The Tomboy & the Rebel

by Leeann M. Shane

  “Here.” He set the hat down on top of my head and I repositioned it. He took my hand and led me out of the dugout, our sweaty palms kissing.

  “Want to meet up after school?”

  “I have to meet with Principal Darwin. And then my dad’s picking me up.”

  He gripped my hand tighter. “Up to you, I guess. I wanted to hang out. See you. Touch you. Feel you. Have you. Mom’s been fighting nonstop with me since she had to come and pick me up.” He looked away, a sheepish look on his face. “It’s a headache being at my place. I can always go get shitfaced at Rudy’s if you’re not into it.”

  We made our way around to the amphitheater. Maybe it was the bikini-clad girls, or the recklessness in the air, but I didn’t want him at Rudy’s party without me. Which made me feel horrible. Peering at him, I bit my lip. “Who’s all going to be there?”

  “Why? Worried?” He grinned, pulling me close near the stage. He cupped my face with one hand and peered down into my eyes. “You scared some other tomboy’s going to catch my attention?”

  I grasped his waist, stuck in his eyes. “Maybe,” I admitted.

  His metal eyes softened into liquid titanium. “Sorry to break this to you, Tom, but your baggy jeans are the only jeans I want to get into. But it is extremely adorable when you get all insecure girl.”

  I groaned and tried to pull free of him, but he pulled me back. I glared. “I am not insecure. You’re a horny teenage boy. I don’t want to be let down by one more man in my life.” I didn’t know why my eyes were burning.

  “I’m the horny one? You were trying to take my shirt off the entire time we were in the dugout.” He laughed when I pulled away again.

  Stomping away, I avoided all the eyes I suddenly saw that were on us. The entire amphitheater had watched us together. They hadn’t heard anything, but they saw it.

  There was a mixture of shock and confusion on their faces. I ignored them. I didn’t need their approval.

  Dare caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. “I would never let you down, Tom. You can trust me, baby. You know you can.”

  My stupid heart stuttered.

  “I’ll meet you at Rudy’s tonight.” I wouldn’t last until tomorrow.

  He walked with me in his arms, our shoes tangled, our steps awkward. But it felt… right. “Correction. I’ll help you sneak out of your dad’s place and then we can both go to Rudy’s. I’ll bring a bathing suit for you this time.” He put his mouth over my ear. “What kind of panties are you wearing right now?”

  I giggled, shrugging him off. “See what I mean? Horny teenage boy.” And then I looked around. We’d made it to the hall and the little corner gave us protection. I pulled the waistband on my jeans down an inch, giving him a glimpse. His jaw went slack, and his cheeks heated with hunger.

  His eyes shot to mine. “What’s with the sexy panties under the boy clothes?”

  I gave him a teasing smile. “Can’t a girl feel like one? Who says I have to wear things for everyone else. I wear them for me.”

  He put his hands on my hips. “You are so hot, Tom. Walk me to my locker?”

  I let him take my hand, leading me through the crammed hallway. When we got to his locker, there was a crowd surrounding it. And low murmurs of shock went through the crowd. “What the…?” He trailed off, peering over the heads to his locker. His face paled and he let my hand go to push through the crowd.

  “Get away from my locker,” he roared. “Or I’ll kick all your asses.”

  Everyone immediately dispersed. I saw what everyone was looking at. Dare was ripping them down quickly, but there were too many pictures for him to get them all down before I saw them. Pictures of me were taped to every single inch of his locker. I stepped close, studying them. I looked younger in some, and older in others. I recognized one picture from what I thought was freshman year. I was skinnier and shorter, and I was wearing a pair of boy cargo shorts and a tight white polo shirt. My hair was in a ponytail and I was smiling at something a much younger Sean was saying to me.

  Dare cursed under his breath and snatched it down, his entire posture stiff. He had an entire armful of pictures. He wrenched his locker open and more fell out. Hundreds of them. I dropped to my knees and picked one up. I remembered the day it was taken because of what I wore. Red skinny jeans and a black cami. My red Converse pulsed. I’d sat on one of Sean’s pens and it had bled black ink all over my backside. I never wore them again.

