Polly laughed as well as she hurried along the hall and opened the sitting room door, taking heart from the fact that he had responded to her teasing. Elliot had changed a lot from the uptight man he’d been when they had met, and who was to say that he wouldn’t change even more? Drawing over the coffee table in front of the sofa, she waited while he placed the tray on it, trying to keep a rein on the excitement fizzing through her veins. She mustn’t forget that she might not be around to witness the transformation if it did happen.
‘Shall I pour?’ she suggested, blanking out that thought because it was too painful.
‘Please.’ Elliot huffed out a sigh as he sat down. ‘Phew, am I glad that’s over. I’m not the world’s best cook, as you probably could tell, but Joseph insisted that we should do the cooking ourselves tonight in honour of your visit. That’s why we ended up with sausage and mash. I have a very limited repertoire, so I can only apologise if you were expecting something a tad more sophisticated.’
Polly laughed when he rolled his eyes. ‘There’s no need to apologise. I love sausage and mash, as it happens. I much prefer something like that to all those cheffy meals you see on the television.’
‘You mean you don’t go in for foam and micro herbs?’ He shook his head in mock dismay. ‘Heavens above, woman, have you no taste at all?’
‘Not when it comes to folk using tweezers to primp my dinner,’ she retorted, loving the fact that he was teasing her now. That he felt relaxed enough to do so set up a warm little glow inside her and she replied in the same joking vein. ‘Don’t tell me that’s the sort of food you prefer—quenelles of this and dots of that?’
‘Nope. I like my food to look the way it’s supposed to and not be turned into a culinary work of art.’
‘It seems we agree on something then,’ she said, chuckling.
‘Oh, I think there’s a lot of things we agree on,’ he said softly. ‘And not just food.’
Polly bit her lip when she heard the undercurrent in his voice. Was Elliot admitting that he felt something for her? However, before she could even attempt to process that thought, the telephone rang. Polly picked up the pot as Elliot excused himself and went to answer it, her thoughts in turmoil. Did she really want to move away when there was a chance that Elliot might want her to stay around? It was only when she saw the grim expression on his face as he came back into the room that she pulled herself together. She was in danger of reading far too much into an off-the-cuff remark.
‘Has something happened?’ she asked anxiously.
‘An accident just outside Hemsthwaite. A couple ran into the back of a lorry that was parked in a lane. The woman was eight months pregnant and the paramedics had to deliver the baby at the scene. It’s badly injured and they need me to go in and see what I can do.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Mrs Danton is away this weekend so I’ll have to take Joseph with me.’
‘I can mind him,’ Polly said immediately.
‘Would you?’
‘Of course. I’ve booked the evening off so I can stay here rather than you having to drag him all the way to the hospital at this time of the night.’
‘That would be great, if you’re sure you don’t mind,’ he began.
‘Of course I don’t mind,’ she said firmly, cutting him off. ‘Just tell him what’s happening and then you get off. It sounds as though it’s extremely urgent.’
‘Thank you.’ Crossing the room, he took hold of her hands and pulled her to her feet. Polly’s breath caught when she felt his lips brush her cheek. ‘I really appreciate this, Polly.’
‘It’s fine. Honestly,’ she murmured with some difficulty as her lungs seemed to have locked tight. ‘I’m only too happy to help.’
‘I know.’ He ran his knuckles down her cheek in the lightest of caresses imaginable. ‘You’re that kind of a person, Polly—someone who helps others even when they don’t deserve it. You’re very special, as I’ve come to realise.’
He bent and kissed her again, only this time on the mouth, and she shuddered. He didn’t say a word as he let her go but he didn’t need to. They both knew that the kiss was merely the forerunner to a whole lot more.
Polly sank back down onto the sofa, listening to the sound of his footsteps as he went to tell Joseph what was happening. Was she ready for this—ready to start a relationship, because that was where they were heading? After all, it was only a matter of weeks since her wedding had been called off, so was it too soon? It had been such a stressful time too, so was she in danger of misinterpreting her feelings?
The answers came flooding back—no, no and no! Polly felt excitement bubble up and spill over. All of a sudden she knew that this was what she wanted more than anything. She wanted to be with Elliot and if there was a chance of that happening then she would grab it with both hands.
* * *
The baby was too badly injured to save. Elliot did everything he could but not even his skills could make a difference. He thanked his team and left Theatre, dreading the next few minutes when he would have to tell the parents their baby daughter had died. It was never easy to break such news and tonight it would be even harder because he couldn’t disengage his emotions as he normally would do. Tonight he felt overwhelmed by emotion and it was all down to Polly. She had unlocked the final barrier, destroyed his last defence. To say that he felt scared would be an understatement but there was nothing he could do.
