The Tomboy & the Rebel

by Leeann M. Shane

  He put his hand up, stopping me. His expression was sober and open. “Don’t apologize. You run, I’ll chase. That’s how it will always be. And I don’t mind. I’d rather have you in sight than not at all. You give me something to look forward to.”

  I shook my head, a bolt of awareness slicing through me. “I won’t run. Not anymore. I want to be where you are.”

  He smiled sadly. “You’re cute.”

  I rolled my eyes and got up. “Let’s go fix your room.”

  The backroom was empty. No bed, no items. I gritted my teeth at the idea of him sleeping on the floor. But what choice did I have? He needed some place safe, some place that wouldn’t add to the hurt in his heart. “Maybe we could get your bed?” I suggested.

  “No need. I’m going to sneak into yours every night anyway.”

  Heat snaked up my spine and bloomed in my cheeks. I touched one, watching the way his eyes lit up and his lips did, too as I fingered my warm cheek. “Good luck getting through my dad.”

  He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked at me differently. Without his secret, he looked warmer, somehow. Like around him I’d never feel cold again. “We should probably talk,” he offered, brows scrunched like he’d rather not do so.

  I sank down and crossed my legs, staring up at him. “Okay. Talk.”

  He slid to the ground, appearing exhausted. His eyes fell across mine. “We broke up.”

  I remained calm. “You took my virginity.”

  He swallowed hard. “So, does that mean we’re back together?”

  It was amusing to see him so flustered and exposed. “I don’t know, you tell me.”

  “Mel,” he exhaled, glaring. “Yes, or no?”

  “Yes. We’re back together. For real this time. No assignment. No secrets. You could have told me. You could have come up to me four years ago and told me how you felt. I would have liked to know that.”

  His head softly hit the back of the wall, his chocolate locks falling in his eyes. “You were safe in a picture. And then after all those years you were real, and it freaked me out to think about losing you. I can’t lose you.” His pain seeped from his eyes. “It’s been hell without you. There were no pictures, no you—just my mom passed out on the couch and Patrick crying for me. And I know that sounds stupid. I told you to break up with me. But that’s only because I thought I had something left to lose. But I didn’t, Mel.” His voice lowered, and confessions fell from his lips. “I gave it all to you the moment I saw you.”

  My lungs deflated. Fire and want shot through my veins. I pressed my palms to my thighs before I did something that would probably get us both kicked out. “You’re making it hard to breathe.”

  “Now you know how I’ve felt for all those years.”

  I felt light-headed, ablaze, and lost all at once, but in a purely self-discovering way. Pieces I hadn’t known were dislodged felt like they were sliding into place. The motes of dust embedded in my heart fluttered away.

  “Are we even?” I found it hard to hold his eyes, difficult to see the blinding sheen of adoration in them. How could I miss that? How could I have ever argued with this boy?

  The answer was easy. When I met Dare, I didn’t want love.

  I just wanted to survive the emotional anarchy warring inside of me. To find my feet as the ground beneath me shifted.

  I never meant to fall in love with Darren Morre.

  But I had. Somehow. In the middle of arguing, breaking, and free falling, I’d fallen for him.

  “Yeah, Tom. We’re even.”

  Our eyes locked. Emotions passed between us. There was a bridge between his heart and mine. We could finally cross it.

  “Pizza’s here!” Dad called out, an edge to his tone as it drifted up the stairs.

  I rolled my eyes and pushed to my feet as he did the same. “Subtle.”

  Dare’s hand brushed against mine as I passed him, and for some reason, I felt it all over. My spine tingled. His eyes followed me down the stairs. There was a pizza box on the kitchen counter and Dad was already loading his plate.

  Dare’s hunched shoulders made him look awkward. He was probably so twisted up inside. I wanted to reach into his chest and untangle the pieces. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even untangle my own. But I could share my tangled mess with him. That’s what we were together. A tangled mess of wants and emotions, but in those wants there was peace, and in those emotions, there was trust. Two things we both needed.

