It certainly made perfect sense to him. She was only a couple of blocks down the road from him. No matter what happened between them, she would always be close. If they had to share custody of the child, her proximity would make that easier, too. Hell, when the kid was old enough he could walk between their houses.
Of course, that wasn’t Ben’s ultimate plan. The plan was to get her to let him inside. And once he’d gained access, he would do everything in his power to never leave again.
“This is the color for the nursery. Since I’m not sure yet if we’re going to find out the sex and because I’m not really an all-blue, all-pink person, I went with soft canary cream. What do you think?”
Ben looked at the sample intently. He saw yellow. It was nice. But he knew that she would expect him to care about this. This was the first step they were taking together to prepare for their child to be a part of their lives. What color would the room be where he or she spent those first few years. Where the child would remember nothing about the decor.
“I think it’s very nice,” he said thoughtfully. “Calming. Yet cheerful. Soothing but…”
This time she laughed outright and took the sample back from him. “You’re such a faker.”
“It’s yellow, Anna.”
She looked at the sample. “Soft yellow and I think it’s perfect. There, that’s done. The other thing I was thinking about is some furniture shopping. If you want to come along, that is. But you totally don’t have to.”
“Of course I will.”
“It will be boring. You’ll probably hate me when you see how indecisive I can be about these types of things. I’m very careful with my selections. I’ll be even more so shopping for this place. I want everything to be perfect.”
“It won’t be boring. I’ll be with you. I can help your decision making.”
“Okay.” Then she reached into her bag again, this time for a manila folder. “I brought this, too.”
He took the folder and opened it. It contained a copy of her birth certificate. “What’s this for?”
She looked down at her hands, which were twisting in her lap. “I thought about what you said. About going to Mark for help instead of you. The truth is, before everything happened I never once thought about finding them. I don’t know what happened to my father. I have no memory of him at all. But her, well, I know she deliberately left me, so it was, like, who cares what the hell happened to them. But now it seems important. Since you are an important part of my life now and you have experience tracking down information I thought that it was right that I give it to you, too. I’ll let Mark know. Of course, he’ll probably want to make it part of this crazy competition between the two of you, but, really, if anyone is going to find them, it should be you.”
Ben closed the folder and said nothing. He looked at her face, its open expression, and swallowed. This thing that she’d given him. This was trust.
Suddenly it scared the living hell out of him because he didn’t know what would happen to them if he ever broke it. He set down the folder carefully and thought about the lengths he would go to for this woman. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. To make her happy, to keep her safe and to stay a part of her life.
Since you are an important part of my life now…
He’d been her boss. That had to have been important. He’d been the man she thought she loved. Surely that had to qualify as being significant in her world.
Only now she was saying that things were different. That he was different to her and even more important.
No, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. And there was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her protected. Even if it meant lying to her.
“I’ll take care of this,” he said. “Trust me.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ANNA STARED AT HERSELF in the cheval mirror she kept in her bedroom. Naked, she turned to her side and stood as straight as she could and sucked in her belly as hard as she could.
It was no use. The bump was there and it wasn’t going away. Beyond that, her breasts were getting bigger. They were bursting out of her normal bras to the point where she’d actually bought her first maternity bra. The cup had a snap, too, so it could be used as a breast-feeding bra.
She tried to imagine the idea that, in the near future, she would be thrilled to pieces to have some little creature basically eating her. It didn’t exactly come, but she figured once the kid was out everything would change.
For now she had to deal with the damage the kiddo was doing from the inside. Next on her shopping list were the pants. Definitely the ones with the stretchy waist and the space for a bump.
Yes, it was time for the clothing to start covering her more completely. But for now, looking at herself completely naked, she had to admit she didn’t hate what the bump was doing. It was as though her body suddenly had this new purpose it never had before. She looked ripe and lush and filled with expectation of this big event that was coming.
Not the worst look in the world. Ben didn’t seem to mind it…at least not while she wore clothes.
Anna tried to imagine what Ben would think when he finally saw her naked. Because that was coming eventually.
The electricity between them was only growing and the sexual tension from him—and her—seemed to be keeping both of them in a perpetual state of heat. Heck, she’d almost encouraged him to take her on the desk in his office, with his assistant no more than ten feet away from his office door. Thank goodness he’d had the presence of mind to stop, because she hadn’t. With all of his chasing of her and all of her running from that chasing it had been easy to overlook a basic fact.
She wanted him. She’d always wanted him and now it seemed exacerbated because her body was acting against her better judgment. Hormones plus desire equaled horny.
So, yes, soon he would see her body in all its glory. She definitely wasn’t skinny. Not that she’d been overly skinny before as he’d already mentioned, pointing out the gentle slope of her non-flat belly. But now she really wasn’t skinny. Instead she was fecund. With boobs and hips and a bump.
