asked.
‘Remember? When Ivy suggested we marry at Roseglen you dragged me to the chapel to prove how shabby and small it was. I still thought it was perfect.’
‘Did we argue?’
‘No, you told me the way it would be. I was wise enough to keep my mouth shut. It was only a venue.’
Georgina ignored his laugh. ‘The graves always make me sad. I think of all the hopes and dreams that lie under that dry dirt. So many people have given their blood, sweat and tears, no matter how clichéd that sounds, to build Dunmore land.’
‘And I’m sure that’s the way Ivy feels, too. She told me she wanted Roseglen to stay with the Dunmores, but she wasn’t sure that was possible anymore. It upsets her that the graves would mean nothing to new owners, that they wouldn’t respect the people beneath the simple plaques and headstones.’
‘God, I never thought about what would happen to them if we sell the place.’
‘And Ken will sell it. He’ll have his eye on how much money he can get for it.’
‘That will hurt Lissie. I never knew she wanted to stay. She told me the other day.’
‘I did think she’d end up on the land. First time I met her, when she still had braces on her teeth and two long braids, she rode a horse like she was born to the saddle.’
‘I’ve got a good seat too,’ Georgina protested.
‘It’s okay to be second best, Gina. Ken could barely stay on. You’re not last,’ he said with a grin. ‘She stuck to Charlie like glue, roping calves, dragging bales of hay. She was such a determined girl and so good with the animals. I was shocked when she went into nursing.’
‘And she and Mitch seem awfully cosy now.’
‘I reckon she should put the poor guy out of his misery,’ said Dan. ‘He’s besotted. And Ivy’s doing everything in her power to throw them together. After that idiot Todd, she has the right to go and find a little love. I would have thought you’d approve.’
‘I do approve, but I didn’t expect another man to have an opinion.’
‘Lissie’s an attractive woman.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Relax!’ Dan said, glancing at her sideways.
Gina huffed as she sat back. If Ivy died and Ken sold Roseglen there’d be no reason to come back to the district. The wave of guilt swamped her. Stubborn pride had kept her away too long. And now it may be too late.
Ivy hated everything about being in hospital. The food, the smell, the bustling energy of overworked nurses, the air-conditioning that was always too cold, the beds that felt like planks of wood, the pillows made from sterile lumps of foam. Not to mention the décor. Her eyelids opened just long enough for her to see the beige walls and the print of a country scene at the foot of the bed.
She tried to turn and a groan snuck out. Everything had stiffened. Being strapped into machines that clicked and whirred for what felt like hours hadn’t helped. The oxygen tube slipped and gas drifted up to irritate her left eye. Half-heartedly she tried to reposition it, but knocked her nose in the process, sending a stab of pain through her aching head. She didn’t feel this bad when she fell.
‘Dear God, what do I have to do to make you listen?’ she muttered, the sorrow core-deep and overwhelming. She had become a burden on her family, the very thing she feared most. Felicity’s already busy life was going to be overflowing. And just at a time when she was about to start a new chapter.
Ivy finally managed to twist and ease her hip into a different position. She drew her legs up under the meagre blankets. Her toes were freezing. Dinner had been a plate of stale sandwiches she’d barely touched.
She desperately wanted to blow her nose, but they’d told her she should leave it or it might start bleeding again. Following rules was not her strong point. She fished around under her pillow for her hanky. It took some huffing to fill her lungs with enough air to blow, then bright blood stained the fine linen as she ground her teeth against the pain.
‘Mrs Dunmore, time for your temps and pressures.’ Julia, a nurse not much older than Ella, brushed through the curtain. She left the pressure cuff hanging on the machine when she saw Ivy’s hand. ‘What’s happened?’
Ivy closed her eyes. ‘I may have had another nosebleed.’
‘Right. Let’s sit you up then and just keep pressure on it.’ Julia took a couple of minutes to get the pillows just right before she fitted the cuff.
Ivy was exhausted by the time it inflated. She waggled her finger with the oxygen monitor attached as Julia kept an eye on the machine. ‘The oxygen’s so uncomfortable.’
‘I’ll refit the full mask instead of the tube if you want, but you didn’t like that before.’
‘No, I didn’t.’ Ivy swallowed, trying to stem the rush of tears. To hell with being stoic. All she wanted was to lie in her own bed, draw Sinbad close and howl. There was no dignity in a shared hospital room, no privacy to rant at the world, to rant at God.
‘Hey, it’s fine. Your oxygen’s come up a bit so how about we clean up your nose some more and let it dry. See if we can get a scab happening?’ Julia’s kind eyes held concern.
Ivy nodded, although the foam collar around her neck prevented much movement. ‘Okay,’ she managed to whisper.
Julia squeezed her hand. ‘You’ll be back home in no time, Mrs Dunmore.’
Ten minutes later she was done and Ivy lay back, limbs heavy. Were those voices in the corridor? Her daughters? No, it was her sisters, laughing about something. Her spirits lifted. She couldn’t quite catch the words, but the snatches of merriment set her heart fluttering. Then her brother, Robert, joined in singing one of his dirty ditties that used to annoy Mum so much. Charlie added some lines and she could hear more voices joining in. Oh, what fun! She did hope they’d brought something to eat. She always took something when she visited hospital. Homemade fudge? Chocolate slice? She’d even snuck pumpkin soup in for Old Mrs D before she went.
