by P. S. Power
She rarely did it day to day though. Vickie gave a soft, choked off laugh.
“It’s not that. Well, it probably is, a little bit, but right now they’re all worried about you. How you’re treated here. That you haven’t even eaten yet and that you’re in here, doing dishes while everyone else relaxes. The last VGM didn’t have to work. He just sat around and gave lectures on being a good person, and lived in comfort from what I hear. At least until the Teleporters stole him away. Even then, from what they claim, they just hid and protected him in luxury. Not exactly like this.” She looked around and sighed.
“Worse, the House is probably better than what ninety-nine percent of the world has anymore. We didn’t even tell them about why you got snarky with Becky you know. They’d probably lynch her before we eat the pie if we did. Who could blame them? I had to stop Tipper from kicking her ass earlier, because of what she said this morning.” She took the next plate and then walked out of the room holding a stack of twenty, so the next group could start getting food. No one else came in for a long time then, except Cam, to bring more plates. After half an hour a group of girls walked in, he recognized Mary from earlier by name, and the rest as Cam’s friends. The bossy Jake hater was there too, but she just kept her eyes down and didn’t speak. They all carried plates, and the Hispanic looking girl that didn’t think he was going to rape anyone in the kitchen smiled at him.
“Go eat. We can handle the rest of this. Everyone else is finishing and you haven’t even tried the mashed potatoes. I made them.” She sounded proud of the fact. Then, that was a lot of potatoes to peel, for two hundred people like that. Maybe she should be?
“That sounds good. I’ll get some. Thanks.” He was so tired he sounded sad. Or it could have just been remembering everything the way he had been.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but singing that song had taken a lot out of him. It was wrenching, a lump had stuck in his throat as soon as he stopped and was still lodged in place, it felt like. A tight feeling that might make it hard to eat. Not that he’d let that stop him. He hadn’t had food like this in so long he barely remembered it. The Thanksgiving before last?
Something like that. It hadn’t been Christmas at least.
He’d hid at Christmas Back Before, making a point of not being seen for several days back then. Trying to not think about things. He kind of wanted to do that at the moment, but walked into the other room and found the stack of clean plates on a side table, one where most of the food dishes had been placed. Everyone stared at him again. Not just a little either, not the fleeting glances that a person curious about you used, or the sly looks of someone gossiping, but steady stares, ignoring their own plates if they still had them. Jake made a point of not looking at anyone in particular as he got his food.
It all looked wonderful.
They had rolls. Real, individual bread rolls, tan crusted and still warm. Butter too, and Mary’s mashed potatoes, yams, and about twenty things he didn’t recognize at all. Lots of vegetables too. He took a serving of each of those, but very small ones. For meat he took something that looked like Swedish meatballs. It smelled good, but almost no one had taken them. He hoped that it wasn’t some strange kind of meat he wouldn’t want to eat. Not dog or human.
That was about it. The rest of the animal kingdom was fair game as far as he was concerned. Maybe cats would get a special place, but the rest were food. That hadn’t been the case at all a year before. He’d barely even eaten pork back then. Not on purpose. He kind of wondered when that change had come? Probably the first time he’d seen a deer and his mouth watered.
Whatever it was, it tasted good and was too dark in color to be a person, Jake thought. That meat had looked like pork when he’d seen it before. It wasn’t beef though. He looked around to find people still paying attention to him, even though he hadn’t moved away from the serving table yet. It was rude to eat while standing, wasn’t it? Smiling, feeling like people were about to make fun of him, he moved to the back of the room and sat down along the wall, so that the tree would block him from sight, at least enough that he could eat without being stressed out.
They let him do that, eat alone, for nearly six whole minutes, then a group of about twenty of the visitors came and stood in front of him. Watching again. It was a mixed group, but held most of the leaders, so he couldn’t just send them away, could he?
“Um, hey. Why don’t you all sit at the tables, and I’ll see if Colleen wants to start her dramatic reading of “A Christmas Carol”? As soon as I finish eating, I mean.” He tried to look pleasant and apparently managed, because while they all nodded, no one moved particularly.
“Or we could all just stay and watch me eat, because that won’t cause a complex. Nope, not at all.”
He knew for a fact that most of them could hear him mutter that, but they didn’t leave or even take the hint, they just all stood, waiting. Restlessly. Finally, after about three minutes of this, plate still half filled with food, he stood up. He could eat while they watched, but not in a way that left him feeling good about it. Taking his plate Jake waved to Nate and Burt, both of whom were talking to a small group of men. A nicely diverse one, except for the gender thing.
The House’s leader turned to look at him, including him instantly with a small wave back.
“Hey, Jake, we were just discussing some expansion plans. Maybe a wall? Kirby here says that he can bring in some earth moving equipment and fuel for it, if we want? That has to be easier than digging things out by hand. Maybe a combination wall and trench? I don’t know if we can do it while the ground is frozen, but spring will come.” He sounded interested, which made sense, after the night before.
That had sucked. Hard too. The only good thing was that Holsom wouldn’t be coming back. Jake didn’t get to say anything, because the group that had been standing and watching him eat had followed him. It was just… annoying. He looked over at Lamont, who at least had the grace to look away for a few seconds.