  That picture was taken the first day of school. This year.

  I met Dare’s eyes. Hollow panic filled them.

  “What is this?”

  He grabbed his backpack, and with shaking hands, he stuffed his backpack full of pictures.

  “Who took those?”

  He shoved them into his backpack faster and snatched the one in my hand from me.

  “Dare?”

  He stood up. “Go to class, Mel.” He slammed his locker shut and took off, his long legs carrying him away before I could even get to my feet.

  I looked around to find Maisy and Miranda walking down the opposite end giggling into their hands. Did they do that? Why would they do that? And where did they get those pictures?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  He wasn’t coming.

  The sun had set four hours ago, and now the sky was mocking me as I waited for Dare to show up. I got this niggling feeling in the back of my heart that he wouldn’t. I gave up at around midnight and changed out of my jeans and grabbed my towel, heading into the hall bathroom to take a shower.

  I reflected on the day as I did so, even though I wanted to repress most of it. Dare had cut photography class. My meeting with Principal Darwin had gone as horrible as I suspected it would. An hour of wriggling caterpillars and warnings. He’d brought up college, something I hadn’t bothered thinking about. Every single time I thought of college, I got this pounding headache.

  What about leaving high school freaked me out? Maybe because I had no clue. Not a one. I felt like I should know myself by now. Know my dreams. Know my hopes. Instead, I was just starting to figure out that I did not in fact know anything at all. And the whole world thought I should know by now. What if I never figured it out?

  I still had time but dreams as large as I needed required far more than a few more months to come to fruition.

  After my meeting with Principal Darwin, Dad had shown up, sweaty and breathing hard from moving all day. I didn’t get it. Just like that they were getting back together? I spent the afternoon taking down my collage on the wall and packing up my clothes and smaller items. I argued with Dad for a full ten minutes before he caved and let me bring two of my comfy chairs. Once we made it home, I put my collage back up in this new lie of a house and wondered where I’d live when they divorced again.

  The entire time I thought of those pictures. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures of me. Pouring from Dare’s locker. The ashen look of horror on his face when he realized I saw them all. The kiss in the dugout. The strings of my heart he was starting to tug on.

  There was a knock on my bathroom door, and then Mom’s voice. “Mel? Sean called my cell phone. Should I tell him you’re in the shower?”

  I cringed. “Tell him I’m sleeping.”

  “Okay, baby. Dad and I are heading off to sleep. Waffles for breakfast tomorrow,” she said cheerfully. “Love you.”

  I’d need therapy for sure after living with those two again. “Love you, too,” I mumbled, intentionally getting soap in my eyes. I stepped out into my room dripping water, wrapped in my towel, my mind and heart in a state of contained chaos. Dare wasn’t coming, but I had a pretty good idea of where he’d be.

  I got dressed quickly in a baggy white tee shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. I put my wet hair into a bun, and then slipped on my shoes. The window in the front of the house was high up, but it opened onto the roof. I could follow it down and then use the second tier to hop down to the gravel lawn.

  It was too late to wish I’d brought
a sweater. The desert heat was expunged from the air that evening, leaving behind cool air that made me shiver all the way to Rudy’s house. It took me almost an hour slipping through winding mansion roads to get there.

  Dare’s truck was in the driveway.

  When I made it inside, the house was quiet, but I could hear male laughter and faint hip hop music. I followed it through the house and into the kitchen. Rudy was in there, shirtless at the stove. He flipped something that looked like grilled cheese. When he noticed me, his dark green eyes widened, and then he smiled knowingly.

  “Dare’s in the back.” He pointed his spatula over his shoulder.

  “Thanks,” I said, stepping through the lavish kitchen into the backyard. Weren’t this guy’s parents ever home? Mine weren’t even gone enough to have parties constantly, or to have teenagers all over the backyard. This time, there weren’t that many as last time. Just a few boys playing basketball, their shirtless bodies showing off their six packs and happy trails. I rolled my eyes and looked around for Dare.