He drove home afterwards, taking his time as he negotiated the narrow roads. It was two in the morning when he arrived at The Old Smithy and the house was in darkness, apart from a single light in the sitting room. Elliot switched off the engine and sat in the car for a moment while he gathered his thoughts. He knew what was going to happen—it was inevitable. But he needed to be sure that it was the right thing to do, not just for him but for Polly too. She had already told him that she would have felt guilty if they had continued kissing and this would be so much more than that. He couldn’t bear to think that she might torture herself with regrets afterwards. Then there was him. He had sworn that he would never make a commitment to anyone again and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do so even now. Did Polly understand that? Could she accept it? He had no idea. All he knew was that if he and Polly made love, everything would change for both of them.
Elliot’s pulse was racing as he let himself in. Dropping his keys onto the hall table, he made his way to the sitting room. The door was ajar and he could see Polly lying curled up on the sofa. The lamplight cast a golden glow over her face and once again he was struck by her beauty. It wasn’t just a lucky combination of features either, but her inner beauty that shone through. She was as beautiful inside as out and he couldn’t begin to understand why it had taken him so long to see that.
His heart was full as he went over to the sofa and sat down beside her. ‘Hello, sleepy-head,’ he murmured, running his finger down her cheek. Would she be willing to accept what he could offer her or wouldn’t it be enough? The thought of losing her was more than he could bear but he had to be honest with her. He cared too much about her to lie.
‘Oh, you’re back.’ She sat up, stifling a yawn. ‘How did it go?’
‘The baby didn’t make it,’ he said, struggling to control the sadness that filled him.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry! How awful for the poor parents.’
‘They were dreadfully upset, as you’d expect,’ he said, his voice catching.
‘They must have been.’ She put her arms around him and hugged him. ‘You did your best, Elliot. Nobody can do more than that.’
Elliot felt his eyes well with tears. All of a sudden, he found himself thinking about all the other babies he had been unable to save. He had locked away his grief about them for so long but now it all came pouring out, a huge tide that overwhelmed him.
‘It’s all right. Let it all out and you’ll feel much
better, I promise you.’
Elliot felt himself start to relax when Polly drew him towards her. It was a long time since anyone had held him like this, as though they truly cared. He could hear her whispering to him, a soft murmur of words that made little sense in his emotionally charged state yet which, oddly, comforted him. When she ran her hand down his back, he sighed. Maybe he was hurting but Polly made him feel better; she always would.
The thought was too much, coming on top of everything else that had happened that night. Elliot drew back, staring into her eyes as he searched for proof that he wasn’t making a fool of himself. He had thought that Marianna had cared about him but he’d been wrong—very wrong. Could he trust his judgement when it had let him down so badly once before?
Polly’s eyes met his and he shuddered when he saw the light they held. Polly truly cared about him and the realisation unlocked the very last of his reservations. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that it was what he wanted as he leant forward and kissed her, no fear at all that he was making a dreadful mistake. This was Polly and he could trust her with his heart, if she was willing.
* * *
Polly felt a rush of desire fill her when Elliot’s mouth settled over hers. Even though she had known this could happen, it hadn’t prepared her for the way it made her feel. Closing her eyes, she gave herself up to the magic of his kiss. His lips were hard and demanding at first, exacting a response she was only too willing to give. Then slowly his lips gentled, giving even more than they demanded. Polly kissed him back, kissed him with every scrap of emotion she felt; she kissed him with tenderness and with passion, with joy and with love because that was what she felt. They were both breathing hard when they broke apart, both aware that they had reached a milestone. Whatever they decided now would determine what happened in the future.
‘I didn’t plan this, Polly. It was the last thing I wanted to happen, if I’m honest.’ His voice grated and she shivered. She could tell the effort it had cost him to admit that and her heart ached at what he must be going through.
‘I know. It wasn’t something I’d planned either but, now that it has, we need to decide where we go from here.’ She took a quick breath, trying to contain her fear. If Elliot decided that he didn’t want this to go any further then she had to respect that.
‘We do.’ He took her face between her hands so that she was forced to look at him. ‘I care about you, Polly. More than just care, in fact. But I need you to understand that I shall never get married again. I can’t offer you that kind of commitment.’
Polly felt a searing pain slice through her. Elliot might care about her but he still wasn’t over what had happened in the past. He probably never would get over it. It would always be there, an unseen barrier between them. Could she cope with the thought that he would never completely trust her, that he would always be influenced by another woman’s actions? That he would never love her that much?
‘I understand.’ She drew back, trembling as she stood up. She didn’t want to do this but she couldn’t take what he was offering when she knew in her heart that it wasn’t enough. ‘I wish it could have been different, Elliot, really I do. You and I could have had something very special, but not if you don’t trust me.’
‘Of course I trust you!’ he replied hotly, jumping to his feet.
‘No, you don’t. Not really.’ She smiled sadly. ‘If you trusted me then you’d know that I would never let you down. You’d know it in here.’ She touched her heart. ‘And, sadly, that’s never going to happen unless you put the past behind you.’
‘What about you? Have you put past events behind you?’
‘What do you mean?’ Polly said uncertainly.
‘You told me that you’d have felt guilty if you hadn’t called a halt the other night, so can you honestly say that you no longer have feelings for your former fiancé?’ He laughed harshly. ‘I don’t think so. This is probably no more than a rebound from that!’