‘Are you coming, love, or waiting a little longer?’ Charlie asked and Ivy lifted her hand to his, so glad to see that smile, reaching all the way to his eyes. Her handsome man.
‘Have I kept you waiting? I thought this was never going to happen.’ The relief was almost as great as the joy.
His smile was goofy. ‘Always in a rush. It’s just a matter of time, love.’
Footsteps rattled down the corridor, a familiar stride that meant business. Georgina’s gait hadn’t changed since she learned to walk on those sturdy legs.
‘Mum, what have you been doing to yourself?’
Charlie pressed hi
s lips to Ivy’s cheek and whispered in her ear. ‘See you soon, my darling.’ No! She held onto his hand. Don’t go! How dare Georgina interrupt. But he was gone, they’d all gone.
‘You don’t need to shout.’ Ivy’s voice was barely a whisper and she cleared her throat as she peered at her daughter. It was clear Georgina had been crying. ‘I’m not dead yet,’ she croaked.
‘Apparently not.’ Georgina bent down and wrapped her tight. Ivy couldn’t remember the last time that had happened, if ever. ‘You’ve banged yourself up, Mum,’ Georgie said as she straightened and stepped aside. Dan was with her, but he didn’t have his usual teasing lift to the mouth as he leaned down to kiss her.
‘Hey, Ivy.’ He squeezed her hand, but her heart was still pounding. She was caught in limbo, the voices of her family fading into the noises of the hospital. Had she only dreamed them? Resentment flared again. Typical Georgina. The girl was always doing the wrong thing.
Dan caught her eye as she opened her mouth and the sadness in them stilled her words. Her heart ached and her eyelids drooped closed, the irritation fading.
Georgina had come home. Ivy should be apologising for being a mother without enough love to give. Her loyalties had been torn between a fretful boy and a daughter whose only crime was being the apple of her father’s eye. Not to mention Ivy’s stubborn streak, if she were being honest.
‘Should we let her sleep?’ she heard Georgina ask.
‘She’s bound to be tired,’ Dan replied. ‘Hold her hand. She’ll know we’re here.’
Such a good, kind man. Ivy heard the chairs scraping, then a capable, strong hand held her own, bringing welcome warmth. She felt Georgina’s thumb stroking across her dry skin.
‘I’ll get us a couple of coffees.’ Dan left them alone. Still Ivy couldn’t open her eyes. Her breathing was heavy, her lungs hard to fill.
‘Mum, I don’t know if you can hear me, but . . .’ Georgina trailed away. Her girl, who’d never been short on words, had run dry. Ivy wanted to weep. It was too late now, but her girls should know about Ken. If only she could open her eyes. She should have told them sooner.
‘I love you, Mum,’ Georgina continued. ‘I know we’ve had our differences and God knows we’ll never see eye to eye on Ken. I used to think we were so different, you and I, but now I realise we have a whole lot in common. It was your strength that kept you going.’
She fell silent and her hand trembled. Ivy tried to squeeze it, to offer comfort, but it was no use. She could only listen.
‘I guess you didn’t know any other way than tough love. I loved those mornings when we all tumbled into bed before Dad headed out. When they stopped so abruptly, I felt as though I’d done something wrong, when I knew in my heart I hadn’t.’
Ivy remember that morning. She’d felt like an outsider in her own family, the woman who cooked and cleaned, washed and ironed, mended and made, while Charlie had the good times. Ivy had been more than unreasonable and melodramatic that morning.
‘You probably don’t even remember it,’ Georgie continued. ‘You didn’t love me and Charlie wasn’t allowed to love me either. I never stopped loving you even while I made your life hell. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back.’
She cleared her throat and Ivy managed to force her eyes open. Georgina had aged ten years. She was gazing into middle distance, her profile hawkish and proud. ‘I couldn’t trust myself to have children. What sort of mother would I be? And yet?’ She lowered her head and Ivy could see tears on her cheeks. ‘I realised too late that I desperately wanted to be a mother, wanted to see if I could do it better than you, raise a strong girl, treat each child equally without favouring the first over the others.’
What had she done? Tears welled in Ivy’s eyes and thickened the back of her throat. ‘I’m sorry,’ she managed to whisper, vainly trying to breathe. ‘We waited so long for you, but Ken needed us . . .’
‘Sorry?’
Ivy wanted to say more. It was time to explain, but she clawed at the collar. She needed air.
Alarm flared in Georgina’s eyes. She pushed the buzzer, then jumped to her feet and rushed outside. Ivy concentrated on taking tiny breaths. ‘Not yet, my love,’ she heard Charlie say, his feathery touch so real on her cheek. ‘Breathe, Ivy, breathe.’