Since she’d committed to dating him she’d told herself the reason she’d put off having sex with him made all the sense in the world. She was uncertain of her feelings, uncertain of his. She was afraid of why he wanted her and then afraid of what it meant if he did want her as much as he said he did. Could she handle that level of passion from Ben and still protect her heart?
But beyond all that, she had to deal with the reality of him seeing this body. Granted, she wasn’t full-blown, mamma jamba pregnant yet. She couldn’t imagine yet what that would look like, but she was different.
It would be an adjustment.
The last time the sex had been surreal. As if she’d been watching from outside her body while some other woman who looked like her had sex with him. Frankly, she’d been impressed. After that many years of going without, she fell right into a rhythm with him.
She’d remembered that it actually hurt. That first full thrust of him inside her had burned a little. But she’d been so over-the-moon happy that he was finally inside her that the pain seemed trivial.
The next time it happened would be normal couple sex—what almost every couple who dated and liked each other enough to take their relationship to that next step did. She and Ben had gotten the kissing part down pat. He kissed her every time he saw her now. He kissed her when he picked her up for lunch and kissed her when he dropped her off after a date. He kissed her in the car before he started the engine.
Sometimes he would kiss her after he paid the check for their dinner.
It was strange, too, because she didn’t see Ben as a kissing kind of guy. Sure, when he was going to make love to a woman he would engage in earth-shattering, mind-blowing kisses. That seemed totally his style. He wanted to overwhelm the enemy, er, the woman with sex appeal and pleasure.
But kisses for the sake of affection, or a quick peck just because he could, seemed slightly out of ch
aracter for him. Especially in public.
Maybe it’s because it’s all you’ll let him have.
Anna dismissed the voice in her head. She didn’t need an inner monologue to know she’d kept Ben at arm’s length solely out of fear on her part. But the fear and the panic of what they as a couple might look like was starting to recede. She and Ben had only four more months to work out the details of what that image would be before they became parents. Then it would change again. So they needed to get this right.
One thing was for sure, in four more months there wouldn’t be enough room inside of her body for the baby and Ben’s penis, so if they were going to do this, now was the time.
Putting on the bra that fit, Anna picked a loose green cotton maxi dress. It cut in right under her breasts and actually highlighted the bump. She looked like a mildly chubby woman with a belly or a newly pregnant woman just starting to show.
Either way it wasn’t horrible.
The doorbell rang and, looking at the clock, she knew without a doubt it was Ben. He was exactly on time. There were days she wondered if he arrived early and simply stood outside doors waiting for the second hand on his watch to clear the twelve before hitting the doorbell.
Today they were going non-baby furniture shopping. Like any couple did who was furnishing a house they might one day live in together. Taking a deep breath, she made her way into the living room and opened the door.
He was wearing a pair of jeans and black T-shirt that clung to his chest, which was filled out now thanks to him eating more and working out regularly. In another month or two he would probably have put on all the weight he’d shed and no one would know that the world had almost lost this man.
She would know, though. She would never forget, either.
In a way, it was odd seeing him in jeans. It was yet one more thing to get used to in this new Anna/Ben 2.0 version. They kissed, they took naps together and he wore something other than business attire—or his robe and pajamas—when they were together. They definitely were no longer that working couple they used to be. They had turned into something else, and she found she really liked it.
“Will you humor me at least and ask who’s at the door, even when you know it’s me?”
“Who is it?”
“Excellent. You’re in funny mode today. I love it when Anna aspires to wittiness.”
She flashed him a smile and waited for his corresponding growl, which he granted her. It occurred to her that no matter how different things were, there was still some element of the old Anna/Ben 1.0 left in them and that was nice, too.
This was how it used to be between them. It felt as though they were finally getting their pre-cancer groove on and it made her happy. Yes, they still needed to find a way for the old and the new to fit together in harmony. But she was starting to believe it could happen. Really believe.
“Are you ready?”
Anna nodded. “Yes, I think I am.”
“Then let’s go.”
Eventually they ended up at the IKEA store near the King of Prussia mall in the outskirts of Philadelphia. They wandered the displays and, sadly, it didn’t take long for them to become locked in a ferocious battle of wills.
“This bed is prettier,” she said.
“This bed is bigger,” he said, pointing to the king-size bed he preferred.
“I’ve never needed anything bigger than a queen.”
“Well, I need a king. If the plan is for us to be sharing this bed one day—and, as far as I’m concerned, that is still the plan—we will need the big one. I like to have room…to work.”
Anna turned to him, exasperated. They had been picking out furniture for her new house for hours now and it occurred to her that Ben’s primary motivation was making sure the piece was of good quality and large enough to accommodate them having sex. The chair had to recline fully, the couch had to be big enough to support them both if they were lying side by side, which her purple couch would not.
“Is sex really all you can think about?”
He considered her question. “Yes.”
“You want me that bad?”
“Yes.”
