by Vivian Cove
I close my eyes. I’m sorry, but I can’t. “I can’t be here anymore. I want to go home,” I tell the darkness. “Right now.”
Chapter 11
Since turning 18, I hadn’t spent many nights away from the club. It’d felt weird being in my old home. When I’d arrived, Cheyenne was waiting for me with a platter of cookies. Guess dad had called to tell her what was up, which wasn’t surprising. I’d sat down next to her in front of the fire and just started balling.
Yes, I said balling, not ballin.
Pathetic. I never cried, especially not in front of someone. The fact that it was Damien who’d gotten me this upset was just the moldy cherry on top of this rancid sundae. I told Cheyenne that I was just super hungry and started stuffing my face. Cheyenne didn’t ask me to explain myself further, she just rubbed my back as I freaked out. I’d gone to bed with red eyes and a tummy full of cookies without saying anything.
It’s hard to sleep when you were pretty sure you’d just ruined everything in your life. Dad wasn’t going to let me back into the club after leaving like that. And, oh God, if Damien told him it had been me making those awful sounds and setting his room up like one of Freddy Kruger’s nightmares?
They’d put a muzzle on me. They’d tie me to a post outside Cheyenne’s house. No, they’d send me out to pasture.
I shudder. Everyone had heard me make rabid bestial sounds. My friends. My family. Vice…
I shut my eyes and raise my hand to my throat. I hadn’t put my necklace on since taking it off to go to the barn last night. I wish I had it right now. Having it always made me feel better. Just knowing it was there…and that someone, at the darkest point in my life, had cared.
A person who hadn’t needed to care. Who had no connection to me, and so hadn’t had any reason for caring at all. Who’d had his own demons he’d fought.
A person who’d inspired me to fight my own darkness.
Tomorrow. First thing. I’d get it back. Maybe then, I could accept this new phase in my life away from everything I’ve ever loved and known.
***
I park on an abandoned dirt road about a quarter mile from the compound. Then, I trek up the side of the hill through bushes and rocks and uneven ground. Burrs catch in my socks. Even though it’s a bit chilly out, I start to get hot. My side starts to ache and I regret eating the rest of Cheyenne’s cookies and washing them down with a quart of milk.
Fuck, I can’t think when I’m upset, which is why I’m getting lost in the wilderness and experiencing a stabbing pain in my side every time I take a breath. On top of that, I was starting to sugar crash.
Necklace, I think, wobbling as I curl my fingers over the side of my stomach like they’re claws. Necklace. Once I got it everything would be better. It always was. Necklace was a beacon of light and hope and other good shit. It never fucked up my life.
Finally, I reach the top of the hill at the back end of the compound, gasping. Though I have conquered nature, it kind of feels like nature has conquered me.
Just grab the necklace and go, girl! After you get necklace, it’s all downhill. You can roll your ass back down.
I slip from shadow to shadow as I make my way to the back door. Luckily, there’s a lot of commotion at the front gate. They all must be getting ready for something, which means that my chances of slipping in and out without being noticed just went up.
I creep through the hallway and into my room. Everything is as I left it. Sheets a complete mess. Window still open from when Damien slipped through. Muddy shoeprints on the ground.
My chest tightens. Some awful, sickening emotion starts to stir in me. I get the urge to start tearing up again…and the urge to go smell the sheets.
Yes, smell them. Like an Annie-mal.
What the fuck?!? My lips twist with horror and disgust as I stumble to the desk. Damien must have cast some sort of sex spell on me. Only necklace was strong enough to combat it! Because, yeah, that sounded totally rational and not at all like panicked little girl thinking.
I open the drawer, grab necklace, and push her against my pounding heart.
Immediately, my breathing begins to slow down and even out. Everything would be alright. Maybe not as alright as it had been in the past, but that was okay. Everything changes, even good things. I’d get through it just like I’d gotten through everything else.
