by Jane Lark
Images and memories of Lord Framlington kept spinning in her head.
Her heartbeat thumped when she took the letter.
She had a foolish heart.
When Finch had left she opened it, slipping her feet from her shoes and curling her legs sideways on the sofa.
It began with another poem, commending the extreme good nature of her soul, and then enthusing on her charm, her eloquence.
She smiled.
Lord Brooke had been telling tales.
The following paragraphs spoke of commitment, of life long happiness. They were only words. They meant little in reality.
But the last paragraph… The strokes of Drew’s writing seemed somehow sharper, and the words on the page lifted out with feeling.
My Mary, you are you know, mine. You always will be, accept me or not. You and I are meant to be one, half to become whole. Put us together Mary, darling, make us one, a single being. I want you. I cannot say I love you, not yet, I do not even know what on earth love is, but I do know that I cannot sleep for thinking of you, or avoid dreaming of you. I think of you and I lose my breath, I see you and my heart begins to pound, I hear you and my spirit wants to sing. I am yours, Mary. Be mine. I cannot simply walk away. I will not.
Think of the possibilities. If this is love? If this is our only chance? If we are meant to be, would you throw that away? Throw me away?
Do not! Let us be.
Yours truly,
D
The words were spoken as though he stood with her and read them.
She barely knew him and yet she felt as if she’d known him all her life. She had not been drawn to any other man – perhaps it was true, he was meant for her.
A sigh slipped past her lips. If she let him go he’d marry someone else. He needed an heiress. He could not wait forever.
Her gaze drifted to the window. Birdsong permeated the glass. She would not marry unless someone else made her heart race as he did. If no one ever did, she would definitely never marry. She sighed again. She had thought that last night, and yet she had not thought about what he would do… She may never marry but she’d be forced to watch him with his wife.
Oh, why did her heart have to fall for someone forbidden?
He was mystery. Challenge. There was so much to learn about him.
Her heart was caught up with him and she did not know how to break free. I don’t want to be free. I want to be his wife – to understand the complexity in his eyes.
She didn’t see a bad man in his eyes.
Was that a dreadful admission?
John would be furious if she chose Drew. Her father and mother would be disappointed. But they would not disown her. They’d forgive her, because they loved her.
She folded the letter and took it to her room. There, she searched out the paper on which he’d written his address. Then she sat at her writing desk.
Her quill hovered over the paper. She could not make promises yet. She was afraid to do what her heart wished and say yes.
Could she have her family and Lord Framlington?
Could she trust him to look after her and love her?
How could she bear to hurt her family?
Yet how could she bear it if Drew turned to someone else?
Make me believe, if you wish. she began to write. You make us be. Prove that I may trust your words. Prove that you will love me and not hurt me.
She wrote no more. She could not think of anything else to say. His ego was too big to offer him compliments. He’d only bask in them.
Folding the letter she reached for wax, and melted a little to seal it. She smiled when she rose from the desk.
Was she really doing this?
It appeared so.
Her feet carried her downstairs, the letter fluttering in her fingers to dry the wax.
When Mary reached the hall, avoiding Finch, and any unwanted questions, she carried on into the servants’ stairwell, heading for the stables.
There she found one of the boys who fed the horses and cleaned the stalls, gave him a half-penny and sent him to deliver the letter.
Less than an hour later, the boy burst into her private sitting room with a broad grin, waving a reply in his grubby hand. “The gent sent this back, Miss. I brought it up meself ’cause he said it was a secret between you and me. I’ve snuck through the house. No one saw me, Miss.”
Fortunately.
Mary rose and took it. Then found out another half-penny for the boy.
Drew had probably given him one too – the price of deceit.
“Wait here a moment.”
Breaking the seal, she turned and walked into her bedchamber then sat on the edge of her bed.
How may I prove it to you? Tell me, and I will do it. Anything. I will climb the highest mountain for you, swim a lake or run across a continent. Only tell me and I shall prove it, Mary, darling.
Are you alone? How long for? Look from the window.
Oh heavens! He’s outside!
She went to the window.
Carriages passed in the square below and people walked the pavements. She saw him. He stood against the central railing of the square on the far side of the street from John’s house, looking up and smoking a cigar, in a nonchalant, blasé, pose, the rim of his hat tipped forward shadowing his eyes.
She returned to the sitting room where the stable lad waited. “Let the gentleman in, Tom, please. Take him to the summerhouse and tell him to wait there. But remember this is a secret. I will reward you for your silence later. No one must see him, you understand?”
“Yes, Miss.” The lad gave an awkward bow, tugging his forelock, and then he raced out of the room.
Mary hurried back into her bedchamber, checked her hair in the mirror on her dressing table, tucked a loose strand into the comb holding up her hair, then raced downstairs, gripping her blue muslin day-dress to lift her hem from the ground.
A dozen butterflies took flight in her stomach when she saw Finch in the hall. She slowed immediately, half-way down the stairs.