  I took his hand and smiled encouragingly at him.

  He gave me a crooked one back, mouthing the words, “You’re so f’ing cute, Tom,” at me when my dad wasn’t looking. I kicked him in his ankle and then sat down across from Dad with a plate of pizza, with Dare beside me, and I smiled. Smiled at the spark of hope in my chest.

  It was sizzling, like a firework waiting to explode in the air. But this firework wasn’t temporary, and it wouldn’t fizzle out.

  It would shine as bright as the sun and would glow as bright as I wanted to be someday.

  That night, after Dad went to sleep, Dare snuck in. He slid into bed behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He buried his face in my neck and breathed heavily against my flesh.

  “I want to get him back,” he whispered, voice strangled.

  “Who?” I whispered back, afraid Dad would hear us somehow and pluck my fireworks from the sky.

  “Patrick. He’s probably so scared right now, Mel.” He choked back his next words and buried his face deeper into me, like he could hide from the world, from his pain.

  I gripped his hand that pressed to my stomach and squeezed my eyes shut, afraid I’d cry, too. Dare’s pain magnified mine. Dare shouldn’t feel that sad. Ever. He deserved to smile and laugh as hard and loud as he wanted.

  “Maybe my dad can help.”

  “It’s not his problem.”

  “We can still ask him.”

  He sighed heavily and held me tighter. “I should probably go before he senses something.”

  “Already?” I whined, holding on to him in an act of defiance.

  “I don’t want to risk…” He kissed behind my ear. “This. Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  That seemed to brighten his tone. I watched him go in disappointment. When he was gone I thought of all the ways I could help him. But I had no pull. I was seventeen, too. The world wanted us to be adults but wouldn’t let us actually be one. They wanted the good parts but didn’t want to nurture the bad parts. Like we weren’t allowed to fail, but they were allowed to claim our success for theirs.

  After a sleepless night, I tossed my covers aside and padded barefoot into the hall.

  “Not another step,” Dad’s voice grumbled.

  I paused in the hall, between Dare’s door and his, and peered over to find him coming up the stairs with a mug in his hand. “I was coming to talk to you, actually.”

  “Oh,” he said, surprised. He continued past me and into his bedroom.

  It was in disarray. Messy, unwashed clothes everywhere. Bed unmade, and sheets twisted. It smelled like sweat and regret. He sank onto his bed and put his mug down before burying his face in his hands.

  I didn’t know what to say. The sight of him knocked the wind out of me. He looked worn down and defeated. And as much as I’d like to point out that he had done so to himself, he was still my father. I didn’t like seeing him that way.

  I parked myself on the end of his bed. “Can you do me a favor?”

  “What?”

  “Talk to Dare? Help him find out about his little brother. About his mother. He’s trying to be strong, but he’s all alone.”

  He peered at me closely, squinting as his intense eyes broke through my armor. “You must really like this damn boy.” He groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. “Mel, I’ve got a lot going on. I don’t really need to add him to the problem.”

  I felt my chance slipping, and Dare’s happiness going with it. “Please?” I begged. “He needs help. I can
’t do anything but tell him it’s going to be okay. Can he stay here until schools out at least?”

  He scowled.

  “Think about it?” I waited until he nodded to get up, on the edge of tears. If Dare felt like he was losing, he’d run.

  If he ran, he’d take everything with him.

  “Mel,” Dad called out when I stepped out of his room.

  I turned back.

  “Make a deal with me, and he can stay until school ends. I’ll even check on his brother.”

  “What deal…?” I asked, not sure I liked the glint in his eyes. He looked far too eager suddenly.

  “Go to college. Get away from me. Become better. And smarter. And more successful. Don’t do what I did. Don’t ruin your family.” Tears glimmered in his bloodshot eyes, and his jaw tensed trying to keep his breakdown inside.

  The sight of him struggling so hard to keep it together did something to me. It made me want to keep it together too. Made me want to do what he said. It made me take that deal. “Deal.”

  He stuck out his hand.

