by Divya Anand
Sitara, focus, I told myself sternly.
‘Hi Ash, how are you?’ I asked.
‘Doing well, thanks. Where are you headed?’ he asked politely.
‘Just going to grab some chai from the tea stall outside,’ I smiled. Everyone knew the tapri wallah outside our building made better chai than anything you would find inside the office. ‘I also wanted to talk to you about the subscription programme we discussed . . . ’
‘Why don’t you join me? I’m getting chai too,’ he said while making the ‘zip your lips’ gesture he made whenever we were in an elevator and started talking about work. Ash was paranoid about eavesdropping. As though the guys from ICICI Bank on the floor below us would steal our ideas and suddenly begin giving away beauty hampers to all their premium customers! I busied myself with staring at my reflection in the mirrored elevator doors.
Once we got downstairs, we walked silently to the tapri. I ordered my usual ginger-elaichi chai. Ash got his chai and a cigarette. He gestured that we should stand by a tree on the side. I didn’t say a word until he lit his cigarette and took a sip of his chai.
‘So, what did you want to discuss?’ he asked as he puffed on his cigarette.
‘I’ve been working on the subscription programme and I now have all the details,’ I replied, as I pulled out my phone and handed it to him so he could see the presentation.
‘Hmm . . . ’ he said, skimming through it. ‘Show me the details of the benefits?’ I quickly scrolled to the right slide so he could read it. I walked him through each benefit and why it was important to Glam.
‘Of course, this has been discussed with Abhimanyu. He’s also on board . . . ’ I began to pre-empt any questions about Abhimanyu’s involvement.
‘Perfect timing!’ Ash said. I wondered if he was also following a horoscope that said he would hear of a great idea today. Otherwise ‘timing’ didn’t really make much sense. And he hadn’t registered a word I’d said about Abhimanyu’s involvement.
‘Vimala Paul just joined the board at Glam. It’s not public news yet, so keep it to yourself,’ he said, referring to the ex-CEO of Happy Foods, one of the country’s largest food and beverage companies. I knew she was the first female member of the board, but beyond that, this information was basically above my paygrade, and I didn’t know how it mattered. I focused on what Ash was saying.
‘Cypress Capital has just invested in a new start-up, BeauPlus, which has a loyalty programme for beauty products. We need to counter it before they get the funds to become a strong competitor. If we are able to create this programme, our investors will give us the additional funds we need. And, I can tell Vimala that we have a play in this space. She asked me why we didn’t yet have a programme like this just yesterday. We must turn it around at once!’
I tuned out as he went on about how Vimala had identified subscription programmes as the perfect fit for the target customer, and how she really understood the target customer.
Of course, now that she said it, suddenly I had magically figured out how to think like the target customer, I thought darkly.
Barely a week and a half ago, he and Harsh insisted I knew nothing about ‘Tania’, our fake customer persona. But now that what I was saying matched with something that a hotshot exec had also said, suddenly it was a brilliant concept. I began silently sending up thanks to the entire pantheon of Hindu Gods for Cypress Capital and BeauPlus. Thanks to them, Vimala Paul and all our investors were on my side.
‘I’ve been discussing this with Abhimanyu, and we wanted to bring you the detailed plan next week,’ I said.
‘The sooner the better! In fact, let’s meet first thing Monday,’ Ash announced, giving me the meeting slot that he usually reserved only for very important people, like board members or the CEO. ‘Make sure Abhimanyu is there as well. I want to see a full execution plan, including a detailed marketing plan. BeauPlus and Cypress won’t know what hit them!’
Oh no! If Abhimanyu had to be in the meeting, I needed to make sure it wasn’t a bad day as per his horoscope.
‘Give me a minute, Ash, I think Abhimanyu mentioned he will be out of office some time next week,’ I stammered as I took my phone back and began checking Abhimanyu’s horoscope for Monday.
Ash looked a little upset that I was not jumping at this opportunity. Thankfully, AstroZone showed me that Monday was a star day for Abhimanyu. Finally, a sign that my project was meant to be!