He looked up and bowed, as did the footman he spoke with.
Mary stepped from the bottom stair. “I’m taking a book out to read in the summerhouse, Mr Finch. I may sleep, please don’t let anyone disturb me.”
“Of course, Miss Marlow,” the old bulldog answered. He was her family’s guardian, and now she was deceiving him too. Her parents would send her home to the country if they knew.
She went to the library and picked up a book from a side table, without even looking at its title, then let herself out through the French door into the sunshine.
Heat touched her face as she crossed the lawn. She had not put on her bonnet. But she didn’t hurry in case Finch watched from the house.
The Summerhouse was at the end of the garden, tucked away amongst tall shrubs. No-one could see it from the house and no-one could see anyone approaching it from the stables.
A beautiful Wisteria archway covered the path Drew must have walked through.
When she reached the summerhouse, he stood at the far end of the narrow wooden veranda, with his back to her. He’d removed his hat and he’d ruffled his hair.
“This is very bad of you,” she stated as she climbed the steps of the veranda. Then she leaned back against the post at the opposite end to where he stood, the book she carried tucked behind her.
He turned with a broad smile on his lips. The same smile danced in his eyes. “But exhilarating. What if we are caught? Think of the repercussions!” He was teasing. She saw laughter in his eyes. She had not seen him in daylight since the morning they had ridden together. She had forgotten how sunlight gilded his eyes, and made the hazel shine like gold.
“I would rather not,” she answered, watching him and smiling.
“But you feel the exhilaration. Otherwise you would not have ordered the lad to let me in.” He walked towards her pulling off his gloves. “How long do we have?”
“An hour, perhaps more.”
; “A whole hour to ourselves…”
He threw his gloves aside. They landed beside his hat on a low table.
When she looked up, he stood a foot away.
“So tell me…” His fingers touched beneath her chin. “…how may I prove that we are meant for one another?”
She could not find any air in her lungs to answer as she looked into his eyes. But then it didn’t matter; his lips pressed to hers. It was unlike any other kiss they’d shared – it was not urgent or hurried, or persuasive. It was just a kiss, a touching of lips.
A sigh escaped his mouth when he pulled away as if he’d been longing to kiss her.
Mary leaned around him to put the book down beside his hat and gloves.
He caught hold of her hand when she straightened, and gently pinned her back against the post. “I’ve thought about you all night…” His words caressed her ear sending tremors down her spine, then his lips touched her earlobe and the sensitive skin behind her ear.
Her head tipped back, and she said to the air above them, “So we are back to this.”
His head lifted as he laughed and his hand let hers go. But then both his hands braced her waist gently and he shook her a little. “God, I love you, you have convinced me of it. You’re the only woman who can say no to me. I adore you more because you fight me. But you are tempted none the less. You just do not trust me enough…”
“Enough to do what?” She held his gaze, fighting the urge to believe him. His hands made her feel safe not in danger, but the words I love you were easily said and they’d been spoken with a pitch of frustration and laughter not from any depth of feeling, they did not sound as though they had come from his heart – and he had said in his letter he did not even know what love was…
“To become my wife. I was not talking of physical intimacy, sweetheart. I am speaking of marriage.”
“What would it be like to be your wife?” She had never looked into his eyes in the daylight this close, the hazel had now turned to the depth of light shining through amber. She looked beyond the colour trying to see into his soul.
He looked back at her with as many questions as she wished to ask. But she could not see any artifice.
Did he feel for her?
Put us together Mary, darling, make us one, a single being. I want you. I cannot say I love you, not yet, I do not even know what on earth love is, but I do know that I cannot sleep for thinking of you, or avoid dreaming of you.
Were the words true?
“I hope we would be happy. I want to make you happy. We will buy our own estate and make it a home. It needn’t be large. It will take time to become profitable, but I will make it so.”
I think of you and I lose my breath, I see you and my heart begins to pound, I hear you and my spirit wants to sing. I am yours, Mary. Be mine.
“And children?” She longed for her own life and her own family.
His smile dropped, and his gaze turned inward, no longer looking at her but lost in thought.
Didn’t that prove his earlier words true though, if he could not hide when he needed to stop and think to answer?
She touched his cheek. For the first time believing she saw something real in him, a hidden reality. This was not the Lord Framlington of dangerous rakehell fame. This was Drew, the man who had written those impassioned words.
His gaze came back to her. “I have never thought of children.” He spoke in a solemn voice, as if the thought shocked him.
She pressed her palm to his shaven cheek. He was a man, human, as vulnerable as any other, no matter his reputation.
“But I would like them, with you…” His tone said, only, with you.
Mary lifted to her toes and kissed him, touching her lips to his – as he’d kissed her.
His grip at her waist firmed. “We will have a dozen children.” A broad smile parted his lips and his eyes shone with a new light. “You must teach me how to be a father, as you’ll need to teach me how to love you. I am no good at this.”
