She didn’t even try to hide the lust in her eyes. I’m pretty sure she knew who I was, which meant she knew that I was happily married.
“No, we’re meeting somebody. There he goes right there,” I said after I scanned the restaurant and spotted him in the back with his eyes glued to the menu.
“Okay, just follow me,” she said.
I placed Monae in front of me and let her follow the lady. The man in me just made sure that I always had an eye on the woman that I loved, which meant that I always made sure that they walked in front of me. It made me feel like I was their protection, and it gave them in a sense of relief, knowing that as long as I’m around, nothing would happen to them.
“Wow, he looks so different from how I remembered him,” Monae turned around and said to me and I nodded my head.
Monae and I sat on the opposite side of him and I must admit that the shit felt awkward as fuck. Something about his whole demeanor was off to me though. I noticed that he was a lot thinner than the last time I saw him at my press conference a couple of months back. Not to mention, when I was able to get a closer look at him, the area around his mouth and eyelids had purple blotches on his skin. Was this man sick or some shit?
“First off, I would like to thank the two of you for coming down here to meet with me. I chose this restaurant because it’s one of my favorites,” he said and chuckled.
Monae and I just looked at him with blank expressions on our faces. It was kind of shocking to me because believe it or not, this was one of my favorite restaurants too.
“I dreaded this day, I really did. But I knew that before I left this earth, I had to get some clarity with the two of you. I wanted you both to know that it was never anything that the two of you did as kids that drove me away, hell nothing even that your mama did. I was facing inner demons, and pretty much living a total lie. Jaquan, when your mother was pregnant with you, I just knew that shit had gotten real, but I just couldn’t step up to the plate because I knew it wasn’t me. And then boom, four years later, your mom got pregnant with you, Monae, and I just don’t know, I couldn’t do it anymore.
“Man, you talking in fuckin’ riddles. Just say what the fuck you came here to say. We’re prepared for whatever you got because we done been through hell and back before!” I said, banging my fist on the table, which caused everybody in the restaurant to look in our direction. Monae rubbed my back to calm me down, and it did help a little.
“I couldn’t be in you all’s life because I was gay! Okay, I said it! It was all a fuckin’ lie, and my parents were starting to have their suspicions, so to keep them happy, I went and got your mother pregnant. Not once, but twice! It’s like I was trying to prove some fuckin’ point to them for their acceptance of me, when I actually ended up losing the two most important people in my life. I came around twice, which is when you turned nine and twelve. After the second time, I just couldn’t do the shit anymore!” he said.
“Monae, I think I may have seen you once in your life, but I swear I thought about the two of you every day. I just couldn’t come out and tell your mother the truth because I knew for a fact that she wouldn’t accept me for who I was, and she would have felt like I had played her. I just want the two of you to know that I love you deeply, I really do and I was so busy thinking about what everybody else thought about me, that I forgot about the two people whose opinion mattered the most and who’s hearts were broken in the end,” he said.
I watched as tears fell from his eyes. I was about to respond but then our waitress came. I watched as he quickly wiped his eyes, and after we all ordered, he looked at us with pain in his eyes. I’m hardcore, 24/7, but looking in the eyes of this man before me, I felt for his ass, I really did.
“So, do you two have anything you want to say?” he asked us.
“Do you really think Monae and I would have given a fuck about that shit while we were growing up! We were fuckin’ babies, man. Your presence was good enough for us. We weren’t asking you to marry our mama, but we would have appreciated it if you were there. I wouldn’t have given a fuck if your ass was white, blind, deaf, none of that shit because your presence speaks volumes! All along, you were worried about the wrong damn reasons for you not stepping up to the plate and taking your responsibilities as a got damn man! You think my mama would have kept us away from you if you told her you were gay? Hell no, she just would have had to deal with that shit. What pisses me off is that it seems like my mama was a damn ploy for your parents to believe that you weren’t this gay ass man that they thought you were! You know what’s funny to me? I wouldn’t have given a fuck about that shit back then, and I don’t give a fuck about it now! That ain’t even like me to judge somebody off their sexual preference. You like what you like and so do I,” I said, not really having anything else to say at that point.
“I appreciate that, man,” he told me.
Then, all of a sudden, it was like I remembered some shit.
“Wait, what about your wife and your other kids that you moved to Atlanta with?” I asked him.
“You mean my ex-wife. Because we weren’t having sex often, my ex-wife thought that I was cheating on her, when actually, I was just a gay man who wasn’t attracted to her in that type of way. As far as my other two daughters, they know about all of this. The same way I’m telling you all everything, I’ve let them know about my disease as well,” he said.
For a few minutes, we all just sat there in silence, just taking everything in.
“What about you, Monae?” he asked my sister because she had pretty much been quiet the entire time.