“These people need something to do. Keep them busy while I take a plate in for Becky Fines and have a chat with her? Then, Lamont, if you could help out with clearing her, that would be good. Or, I mean, finding her guilty if she really is. I doubt it though. She isn’t her sister.” He stood and started to walk away just before the Grand Comtrice spoke, her voice slightly strained sounding.
“What did her sister do?”
Jake sighed.
“She tried to stab me in the back, so I had to shoot her. She died. Not instantly though. It was a gruesome thing. Then I had to cut her head off, just to make sure she didn’t come back as a zombie. I’d just, well, it’s not important. Just that Becky, for all her annoying habits, isn’t like Tammy was. She’s smarter for one thing. Enough so that she should eventually see common sense as reasonable.” Maybe.
That or she’d try to kill him. If she hadn’t already given it a shot that day.
He got her a plate, and loaded it carefully, not really knowing what she’d like, so trying for a small bit of almost everything. It made for a very full look. He buttered a roll too, since those were good, then he took a fork for her, but no knife. Not even a butter knife. It was dark in there and while he was pretty sure he could take her in a fight if it came to it, she had some kind of ninja superpower that made it really hard to notice her if she didn’t want to be seen or heard. That had almost gotten him killed with Tammy. Like he’d said, Becky was smarter.
No doubt she could do a better job if she really tried. He added a roll to his own half eaten plate of food and took that too, getting Nate to follow him and open the door when he got there.
“Just leave it unlocked, please, we’ll be out when we’ve finished eating. I will be at least.” The second the words were out he knew it sounded like he intended to kill the woman. He didn’t, but now if he had to, no one would believe that, would they? He wouldn’t trust it, and he knew for a fact he didn’t mean it that way.
There was a whimpering from the right hand wall
in the dark space, as he stood in the doorway. It was too dark to see in, the hallway a nice brown color instead of black, but incredibly dim as he looked into the room.
“Becky? I’m coming in, I brought some dinner. We’ll have to eat in the dark, but it’s better than everyone staring at us. Is that alright with you? It’s really good. I haven’t finished, so I thought I’d eat in here, with you.” He tried to sound happy, but it came out exhausted instead.
That was still better than rage, so he went with it.
“Um, OK.” She sounded both scared and pissed off, like he’d personally wronged her, instead of the other way around. It took a minute to find her, once the door was closed. He had to use his foot to do it, not having a hand free. She yelped when he made contact, but then went quiet.
“Sorry.” The woman whispered the word, sounding scared, like Jake would shoot her for making the noise.
Like he had a free hand for that?
Jake lowered her plate, the one in his right hand, slowly, until something stopped it from moving. Her head, he thought. She took it from him and took a deep breath.
“I didn’t try to hurt you. Or anyone.” She said like she meant it.
“That’s not really true though, is it?” Back against the wall across from her he slid down until his butt hit the floor with a light thump. It was black in the room and the linoleum floor wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, but no one was watching him, so he balanced the plate on his knees and stabilized it with his left hand, then awkwardly used the right to get a bite of something. Some of Mary’s mashed potatoes.
They were really good. He’d have to remember to tell her that later.
Across from him Becky was breathing raggedly, it was a harsh noise. A desperate one.
“I thought you believed that I didn’t try to poison you. You said that, didn’t you? That you believed Nate?”
Jake set down the fork on his plate carefully and took a bite of his roll.
“Oh, I’m sure you didn’t do that. Nate’s already cleared you. I just said that you tried to hurt me. You have been, ever since Rita and the other brainwashed women that Derrick had addicted to his pheromones accused me of rape on his orders. I can grant that you might have just been wary, or fooled by them, up until everything was uncovered and you kept trying to claim it must be true. No, that was you definitely trying to hurt me. If you didn’t see that before, I’m sure you do now.” Unless she was a psychopath or something, a person with no remorse or empathy for others.
So like about half the people he’d dealt with in the last half year? Something like that.
She snorted, a shallow sound, aborted, like she didn’t mean to do it, but couldn’t help the action.
“That’s not the same thing. You rule here. If you wanted everyone to lie for you, all you’d have to do is say so and they would. The ones that don’t fear you think you walk on freaking water. Besides, why would those women lie about something like that. Women don’t lie.” It had a sense of being a catch phrase, though Jake had never heard her say it before that he remembered.
“They don’t? Um, have you ever met any woman? Seriously Becky Fines, if that were the case, then why are you saying you aren’t guilty? Most of the people finding that arsenic in your stuff, and on your hands were women. Girls even, so one presumes even more innocent.” He grinned, knowing she wouldn’t see it and took a bite of meatball. It was good, if not specifically Christmas food. A white gravy or sauce on it, with bits that he thought had to be peppers. It was spicy. Fortunately he liked that in food.
“Why do you keep calling me that? Becky Fines? It’s just Becky. I don’t go around calling you Jake…” She stopped, not saying anything for a long time.
“I don’t know your last name. So I guess points to you then huh? It still sounds stupid, using my full name like that all the time.”
Jake nodded, it was a point, possibly a good one.
