by Al Lacy
“Don’t you think you should go to the doctor? Maybe he could take that bad man out of you.”
Jerrod bit his lip again and placed her on the wagon seat. “Let’s head for home.”
At the Harper house, Dottie paced the kitchen floor, praying aloud while her worried son looked on from the table. Sunday dinner sat on the table, cold. James had eaten a half-hour earlier and now sat at his place, chin cupped in his hands. He hated to see his mother so upset. As she talked to the Lord and paced the floor, he asked God to bring his father and sister home quickly and safely.
Dottie’s imagination ran wild. Had Jerrod gone into one of his fits? Where was he now … and was Molly Kate all right? Why had she let him take Molly Kate with him? Maybe if she had used just the right words in just the right tone, Jerrod would have relented and allowed their daughter to remain at home.
Finally, Dottie stopped pacing, looked at James, and said, “I can’t stand this. I’m going to saddle the bay gelding and ride to the church. I’ve got to find them. Will you be all right, here alone?”
James nodded. “I’ll be fine, Mommy. You go on. I’m worried about them, too.”
The boy followed his mother to the back door of the house, then watched as she hurried to the barn and vanished through the door. Seconds later, he saw her come around the corner of the barn inside the corral, leading the bay gelding, which was bridled and saddled.
Dottie led the bay through the corral gate, then closed it. She was about to mount the animal when she heard the rattle of a wagon in the yard at the front of the house. James heard it too and hurried onto the porch.
Dottie’s heart leaped in her breast as she turned and saw the wagon bearing Jerrod and Molly Kate coming around the corner of the house. She hoisted her skirt calf-high and ran toward them. James was still quite weak, but he was so excited and relieved to see his father and sister that he bounded off the porch and ran to meet them.
Jerrod drew rein and jumped down from the wagon, and husband and wife opened their arms to each other. Dottie burst into tears, sobbing, “Oh, Jerrod, I was so frightened! I thought something bad had happened!”
“It almost did, honey,” Jerrod said. “I’ll tell you about it after you hug Molly Kate.”
James drew up, breathing hard, and wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. Dottie took Molly Kate from the wagon seat, held her, and told her how thankful she was that she was all right.
James went to his little sister and hugged her, saying, “Mommy and I were really scared, Molly Kate. We prayed that Jesus would take care of you. I’m sure glad He did!”
The family worked together to unsaddle and unharness the horses and turn them loose in the corral. Once that was done, they moved toward the house.
“Dinner’s cold, but I can heat it up again,” Dottie said. “Can you tell James and me what happened?”
Jerrod began by telling of the incident with the Fergusons and Michaelses. He held nothing back, admitting that he had lied to them. He told about the shame he felt for lying and the anger he had toward Molly Kate for telling the women about James’s bruises and cut lip.
“I began to lose control and told Molly Kate she would have to be punished,” he said, stoking the fire in the cook stove as he spoke. “I tried to fight it, but the urge was overpowering. Actually, my little girl only did what we’ve always taught her to do—tell the truth.”
Molly Kate had begun helping her mother clear the cold food from the table. She was carrying the mashed potato bowl and the gravy bowl to the cupboard by the stove when she said, “I was really scared when Daddy started yelling at me.”
“I assume this spell began to come on after you left the Fergusons and the Michaelses at the churchyard and started home.”
“It started comin’ on the instant I heard what Molly Kate said to the women, but we were almost to the woods near the Baker farm when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to fend it off. I drove the wagon into the woods and told Molly Kate to stay in it till I came back. I ran as fast and as far as I could so I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”
Dottie moved to her daughter, put an arm around her shoulder, and said, “Thank the Lord He protected you.” Then to Jerrod, who had the fire going and was setting the heavy lid in its place, “What happened then?”
“I had another one of my spells, but I really don’t want to go into that,” Jerrod said. He removed his hat and hung it on its hook by the back door.
“It must have been a long one,” Dottie said. “You were more than an hour late getting home.”
Jerrod moved to the table and sat down. His features were somber. “Yeah. It was a long one.”