Julia was beside her now with Georgina hovering behind her. The hiss of gas was welcome as she fitted the prongs again. Ivy inhaled, tasting the salt of tears. Her grateful lungs drew in oxygen and colour returned to the world. She heard Felicity’s voice and then both her girls were peering down at her. Where had she come from? All the way from Brisbane? But of course, she had. Felicity always appeared when she was needed most.
She smiled at them, or at least she tried to. But now Charlie was smiling from the doorway.
‘She’s a good girl, our Lissie, our happy accident,’ he said. ‘I’ll always remember that night she was conceived.’
‘So will I, you old softy,’ she thought. ‘Nothing but the stars and us.’
Felicity laid a sleeping Ivy’s arm back on the bed and tucked her mother’s hands under the cover. ‘She must be in some discomfort, but the painkillers will keep most of it at bay. Let’s find a quiet corner so I can explain what the doctor just told me.’
‘When did you see him?’ Georgina bristled. ‘We should have both been there.’
Felicity could only run her hand over her sister’s shoulder, understanding her need to be in control. ‘I asked at the nurses’ station when Ella and I got here. He happened to be there writing up notes. When I told him I was a nurse he went into more detail on Mum’s condition. He thinks she understands, but I’ll check with her once she’s more settled. She’s already told him she has a “do not resuscitate” order in her living will.’
‘Shit,’ Georgina said, getting to her feet.
Felicity shot a warning look at Ella, who’d straightened from where she was hovering by the door. No point in arguing with her sister over something which Ivy considered a done deal. ‘Come outside and I’ll fill you in.’
She led the way to a visitors’ lounge. Vinyl chairs were scattered around low coffee tables. Dan met them as he returned with the coffee.
‘Let’s sit,’ Felicity said, hoping her very best matronly composure wouldn’t desert her. She waited until they’d formed a huddle.
‘There’s no easy way to say this. The news isn’t good. Ivy’s fractured her neck and it’s a ticking time bomb.’
Ella’s gasp tore at her heart and Felicity pulled her close. Dan reached for Georgina’s hand.
‘There’s a piece of bone floating at the very top of her spine. Another twist or jolt could cause the piece of bone to impact her spinal cord. She would be paralysed from the point of the break down, unable to breathe, unable to move.’
‘That’s terrible,’ Ella sobbed, tears spilling over her lids.
Felicity hugged her tighter. ‘I can’t see Ivy will be able to go home, and certainly not alone.’
‘But we promised,’ Ella said, her voice choked. ‘Mitch and I. Before they loaded her into the Flying Docs, we promised that we’d take her home.’
‘And we will, but . . .’ Felicity replied, forcing her lips straight, composed.
‘But it might not be the way she imagined,’ Dan said with a nod of understanding.
‘Yeah.’ Felicity shot him a grateful look.
‘Can’t we just take her with us and look after her? Surely if we keep her quiet and safe, the bone might repair itself?’ Ella asked.
Felicity couldn’t give false hope. ‘It’s not that simple, Ella. At Ivy’s age the bone won’t repair itself and if it moves it will paralyse her. If she was young, maybe they’d operate, but her lungs are barely functioning and she’s on heart medication to keep the fluid at bay. The next forty-eight hours are critical. If she makes it through that, then we’ll look at all options.’
‘There are three of us now. It’s the least we can do for her.’ Georgina finally spoke and Felicity cou
ldn’t miss the pain in her sister’s voice.
‘I can fly her there. Mitch won’t mind.’ Ella was in problem-solving mode.
‘I know he won’t and she’d love it, but the doctors would have to clear her first.’
‘Will they let us stay here with her until she’s ready to go home?’ Georgina’s voice cracked.
Felicity nodded, hoping the others didn’t realise that was usually only available for patients with poor prognosis. ‘One of us can sleep here if they can find a room for her. Would you like to stay, Georgina?’ This might be the last chance for healing, for forgiveness before it was all too late.
Georgina ran a hand across her face. ‘Yeah. I think I would.’
‘Okay, let’s get that organised. I’ll go and grab your stuff.’
‘You and Gina stay here and Ella and I will go,’ Dan said. He kissed Georgina’s cheek tenderly. Felicity turned away before she broke. She’d miss Ivy and wished she could stay with her, but it was more important for Georgina to have one last chance to repair the hurt between them.
Felicity and Ivy’s relationship was easy, familiar, symbiotic. They laughed together as friends. Lissie knew where she fitted in her mother’s affections. Even Ken was going to do it tougher than she was.
‘I need to ring Ken and give him the update too,’ Felicity said.
‘He said he’d phone the hospital.’ The contempt in Ella’s voice was unmistakable. ‘I called him before we left. He didn’t seem concerned or surprised. They can tell him when he bothers to ring.’
Felicity cast a long look at her daughter. ‘I know he’s a rude jerk, but no one needs to hear news like this over the phone from a stranger.’
‘I’ll do it if you like,’ Georgina interrupted.
‘No. He won’t want to believe it. At least if it comes from me it’ll have some medical backing. We can do it together while these two head back to Ella’s apartment.’
Dan rattled his keys. ‘Let’s go, Ella.’
‘Righto. I’ll order takeaway for dinner on the way.’ Her thumbs were flashing over her phone as she followed Dan down the corridor.