“I mean, like my brother said, we were kids. We would have accepted you either way. As a child, all you really want from a parent is love. All that other stuff shouldn’t matter and it doesn’t matter. I just hate that you let your fear of what our mom would say about it dictate your position in our lives. We wouldn’t have judged you then and we aren’t judging you now. I would just like to know, where are we going to go from here?” Monae asked.
“With what little time that I have left…” he said.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked him.
“It kills me to tell the both of you this, but I have been diagnosed with HIV. When I saw you at the press conference that day, that’s what I was coming down there to tell you. I had just found out a week before, and I knew that I couldn’t go another day without getting things straight with all of my children.
“Not trying to sound like an asshole, but damn, is my mama straight, man?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Yes, she’s fine. I wasn’t even messing around with men back then, but I knew without a doubt that I was indeed a homosexual man. After my divorce is when I fully came out,” he said.
“Okay, but what do you mean by what little time you have left? I’m not understanding that,” I said.
I wasn’t judging this man for who he was at all. Shit, we all had a fucked up past, and nobody in this world was perfect. I done did some things in life that I’m not proud of, so I’m in no position to point the finger at him.
“Meaning that I don’t have long left on this earth, son. I was one of those people who wasn’t diagnosed early. Let me break it down to the two of you because I can see that you aren’t following me. I am diagnosed with HIV and AIDS concurrently, which means that I have had HIV for a long time, and the virus had already done damage to my body by the time I found out that I was infected. While I was in Atlanta, I was dumb and wasn’t protecting myself, and now I have to live with the consequences.
“Wow,” was all that I could say. It sucks to be in the position he was in, and I just felt so bad for the man.
“I’m not asking for the two of you to show me any pity. All I want is one last chance with the two of you to make it right once and for all,” he finished as the waitress came back with our food.
“Can you add on the salmon, with the seasoned rice and corn for the two sides. And a kid’s meal chicken tenders and fries? It’s going
to be to go,” I told the waitress once she set down our plates.
“No problem,” she said and walked away.
“For the wife and your baby?” he asked me.
“Yeah, my pregnant wife. She’ll kill my ass if I come back without her food,” I told him and then laughed because I could picture how that situation would turn out if I walked my ass back in that house and didn’t bring Charlie her food.
“And one on the way, right?” he asked me as I began to cut through my steak.
“Yeah, man, another little girl,” I beamed.
“That’s great, man. I look at you and I’m proud because you’re doing something that I only wish that I could have done back then, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for you.”
I nodded my head. I didn’t think that I had to be congratulated for doing what I was supposed to do, but it is what it is.
“So listen, next week Saturday we’re having a baby shower for my wife and I at the Big Five Club in Miami, and I would appreciate it if you came through,” I told him.
“I would be glad to come. Just text me the address and everything, and I will be there,” he said.
While him and Monae had a conversation, I just ate my food and observed. Monae might not have admitted it, but I could tell that she was happy after all these years to finally sit in front of the man and talk to him after yearning for it for so long. The relationship that we were going to build with this man may not last forever, but I was willing to put my pride to the side and work things out because I know if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t want my kids turning their backs on me when I needed them the most. Besides, I wanted him to meet my wife and China, and hopefully he would still be here on this earth in two more months so that he could meet our new baby girl.
Chapter 15: Charlie
Today was the big day, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over already. I woke up this morning to swollen feet, and it looked like my belly had gotten bigger overnight. Once I came to terms with the fact that my friends and my mom and mom and law were throwing me a baby shower, I was excited. Now, I didn’t want anything other than to lay my ass up in this bed all day. It was 11 o’clock and the baby shower was set to start at three.
Yesterday I had gone out with my girls and we all had gotten out hair, nails and feet done. So, today, the only thing that I had to do was get my makeup done, which my appointment was set for 1:30 and the girl would be coming over to the house to do it for me. I got my big ass up out of the bed and rubbed my belly once I was on my feet.
I went into the bathroom to release my bladder, and then I walked over to the sink to wash my face and brush my teeth. Once I was done, I made my way out of the bathroom and the bedroom and went across the hall to my daughter’s room. Her bed was made, but she had dolls and all type of other toys on the floor. The way my back was set up this morning, I couldn’t even bend down to clean up that mess.
I went downstairs and I could smell breakfast cooking. When I made my presence known in the kitchen, my husband was standing over the stove flipping pancakes, while Charlie sat at the island, coloring in her coloring book.
“Good morning,” I said, making my way over to take a seat next to my daughter.
“Good morning, Mommy,” China sang as she scooted over and kissed me on the cheek.
“Morning, baby. How you feeling?” Jaquan said as he turned around and kissed me on the lips.
“My feet are killing me and my back,” I said to him. I watched as he took the pancakes out of the pan and set them down on a nearby plate.
