“From what I understand, you both have,” I reply, cautiously.
“No,” he says looking at me. “Caden was close to our dad. It was almost like hero worship. My father and I never really saw eye to eye. Caden was everything he wanted. The football star, the honor roll student, he’s the all-rounder, the boy next door… a parents’ dream.” He shrugs. “Dad always wanted someone who could make him proud, and that’s Caden. It was never me.”
His pain is carefully concealed in his voice, although not so much that I can’t hear the subtlety of it.
“You’re not exactly struggling for good grades, Tarrant,” I remind him, something that Caden has mentioned before. The corner of his lip twitches up and then quickly drops back down again.
“True, but then… studying, school, that shit has never been my thing.” He straightens up away from the wall. “I don’t know what crap went down between you and Caden, but he won’t talk to me. There was a time my brother and I were tight… really tight. The last couple of years we’ve drifted. I’m not sure why but he’s put some kind of bridge between us and no matter what I do, it’s obvious he doesn’t want me to cross the divide.” He shrugs. “Maybe it’s to do with Dad. I mean Caden always wanted Mom and him to work shit out, I didn’t.”
I sigh and slide down the wall next to where he stands until my butt hits the gravel roof. “I can’t answer that. He hasn’t ever talked to me about anything to do with the two of you, and I know zero about parents, except how to cut them out,” I explain sadly.
“Your parents are dicks,” Tarrant states looking down at me and pulling a candy bar from his pocket. I narrow my eyes on it and he lifts one shoulder. “I figure I save an employee from some scary looking guys… that deserves free candy, right?” He grins.
I narrow my eyes and purse my lips trying to be annoyed, but I can’t do it. Tarrant breaks off half and passes it to me. I haven’t eaten since breakfast, so I’m in dire need of the candy which is softening in my hand.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
“I don’t know what you and Caden are, and I have to be honest, it doesn’t always sit right with me that you’re dating. It feels, I don’t know…” he scratches his chin then turns to meet my stare, “… off.”
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I can’t out Caden, and I know I desperately need to talk to him. If things are ever going to go further between Tarrant and me, the only way would be if Caden was honest with his brother. Even if we had a fake break up, it’s not like Tarrant is going to want to date his brother’s ex.
“I guess I should say that you need to call him. Speak to each other, talk over whatever this shit is, at least get things straight,” he says, almost pleadingly, and I nod my agreement.
I look down at my candy, my stomach turns, so I pop a piece in my mouth and stand. One side of the building—which seems to be a garage—leads out onto the street, but the other side backs onto grassland as far as the eye can see. I walk to the edge gazing at the view as much as I can in the dark and I feel him walk up next to me. My body pulls tight at his closeness. There’s a draw between us, it feels like he’s dragging me toward him, and I’ve been digging my heels in. He’s dangerous and so are these feelings, but for once I want to be dangerous, I want him to be my risk.
“It’s quiet,” he states. “I come here at night sometimes just to get away…” he pauses, and I turn to look at his profile. “Never brought anyone else up here,” he says almost thoughtfully. Tarrant turns toward me frowning, and then his eyes soften as they move across my face and stop on my lips. He blinks slowly then brings his hand up to my mouth wiping the corner of it with his thumb. “You have candy.” He leans into me, and the world around me stops dead as I watch Tarrant come closer, as though he’s in his own daze, his eyes focus on that one spot at the corner of my mouth and his lips touch me there. Soft, firm, warm. Then, in an instant, the spell is broken and Tarrant shakes his head standing back.
“Shit,” he spits out then kicks a random brick.
“It’s okay—” I try to say.
“It’s not fucking okay. Fuck! You’re with my brother.” He lets out a line of expletives.
“Not anymore,” I tell him, hoping to ease his guilt.
“You might not give a fuck, I can see it clear on your face, but I happen to love my brother. He’s been hurt enough, neither of us needs to add to that. Only because of that reason, I’m not going to tell him this happened and neither are you,” he orders.