“When Daddy didn’t come back to the wagon for a long time, I was afraid something bad had happened to him,” Molly Kate said. “So I went and found him. He—”
“Molly Kate, that’s enough,” Jerrod said. He didn’t want to upset the child, but he would rather Dottie didn’t know about the blackout.
“Jerrod, husbands and wives shouldn’t keep things from each other,” Dottie said. “I want to know what Molly Kate was going to tell me.”
“I just don’t want to upset you and worry you any more than I already have with this awful thing.”
“I appreciate that,” she said, “but I’m your wife, Jerrod. I love you. You must let me share it with you. What happened?”
Jerrod sighed, pulled at his beard, and said, “I blacked out.”
“You mean … you went unconscious?”
“Yes. I’d say for about an hour. When I came to, Molly Kate was kneeling beside me, crying and begging me to wake up.”
“Is this the first time you’ve blacked out while having a spell?” his wife asked.
“No. I did it one other time.”
“How long ago was the other one?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A month, maybe.”
Dottie stepped to the chair where he sat, laid a tender hand on his shoulder, and said, “Darling, blacking out is serious. I think you better go see Dr. Olson.”
She felt Jerrod stiffen, then he took hold of the hand that was on his shoulder, looked up into her deep-blue eyes, and said, “Maybe I won’t have any more.”
“And maybe you will.”
“But we agreed we’d work this thing out between us and the Lord,” he argued.
“That was before I knew about the blackouts.”
“Let’s give it a little time,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Okay? Let’s see if I have any more. If I do, we’ll talk about my seein’ a doctor. If I don’t, then there’s no good reason to.”
Dottie went back to the stove where the food was reheating. “I guess I’ll have to go along with you, Jerrod, but I’d rather you went tomorrow to see Dr. Olson.” She looked back at him and said, “You did understand that I said Dr. Olson and not Dr. Carroll?”
“Yes. But Olson would no doubt want me to see Carroll. Dottie, I’m not goin’ to that asylum. I’m not crazy. I just have a problem to work out.”
“What about Duane and Betty and Web and Darlene? Are you going to talk to them … tell them you lied?”
“It was quite obvious I was lying. They knew it. I could see it in their faces.”
“Then you know what the Lord would have you do. You must go to them and ask their forgiveness.”
“I know.” Jerrod nodded and looked at the floor. Then lifting his eyes, he looked at his children and said, “I did wrong, kids. I did the very thing I’ve taught you not to do … and what I’ve disciplined you for doing. Please forgive me.” Both children quickly assured their father he was forgiven.
Dottie put the food back on the table, steaming hot, and when Jerrod gave thanks for the meal, he also asked the Lord to forgive him for lying.
Jerrod was unusually quiet during the meal. Finally, Dottie looked at him across the table and asked, “Something worrying you, Jerrod?”
“Yeah,” he sighed as he mopped gravy with a piece of bread. “If I go to the Fergusons and the Michaelses to
ask their forgiveness, I’ll have to tell them how James got his bruises and cut lip. I … I just can’t stand the thought of everybody in the church knowin’ about it.”
“You don’t have to tell them about the shell shock. Just tell them you lost your temper and beat on James. That’s enough, and it’s the truth.”
The sound of a carriage rattling into the yard caught Jerrod’s attention. He left the table to peer through the lace curtains in the parlor.
“Dottie, it’s the preacher and Louella,” he said, hurrying back to the kitchen.
“Well, let’s go welcome them.”
“I don’t want to see them right now. The Fergusons and the Michaelses probably told them what happened.”
“We can’t just ignore them,” Dottie said.
“You talk to them. I can’t,” Jerrod said as he headed for the back door.
The knock came at the front door at the same time the back door closed behind Jerrod. Dottie told the children they might as well follow her to the parlor. The pastor and his wife would want to see them.
James and Molly Kate stood a few steps behind their mother as she opened the door and greeted Reverend and Mrs. Yates with a smile. “Hello,” she said. “Sorry James and I couldn’t make it to church this morning, but he wasn’t feeling up to it. Please, come in.”