I fasten the necklace around my neck and hold it once more. Today, I’ll roll down the hill to my car, hang out with Cheyenne, and call my dad after knew more about what I wanted to do. He couldn’t just take the club away from me. It was my place too, and I’d earn my spot back if I had to by working in the garage and baking the kinds of treats the other bikers found irresistible. Nothing was so awful it couldn’t be fixed.
Smiling, I turn back down the hall and out the back door. As I race around the corner, I hit something.
A very large something.
I stumble past it, losing my balance so I shoot headfirst straight towards the ground. I flap my arms like a bird. Guess what? It doesn’t work. For some reason this surprises me and I shriek and cringe as something strong grabs my wrist.
I’m inches from the ground when I’m yanked back so hard it feels like my arm is being popped from my socket. I fall into the wall and those same strong hands grip me and hold me up. Those big hands on me feel nice.
Way too nice.
“You alright?” Concerned tone. Rough, low voice dripping with sex. There’s no doubt who it belongs to.
Vice. Who just so happened to also be my own personal vice.
“Hi,” I whisper.
Dark green eyes stare into my soul. Oh wait, did that sound overly melodramatic? I mean, his dark green eyes drill through my trembling defenses until my essence gushes out and then those emerald pools drink the spoils.
There’s something about him. I’ve only met him a few times, and yet nothing and no one has ever made such an impression on me. My throat feels hot as if it’s been branded. And that part of me he so determinedly opened and so intimately kissed? I feel it opening again, this time by a need
He exhales softly. “Annie.”
“Hi,” I whisper again.
He smiles. Slowly. “You already said hi. You keep that up, I’m gonna think you’re happy to see me.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, I’m not. I mean…hi.”
His eyes soften as he brushes a stray strand of hair from my face. “I didn’t realize you were still here. Thought you took off after last night.”
“I did. I’m back for…” My magical necklace that makes all my dreams come true. Remember those awful dying animal noises you heard coming from downstairs last night? Sheep were not being sacrificed to Lucifer. That was all me while Damien worked his evil sex magic. Now it’s time for me to fight back Annie style. Which basically means it’s time for me to rock my bling and HOLY SHIT there is no way I can tell you all of this!
I shrug. “Some stuff. Things. You know. That I own and that I want to have around me.”
He frowns. “I don’t see anythin’.”
Fuck! “They’re invisible.”
His frown deepens.
Oh my god. I basically just said I was moving invisible things. SHIT! “I mean, my stuff’s around. Don’t help me look for it.”
He sighs. “You need help getting rid of the body?”
Body? As in corpse body? WHAT???? “WHAT BODY?”
He grins. “Hopefully the body’s Damien’s, but my guess is that it’s probably just the sex doll.”
Oh. That body. “Damien would be pretty heavy. Not that I’ve ever thought of killing him and dumping his corpse back here. I mean, I have thought of killing him, but I wasn’t serious. It was more like, oh, you irritate me so much I could kill you. You know. Hyperbole, I think it is.”
Vice is looking at me like I just dropped my happy pills.
OH MY GOD ANNIE STOP TALKING!!!!
“What I’m trying to say is, there is no body,” I tell him. “Just me.
”
“And your invisible stuff.”
Fuck. “Yeah.”
He sighs. “It’s alright. I’m not gonna make you tell me. You can stop…you know…”
“Good. I will. Stop, that is. Or I’ll try.” Ugh, why was my mouth still moving? Why??? “God damnit!”
Vice’s sexy lips start to quirk, and then he’s smiling and laughing and no longer trying to hold it in. “Annie, you’re the craziest chick I’ve ever met.”
Um, thanks?
“And I’m thinkin’ I might just miss you.”
Jesus, why do his lips have to be so sexy? And why do I have to know firsthand the amazing extent of his sexy powers?
“I’ll miss you too.” I punctuate this breathless admission with an involuntary tremble.
His eyes go dark. He leans in closer, and as he does, his thumb brushes against my inner wrist. “Do you want to miss me more?”
“Someone might see us, um, together. Talking.”
He adjusts his arm above my head. “That bother you?”
