“That’s not all the news,” Brax said. All eyes were on him, waiting for wherever he was about to say when all of a sudden the doorbell rang.
“Hold that thought, pizza is here.” When he took off toward the door without another word, everyone groaned.
“He can’t just say something like that and leave us hanging,” Alley complained in the way that only an irritated little sister could.
“Sorry guys, I want him with me when we tell you. Let’s head to the kitchen to get drink refills, some pizza, and then go outside. It’s an exquisite night, so we’ll sit out there and explain it all.” I headed off to the kitchen and they all followed. Brax walked in, a load of pizza in hand, and it smelled divine. I hadn’t even realized I was hungry until that moment.
After grabbing our food and such, we had all gathered on the back deck and were seated in the awesome patio furniture that Braxton had before I moved in. It was a huge set with a couch, loveseat, chairs, and a fire pit table in the center. I loved sitting out here, listening to the water, the frogs, and such. However, at that moment, I was listening to my friend's chatter animatedly, and I loved it just as much
“So, are you guys going to tell us what else is going on or what?” Alley asked impatiently, arms crossed over her chest.
“Go ahead, babe, you tell them this part,” Braxton said, grinning.
I took a deep breath, then exhaled.
Then, I told them all about Embry, her family situation, how they were looking for her dad, and how the state was planning to terminate his parental rights as soon as possible. Tears formed in my eyes and I couldn’t stop them from spilling over. I also told them about my talk with my little angel, and I swear I almost lost it entirely when my besties got teary-eyed too.
Heck, even the guys even looked sad for the little one when I confessed all that she’d been through. Most of them had met her, knew how important she was to me, and therefore would feel for her just as I had. But my friends were an amazing bunch, they would have those feelings for any child they saw who was upset or struggling.
After that, I took another deep breath and explained what we had done earlier in the morning. “Today we went to see Embry’s social worker and spoke with her about adopting my little angel.” I held up a finger, gesturing for them to stay quiet and let me continue. “And before anyone says anything, Brax and I are not just getting married for that reason. It may be why it’s sooner, but we want you to know that each thing is being done because we love each other more than words could ever say.” I was an emotional wreck and frantically tried swiping my tears as they streamed down my face. Braxton placed his large hand on my leg, bringing me instant comfort—like always.
Everyone was quiet still, patiently waiting for me to finish after I finally got myself calmed down. “We also got our marriage license t-today”—my voice cracked—so when we said we are getting married, we mean really dang soon.” Looking at Braxton and then back to our friends, I continued, not wanting to waste another second. “We are thinking within a month, right here in our backyard by the water, surrounded by just our friends and my parents. We want you all to be here, and all of you standing beside us. We don’t care about how the norm does it, you're all special to us. We could use the help and would love it if you all say yes.” Holding my breath once again, I waited.
Another explosion of cheers from every single one of our friends who were excited for us, willing to help, letting us know that they wouldn’t miss being there for our big day, and to support us in our journey to make Embry part of our family, rang out through the quiet night.
Later, as we hung out and talked, I noticed that Summer seemed a little off. She was happy for us, said all the right things, but she looked majorly tired. I even noticed Gyth watching her like he was seeing the same thing I was. That concerned me. I would have to ask her what was going on when everyone wasn’t around. I didn’t want to put her on the spot.
After all our friends left, Brax and I crawled into our bed once again exhausted. Curled up next to him, I laid my head on his shoulder, beyond exhausted but content. “How did we get so lucky to have such awesome friends?”
“Not sure, but I’m damn thankful for them.” His lips found the crown of my head. “And for you, baby.”
Sighing, I kissed his rock-solid, bare chest. But even laying there, the sound of his heartbeat bleeding into me, I couldn’t help but replay the whole night in my head, along with the conversation I’d had with Summer. Brow furrowed, I worried my bottom lip. “Did you notice a difference in Summer tonight? Maybe like she is overly tired?”
“Yeah, baby, I did. Gyth mentioned it to me too. He seemed worried.”
My anxiety increased. “Well, I asked her later on if everything was okay. She just said she had been working a lot and not sleeping well, so she was just tired, but brushed it off and said she would be fine once she caught up on her Z’s. I’m still concerned though.”
“We’ll keep an eye on her, and check with Alley tomorrow and see what she thinks. Your sister usually knows all, and she would be one of the first people to have noticed.”
“Okay “Night, Brax, love you.”
“Love you more, Dimples.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jurnee
Tired to my bones, I laid my head in my hands for a few minutes to rest at my desk. The weekend after speaking with Mrs. Miller, we’d spent two long, grueling days in the classes we needed to take to become certified foster parents. It was a lot to fit into a short time, but it was worth every minute if it brought the outcome we were praying for. We hadn’t wanted to waste any time and needed to be prepared if they agreed to let Embry come live with us.
However, during the week at work, I hadn’t said anything or even hinted to my sweet girl about what Brax and I were trying to do. We’d agreed, along with her social worker, that it would be best not to raise her hopes in case something didn’t work out. Now we had to wait, and it was killing me. I rubbed my temples as the tension in my head increased. Damn stress was hard on a person’s body.