‘Ash, Monday works,’ I said. ‘I’ve sent you an invite. Thank you so much for this,’ I smiled.
We headed back upstairs in silence. Ash was busy checking his email and I was lost in thought about my narrow miss. I didn’t know what excuse I would’ve come up with if Monday hadn’t been a good day for Abhimanyu horoscope wise. I realized I had to be careful with how I played this horoscope game. As more people got involved, it became more complicated. I had just got back to my seat when my phone pinged.
Glam Office Messenger Group Chat
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.00 p.m.] Upasana: Sitara, what have you done?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.00 p.m.] Sitara: I was drinking chai. What could I have possibly done?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.01 p.m.] Upasana: Dhruv told Abhimanyu that you spoke to Ash and there’s a presentation due Monday. Mr Singh does NOT look happy.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.01 p.m.] Sitara: I just got back to my desk. How did Dhruv hear already?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.03 p.m.] Upasana: Oh, he has Ash’s new executive assistant, Kanika, wrapped around his little finger. She tells him about Ash’s meetings as soon as they are scheduled.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.04 p.m.] Sitara: No way!
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.04 p.m.] Upasana: As if you didn’t know he was a bit of a weasel. EVERYONE knows about his Ash-stalking!
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.05 p.m.] Shirin: When did Sitara have good judgement? Or pay attention to things that don’t involve her?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.05 p.m.] Sitara: I said I was sorry, Shirin.
Shirin has left the chat.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—12.07 p.m.] Sitara: Shit, what do I do to patch up with her?
Upasana is typing . . .
‘Sitara, can I see you in my office please,’ I looked up to see Abhimanyu frowning.
Uh oh. This did not bode well. I started thinking of ways to buffer my claim that my conversation with Ash was purely coincidental. Maybe I could say that Ash asked me about the proposal and things escalated?
Dhruv was sitting in Abhimanyu’s office, looking like the cat that had got the cream, the milk and some cheese to go. There was no way I could wriggle out of this easily.
‘It’s come to my notice that Ash has heard about your project,’ Abhimanyu said, taking his seat. I continued to stand in a corner awkwardly. ‘Ideally, I would’ve liked to control the scheduling of the presentation to give us enough time to prepare but we don’t have that choice now that you’ve already blocked a meeting on Monday morning. It’s short notice, but we have a lot of work to do.’
‘We?’ Dhruv said, looking aghast.
‘Yes, we,’ he repeated, much to Dhruv’s chagrin. ‘This presentation needs to be Ash-ready. Sitara, you already know what I expect in terms of execution plan details. I’m expecting you to coordinate with all the relevant teams. Dhruv will be the point person on marketing.’
I glanced at Dhruv. With every sentence that came out of Abhimanyu’s mouth, he looked more and more unhappy. He expected me to get a solid dressing down from Abhimanyu for making us all work on such short notice. Instead, we were in planning mode. Even worse, he was being asked to make an entire section of the presentation deck. I was as surprised as Dhruv was that I was getting away with this.
‘Abhimanyu, this is extremely short notice,’ Dhruv began, trying to remind his boss of the fact that the short notice was entirely my doing. ‘What about my campaign?’ He began jiggling his foot impatiently.
‘You can move the deadline. This is our top priority now that Ash is thinking of
taking this to the board. It’s got potential to be our star project this quarter,’ he replied.
Dhruv looked supremely upset. The wheels were starting to turn in his head. If the review on Monday went well, my project would be ahead of his. And if this became something the board backed, it was almost certain he would lose that promotion to me.
I held my breath, expecting Abhimanyu to say something to me about going to Ash. To my surprise, he gestured that we could both leave his office. For some reason, he was giving me a pass. I suspected it was because he didn’t want to waste time yelling at me when it could be spent on getting work done. As we left Abhimanyu’s office, Dhruv’s face was mottled red, a mix of anger and frustration. I, on the other hand, could barely hold back my grin.
The stars were aligning in my favour.