I see how alike he and Caden are—when they’re scared, they lash out. I bet Tarrant rarely gets scared, but now I’m the prime target for both of them. I know something about each of the brothers that could break them apart. I feel like I’ve just had enemy number one tattooed across my head.
Thankfully, Tarrant’s mood isn’t so sour that he leaves me stranded and although the drive is awkward times about one hundred, he does bring me back to the dorm. I want to say something, but I don’t know what I can say to make it better. I’m pretty sure right now that would be the square root of nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I finally decide on the words and push them out as we’re pulling up outside my building.
Tarrant sighs. “It’s not your fault. Let’s forget it ever happened.” I nod and open my mouth to say more, but I don’t know what to say so instead I climb out of the car and make my way across the road. Belatedly, I notice that there are loads of people spilling out of my building, seems there’s a dorm party happening. I didn’t even know they were a thing, but the sheer volume of people with red solo cups tells me different.
“Excuse me,” I say trying to move through the bodies. I’m exhausted and just want my bed, the chance of me being able to sleep through the noise, though, is pretty slim.
“Lemon,” I hear his call, and my chest eases when it’s my nickname he uses. “Lemon,” he says again as he reaches me.
I look up and twist my head back slightly to catch his eyes. “What’s up?” I question.
“I wanted to make sure you got to your room safe,” he explains indicating the mass of people surrounding us.
I rub my forehead. This guy is sending me completely mixed signals, and it’s confusing as hell. To be fair, I’m probably not much clearer, but someone needs to ask the hard questions. I turn to face him.
“Tarrant, what the hell are we doing? You act like you want me? Is that what this is? I mean Caden—”
He cuts me off. “Truthfully?” The question in his voice causes a flutter to release within me. Maybe I’ll finally get the honesty I’ve been aching for, but then he pierces my heart a little instead. “You’re not my type. Too prim, too much like the high school debate captain.” The sneer on his face isn’t to be mistaken as anything other than a warning, and as his eyes travel from my feet up my body and waver on my lips, I know what he’s trying to hide. His steely gaze meets mine, and there’s nothing but a cold stare trying to taint me with his self-inflicted lies.
“I see right through you.” My words are no more than whispers in the wind, but the hitch of Tarrant’s breath confirms that he hears them.
His eyes narrow on me. “I’d break you.”
“Not possible.”
“Stay away from me, Laura. I’m bad news.” He shoulders past me, and I turn to watch him leave. Could it be that he really doesn’t see his worth?
“I’m going to help you see that you’re worthy of love,” I whisper to his retreating back, although I’m not sure if that statement is even possible. Then I slap my palm on my forehead. “Wake up, Laura, nothing is ever going to happen with him.”
“That’s probably the most honest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Larry.”
I grit my teeth and groan. Of all the times I could run into this bitch, it had to be now when I’m most vulnerable. The anger buzzes around me. I’ve had a long night, I’m tired, hurt, and confused, and Selina is the last person I need to have a confrontation with right now. I should have expected it. I mean
she lives here, it figures she would be in the crowd somewhere.
“You know he’ll never be yours. He’s only kind to you because you were with his brother.” She smirks, thinking she knows the situation.
“Fuck off, Selina,” I sigh out my half-hearted protest, wanting to get away.
“Oooh, Larry has spunk tonight,” she teases looking at her girl posse. I sigh and roll my eyes which makes Selina narrow hers on me. I feel like her prey, but as I tilt my head a little, I take in her features and consider how she actually looks a bit like a hyena, and I smile. Big mistake.
Selina’s whole demeanor changes. She’s pissed off even though I haven’t said a word. “You’re beneath us and the Reigns brothers. Caden should never have dated you. Fuck knows what went through his head. And if you think for even a second that Tarrant’s got any real interest in you, then you truly are delusional,” she says with a mocking smile.
“You have no idea what I think, what I know, or pretty much anything at all actually. All you know is what you think you see. You know what I see? A sad slut who Tarrant has had, a sad slut who is desperate for him again. The thing is, what you don’t see is that he’s not interested in you,” I taunt.