Please let good news come soon.
If the state would approve us as foster parents before we got married, which was just a few short weeks away, there was a chance Embry could be there with us for the ceremony. How amazing would that be? The thought had a smile gracing my face, not only about her possibly being there, but because I was so close to becoming Braxton’s wife too.
Throughout the week, when not working, we had been planning a small ceremony to take place on the first weekend of September. It would be a cute, intimate wedding, with a very short guest list. Only our closest friends, my parents, some of the people from work, and Gemma would be coming, now that she lived close by. Obviously, Braxton’s parents would not be attending, as Brax didn’t speak to them, nor would he have wanted them there even if he did, and neither of us had any other family. My dad and mother were both only children and my grandparents had all passed away.
I had been sitting in my office for a while thinking about what I needed to accomplish and doing some paperwork when an awful bout of nausea washed over me. I had been feeling this way all week. Between it and being exhausted, I assumed it was just the stress getting to me, but it was lingering. Any time this happened, I ended up having to make an appointment. One I never wanted to. Pulling my head from my hands, panic started rearing its ugly head and my breathing grew rapid, making me feel even sicker.
It was then that reality came crashing back with a force so strong I thought I was going to fall down a dark, empty hole filled with sorrow, and never pick myself back up. How could I think of dragging Braxton and Embry, who I loved so much, into this world of mine? Because as I dialed the dreaded number, I couldn’t see how it would be fair to them. Didn’t they deserve someone in their life they could count on, not one with so many uncertainties?
But how can I ever let them go?
In the blink of the eye, and just as I’d started to get comfortable with a new future
, my body had reminded me of why I didn’t get too close to others. I had only truly done that with Summer, Alley, and my parents. Never should I have been planning a wedding or trying to adopt a child. Letting myself believe I could have had it all was a mistake that brought pain so unbearable, I felt it to my core. A husband, children, or true happiness. What the hell was I thinking? And what was I going to do now?
In a matter of minutes, the beautiful world I’d longed for and thought was in my grasp, crumbled.
First things first—I had to schedule my appointment, and then I’d figure it out from there. It’s what I always did. They had a cancellation, so I was going to my appointment in an hour. In the past it had always just been a scare, but what happened when one of these times it wasn’t? Dragging myself out of my chair, I needed to get up and go let my staff know that I had to leave for the rest of the day.
I was headed to the oncologist.
Hours later, I stumbled into the house, even more worn out than I had been earlier. The mental stress was taking a toll on my fragile mind and fatigued body. All I could do now was wait for my bloodwork to come back. Since I took off from work early, Braxton was still at No Surrender, and I was all alone in the house. I wandered upstairs and opened the door to one of the extra rooms we had been starting to work on in hopes of Embry coming to join us. My heart constricted, taking the breath from my lungs as agony washed through me. We had only painted it so far, and although it was not set in stone that she would get to enjoy this space, we couldn’t help ourselves.
Now it may never happen at all.
Falling to the floor against one of the newly painted soft pink walls, I began to cry. This color was Embry’s favorite and we had done it thinking of her. We had so many other plans for her room, but what if it wasn’t meant to be? My cries turned to sobs.
That’s how Braxton found me when he walked in.
Kneeling in front of me, he took my face in his hands. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did you hear back from the social worker?” The panic in his tone because he too would be devastated if they had denied us, brought on more waterworks that I seemed to have zero control over. The stream of salty tears poured from my puffy eyes, dripped down my trembling lips and wobbly chin.
Oh God, I hated that I was a blubbering mess that had made him worry. I couldn’t speak through my cries, so I shook my head no.
“Baby, then what is it? Is something wrong at work? Did Embry’s father show up again? Are you hurt?” His temper-laced tone seeped past his lips, and an angry look took up residence on his gorgeous face.
He was firing off question after question. But it wasn’t any of those things, and yet the one thing it was, I wasn’t prepared to talk about. I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew where I needed to go. I am a coward.
So, swallowing down all my feelings that felt like they were suffocating the life right out of me, I said the only thing I could manage to get out.
“I need to go stay with the girls for a night or maybe two.” The sight of his face crumbling killed me. How could I be so selfish to the man I loved and not just talk it out? But I was scared. Part of me was thinking how could I go through with anything if something is wrong with me again, or if social services found out I was sick, they’d deny us Embry. What if Braxton couldn’t handle either of those scenarios and he walked away himself? I wouldn’t survive that. It would have to be me that did it.
But how can I?
“Dimples, please talk to me. You know you can tell me anything. I told you before, nothing will ever make me change my mind about us, nothing!” he shouted. I knew he wasn’t yelling at me, but I’d seen the panic and worry in his eyes. It was coming out loud and clear when he spoke.
“Brax, I can’t right now. Please understand and just let me go see Alley and Summer. Please?” Gasping for air, between the sobs, my voice begged him to understand and not keep questioning me. Braxton was nothing short of amazing and nodding his head he let his hands fall from my face.