14
Don’t Spend This Saturday under a Cloud
I’ve always believed Saturdays should be restricted to three activities: nursing your hangover from a Friday night binge-drinking session; a boozy brunch (which could result in a hangover); or reading on the couch all day. After all, what good was a Saturday if you couldn’t waste it? There was all of Sunday left to finish any chores you could effectively put off. And yet, this Saturday found me stone-cold sober, dressed in a pair of yoga pants and an old T-shirt, staring into my laptop screen at work.
In order to get myself into a ‘productive’ frame of mind, I had gone against all my Saturday morning principles, woken up early and made a rare appearance at the neighbourhood Cult. After grabbing some breakfast that negated all the calories I’d burned by making a fool of myself at the Dance Fitness class, I had made my way to work so I could make the most of the day. I was hoping to finish everything by the evening so I could go home and proceed with the binge drinking. I fully expected the day to be terrible, so I had worn my ‘lucky’ butterfly earrings.
The earrings seemed to be working. Dhruv had sent me an email titled ‘Marketing Inputs—Subscription Programme’ at midnight. I had been half-expecting him to not send me anything because Upasana had told me he had spent all day ambling around chatting with people. He was definitely super annoyed with Abhimanyu’s directive. But then again, he wouldn’t want to annoy his boss. Or Ash. I clicked on the email.
I had every other input I needed for the presentation and Dhruv’s email contained the last piece of the puzzle. I knew he was trying to throw me off-guard with the timing on the email. That’s why I had planned to spend Saturday morning working on the presentation. I downloaded the slides Dhruv had attached.
At first glance, the marketing plan looked passable. Good, even. But then, I noticed that the smarmy bastard had put in projections that effectively showed that irrespective of any amount of marketing, this programme would not succeed. There was no way I could use this. It negated everything I was trying to prove. I marvelled at Dhruv’s ability to follow his boss’s instructions, while still making sure he was effectively ruining my chances at getting promoted. Forget a promotion, this ‘plan’ would get me fired if Ash ever laid eyes on it. I realized I would have to make an entire marketing plan from scratch. One that showed our programme would succeed.
‘There goes my Saturday,’ I muttered as I began pulling out older presentations to find some marketing plans I could modify and use.
Thank God I bought a venti Starbucks mint-chocolate macchiato and a chocolate croissant, I thought. If I couldn’t rely on alcohol to get me through the day, I would rely on an explosive carb and sugar combo to fuel me.
Glam Office Messenger Chat
[9:00 a.m.] Sitara: Hey, do you have good examples of marketing plans that I can use for my presentation to Ash tomorrow?
[9:05 a.m.] Upasana: Wasn’t Dhruv working on your marketing plan?
[9:05 a.m.] Sitara: Don’t ask! He gave me a ‘plan’ that proves no amount of marketing will lead to this programme ever succeeding. There’s no way I can use it.
[9:07 a.m.] Upasana: Wow. He must be really worried! Abhimanyu was so particular about your project, he’d have Dhruv’s hide if he found out . . .
[9:07 a.m.] Sitara: Really? Wouldn’t he want Dhruv to get promoted?
[9:08 a.m.] Upasana: He seemed super excited about yours. Anyway, check your email. I’ve sent you some examples.
If only she knew the ‘reason’ for Abhimanyu’s excitement, I thought.
I was firmly convinced it was entirely because I’d timed my pitch based on his horoscope. I shut the chat window and began downloading the plans Upasana had sent.
‘That was one expensive tea you had with Ash!’
My head snapped up in shock. I looked up to see Abhimanyu standing by my seat, smirking. He was dressed for the weekend in a polo neck T-shirt and shorts. I had never seen him wear shorts before, and I had to say, the man was hot. All that cycling had ensured he was extremely fit.
Stop staring, I told myself. It was hard to tear my eyes away.
‘How come you’re here?’ I asked.
‘Ash wanted to see our three-year plan for marketing on Monday. I don’t work well at home, so I figured I’ll come into the office to get it done. I was also expecting to look at the final draft of your presentation.’