  There was a long male body stretched out on a lounge chair, feet bare, hair damp, like he’d been swimming earlier and changed into his dry clothes recently. A bottle of beer hung from his hand and there were four more on the glass table beside him.

  He stared out over the pool, a pinch between his brows at whatever he was thinking about.

  “You’re a total stereotype right now. Broody sexy bad boy drinking. All you need is a tattoo.”

  His head whipped toward me, and pain filled his eyes. “What are you doing here, Melanie?” He turned back to the pool and brought the bottle to his lips.

  “I missed you,” I defended, hurt by his empty dismissal.

  He sighed, the sound of his exhale breaking up in the middle. He hung his head and ran his hand through his hair.

  “You want me to leave, say the word.” I crossed my arms over my chest. Don’t say the word.

  He sighed again, this time sadder, eyes on the pool. “I feel like being alone right now.”

  He said the word. It felt like I’d breathed glass on my way over here, and the shards started to crack at his words. The pointy ends found my softest parts and stabbed until I was full of holes. But I swallowed the hurt. I was used to doing that. “Cool. You can kiss yourself tomorrow, Darren.” I spun on my heel and left the way I came.

  Rudy was eating his grilled cheese at the island. When he saw me come into the kitchen, he raised a brow, but didn’t comment as I left.

  I used the walk home to shove what I was feeling down. Don’t feel. Just walk. Breathe. Don’t cry. You’re better than tears. Plus, nothing had even happened. He wanted to be alone. Fine. I got that. I was so in my head, I hadn’t even realized I’d used my strength to get onto the first row of my roof until I was balancing on the second one in front of my open bedroom window.

  “You can trust me, baby. You know you can.”

  Liar.

  I stared out across Paradise Valley. The lights from the mansions, the glow of the moon. I took a deep breath of the cold desert air and let it dry the traitorous tears on my cheeks.

  Sleeping that night was impossible. I woke up exhausted and dragging. After I got in last night, I threw on a pair of Sean’s boxers and I padded downstairs in them now, feeling rotten.

  “What happened to you?” Dad asked, leaning back like I was contagious.

  An idea came to me. “I don’t feel good.” It wasn’t a total lie. I didn’t feel good.

  Mom touched my forehead, looking into my eyes as she did so. She gave me a sad wink. “You feel so warm. Why don’t you go upstairs, and I’ll be up to check on you? I’ll call Principal Darwin.”

  Did my mom just cover for me? Could she see the heartache in my eyes? Probably. She lived it every day with Dad. Startled, I said, “Thank you,” and then returned upstairs, and hid under my covers. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to hide from a boy. I shouldn’t have to. I got dressed, taking my time today.

  I wore my baggiest jeans and paired them with a hot pink sports bra and a tight white tank top. I braided my hair into a Katniss braid, and then channeled her strength for the day.

  “I thought you were sick,” Dad accused when I came back down.

  “I feel better now. I’m not going to let a little cold get the better of me.” I stiffened my chin.

  He stared at me like I was speaking gibberish. “Okay… Let’s go.” He dug his keys from his back pocket.

  When I left, I caught Mom looking down, her bottom lip between her teeth, a perplexed expression turning up her face. She looked like I did when Principal Darwin and I talked, and that freaking caterpillar judged me the entire time.

  Dad dropped me off in the drop off line. Kids hopped out of cars and went into the school.

  “You see him lately?” he asked quietly.

  Threateningly.

  “No,” I mumbled, not keeping my unhappiness out of my tone.

  “Good,” he retorted, unapologetic. “Before you get out.” He grabbed my arm and I turned back, one foot already out of the door. “Your mother and I will be here to pick you up right after school.”

  “Why?” I asked, suspicious.

  “We need help, Melly. You do too. We’re going to start going to therapy.”

  I gaped at him. “Why do I have to go? I’m not the one who messed up his marriage!” I thought we were both startled by my outburst.