He was good. He just didn’t know it. But she could teach him.
“Are you tempted?”
“To marry you?”
He shook his head the smile playing on his lips. “Stop doubting me. I am not speaking of a physical relationship. Of course to become my wife.”
“Yes.” The word slipped out before she had chance to consider it. Her heart said it. It was the truth, but she defined it. “I am tempted.”
His lips pressed to hers in a strong kiss.
When he broke it, he whispered to her mouth, his nose rubbing hers, “I love you. I really think I do.”
And I love you. She did not say it. She did not dare. Her head did not trust him enough. Not yet. But her heart…
He picked her up. She grasped his shoulders as he swung her into his arms, one about her shoulders and another beneath her knees.
“You are perfect for me, Mary.”
She laughed unable to prevent the sound, as he smiled broadly.
His eyes gleamed gold and then shone amber, changing in the changing light, as he carried her into the summerhouse, and then dropped her on the soft cushions of a sofa.
Smiling like a fool she sat up and spun around.
She did love him, she adored him, but her head was still too afraid to let him join her upon the sofa.
His smile tilted, but undaunted he dropped to one knee. “Mary…” He took her hands from her lap, gripping them gently. “Marry me.”
Her stomach performed a somersault.
She took one hand from his, and pressed a palm to his cheek.
His eyes were so earnest, she believed him. He wanted her, not just for money. He bore affection for her, whether it was love or not, he cared for her.
But her family? “I cannot answer yet. I’m sorry. I need to think.”
His eyes turned darker. “But there is hope. I have hope you will say, yes?”
“You have hope.” Mary bit her lip, afraid of what she’d said, of what she wanted to say. She loved him – her body pulled her towards him.
His fingers lifted and gripped her nape, then they urged her mouth to his, as he remained on one knee, a supplicant before her.
This time his kiss seared her, like a fire, as his mouth opened and caressed hers with hunger and thirst. The same hunger and thirst ran in her blood.
When he drew away, his eyes looked into hers. “Let me touch you. Let me love you. I will not take your virginity I swear that I will leave you choice, but let me show you how it can be between us. You are right marriage is more than a physical thing, but this is what I know, let me give you this and show you…”
She could not answer with words, her head wished to refuse – yet her heart…Agreement spiralled in her stomach, coiling to the point he’d touched between her legs that first night, and her fingers slid into his hair, pulling his lips back to hers.
This kiss was hard and ruthless, pressing against her mouth, as he rose from the floor, leaning her backward.
His warm hand gripped beneath her knee, lifting, encouraging her to move her legs on to the sofa so she lay down. Then the weight of his knee dipped the cushion beside her, a moment before his other knee settled on her dress between her thighs. She was trapped beneath his masculinity, smothered.
She didn’t care. His weight on top of her was beautiful – dangerous and arousing. His tongue came into her mouth, invading and caressing, and the heat of his palm slid upward from her waist.
What if my parents return?
He stole the thought away as his palm covered and caressed her breast.
Her nipple hardened and a sharp pain ran from it into her breast.
The thrill of that night beside the terrace, in the darkness, with people talking nearby span through her memory. There was no darkness to hide them now, everything shone clear and visible.
He broke the kiss and knelt up. She sucked in a breath as he took off his morning coat and threw it on to a chair across the room. Then he moved his legs either side o
f hers, and began sliding up her dress watching her face as if he feared she might stop him.
Her heartbeat thundered. She should stop him – but she wanted to know…
She pressed her heels into the cushion so the material could slide up easily, her gaze clinging to his as if he was a cliff and she might fall.
When her hem slipped over knees he stopped, and the air trembled in her lungs as he came back down on top of her.
Just the weight and feel of his hard muscular body was a caress, it made the place between her legs throb with moisture.
One of his hands pressed on the cushion holding some of his weight, the other settled over her breast.
Her fingers shook as she swept back the hair from his brow, looking into his brown eyes, there were so many different shades within them.
People were not all one shade, one thing; they were a myriad of elements. He could not only be bad, there was good too. She longed to unravel the good in him and prove to her parents it was there.
A firm column within his trousers pressed against her hip.
Need coiled through her abdomen again.
Like this, she could imagine how it would be to lie with a man, with him. Her mother had told her very little, but Mary knew what happened. He mother had said not to listen to anything she might overhear implying it was unpleasant; it was not unpleasant if you loved the man you married.
She loved Drew, and it did not feel at all unpleasant to be beneath him, letting him touch her.
He kissed her again, urging her to reciprocate as his tongue pressed through her lips.
She did, her fingers clasping in his hair as their tongues played a breathless weaving and dancing game, and her hips pressed upward against his.
His fingers undid the couple of buttons securing her bodice free, then his hand was within, beneath her chemise clasping the flesh of her breast.
She wanted to feel him.
Her fingers left his hair reaching between them running over his waistcoat, searching for buttons, she found them and fought to free them.
