by Lucy Farago
“Don’t you have a turkey to drown?”
“Yes, yes, he does.” Eldon turned Josh and bent him over the plastic bucket, winking at Shannon. “Go have your talk.”
Inside her room, she took the seat in the far corner, putting the bed between her and Noah. “So if this is about you screwing up at the morgue, I already know. Molly sent a note, inviting me to that bastard’s funeral. You have a problem with my blowing it off?”
“When is it?”
“Tomorrow morning. They went ahead with the cremation and now want to hold some sort of good-bye ceremony. Who are they kidding?”
“I hate to say it—”
“Then don’t.” She wasn’t going to that man’s funeral.
“We don’t want to give them a reason to think something is wrong. In a few weeks we should be able to shut them down. But for now …”
“Damn, this blows.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No,” she said, sulking. “I can do it on my own. So, go ahead, ruin what’s left of my night. Why are you here?”
“Look.” He grabbed a seat on the edge of her bed. “I didn’t tell you about Santos for your own protection.”
“You made me go blind into that meeting for my own protection? What are you, a moron as well as a liar?”
“I didn’t lie.”
“I’m not arguing with you. At least you were right about the cartel not killing JJ. You should have seen the reaction on his face when I told him how JJ died.” He’d looked genuinely horrified. “So tell me, exactly how much did JJ know?”
“He hadn’t known who was pulling the strings, that he’d gotten involved with a drug cartel. They’re always looking for ways to clean money. He’d been running a credit card fraud when he came onto their radar and then that posting in the paper. He was just a stooge in a long line of stooges. As soon as I figured out who we were dealing with, I contacted Damon.”
“Oh goody, you had a reunion.”
“I get that you’re mad.”
“Do you?”
“I never would’ve let you do this if I thought for one second you’d be in any danger.”
“Sounds like you think I am.”
“That’s not what I said.” Noah stood and ran his fingers through his hair. “I listened to the tape. I think he was just feeling you out, trying to learn how much you knew.” Noah paced the small room.
If his intent in coming here was to worry her more, he was succeeding. “No holding back, Noah. You’re not doing me any favors by keeping anything from me.”
“Honestly, Shannon, I don’t know. Maybe something, maybe nothing.”
“Could JJ have been keeping information from you and now Santos thinks I know what that was?”
“I don’t believe that’s the case. I’d go so far as saying JJ was freaked out by the whole thing. He had no idea who he was dealing with. I think his arrest was almost a relief. Those guys play for keeps and JJ was small-time.”
“So what now? I go home and pretend this never happened?” As much as she wanted to do that, would do that, something in the pit of her stomach warned her it wouldn’t be that easy.
“He doesn’t know who you really are.”
“And how hard would it be for him to find me if he really wanted to?” The question was rhetorical.
“Let’s not jump the gun.”
“Let’s? Let’s implies you’re in this with me. You’re not. You get to go play federal agent on a sting and I get to go home and look over my shoulder.” And she sure as hell wasn’t happy about doing that again.
“We’ve assigned a man to you. At least until we’re sure Santos was just toying with you. This could all be for nothing.”
It could be. But after having a crazy serial killer stalk your friend and hold you hostage, you learned not to be so lackadaisical about your welfare. And after JJ had blackmailed her for three months, she wasn’t taking anything for granted. “Thanks. I’ll hire my own security. I’m sure Christian can point me in the right direction.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
“If that’s all …” she said, nodding toward the door.
“That’s not all. Shannon I … I want to apologize.”
“I guess you were just doing your job, right?” This wasn’t the boy she’d fallen in love with. He’d changed. He’d used her. Any other fed would have done the same. What they’d had was in the past. But such was life.
“Yes, I was.”
“Okay, then.” She stood. “Time to go.” She crossed the room and reached for the door handle. “Next time you’re in Vegas don’t look me up.”
He covered her hand with his and removed it from the handle but didn’t let go. “I wasn’t done.”
“I really don’t need to hear any more. I get it, Noah, I do. Do I wish our reunion had been under better circumstances? Yes. It would have been nice to catch up. But I can understand why you wouldn’t want that. I’m the bitch who broke your heart. At least now I don’t have to wonder what happened to the great guy I left behind.” She tried to pull her hand free, but he wouldn’t let go.
“I don’t see you as the bitch who broke my heart.”
“Stop it.” She didn’t care anymore. “I don’t want to hear any justifications for what you did. You saw an opportunity to help your case and you took it. I’m sure your boss is very pleased. Actually, I’m glad it will help you get your man.” She tried again to free herself, but Noah was being stubborn.
“Are you done talking? Is it my turn?”
“If I let you have your say will you let go of my hand?”
He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Promise not to interrupt?”
Taken aback by the kiss and unable to speak, she nodded.
“I’m not going to justify what I did. Nor can I apologize for it. We saw an opportunity and we took it. These are bad people, Shannon. And they need to be shut down. But I could’ve handled it better and, yeah, maybe I enjoyed handcuffing you. A part of me felt vindicated. The moment I learned it was JJ we were dealing with, I asked to be assigned to the case. I wanted to take him down … for you. It didn’t matter that you’d never know. I hadn’t counted on Santos being added to the mix.”