My heart skips. Then does a flip. Then does a fucking face plant.
“Shouldn’t do this,” he whispered. “I know I shouldn’t, considering who you are.”
“Shouldn’t do what?” I ask before I can think better of it.
His eyes are emerald fire. “What game are you playin’, Annie?”
I gulp. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do. And you want me to say it, maybe because you want me to give into temptation.” He plays with my hair, brushes it from my face.
My tongue slips between my lips as I open them.
“Yeah, that right there,” he rasps. “You look so fuckin’ innocent sometimes. It drives me crazy.”
“Well, don’t get too crazy. I’m really bad already.”
“Yeah?” He smiles, slowly. “Really bad?”
The way he’s looking at me makes my toes curl. “Yeah. Really bad.”
His grin deepens. “Is that a challenge?”
Oh shit! Was it?
“How far would you go with me, Annie?”
“Uh…I don’t know. There’s not much to do in town.” What the fuck am I talking about? “There’s this amusement park that’s pretty far.” What was his question again? Why are his eyes so…so…fuck! I can’t think when I look into his eyes! “The mascot there is a squirrel with these really big, buggy eyes. It totally creeped me out when I was a kid. I threw corn nuts at it when it tried to hug me. I’d never throw corn nuts at you.” FUCK!
“Really?” he chuckles. “What if I tried to hug you?”
“Um, that wouldn’t be a corn nut offense.”
“What if I did more than just hug you?”
Is he closer than he was a few seconds ago? If I lean forward, just a little, our lips would touch. “Well, now maybe I should grab the nuts.” I try to joke.
He makes a low sound that’s almost a growl.
Did I just say nuts? JUST NUTS? Like, I’d grab the closest nuts to me? Which would be…
Oh man, totally pwned by the bad pun! “I mean, corn nuts. I’ll grab them. If you do more than just…hug.”
He runs his hand down my face. This thumb plays with my lips. “It’d be so easy,” he whispers. “You’re way too sweet.”
“No I’m not. I take sweet stuff and make it my breakfast. That’s, like, the definition of not sweet.”
He smiles. “No it isn’t.”
“Yes it is!”
He pushes himself off the wall. “Fuck…I’m not doing this, Annie.”
“Not doing what?”
He goes completely still, scowling. “What do you think?”
I shiver under his scrutiny, pushing my back further into the building. I grip the bricks as I try to steady myself. They scuff my palms.
He paces back and forth, as collected and predatory as a panther. “Why would you pretend not to know, Annie? Is it because you want me to show you?”
I’m no longer trembling against the brick wall. I’m wiggling like a block of Jell-O on a Tilt-A-Whirl. God damnit, where are my corn nuts when I need them?
But I didn’t have nuts. I just had one defense left.
My mouth.
“I know what you’re doing,” I tell him.
“Do you now?”
Hell no! Does it look like I have any idea? I look straight into his eyes. “Yes.”
“That’s interesting, ‘cause all I know is that I’m not doin’ what I wanna do, which is turnin’ you around, yankin’ down those ridiculous pants of yours, and fuckin’ you against that wall from behind.”
“Wow.” Did he just say that?
His eyes take me in. Make me shiver. Everywhere. “Told you I wasn’t a nice guy, Annie.”
I push myself off the wall and do my best to do a predatory stalk towards him. There! How do you like it when someone does it back to you? He frowns. It looks a little more like a WTF-frown than an intimidated frown, but I’ll take it.
“That’s not true. You are a nice guy,” I tell him. “You think you’re so tough and all this other shit, but you rescued a little puppy and nursed her back to health.”
He grits his jaw. “That wasn’t me.”
“Bullshit.”
“I mean, that’s not who I am now.”
“Let me guess, now you’re the guy who never does anything for anyone unless something’s in it for him, right?”
“Yeah.”
I plant my fists on my hips. Now I have him. “Well, that’s not what the Strawberry Sundae said to me yesterday.”