Her face reddens, and she flusters for a moment. “Oh, and I suppose you think he’s into you?” She then hits back at me.
I smile and shake my head. “No, contrary to your belief, I’m not that delusional. I’ll leave that to you, along with the stench of desperation.” I snicker at her, and that’s when she lunges forward. She grabs my hair in her fists, dragging me toward her and screaming. I can’t make out exactly what she’s saying as her voice is really screechy, but my scalp is starting to hurt, and the anger that was buzzing on the surface is now all I feel as the current runs through me. White spots invade my vision, and I can hear the crowd shouting and jeering. I want this to end so I do the one thing I was taught after my attack. I pull my leg back and knee her in the crotch. Selina stumbles back with a scream and lands on her ass in front of me on the floor.
“You just kneed me in the pussy,” she shouts, eyes wide and holding herself between the legs.
I nod. “Yeah, well you act like a dick, so I thought maybe you had one,” I ridicule before pushing through the stunned group of bodies that have formed around us and walking back out of my building, exhausted, hurt, and a little scared.
“Where do I go now?” I ask myself.
I walk around the town not really knowing what to do. I find myself stopping down by the lake and sitting on the grass against a tree. It’s a little after one in the morning now, and I know I should go back to the dorm, but I’m not ready. As I have no work tomorrow, I’m not overly worried about what time I roll into bed. But I am getting cold, and my stomach rumbles at the same time a text pings through on my phone.
Morgan: Where are you, boo?
I bite my lip considering whether to tell her.
Me: At the lake.
I reply, but I don’t get another text back. However, ten minutes later I see some headlights as a car pulls up. I grip my phone in my hand ready to call the cops if I feel unsafe, then I see Caden and Morgan getting out of the car. My chest relaxes, but my heart picks up speed. I haven’t spoken to Caden since we argued and with everything that went down tonight, I’m not sure what to say anymore.
“Hey,” he murmurs sinking down next to me.
Morgan offers an apologetic smile and sits on my other side. “I was worried,” she explains. “You weren’t back when I got home, and there was a massive party and rumors were going around that you had a thing with Selina?” she questions.
“Yeah, I kicked her in the crotch,” I state solemnly.
Both Morgan and Caden erupt into laughter.
“Funniest thing I’ve heard tonight,” mutters Caden looking over at me. “Scratch that, funniest thing I’ve heard in over a week.” His eyes soften on me as I stare at him warily. “Nothing’s been funny without you, Button,” he tells me with a sad smile.
I look away from his face and stare out over the lake.
“Laura, I’m truly sorry for what happened. I was just scared,” he tells me.
“I know,” I reply. “I got it. Maybe not straight away, but I realized that what you said wasn’t out of spite, it was out of fear.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “Doesn’t excuse me being a fucking dick, though,” he growls.
“Nope. But it’s done, and you’ve now heard what I do when people are dicks, right?” I reply with a small grin. He grins back, then both him and Morgan start laughing again.
“Seriously, that is going to be the story of the month at school,” Morgan chimes in.
“We need to talk about Tarrant,” Caden tells me and my stomach dips. “I know you like him. I would love to say he feels the same way, but I’ve never known him to stick with a girl. All I ever see is him pick them up and then discard them like trash.”
“Do you ever speak to him?” I question. “Do you even really know your brother?” I snap this time. “Shit, sorry,” I say rubbing my temples.
“You really like him don’t you?” he asks softly.
I shrug. “I don’t really know what I feel. I mean yeah, he gets to me, but he’s never going to be with me. Like you said before, he’s a player. Maybe he likes the chase, although don’t get anything muddled, Caden, he’s never actually pursued me or asked anything from me. He’s not trying to be a shit brother,” I say turning to Caden and grabbing his hand. “Don’t for one second think that he’s trying to steal me from you. He’s not. I just think we have a connection. I’m not sure what it is, or what it means, but neither of us will do anything about it.”
“Because of me,” he whispers.
I tug his hand. “Yes and no. I mean I’m not sure I’d be enough for him anyway,” I say casting my eyes down.