  He jabbed his finger at me. “That right there. You resent me. You’re running away. Acting out. We need this. We used to be able to talk about anything.” He cupped my face in his hand. “You remember?”

  I swallowed hard. He was right. We’d been so close, but we weren’t anymore. “I’m not a kid anymore.” And you weren’t around for the hardest parts. Maybe I did resent him. No, scratch that. I did resent him. No maybe about it. “I’m going to grow up eventually. Boys will become men. I’ll leave. I can’t go back in time just because you want me to.”

  “Men,” he scoffed, “I guess you could have been worse. You were always highly self-aware and confident.”

  Were. Why did I lack something because I liked Dare? Liking Dare felt like I was gaining something I was missing, not losing out. Which made his dismissal hurt that much worse. “I don’t want to go to therapy. But I do think you and Mom need it. I’ll walk home.”

  The car behind us honked, and I took the opportunity to dip. “See you when you get home!” I called, running away.

  “Mel!” he called back.

  I waved and kept walking. I was immediately accosted by Sean and Genna. He put his hands on my shoulders and marched me backward. “We need to talk. Now.”

  I missed his familiar face so much, tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for dear life. He smelled like coffee and toast, mixed with his body spray and something that just smelled like Sean.

  “What’s this for?” he whispered, wrapping his arms around me just as tightly.

  “Isn’t she dating Darren Morre?”

  “Maybe one boy isn’t enough for her.”

  “Slut,” someone whispered, bumping into me.

  I ignored them. At least, I tried. One minute I was unseen. The next, I’m a slut. All because I needed a hug. I didn’t let the word bother me. It was just a word. What I thought of myself mattered far more to me, and I knew the truth about myself.

  “Don’t listen to them.” Sean kissed behind my ear and tried to free himself. “Mel. Let go.”

  I held him tighter.

  He walked with me, dragging my shoes along the floor. He sighed and gave up, parking us where we were. When he finally freed me, the late bell had rung, and a familiar head of chocolate hair was moving through the crowd.

  “We’re talking at lunch,” he threatened. He took Gen’s hand and placed it on my shoulder. “Make sure she gets there.”

  Gen shrugged and wrapped her arm around mine. When he was gone, Gen grinned at me. “I told you Dare liked you.”

 
; “He does not.” He barely wanted to talk to me.

  She snorted. “Not what I heard. Or saw. What’s it like?”

  “What?”

  “Kissing him.” She blushed, but she held my gaze.

  I blushed too. “Amazing,” I admitted, my smile spreading.

  We both squealed, giggling like we were twelve. It felt good to laugh. To not have to pretend or worry.

  “But he’s acting weird.” I told her about the pictures on his locker and then what happened at Rudy’s.

  She dragged us to a stop in front of my locker, which was blessedly empty of popular trolls today. “Wait. Who put them on his locker?”

  “I think it was Maisy and Miranda.”

  She grinned hugely, and it shocked me how beautiful she was. Pale unblemished skin, big shiny brown eyes, and long black hair with bangs. She hid behind her clothes and quietness, but inside Genna was a brightness I hoped she realized she had.

  “Where’d they get them?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “Why do you look so suspicious?”

  “Because maybe Dare doesn’t like you. Maybe he loves you.” She clapped her hands together. “The nobody girl and the popular guy. Take that high school standards!” She whisper-yelled it.

  “Did you share a coffee with Sean today?” I suspected her overenthusiasm was caffeine induced.

  She dismissed me with a flick of her dark hair. “Can I come to your wedding?”

  “No.”

  “Aww, why not?” She bounced beside me on my way to class. “I’d wear all black and cry.”

  I giggled, shaking my head at her. “Want to hang out tonight? I’m grounded. You can come over to my Dad’s place and we can stuff our faces.”

  “You’re at your dad’s place?”

  I chewed on my bottom lip. “He and Mom are trying to work things out.”

  Her face fell. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  Finally, someone who understood. “They’re acting like nothing happened.”

  “That’s how my parents were. On again, off again. Fighting, arguing, loving, kissing—it drove me crazy for five years.”