The preacher removed his hat and followed his wife into the parlor. They both greeted the children, noting James’s bruises and cut lip. Dottie’s facial bruises did not go unnoticed, either. Dottie led them to the couch, then she sat on the love seat with her children flanking her.
“To what do we owe this Sunday afternoon visit?” she asked, looking across the coffee table at her guests.
The preacher cleared his throat and said, “Before Louella and I left the church this morning, Duane and Betty Ferguson and Web and Darlene Michaels approached us. They … ah … they indicated that there might be a serious problem in your household, and they thought as your pastor, I should know about it.”
“And what did they tell you, pastor?” Dottie asked, unable to cover her nervousness.
Yates looked toward the rear of the house. “Is Jerrod here?”
“Well … yes, but when he saw you drive into the yard, he left through the back door. He guessed that the couples you just named had told you about his conversation with them. He just can’t handle facing you right now.”
“I see,” nodded the preacher. “Well, let me tell you what Louella and I were told.”
It took Yates only a few minutes to reveal that he and his wife knew about Jerrod’s lie and Molly Kate’s conflicting explanation. “James may have fallen,” he said, setting compassionate eyes on the boy, “but by what I see, it was while he was being beaten.”
Dottie pulled her children close to her and said, “Pastor, the bruises on James and me came from Jerrod. But before you conclude that he’s a violent man who should be punished, let me explain it to you.”
Yates and his wife listened intently as Dottie told them the whole story, including Jerrod’s battle with dementia praecox from combat in the Civil War.
“When Dr. Olson treated James for his cuts and bruises, and I told him the story, he urged me to get Jerrod to Dr. Matthew Carroll, whom you probably know is chief of staff at City Mental Asylum.”
“Yes,” nodded Yates. “I know Dr. Carroll. Quite well, I might add. He’s an excellent psychiatrist, and best of all, he’s a born-again Christian.”
“Really?”
“Yes. He belongs to a good Bible-believing church in San Francisco and is very active in service to the Lord.”
“That’s good to hear!” Dottie exclaimed. “I can’t help but feel the Lord allowed things to happen exactly like they did today. Jerrod feels so bad about lying to our friends and about the way he frightened Molly Kate. Maybe between the two of us, we can convince him the time has come to see Dr. Carroll.”
The tall, slender preacher stood to his feet and said, “How about letting me see if I can do the convincing?”
“Certainly,” Dottie said. “Jerrod loves and admires you very much, Pastor.”
“Where do you think I can find him?”
“My first guess would be the barn. If not there, he may be walking somewhere out in the fields.”
“I’ll be back,” he said and hurried out the door toward the barn. As he walked, he looked around at the fields that surrounded the house and outbuildings to see if there was any sign of Jerrod. All was still and undisturbed in the Sunday afternoon sunshine.
He reached the barn and opened the wide door. The interior was dim, lit only by the light from the small windows at both ends of the barn and by tiny threads of light that seeped through cracks between the boards. The smell of hay, leather, old wood, and dry manure touched his nostrils in a full mixture.
He paused to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness and called out, “Jerrod? You in here? It’s Pastor Yates. I’d like to talk to you.”
“Over here, Pastor.” Jerrod’s voice came from somewhere under the hayloft.
Yates left the door open for light and found Jerrod sitting on an old wooden box beneath the loft. As the preacher drew near, Jerrod stood and waited for him to speak.
“Can we talk?” Yates asked.
“It’s about what Duane and Web and their wives told you, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. That’s why I came out here when you drove up.”
“Jerrod, you need to talk about it. You need to get help before someone gets seriously hurt. Dottie told Louella and me the whole story. It’s not your fault that you suffered combat fatigue in the War. For the sake of your family, Jerrod, let alone for your own sake, you need to place yourself under professional care. I know Dr. Carroll personally. He’s the best in his field, and he’s a fine, dedicated Christian. I know he can help you. How about if I take you to him?”
Jerrod stiffened, shaking his head. “No. First thing he’ll do is lock me up in that asylum. I’m not goin’ to any asylum, Pastor.”
