She always answers my texts, and the night before last we had a two-hour talk. But even that had been kind of strange—she’d ducked the idea of a video chat. I mean, yeah, she’d blamed it on her internet, but she didn’t even reset the router or anything to try to get it going.
I wonder if she’s getting tired of a long-distance relationship.
My stomach flips hard enough at the thought that I put a hand on my tummy as if I could hold my insides still. Terror streaks down my spine and turns my palms clammy.
I immediately pick up my phone and text her. Hey, lady. How’s things?
I force myself to put it back down and start putting together a salad for dinner. A watched pot never boils and a watched phone never vibrates.
I have the carrots on top of my baby spinach when her reply comes in.
Kind of fired. Will call you tune.
A second pops up almost immediately. Sorry, using Siri. Tired. Will call soon.
Oh. Well. I’m sure she doesn’t mean that the way I’m taking it. There’s tons of reasonable reasons for using Siri instead of doing your own texting. But she’s never mentioned it before, and I can’t help but feel more weight in the change than in the act itself. She’s thinking of me differently, just when I miss her more than I can say. I ache for her. She’s bored of me.
That’s a change. Crap, a seriously sucky one.
I put my phone away and make my salad with shaky hands.
Cai had been right: moving back home was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. I thrive in my own house, and I feel so much more comfortable teaching regular kids instead of astoundingly privileged ones. I’m making more of a difference. My family has pooled around me in a way that makes me smile every day. I get to take Nanna to dinner every Tuesday night, and I’m her chauffer to Mom and Dad’s house for Sunday dinners.
I belong here. Time in California can only be visits from now on.
Except California is where Cai lives. We’ve talked about her moving, but only in a vague way. With lots of maybes.
And if neither of us is willing to budge, it’ll mean we stay long-distance forever. Except maybe forever is going to end a lot sooner than I thought if Cai’s weirdness over the past two weeks is a sign of things to come.
I only manage two bites of my salad before my stomach clenches in revolt. I put it down on the box that’s serving as my coffee table. I’m going to have to buy more furniture eventually. Gyoza slinks around the edge of the couch as if I might give her the tuna off the top.
“You don’t want it,” I tell her. “You don’t like balsamic dressing.”
Talking to the cat feels a whole lot less cute than it did a couple of hours ago. The house is so damn quiet that I can hear a truck rumble down the street despite my quarter-mile-long driveway.
No, wait. It’s getting louder.
I go to the front door and step out, closing it behind me so that Gyoza doesn’t get out. It’s a truck, but not a big Ford or Chevy like I expected. It’s a moving truck.
A moving truck.
I’m starry-eyed. Absolutely psychotically insane. If that’s not Cai, if that’s some stranger who’s gotten lost and is looking for directions, I’m going to throw myself down in my fresh-cut grass and simply die.
The truck lumbers to a stop. The sun slants across the giant windshield, and even when I lift a hand to my forehead, I can’t see in.
The door opens. A boot appears first, below the bottom edge of the door, then a leg in dark-gray trousers, and then Cai’s shutting the door. Cai. My love.
I’m off the front steps like a shot, running so hard that I’m pumping my arms to go faster. My bare feet smack against the cement walkway. Cai throws her arms wide, and I launch into the air.
She catches me. She always will, I know it.
I wrap my legs around her waist and my arms around her shoulders. Cai spins us. The summer air swirls. My hair is tangled around both of us. I have my face against her neck. She smells like healthy sweat.
“You’re here,” I say. I’m giggling, and I have tears burning their way down my cheeks too. I lean back enough to look at her. “You’re here.”
“I’m here, little one.” She looks fantastic, if a little tired. There are lines under her eyes and alongside her mouth. “It’s a long drive.”
“That’s a moving truck!”
Her chuckle warms me from the inside out. “With all my worldly possessions inside too. Bike and everything.”
“You didn’t tell me anything. I was weirded out. I thought maybe you didn’t love me anymore.”
She lets go of me only enough that I can slide down her body to stand on my own. She holds my face tightly, as if I would dream of looking away from her right now. The fire in her dark eyes makes my toes curl against the hot asphalt of the driveway.
“I love you, little one.” She says the words like a vow. “I couldn’t stand being away from you anymore. I missed you too much.”
“I missed you too.” I spread my hands wide across her shoulders and her waist. She’s so strong. “I can’t believe you’re really here. I’ve dreamed about this so many times.”
“I hope that means I won’t need my backup plan,” she tells me with a smile that’s growing. Her hair is down across her shoulders. It shines like onyx under the summer sunlight.
I’ve known this amazing woman for almost a year. It’s hard to believe that much time has flown by, but I think I’ve needed it. In order to be able to fly, I’ve had to let my feathers grow in. “What backup?”
“Nanna’s going to rent a storefront to me at a cut rate. Says she’ll trade me six-months rent if I put a skull on her shoulder.”
I laugh. “Oh my god. Mom will kill you if you do that.”
“She said we could keep it our secret.” She threads her fingers through my hair, holding me firmly in place. “But she also said I could rent one of the apartments in her building if I need to. Do I need to, Tansy?”
I want to say no. I want it with every bit of me, except the little scrap that has learned to stand up for itself. When I catch my bottom lip between my teeth, I bite it hard enough to make myself wince, but I need the little hit of courage it gives me. “Give me something more flowery than that.”