That WTF-frown is back with a vengeance. “You think I’m worth riskin’ somethin’ on because I bought you a fuckin’ sundae?”
It does sound a bit stupid when he put it like that. “It was really good,” I try to justify.
“Sometimes I really can’t believe anyone could be so naïve. Is this some act? Are you fucking with me? And then I look at you and it makes no fuckin’ sense.”
“What doesn’t?”
“That you see something else in me. That you’d even want to.”
“And I don’t understand why you want to think otherwise.”
He shakes his head. “Look, it doesn’t matter. In about thirty minutes, I’m ridin’ out.”
“You’re leaving?!?”
He studies me. Alright, I probably didn’t have shriek that out.
“I thought you guys were staying the week,” I say, playing it cool.
“Don’t need to. Most of the shit’s worked out, and what isn’t we can work out later.” He looks down. “Problem is, I can’t fuckin’ sleep in your dad’s club.”
“You can’t sleep,” I repeat.
He raises his gaze, eyes burning. “No. I can’t.”
I gulp. He can’t sleep. His eyes are burning with carnal knowledge. Carnal knowledge that keeps him from sleeping.
Oh my God.
“You heard me.”
“Everyone heard you, sweetheart.”
OH MY GOD! “OH MY GOD!”
“Stop actin’ like it’s a bad thing.”
“How is this not bad?!?!?”
He shrugs. The heat in his eyes are at odds with the nonchalant gesture. “Lotsa guys like freaky girls.”
Why does everyone think I’m freaky just because I make freaky noises? I whip my hair behind my shoulders, forcing myself to face him. “Look, I know what you heard, but I’m not really like that.”
He grins devilishly. “Oh yeah?” His eyes dip down…
And everything changes.
His veneer of sophistication and control slips for just one second as he stares at my chest like he just saw a ghost. Then, he grits his jaw and that almost childlike surprise disappears. His right hand shakes. His posture tightens like a man about to fight. He looks up at me and suddenly I feel like I’ve done something so horrific that I will never be forgiven for it.
Jesus Christ what the fuck just happened?!?!?
I take a step back. “Uh…V
ice?”
He stares at me like he’s about to possess me—like he already possesses me. His head drops and his shoulders roll forward as he advances. I rush back against the wall and he slams his fists into the bricks on either side of my head, caging me in.
Now is where you scream, Annie.
I open my mouth.
Seriously. Go time.
I open my mouth a little wider.
Goddamnit! Are you even stupider than the buxom blond who always dies first in a B horror movie? Scream, bitch! Scream!
“aaaa.” i whimper. really softly. like i just saw a kitten trip adorably into a pile of fresh laundry instead of facing down a dude whose staring at my skull with a hannibal-like fascination.
Fail.
Epic fail.
I mean, really, I couldn’t shut up a few minutes ago, and now instead of calling for help I was lightly breathing on him? What kind of idiot even did shit like that?
Oh right. Idiots like me.
“Where did you get that?” Vice hisses.
Even his voice sounds different. Demonic. Uncontrollable.
He slides his finger across my throat. “Answer me.”
Fuck, what was the question? Where did I get something? What something? What the hell is he talking about!?!?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I choke out.
His finger lowers until it loops around the chain around my neck. He pulls it up, gently, until it catches a sunbeam and glitters. “Where did you get this?”
“Oh, that? I’ve had it forever.”
His fist closes around it.
Oh shit! Wrong answer! “I mean, when I was young, a boy gave it to me.” I remember it clearly. The cool shade of the trees as we sat together, scuffed-up bare knee next to scuffed-up bare knee. I can’t take this, I’d said, but he put his hands over mine until it was in my fist. Keep it. I want you to have it, Annabel. It’s magic.
His fist shakes. “So some boy gave it to you when you were a kid, and you still wear it? Why?” With his other hand, he captures my chin and raises it. “Tell me! Why do you still have this piece of shit?”
Piece of shit? Now my teeth were grinding and my jaw was clenching, too. “It is not a piece of shit. It’s the most important thing in the entire world!”