  I stuck out mine.

  And then I made a deal that would put an end to my dust motes and paint my world in fireworks and wonder.

  Dad did a lot of things that broke me.

  But our parents were people too. Principal Darwin was right.

  “Adults suck. We’re supposed to have all the answers and know what to do, but few of us do.”

  One day, I’d be an adult. I’d have no answers and probably get it wrong a million times. But I would learn from the things that hurt me.

  I’d love so hard my darkness never stood a chance.

  I’d trust so much that my pain wouldn’t remember a time that hadn’t felt stable.

  I would get better for me.

  Because that’s what I deserved.

  EPILOGUE

  DARE

  I read the title over and over again. My palms were sweating. They never sweat. At least they didn’t sweat for stupid reasons. Melanie was never a stupid reason. Melanie was the only reason I had.

  Progression Of Love

  An Assignment

  By Darren Morre

  and Melanie Barton

  “Are you ever going to let me read it?” she whined, sitting beside me in photography class.

  I smiled at the cover letter on my paper and shook my head.

  Mel grumbled beside me, crossing her arms over her chest. Her irritation only served to make her cuter. Her rich brown hair was in a bun, and silky strands fell over the sides, rimming her beautiful face. Her bottom lip was between her teeth, plump and pink. She wore one of my shirts, tied at the waist, paired with loose blue jeans that made it hard to sit still.

  I knew what she looked like beneath those baggy boy jeans. Knew the curves, the soft skin—I loved every single inch of her. And I knew she loved me too.

  She had to love me, what with giving me my life back.

  “This is stupid,” Mel continued. “And not to mention cheating. I didn’t help with this project at all.”

  I grinned to myself. “You helped, Mel. Trust me.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  I turned to her and met her eyes. The flecks of gold in her brown and green irises sent a wave of lust crashing into me. Every time I looked into her eyes, I felt like I’d fall over and remain still. Like she knocked the ground out from under me but gave me every reason in the world to keep standing.

  Mel gave me a reason to keep standing.

  I winked, my lips unable to resist creeping into a smirk. “Be patient, Tom. You’re so antsy.” I reached over and grabbed her hand as Mr. Rios came into the classroom. It had taken a week for everyone to read their reports. Mel and I had been scheduled for last and today she’d finally get to hear our report along with the rest of the class.

  “Is it your mom?” I asked.

  Her fingers tangled with mine, fitting together so effortlessly I felt that twinge of fear I always felt around her. Fear that one day she’d leave me. Like everyone else I ever loved. Like my dad, like my mom, even like Patrick. Getting him back had been impossible. Even with Russell’s help, I was just a kid who loved his brother and nothing else. He’d gone to live with an aunt on his dad’s side, and we talked every single day. I promised him I’d get him back during every call, to which he’d reply, “I know.” Even after everything he’d gone through, he still trusted me. I couldn’t break his trust. I knew what shattered trust did to a person.

  It ate you up.

  It tore you apart.

  It created a pit of lonely in your chest that didn’t go away.

  It made you notice a girl in the hall and cling to the idea of her. And then when you finally got the girl, you were just terrified of keeping her.

  I had to keep her.

  Keep our palms pressed together, fingers tangled.

  Keep her laughter, her kiss, her wide, hazel eyes.

  “What if things go back to how they were?” she whispered, staring down at her red and black Converses.

  Mel’s mom was finally coming back home today. “They won’t. She sounds better on the phone, right? And if it does, then you have me. Right down the hall.” I leaned over and kissed her temple, inhaling the scent of berries clinging to her hair.

  She leaned into my kiss, and her eyes fluttered closed. “Right down the hall,” she repeated, her tense muscles relaxing. Her lashes fluttered open and her golden-green eyes sliced through my heart with the unguarded rawness burning in her eyes. “You’re my superhero, Dare.”

  Inside, my heart did things that would embarrass me to admit out loud. As hard as it was to hold her gaze, I also relished it. No one had ever looked at me the way Melanie looked at me. With so much passion and emotion. Even if she was angry, she was doing it with everything she had.