For a long, heart-pounding moment, I think maybe she isn’t going to do it. She’ll tell me I’m silly, and I’ll probably cave and tell her that I was just teasing. Just kidding, not really. That kind of thing.
Then she takes both my hands in hers and steps back far enough that she can drop to one knee. My chest squeezes five inches tighter and my lungs are working overtime. The edges of my vision go a little bit gray, but I freaking refuse to faint. There is such a look of ardor and love on her face that I can hardly look back at her—except there’s no way I can look away either.
“Tansy Gavin, you’re it for me. I don’t know how you’re you. What you’ve been through would have crushed another woman, but you came out of the fire forged in steel and yet still as soft as velvet.” Her voice breaks a little, and tears pool at the corners of her eyes. I’ve never seen Cai cry before. It’s disconcerting and more tender than I could have imagined, both at the same time. “When Xue was taken from us, I let it harden me. I’ve been alone a long time because it was safer to be that way. Your sweetness humbles me. Will you have me?”
“You left me.” I didn’t mean to bring this up. Didn’t mean to travel down this road again. “In the hotel room, when I asked you to stay.”
“I did that because you were scared that I wouldn’t come back.” She kisses my knuckles, one hand after the other. Her mouth is a soft butterfly. I think Cai’s touch could rouse me from a thousand deaths. “And it hurt. I wanted to stay. I’ve told you that, little one.”
“I know.”
“I could barely tear myself away from you.” She looks up at me from under her dark, straight brows. “I cried so hard on the plane that the flight attendant brought me a packet of tissues and a free glass of wine.
”
“You didn’t tell me that.” I know I sound kind of accusatory, but I can’t help it. “I thought we’d talked about it all. But you hid it?”
“Because I didn’t want to make you responsible for my pain.”
“I’m not responsible. But I’m in this relationship with you. If we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to trust me to hold my own weight.”
Her mouth quirks into a little smile. “See? This is what I’m talking about. You’re amazing.”
“Are you teasing me?”
“One hundred percent not.” She reaches into the pocket of her trousers and pulls out a ring. It glitters sharp and cold. The diamond in the middle is radiant cut in a way that makes the rectangle shape shimmer even more. A handful of smaller diamonds circle it, set in beautiful rose gold, so that the whole thing has a vintage look. I love it.
I would never, ever admit it, but I’ve scrolled through rings on a dozen sites, always late at night, in the dark, and on my phone. With my privacy browser on. This is the style I wanted and Cai has picked it. She knows me. Knows my taste.
And I’ll have so much lace on my dress that I’ll look like a goddamn doily.
“Tansy Gavin, will you marry me?”
“Yes,” I breathe, almost too quietly. I can barely hear my own voice, and I have to clear my throat. Only moments ago, I could have sworn that I was close to tears. Instead laughter bursts from me, strong enough to lift me onto my toes. My words come out louder this time. “Yes, Cai. I want you forever.”
“I’ll keep you forever and a hundred years.”
When I hold out my hand, Cai slips the ring onto my finger. It’s cold at first but rapidly picks up my heat. My jaw falls a little as I stare at my hand decorated like this. A way it’ll be decorated forever. It’s astonishing and humbling, and I’m happier than I think I’ve ever been.
She surges to her feet, taking my mouth with hers.
The kiss is hard enough to bend my neck back. I fold my arms around her shoulders and let myself melt. Cai will never let me go. She’d never let me fall, and she’ll never try to hold me down either.
Together, we’ll fly.
Explore more of the Belladonna Ink series: riptidepublishing.com/titles/universe/belladonna-ink
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Belladonna Ink series
Far From Home
Take Me Home
Jazz Baby
Catch Me
Waywroth Academy
Wayward One
Indiscreet Debutant
Pacific Blue
One Lesson
Riding the Wave
Ahead in the Heat
Writing as Katie Porter
Fireworks (in the O Come All Ye Kinky anthology)
Come Upon a Midnight Clear
Snap
Vegas Top Guns
Double Down
Inside Bet
Hold ‘Em
Hard Way
Bare Knuckle
Club Devant
Lead and Follow
Chains and Canes
Command Force Alpha
Own
Bind
After a seminomadic childhood throughout California, Lorelie Brown spent high school in Orange County before joining the US Army. After traveling the world from South Korea to Italy, she now lives north of Chicago. She writes her California-set books because she hates that winter exists.
Lorelie’s contemporary romance Far From Home is a bronze winner in the Foreword INDIES and was nominated for a Romance Writers of America RITA award. To stay up-to-date on her new releases, sign up for her newsletter at eepurl.com/VdlAz. She promises not to spam you and to only sometimes send you pictures of her shih tzu and yorkiepoo.
In her immense free time (hah!) Lorelie cowrites award-winning contemporary erotic romance under the name Katie Porter. You can find out more about the Vegas Top Guns and Command Force Alpha series at KatiePorterBooks.com or on twitter at @MsKatiePorter.
You can also contact Lorelie on Twitter @LorelieBrown or on Facebook at facebook.com/lorelie.brown.
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Roller Girl
www.riptidepublishing.com/titles/roller-girl-lake-lovelace-novel
The Butch and the Beautiful
www.riptidepublishing.com/titles/the-butch-and-the-beautiful
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Her Hometown Girl Page 20