“Then he’d be a fool,” Caden replies.
“Maybe.” I smile. “Still doesn’t make a difference. He’s not going to get with his brother’s ex. The only way there would even be a chance of anything happening between us is if we told him the truth.”
I feel Caden stiffen, and I rub the back of his hand which I’m still holding.
“It’s okay, I’m not asking you to do that.”
He relaxes, but it’s minimal.
“Give me a little more time. I’m trying to figure out where Mom and Dad are with each other, and then I’ll tell them.”
“I’m not trying to rush you, Caden. This is your secret. I agreed to do this with you. You didn’t put a gun to my head. Whatever happens, I’ll deal, okay?” I tell him.
He leans forward and kisses my temple. It’s become his signature move. “Thank you. I promise, though, I do want to tell them soon. I just need a little more time.” He hangs his head. “I wanted to take the pressure off, that’s why I asked you to help me. And for the record, I didn’t choose you. Well, I mean I guess I kinda did, but not in the way I said it the other day. I had no intention of asking anyone to pretend to be my girlfriend. I had thought for a brief second that I might have to actually date someone and do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, which honestly scared the shit out of me. But we became friends, and it felt natural asking you to help me.”
I squeeze his hand. “Thank you for explaining that to me, I appreciate it.”
“I’d do just about anything for you, Laura, even help you land my brother if you can hold on for a little bit longer.” He smiles.
“I can hold on, I can be the dutiful girlfriend,” I say with a wink. “But I’m not sure landing your brother is something that any girl is ever going to be able to do.” I let go of his hand and lean forward, wrapping my arms around my knees. “He doesn’t have a high opinion of himself.” I cough awkwardly and allow my stare to sweep down to my feet. “That’s something I’d like to change because he’s better than he believes.” I swallow and look back to Caden, who has a small grin on his face before staring at my feet again. “If you’re going to be honest with your family
, then it would probably help if you were closer with your brother. I’m sure he’d offer you support and be on your side when the time came.”
Caden says nothing, and after a moment, I turn to look at him wondering if he’s fallen asleep. Instead, he’s sitting there staring at me. No, he’s trying to figure something out. “Your feelings for Tarrant really run deep, don’t they?” he asks, a look of worry in his eyes.
I look over at Morgan who has been unusually quiet, and she offers me a sad smile.
I look back to Caden. “Don’t be stupid,” I tell him with a flick of my wrist.
He doesn’t seem convinced, and truthfully, neither am I.
After coming home last night… scratch that, this morning, both Morgan and I fell into bed. Caden slept on our blow-up mattress which meant there was no room on the floor. We pretty much zonked for twelve hours straight, and when we woke up, Morgan informed Caden that we were going to Rettas tonight. The pimping and preening session started, and now, after practically being forced to wear a dress, I have to say Morgan did good. Weirdly, I’m kind of settled into the idea. I have avoided wearing skirts and dresses for the last couple of years out of fear, and I finally realize that I hold my own power, not fucking Devin.
Having friends and being honest with them has helped, and it’s also encouraged me to make a decision that I should have made a long time ago. I’m going to speak to someone again. Hopefully, I can find a counselor who’s free or cheap enough that I can pay them in Ramen noodles.
I look down at my navy dress, it’s floaty and hangs down almost to my ankles. Thankfully, Morgan didn’t try to force me into something tight, especially as this came from her wardrobe. She’s at least two sizes smaller and a couple of inches shorter than me. I would have looked like I was wearing a kindergartner’s clothes if this dress had been fitted. It’s a halter neck, and the navy blue material attaches to a thick silver choker which matches the wide silver belt at my waist. The dress covers my front completely, but there is no back. None. It’s not an uncomfortable feeling, but it’s certainly different having nothing on my back at night in a club. My shoes are peep toe and match the silver of my purse and bangle. Morgan curled my hair, then pinned it so it hangs down my front over my shoulder. I look like the other girls my age, which I haven’t done for such a long time that it’s a kind of melancholy feeling.
Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1) Page 13