It was so far removed from the truth that Polly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In the end she did neither, just picked up her bag and left. Elliot didn’t follow her out and she was glad. It had been hard enough to do what was right. Tears welled in her eyes as she got into her car and backed out of the drive. It had been so tempting to take what he was offering but she couldn’t make another wrong decision, even if it was for the right reason. She might have fallen in love with Elliot but it wasn’t enough. She had to know that he loved her too.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE NEXT COUPLE of weeks passed in a blur. Elliot went into work and looked after Joseph but it felt as though he was functioning on autopilot. He kept thinking about what Polly had said. Was he allowing one bad experience to dictate his life? He knew it was true and yet the fear of making another mistake was too strong, especially when it wouldn’t impact only on him but Joseph as well. How could he risk his son’s happiness for the sake of his own?
It seemed that Joseph sensed that all wasn’t right because he started acting up, causing a disruption in class and even getting into a fight with one of the other boys. He was no better at home, ignoring Mrs Danton whenever she asked him to do anything. Elliot guessed that he was upset because Polly hadn’t visited them again, but it was no excuse. After an appointment at the school to speak to his class teacher, Elliot sat him down and had a stern word with him about his behaviour, but it had little effect. He was at his wits’ end when Mrs Danton informed him that she wasn’t prepared to look after Joseph any longer unless his behaviour improved.
In the end, Elliot managed to appease her but it simply added to the strain he was under. Once again, he found himself wondering if he had made a mistake by moving to the Dales. Between what had happened with Polly and Joseph’s behaviour, he was ready to throw in the towel. It was only the thought of the upheaval it would cause that stopped him. That and a foolish desire to be near Polly. Even though he knew that she was probably on the rebound after splitting up from her fiancé, he couldn’t help hoping that the situation might change. He sighed because if it did he would have to make some major changes too and he wasn’t sure if he could find the courage to do that. It seemed they had reached an impasse.
He was ready to go home one evening when the sister from the maternity unit phoned him. They had delivered a baby boy who was suffering from heart problems and Melanie Price, the obstetric consultant, had asked if he would examine him. Elliot agreed at once and headed straight to the unit. The baby had been intubated and was receiving oxygen but his skin was tinged blue. His sats were all over the place and the prognosis wasn’t good. What made it all the more difficult was the fact that his mother had received no antenatal care during her pregnancy. She was with a group of travellers and had only recently arrived in the area so they had no history to go on, no ultrasound scans, nothing at all.
Elliot conferred briefly with Melanie and they both agreed that a scan needed to be done immediately. While it was being carried out, Elliot phoned home and told Mrs Danton that he would be late getting back. If it was the baby’s heart then it could take some time to sort things out. He hung up, trying not to think about how his housekeeper had received the news. It was obvious that he would have to do something about Joseph’s behaviour soon or he would find himself without anyone to look after his son. Just for a moment an image of Polly sprang to mind before he blanked it out. He couldn’t ask Polly to help him after what had happened.
* * *
It was gone five when Polly got back to Beesdale. She had been over to Cumbria for the interview and her mind was still racing with all the things she had been asked. The most difficult question had been why she wanted to leave her present post. She had decided not to get too personal so she had simply explained that her circumstances had changed and she had decided to relocate. It seemed to cover a multitude of sins, from her cancelled wedding to what had happened with her and
Elliot, although it didn’t explain half of what she was going through. While she had no regrets about the wedding, she did regret turning down what Elliot had been offering her. Had she been a fool to take such a stance? Should she have accepted and hoped that, in time, he would come to love and trust her? The questions seemed to be on a never-ending cycle, spinning round and round inside her head all the time.
She was still staying with Beth as there was no sign of her cottage being repaired. She let herself in and headed straight to the kitchen to switch on the kettle. Beth had told her that she was going to visit a friend in Leeds and that she and Beatrix would probably stay there overnight, so Polly had the place to herself. She made herself a cup of tea and took it back to the sitting room, kicking off her shoes as she curled up on the sofa. It was good to have some time to herself. Maybe it would help her get everything straight in her head.
Although it was extremely tempting to change her mind about her and Elliot, she mustn’t do it. Their relationship might work for a while, but it wouldn’t work for ever and that was what counted. She didn’t want to be with him for a few months or even for a few years; she wanted to be with him for ever. And that kind of commitment was beyond him. If she was offered the job in Cumbria, she would take it. Once she had put down some roots there then she would be able to build a new life for herself...
Even though she would never spend that life with Elliot?
Despair washed over her but there was no point trying to ignore the truth. Her life would never be complete without the man she loved to share it.
* * *
Elliot had reached a critical point in the operation. It had turned out that two of the baby’s heart valves were damaged and he was in the process of fitting new ones. To do so, a machine would need to take over the work of the baby’s heart. It was crucial that the timing was right and everyone was waiting for him to give the signal to go ahead. The last thing he needed was any distractions so he was not happy when Grace Adams, the theatre sister, informed him there was an urgent telephone call for him.
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