  She was everything beautiful in my world.

  “Do I get to wear a cape?” I teased, clearing my throat of the gruffness her comment caused.

  She gave me a soft smile and then a shimmer of something more tempting shone in her eyes. “I hope so.”

  “Quiet down!” Mr. Rios called out, settling his hip on his desk. “As you all know, we’re set to have our final project today. So, without further ado, Dare and Melanie, please step up and present your progression on love.”

  I stood and then gave Mel a hard look when she rose with me. “We discussed this. You come in at the end.”

  She grumbled something that sounded like, “Handsome idiot,” under her breath, and then sank back down and crossed her arms over her chest.

  I picked up my project. I walked to the front of the class.

  And then I finally got my moment.

  The one I’d been waiting my entire life for.

  The only moment I’d ever need.

  I turned and looked at Melanie Barton, and then I spilled every single inch of my heart on that classroom floor.

  EPILOGUE

  MELANIE

  Dare took a deep breath and gave the entire class a cocky grin.

  He’d been weird about this project from the start. Even more so toward the end. I wasn’t allowed to do anything, not even ask what he was doing.

  “Hit the lights, Mr. Rios,” Dare instructed.

  Mr. Rios smiled wide and did so, and then he pulled down the screen the projector typically shone on. But in this case, it wasn’t an image.

  It was Dare’s collage.

  A picture of him and I together showed up on the screen. The one we’d taken together in my bed eating sushi with the title below.

  Progression Of Love

  An Assignment

  By Darren Morre

  and Melanie Barton

  “I put my name first because I started this project a long time before Mel came into the picture. But she ended the story. So you’re not last for a bad reason. You’re last because you’re also my first.”

  There was a chorus of sighs from the girls in class and gags from the guys.

  I didn’t make a
sound.

  I simply stared into his eyes, knowing something for sure. He was about to take my heart. Completely and utterly. Forever.

  “A bit of a back story first.” He cleared his throat and winked at me. “I had detention a few weeks before this project was assigned in this very class. I asked Mr. Rios what he was working on. He told me he was prepping our next project, and then he told me what it was about. He showed me the options and the rules. I begged him. With everything in my heart to change it from a one-person project to pairs. And then I convinced him to put Melanie and me together. I thought, this was my chance. The only chance I’d ever get to tell the girl I loved that I did in fact, love her. If this didn’t work, I’d lose her. And my entire life would go with it.”

  I was a girl caught in a trap set by the boy she loved, and I never wanted to be free.

  “Mr. Rios played along. Promised me he’d do his best to make it happen. Of course, when the day came, I had to act normal. Had to be disappointed that we were doing a project of pairs. Of even love. But I was never disappointed being your partner, Mel. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  He reached into my chest with the strength of a superhero and pulled my heart free. I didn’t fight for it. Didn’t even want it back. It was his.

  The image on the screen changed to an image of himself. He was so youthful in the image my heart melted. Boyish and lanky.

  “This is me, first day of freshman year. I took it with my phone on my way to school. New school. Same empty heart. I was disgustingly empty. All day, all night.” He swallowed hard. “Broken. I couldn’t feel anything but this pit of nothing in my chest. It started to win. I wanted to give up.” He cut to an image of the front of Phoenix High School. “And then I walked into the front doors of this school, and this happened.” The first picture he’d ever taken of me lit the screen. “I saw this girl. Heard her laugh, felt her light, her good—I saw her soul. I wanted it to be mine. Needed it.” Images started to fly across the screen. My entire freshman year had been captured. “My mom’s an addict. I never knew my dad. I was born empty and didn’t know I could feel full. And I didn’t. I guess. Mel didn’t know I existed. I had an image to uphold. Plus, I didn’t want to tell her how I felt and then have her treat me like my mom or dad. I didn’t want her to leave me.” He cleared his throat and there were sniffles from the girls in class. The boys were staring at him like he’d lost his mind.