‘But how did you know I’d be here?’
‘I assumed I would get an email,’ he laughed. ‘You said you’d send me the draft by 4 p.m. I was planning to finish up the three-year plan and then send you my comments. Of course, I did not expect you to be around to take that feedback in person.’
He took the desk near me and began setting up his laptop. I saw that he had also come prepared for a long day, with a travel mug and multiple boxes of snacks and food.
‘Apple slice?’ he offered.
I felt completely unhealthy sitting with my croissant that was coated in butter and surrounded by a tiny mountain of chocolate bars that I’d got from the vending machine. My table was like the ‘before’ shot of an impending heart attack.
‘No thanks,’ I replied. I hadn’t put myself through the class from hell only to eat an apple slice. I needed all the sugar and carbs today.
‘Wouldn’t you rather sit in your office?’ I asked. It was so odd to have him sitting right by me. Not to mention how distracting it was, given how hot he looked. I couldn’t stop myself from giving him a once-over.
‘Actually, I thought I’d sit in Ash’s cabin today, but this way, I can also share my snacks,’ he quipped.
We worked in companionable silence for the next few hours, punctuated only by Abhimanyu offering me snacks. I was glad to accept most of them, since it saved me the trouble of foraging for food from the vending machine, the Starbucks or the Swiggy app that was busy sending me alerts, reminding me that it was time to order a meal. The only downside was that his supply seemed to be filled with healthy eats only.
Hours later, I was stuffed to the gills with snacks and had remade my entire presentation from scratch. I had created a marketing plan that looked good and also projected good results. I showed it to Abhimanyu without telling him that this wasn’t Dhruv’s plan. I didn’t want to risk showing him the version that claimed the project wouldn’t work. Abhimanyu decided we needed to spice up the plan. Instead of trying to coordinate over email, he decided to fill in for Dhruv and suggested that the two of us brainstorm. I wasn’t going to refuse an opportunity to get in-person feedback and gratefully accepted. We traded ideas back and forth until we came up with something we knew Ash would love.
‘This is great,’ he said as I went through the slides one last time. ‘I think we have a winner. Good work, Sitara!’
For the first time, I saw that 1000-watt smile within the office. My stomach fizzed and popped. I wondered if the overdose of snacks was giving me heartburn.
‘I couldn’t have done it without your help,’ I replied. ‘Thank you for spending your Saturday throwing around ideas with me. I think the presentation really benefited from that!’
PING!
WhatsApp Chat
[5:00 p.m.] Inaya
: Chithi, where are you? I’ve given Amma three sniffs of lavender oil to calm her down already, and the instructions say that any more could be dangerous. When will you get here?
‘Oh crap! I forgot,’ I yelled. How on earth could I have forgotten? I had got reminders from Sahana all through the week!
‘What’s going on?’ Abhimanyu asked, concern writ over his face, as I frantically pulled up the Uber app. I couldn’t see a single car. I was so screwed.
‘I forgot my dad’s birthday party,’ I wailed. ‘It’s at six and I should’ve left already!’
I heard a loud crack, and that’s when I looked out of the window for the first time all day. It was pouring outside. No wonder there were no cabs. I opened up Ola as well so I could check on both.
‘My sister is going to kill me,’ I muttered. I began gathering my stuff and haphazardly pushing it into my bag. Sahana had also sent me a bunch of messages, starting off with sounding concerned that I was stuck in the rain, moving on to wondering if I had been abducted, and ending with telling me that I better be dead and lying in a ditch somewhere because if not, she would kill me. I immediately sent her a message to say I was stuck in terrible traffic and would be there soon. She would know I was lying when I would eventually straggle in, but for now, it would buy me time.
‘It’s pouring out, so many people will be late. I’m sure you’ll manage to get there,’ Abhimanyu said.
‘Except my sister is a master planner and asked everyone to get there early to pre-empt the rains. It’s a surprise party for his sixtieth, so I have to be there before he arrives!’