He pulled her toward the edge of the bed and together they sat, her hand on his lap. “Then you started putting money into his account. I knew he had to be blackmailing you, holding what you did as a kid against you. What I didn’t know was why you weren’t using the file.”
“I told you. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.” And because of that she’d found herself here. Had she not been held hostage by William Wright, JJ would never have had the upper hand.
“Why?”
“I wasn’t in a good place.” Wright had destroyed her confidence. He’d reduced her to the pitiful kid who’d done JJ’s bidding. It had taken months of therapy for her to stand on her own two feet again. “I’d lost myself. So can we drop it?”
“This has something to do with what happened at Maggie’s, doesn’t it?”
She didn’t answer. She didn’t have to. The expression on her face must have said it all because he did as she asked.
“I admit I had unresolved feelings over you leaving me. I know now why you did it, so I can put those to rest,” he said, stroking his thumb over her fingers.
She remembered how proud she was to walk down the street with Noah Monroe holding her hand. She was his girl. The smartest and definitely the sexiest boy in town wanted her. “I wouldn’t have left you for any other reason. We might have been kids, but you were my world.” Maybe she shouldn’t have admitted it. Tomorrow she’d be back in Vegas and would never see him again, but she wanted the boy who’d been her everything not to doubt what they’d had.
“Do you think … I mean, do you ever wonder?”
She didn’t have to ask what he meant. But wanting him to know she loved him once wasn’t the same as admitting that she thought of him often, imagining t
he could have beens if they’d stayed together. Or if he too thought of her. If he didn’t, it would break her heart all over again. She couldn’t count the number of times Maggie had harped on her to pick up the phone and call him, so because of that she answered truthfully.
“All the time.”
“Me too,” he said bending his head and kissing her.
His lips were warm, and like so many times before she wondered what if. What if she hadn’t sacrificed the boy who’d vowed to love her forever? Had the words been said in teenage folly? Or could this man, the one kissing her like his very breath depended on his mouth staying pressed to hers, have been Shannon’s all this time? They weren’t those kids anymore. She wasn’t that pathetic kid no one thought was good enough.
Chapter Twelve
Noah wrapped an arm around her back and another he wedged under her knees. With one foot firmly on the floor and his own knee on the mattress, he picked Shannon up and brought them to the top of the bed. He wanted all these years between them to vanish, to never have known what it was like without her, but right now he’d settle for having her naked. Never taking his mouth off hers, he removed her blazer and tossed it on the chair. Then he did what he’d been thinking about all night; he kissed his way down her neck, down every inch of skin exposed by her blouse. This was why he hadn’t wanted her to wear it. Wouldn’t every man be thinking about what he was doing now? What he was about to do?
He’d waited thirteen years to have her again. Thirteen years of mourning her loss. And he wouldn’t wait a second longer. Careful not to tear the silk fabric, he pulled Shannon’s blouse over her head. It had buttons. He didn’t care. Then he made himself not look—it would only slow him down—as he unbuttoned her pants, then slipped them off her long legs. Then and only then did he indulge in a long, glorious appraisal of her body. She’d filled out in places women often did when changing from girl to woman. And damn, hadn’t she done it just right. Her breasts were no longer the plump globes of a teenager but the luscious mounds of a sexy woman.
“You going to sit there and stare at me or get naked … before I grow a brain and change my mind?” Shannon licked her lips, tipping her head to one side.
“Like hell.” When he was finished taking his clothes off, he stood at the end of the bed trying to decide what part of her he wanted first. He’d get every last inch; he just wasn’t certain where to begin. They had so much time to make up for, and he didn’t want to rush it. So he chose to start at the bottom and work his way up. He’d bent down, ready to nip her feet, when he heard, “Stop.” Had she changed her mind? He tipped his chin up.
She was smiling at him. “Who said I was done looking? You had your turn; now it’s mine.”
Humoring her, he drew himself up to his full height, every … last … inch erect and at attention, hungrily awaiting her touch. “You’re not naked.”
“Almost. I’m wearing lace underwear.”
“Yes,” he agreed, appreciating the sheer fabric, “but as pretty as it is, I’d like it off.”
She held up a finger, then let her gaze slowly slide over his chest down to his hips. It lingered before traveling to where the bed hid his legs. On her return trip up his body, she again took her sweet time before coming to meet his eyes. He grinned, folding his arms. “You got a longer look than I did.”
“Yes, yes, I did. Come here,” she said, her voice so damn sexy he’d almost asked her to repeat it.
He crawled over her body, forcing her down onto the pillows. By the time this night was through, she’d never forget him again. He’d wanted closure. He’d get it, and it would be her screaming his name again and again until he was so embedded under her skin, she’d never forget it, or him.