“I guess I can change that, if it bothers you. You just seem like a two name kind of person. I couldn’t help noticing that you dodged a question there though. If women don’t lie, then… that means you’re guilty?” He knew that answer, of course, he just wasn’t sure she could see it yet.
“They don’t lie about sex.” She said darkly. It was almost menacing in tone.
“Except when they do?” Jake knew he was pushing her, but heck, she’d pushed first, and a lot. If he didn’t push her back a little she’d run right over him.
“Because again, there are no perfect people Becky. Not men, not women, and even little children lie all the time. Telling the truth is a choice, a discipline. The fact is that a lot of people lie, and a lot of people think they’re telling the truth, even when they’re totally wrong about everything. Worse, in those cases they most often don’t even know it. But that isn’t the real issue, is it?”
“What? They said it, so…” She hesitated at last, as if wondering what he was really getting at. “What do you mean? I… This is just about those accusations. What else could there be?”
Jake took another bite, and swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“I don’t know… You all had a pretty cushy thing going on there at the police compound, didn’t you? Real electric lights most of the time, hot showers, decent safety from the undead and pretty good food compared to most people. That ended because of me for the most part. Well, that and horrible mismanagement. But I could see trading that for this might… feel like a step down. For you at least. I don’t know what you had to do to survive there, but a lot of the women were treated pretty badly. Some of them barely girls.”
The food was consumed mindlessly for a while, as he waited for her to speak or not, that was her choice though, he wouldn’t push her on it.
From the sound, she was eating too. When she spoke her voice sounded angry though. Accusing.
“No. It wasn’t just them. It was pretty much all of us. There were no rules anymore, except what the chief wanted and he just wasn’t right anymore. He made up rules one day that made sense, and then undid them the next. If you didn’t do what he wanted at the moment, then you were punished, but some of what he wanted was crazy. At first it wasn’t so bad, just extra chores and that kind of thing, a few beatings, but then he hit on punitive rape, since that seemed to get the best results. If breaking a person is what you’re going for, well it normally does the trick.” Her voice got thick, as if crying. It didn’t fit her normal demeanor at all, which was just bitter and angry.
“A few of the women were killed for not going along with things. Those were mostly the police women, half of them didn’t make it. There was a dispatcher that he tied up in front of me and a few of the others and then he… He called it “running a train” on her. Even tied up she kept fighting. She couldn’t do anything, but she wouldn’t let them break her. Even most of the guys didn’t want to do it. I mean they were pretty much broken by then too, even the ones that had been good guys before, it wasn’t like they’d started out evil or anything, but that… the chief threatened to kill them if they didn’t do it… He had enough support that he could back it too. After that was when everyone just kind of lost it, I think. Then, the chief beat her, still tied up. She didn’t give up though, even then. She actually told him to go fuck himself. It was the wrong thing to say, but so brave. The chief brought in a zombie, the slowish ones? You call them crawlers? He let it bite her, just once, on the arm. infecting her. She’d had the vaccine like the rest of us had. So she turned into one of the super fast kind.” There was a clink as the plate was put down, and a soft sob.
“We had to watch. Robin, Sue and I. The whole thing. All of it, even the change, so we could tell the others that this was what happened to “uppity bitches” that didn’t mind. I knew that if he did that to his own daughter in-law, the rest of us didn’t stand a chance. So no, Jake, I don’t blame you for killing them all. I would have, if I could. They were too strong and we needed them. I think… I think I hate you because I know we need you now, and
you could turn on us like that at any time. Like he did.”
Jake’s face was wet. Not just tears, though that too, but a fine sweat, one produced by rage. A thing so deep and vast that if he’d had the chief of police in front of him at that moment, the man wouldn’t have survived for even a second more. A low sob came out of him then. A few seconds later, another.
Across from him the obviously crying woman stopped making any sound at all.
“Are you… crying?”
“Yeah.”
“Because of what happened to us? To me and the other women?”
“I… no. That’s sad too, I… What you said, that was about Rachel Becks, wasn’t it?” His voice was dark and thick, but there had only been a few female super-zs around and she’d been the very first. He hoped it wasn’t her, but it fit. Too well.
“I… Her last name was Holsom when I knew her, but Coleen’s sister, so yeah, that’s right. She was married to the Derrick. A man so worthless even his own father wouldn’t take him in at the end of the world. That was before the chief went insane too. I guess we all kind of learned why, right?”
Jake, sat, not moving for a while. Then not breathing. It was all just to freaking much.
Too much by far.
Chapter four
Jake had to pull himself together, that was all there was to it. There was no one left to kill for having hurt Rachel. No one guilty of anything at least. Taking it out on anyone else would be worse than wrong. Evil came to mind as a term that could be used for that. He wanted to lash out, but there was just nothing left to go after. All that was left of her was memories and more pain than he’d thought could exist inside his soul.
It wasn’t his business even. Her own choices had led her to that end. Not that anyone ever deserved that, but it wasn’t his fault. Nothing he could have done would have stopped it. He hadn’t even known that she was with the police at all until after he’d shot super-zombie her. After it had all taken place. If he had known, he still wouldn’t have thought that things would be that bad for her. Not in time to do anything about it.