“Jerrod, you don’t know that’s what he would do. All I’m asking is that we go and have a talk with him. You owe it to the Lord, too. You can’t serve Him like you should with this problem hanging over you. Dottie tells me it’s getting worse. She loves you. She only wants you to get better.”
“No,” Jerrod growled, his eyes beginning to widen. “Dottie and I are gonna work it out with the Lord’s help.”
“The Lord gave us doctors, Jerrod. He uses doctors to help people. You need help.”
“I’m not goin’ to that doctor! He’ll lock me up! Get outta here, preacher! I’m tellin’ you—go!”
“Calm down, Jerrod,” Yates said, moving closer. “You’ve got to consider your wife and children. I saw what you did to James and Dottie. Big and strong as your are, you could kill one of them. Is that what you want?” Yates took another step toward him, reaching out and saying, “Take my hand, Jerrod. Just take my hand. Let me help you.”
Jerrod lunged at the preacher and swung a fist at his jaw. Howard Yates had been in hand-to-hand combat in the Civil War and was able to dodge the fist. He did not try to strike back, but he stepped close and said, “Calm yourself, Jerrod. You need help, and I’m going to see that you get it.”
Jerrod growled and threw himself at the smaller man. They collided, and both went down. Jerrod leaped on him like a madman, swinging both fists at the preacher’s head and face. Yates gamely fought back, but Jerrod’s size and strength overwhelmed him. Finally, Yates managed to roll away from Jerrod and made a dash for the open door. Jerrod roared like a bear and came after him.
Dottie Harper dashed into the barn just then and screamed, “No, Jerrod!” She placed herself between the preacher and her wild-eyed husband. “Leave him alone! He’s your pastor!”
Jerrod didn’t even hesitate. He struck Dottie on the jaw with his fist, and she went down hard. He looked down at her for a brief moment, then wailed and ran out the d
oor. He passed Louella Yates, who stood just outside, frozen with fear. Louella watched him run between the chicken shed and the privy and into the nearest field.
Louella hurried inside and found her husband kneeling beside Dottie, who remained unconscious. The preacher carried Dottie into the house and laid her on the couch in the parlor. James and Molly Kate stood by in tears while Louella worked at reviving their mother. Yates was in the kitchen cleaning himself up and trying to stop his cuts from bleeding.
Dottie came to after a few moments. Her children embraced her when she sat up and told them she was all right. The pastor entered the room, dabbing at his face with a wet towel.
“I’m sorry, Pastor,” Dottie said. “When Jerrod’s spell wears off, he’ll weep and say how sorry he is for what he did to you.”
“Dottie, Jerrod’s got to be put where he cannot harm any-one … especially you and these children. I’m going to send Louella for Sheriff Donner right now. I’ll stay with you and the children in case Jerrod comes back right away.”
“Are you going to press charges against him, Pastor?”
“No. Of course not. But he must be locked up or he’s going to hurt someone seriously, maybe even kill them.”
Louella hurried to the Yates carriage and drove away. Dottie was still a little dizzy, but she sat the preacher down and put iodine on his cuts and salve on his bruises.
While her children clung to her, Dottie asked Yates why God would allow a Christian family to suffer as the Harpers had.
“And why would He allow a Christian man to become the victim of something as awful as combat fatigue?”
“I don’t have a ready-made answer for you, Dottie. But I can say, and we can see from the Bible, that just because people are Christians doesn’t exempt them from tragedies and heartaches. The Lord uses these things to draw us closer to Him. Just think of Paul’s thorn in the flesh, of Job’s loss of property, family members, and health, of David’s persecution by Saul, of John’s banishment to Patmos—all these trials were used by God for His own special purposes. And they were made better servants of the Lord because of it.”
Dottie was thanking the preacher for helping her to understand when heavy boots were heard on the front porch, and Jerrod entered the parlor. He was surprised to see the preacher, since the carriage was gone. Both children clung hard to their mother as Howard Yates rose to his feet and braced himself for another onslaught.