The loss of his touch tore me up inside, ripping me to shreds. And when he helped me up, his words pierced my heart.
“Whatever is going on and is bothering you, we can get through it, don’t give up on us.” Tears matched my own, and fell down his face, while his expression held so much misery. But I still had seen an abundance of love shining through. For me. “I love you so much, Dimples. It’s you and me now. Go talk with the girls, because I get how important they are to you, but come back to me. Come back to us?”
When I didn’t answer, he looked so wounded, but I wouldn’t lie, and I had no answers as to what fate would bring to us.
Walking away was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. It crushed my soul, and I didn’t know if I was coming back from the darkness that plunged into my world, but I did know that Braxton deserved extraordinary, and I wasn’t living up to that right now.
I hadn’t said a word yet in the last twenty minutes.
Walking into my old house with the girls after Braxton dropped me off since he wouldn’t let me drive as upset as I was, I found them both in the living room and that’s where we had been since. When I closed the front door, I had melted into a puddle of watery tears and they picked me up and took me to the couch. This is where we had sat while they held me and let me cry it out. We knew one another well, and they knew I would talk eventually when I felt like I could.
My sobs slowed and little hiccups of breath took their place as I slowly got myself under control the best I could. Why? That's what I wanted to know. Why was this happening to me? Didn’t I deserve the reach for the stars kinda happiness others experienced?
Finally, after taking a deep breath, I laid my heart bare to my best friends. They always seemed to know just what to say to help me work through all my emotional times over the years.
“I went to the oncologist today.”
“Honey, why didn’t you call one of us and have us go with you?” Summer asked, brows furrowed.
“It happened quickly and I had to leave right away to head over there. Otherwise, I know you would have and Alley too, just as you have in the past. Let me explain what happened and then you both can have your say like you always do.” That got a little tilt of my lips because my girls always had to have their say.
They nodded to let me know to continue. I went on to explain to them about feeling tired and nauseated like I have in the past and when I made the call, the doctor's office had time to draw blood and start to check some things out, so I went right over.
“I’m supposed to be planning my wedding and preparing for Embry to come live with us if we are blessed enough for that to happen. But how can I even continue doing those things when there is a chance that I am sick again? If not now, what about later?” I paused and Alley jumped in.
“Did you talk to my brother about this?” she asked, arms crossed.
I hung my head in shame, because what could I say? I was a chicken, I was sacred, and I didn’t want him to sacrifice everything if it came out that I truly was ill. Because Braxton was that kind of guy. He was the best, with the biggest heart, and he wouldn’t walk away; not even when he should.
“Oh, Jurnee, you should have told him what’s going on. You guys are supposed to be partners, it’s something to work out together, not alone.” Alley scolded in a way that only she could.
“I’m not alone, I have you two.” Even though that was true, I knew it wasn’t the same. I didn’t do the right thing. I had run away. Just up and left.
Omg, I am the most awful person in the world. How could I do that to him?
“I messed everything up, I don’t know what I am doing,” I cried out, emotions boiling over.
Through more tears, hugs, and emotional breakdowns, my two besties managed to do what they always did—make me feel better and see things more clearly. This was exactly why I needed to come here, but I had gone about it all wrong.
“Do you love Braxton?” Alley asked.
I an
swered without hesitation. “With all my heart.”
“Then tell him, don’t let him worry and work through it with one another, it will be okay. It could be anything, and I know getting checked out is a little more standard for you because of your past medical history, but you have to think positive.”
I knew Alley was right, I needed to see what was right in front of me, that I had more than just the girls now, and I could grab onto Braxton through the good and bad times because that’s what two soon to be married people were supposed to do.
Through sickness and in health. Let’s hope we don’t have to worry about the sickness part right now.
“He loves you too, boo. Head over heels, it’s written in his eyes every time he looks at you,” Summer said, adding her favorite little endearment. I felt giddy inside hearing that she noticed that about him.
“Thanks, you two. I should have realized all this and handled it differently, but I was lost there for a bit with worry. Is it okay if I stay here tonight though?”
“Of course, you know you don’t have to ask. This is always your home too,” Summer said, and Alley agreed.
“Okay, I’m beat. I’m going to shower, curl up on my old bed, call Braxton, and then go to sleep. Love you both so much,” I told them as I grabbed them both and hugged them fiercely.
Later, after I was all cleaned up and snuggled down in my old bed, I made my second hard call of the day.
And when Braxton answered the phone, “Hey baby, you okay? I miss you like crazy and love you so fucking much,” I knew then I couldn’t give up anything and had to fight for everything that we were and that we deserved.
“I’m getting there,” I struggled with those words, getting choked up again because one part of me wanted to be with the girls and another part wanted to run back to him then. “I will be home tomorrow because I miss you too. Just got a little lost there for a bit, but I know exactly where I am now. I love you. I will see you soon.”
Entwined Souls (Soul Sister Book 1) Page 21