Straddling her and with his arms locked on either side of her head, he took her in a long, brutal kiss. She was his, at least for now, and she sure as hell was going to know it. He wanted more but wanted to remember her mouth too. As kids they’d spent hours kissing, just kissing. It had driven him insane, but no way would he push her for something she hadn’t been ready for. Their first night together, their only night together, had been her idea. And while memorable, it had still been two fumbling kids discovering the act of lovemaking. Afterward they’d laughed at what they’d botched up and reveled in what they hadn’t. That night they’d claimed each other, and it was supposed to last forever. Getting it right the first time hadn’t mattered because they’d had the rest of their lives to explore each other’s bodies, to revel in the love they shared. One week later she was gone.
Her hands were splayed across his chest and when she pushed, it took a few seconds to register that she wanted him to stop. He did.
She gasped. “I need to breathe.”
“Who’s stopping you?” he asked, his own breath labored.
“You, you big ass.” She slapped his abs with the back of her fingers, then propped herself up on her elbows.
He felt her knee on the back of his ass, and faster than his brain registered the movement, she maneuvered herself down the bed so that her tongue was now licking his stomach. He let out a groan. That tongue had driven him crazy more than once. They may have only slept together one time, but they’d had ample opportunities to torture each other in other ways.
“Shannon,” he warned when she tried to wiggle herself even lower. “What do you think you’re doing?”
She raised her chin and regarded him with a devious grin. “Well, if I have to explain this to you …”
As much as he’d love her doing what no one else he’d ever been with had mastered the way she had, if he let her win, this would be over before it began. “Get up here,” he told her, leaving no room for discussion.
“Are you telling me what to do?”
She hated being told what to do. “No. I’m simply warning you. I have my handcuffs, and if you insist on winning this point, you’ll leave me no choice but to use them.”
She pressed her open mouth to his belly and sucked, releasing him with a loud smack. “Are you sure?” she said, blowing cool air onto his wet skin.
Hell no, but nor could he allow her to take the lead. Call him a sap, call him whatever, but he needed her to remember tonight as her best. Before this was over, Shannon Joyce would leave knowing she’d had the greatest sex of her life with the man she’d left behind. Again. She’d wiggled farther down and was opening her mouth when he let out a low growl.
“Dang.” She pushed herself up and back onto the pillows. “You have no idea what you’re missing. What I did as a kid … pftt … that was nothing.” She waggled her eyebrows.
Part of him was amused, the other not so much. He kissed her then, not a hard kiss but one that told her this was no joke to him. Yes, they’d have fun together, just like old times, but also something more. Simply getting laid wasn’t what he wanted from her. But how could he tell her what he wanted if he himself didn’t know?
Shannon took Noah’s kiss, desperately needing to keep whatever was happening on a level she’d be able to recall later with a smile on her face and not an ache in her heart. But the longer he kissed this way, like she was a gift to be cherished, the more she realized she was screwed. No way would she come away from this the same person who a short while ago had offered him the best blow job of his life.
He stopped the kiss and they stared at each other. Seconds ticked by. He ran his knuckles across her cheek, his thumb over her mouth, and still they said nothing. For a minute she thought it was over before it had begun, but then he tugged her forward, reached behind her and undid her bra. When he tossed it aside, like before, he didn’t look at her body but kept his gaze trained on her face. He hooked a finger under her panties and pulled them off, all the while his focus staying on her face. It was unsettling and oddly erotic. The intensity she saw within those green eyes, the firm line of his jaw with his mouth set to devour; it was like a hungry animal stalking his prey. And holy shit, she was that prey.
What if this was something … more? What, she didn�
��t know. How could she? She hadn’t planned on sleeping with him; hell, she’d planned to never see him again.
He nodded toward the two doors in the room. “Is one of those a shower?”
“Yes; the other is a small closet.” Did he need to go to the bathroom? Maybe she should use that excuse to end whatever this was?
“Good.” He joined her at the top of the bed. “We won’t have to leave this room.”
She let him slide an arm under her shoulder, watching his other hand as it came to rest between her breasts. Could he feel her heart pounding? “Just how long do you plan to stay here?” she asked, oddly at home in his embrace and yet wildly nervous.
“As long as it takes,” he said.
She’d opened her mouth to ask as long as what took, but he cut her off with a kiss. It ended the talking. It ended all thought. No more gentle kisses that made her question her sanity and fear the safety of her heart.
She sank into the pillow, taking him with her. She told herself it would be easy to forget this was Noah. As sex for her was never just sex, partners were few and far between. And it had been far between. But she couldn’t make herself do it. She couldn’t think of Noah as a girl toy. This was Noah—the love of her life. Sixteen or not, there had never been another. So as he kissed her, as he molded his hand over her breast and wedged his knee between her legs, she remembered. When he covered her nipple with his mouth and plucked the hard tip, she allowed herself to see the man but remember he was once the boy who’d chosen her above everyone else. When he cupped her sex and teased until the corners of her vision blurred, all the love she’d made herself forget, telling herself it meant nothing, tore through barriers that for years had protected her heart.
Love was not for people like her but those deserving. But when he spread her thighs and took what he wanted, what she gave, she pretended she was worthy of that love. Wrapping her legs around his hips, she loved him. With the heart of the sixteen-year-old she’d once been or the woman she’d become she didn’t know. Didn’t care. Because when every light on earth exploded and she with them, it was Noah with her. Reality was for later.