Anna laughed. “I don’t get it. How do you go for years without thinking about doing it with me, then suddenly one night lose control over a pair of yoga pants and now all you can think about is getting me back into bed.”
“Into the larger bed, yes. I should never have told you about the yoga pants.”
“Ben, I’m being serious.”
“Anna, I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t think about having sex with you for six years, because I wouldn’t let myself think about it. Sometimes a thought or two…I couldn’t help that. But mostly I would suppress it. Then in a moment that night… I don’t like to refer to it as losing control—”
“You wouldn’t, Mr. Control Freak.”
“I prefer to think of it as letting the moment take over.”
“That’s such crap.”
“The point is now the deed is done. You are no longer my employee. You are, instead, the woman carrying my child and the woman I’m attempting to court. The fact is I think about taking you to bed quite often. So when you take me furniture shopping and you ask me which piece I prefer, I imagine making love to you on said item and that helps in my decision-making process.”
Anna tried to wrap her brain around the concept of him wanting her like this. The way he said what he was thinking blew her mind.
“It is the craziest thing. If you were any other guy on the planet, I would know to take this as flirting, perhaps with intent to seduce. But you are actually dead serious.”
He closed the distance between them so that less than an inch remained. Less than a breath really. “I’m deadly serious about wanting to take you to bed. I have been since I had my first erection after my treatment. I would not be lying if I told you it occupies many of my day-to-day thoughts. Does that answer your question?”
Anna caught her hand around her throat as she tried to calm her breathing. This man was seriously getting to her. First on the desk in his office. Now today with this completely honest admission of what he wanted from her.
“Let’s get the bigger bed.”
His smile was more wolfish than anything she had ever seen before.
“Hey, Anna, Tyler.”
They turned at the greeting. Mark approached them with a seemingly reluctant teenager in toe. The girl wore a pair of shorts and a T-shirt that read Music Is My Life, What’s Yours? Her expression let anyone looking at her know how unhappy she was with her current circumstance, whether it was shopping or the company she was with was hard to say.
“Sharpe,” Ben said, glancing at the recalcitrant teenager. “Can we hope you didn’t kidnap her?”
“Don’t let the I-would-rather-be-anywhere-else-than-here look fool you. We’re having a great day.”
“Whatever,” the girl muttered.
“Anna, Ben, this is my daughter, Sophie Warren. Sophie, this is Ms. Summers—I told you about her. And this is Mr. Tyler. We used to work together in the CIA.”
“Oh, did you abandon your children, too?”
Mark’s smile was big and tense. “Fun. We’re having fun. Sophie is helping me pick out the furniture for her room, which I’m setting up in my condo.”
“Which I’m never going to visit, so I don’t really know why we’re bothering.”
“Look, can we hold the snarky commentary for five minutes? I wanted my friends to meet you.”
Anna smiled through the awkwardness, remembering exactly what it felt like to be fourteen and on display for people. While Jan and Larry had been terrific with her, they did like to show her off her to any first-time visitors as an example of their good deed.
“Oh, and look, we’ve taken in a foster child. See what we’re trying to give back to the world.”
That was when Anna developed the bad habit of rolling her eyes that irritated Ben so much.
“Hey, can I give you some advic
e?”
The girl wanted to say something, but caught herself. She clearly had no problem expressing an attitude with her recently reunited father, but she’d been raised well enough to know it wasn’t acceptable to behave rudely in front of other adults.
“He’s going to buy the furniture anyway. Don’t pick out the stuff you hate just for spite. You’ll kick yourself later.”
The girl seemed to flush a little with guilt.
“I knew you didn’t like that green chair,” Mark said. “I mean it’s really foul green. Now we’re going to return it. Which means we accomplished absolutely nothing today.”
“Don’t let us hold you up,” Ben said.
“Yeah, hey, Tyler. I need to talk to you.” Mark’s face was suddenly serious.
“Regarding?”
Mark shook his head. “Not here. Can I stop by your office tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ll be in after ten.”
“Great, see you then. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
The two walked off with Mark still muttering about the green chair and Anna smiled. “What do you think he wants to talk to you about?”
Ben didn’t answer. Instead he shrugged and only said he’d learn that tomorrow. They found a salesclerk to take the order for all the items they selected. Anna paid for them all with what she’d called her house savings. Now that she actually had the house, it was time to put that money to good use.
The bump took over and demanded food. Ben was happy to treat her to lunch, which included a tuna-fish sandwich with an extra pickle and a brownie with whip cream that she insisted on eating first. He merely expressed his gratitude that she wasn’t eating them together.
By the time they arrived at her apartment and he walked her to her door, she was in a crazy state. Nervous, but excited. Queasy, but exhilarated. She was ready. This time when he made his move she would let him take over.
They were going to do this. They were going to have sex. It would be nice, it would be thoughtful, not just some random happening. Then they would get to find out what kind of couple they would be going forward. At least in bed.
An Act of Persuasion Page 17