“If you not feeling this whole baby shower thing, baby, we don’t have to do it,” he said.
I knew his ass was lying. Quan thought my baby shower was a damn meet up because he had invited all of his homeboys from along the way. So, I knew his ass wasn’t serious about having me cancel the baby shower.
“No, I’m good, baby. I can handle it, I said as my phone rang behind me. I had forgotten that I left it downstairs in the living room last night.
“China, can you go and get my phone for me?” I asked my daughter.
She quickly got up and brought my phone to me. I looked down at the caller ID and saw that it was Toya calling.
“Hey, boo,” I said.
“What’s up, sis? Just checking in to let you know that they’re almost done with the decorations and stuff. I been here since nine this morning with Monae and your mama. Girl, your mama is getting on my damn nerves. She walking around this bitch like she’s the boss or something, telling everybody how to do their damn job,” Toya fussed.
I laughed because that sounded about right. Toya and my mama were always going at it, and the shit was very comical to watch because the two of them liked to be the boss. It was funny to watch them bump heads.
“Toya, chill out. How much longer until y’all leave to go home and get ready?” I asked her as Quan set a big plate of breakfast down in front of me.
I mouthed the words, thank you to him and waited for Toya to respond.
“Not much longer because the decorations are pretty much almost done. The DJ called and said that he would be here at one to start setting up, so everything is set to go,” Toya said.
I appreciated my best friends for getting out of their beds early on a Saturday morning, just to make sure that today turned out to be a success.
“Okay, and are you going to tell Dre today?” I asked, excitedly. I was so happy for them.
“Yes, I’m going to tell him, even though I think he already has a feeling that something is up. I’ma talk to you later, sis, because your mama telling me to get off the damn phone,” Toya said and then hung up. I laughed and then said my grace and started to eat my food.
“What Toya have to tell my boy?” Quan asked me.
“It’s a surprise, and everybody will find out today,” I said.
“Hmm, well he got a surprise for her ass too,” Jaquan said and went to sit down at the table.
I picked up my plate and followed him. ‘What’s the surprise? You may as well tell me. I won’t say anything,” I begged him.
“Hell no, Charlie,” he said, laughing. “Were you about to tell me about Toya’s little surprise?” Quan asked. “Hell no, you weren’t, so along with everybody else, you’ll find out when we get to the baby shower.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
3:35 P.M.
We finally pulled up to the baby shower and we were late as hell. We decided to drive in my Mercedes truck because we knew that we would be coming back home with a lot of gifts for our princess. We pulled up and parked the car in front of the building and Quan got out and got China from the back. Then, he came around and opened the passenger door for me. Once we were all out of the car, we walked to the doors leading into the banquet hall.
I had to admit that it was a full house. There were about fifty round tables in the building and each seated about ten people. The decorations for the baby shower were in a Frozen theme, and it came out beautiful. The section that I liked most was the candy bar in the back. A photographer walked around taking pictures, and the DJ was in his own little section of the hall as well. There was a projector in the front of the room, showcasing my pregnancy photos that I had taken with my husband and China earlier this month.
“Aww, you look so beautiful,” Monae said, coming over to me and giving me a hug. She placed a crème colored sash around me that read “Mommy to be” and I smiled.
“Thank you, sis,” I told her.
After I went around hugging damn near everybody, Quan and I took our rightful spot at the front of the room. I glanced over at the table where all of the guests were putting the gifts and it was full. It was to the point where they now had to start placing gifts on the floor. Before I knew it, my emotions got the best of me and I just burst out crying. Quan looked at me and bent down in front of me, wiping away at my eyes.
“You good, baby? What’s wrong?” he asked me.
“It’s just… I’m so happy,” I said, and tear
s started falling from my eyes again.
I didn’t get to experience all of this when I was pregnant with China. Hell, I didn’t even get to take maternity pictures. It’s just that being surrounded by all of these people made me feel very appreciative and I couldn’t control my emotions.
“Is she okay?” my mom came over and hugged me as well.
“She’s fine, just overwhelmed. The first pregnancy we didn’t have all of this. She’ll be good. Come on, let’s get this shower started and shit,” Quan said, causing me to laugh.
For the next hour or so, we played games, and of course the men were winning all of them because they were damn cheating. For instance, when we played the game where we had to fill a bottle up with juice, the men were biting into theirs, making it easy for them to win. And also the game where everybody had to guess my measurement, of course my husband won that one. Hell, he was with me every damn day, so I knew that he would end up winning.
“I would like for everyone to focus their attention to the front,” my husband said, getting up on the stage with the mic in his hand.
Everybody stopped what they were doing and focused on Jaquan. I’m pretty sure they thought that he was about to start rapping or some shit, but he had something else up his sleeve.
“As many of you all know, Charlie and I have been together for years and I don’t know what I’d do without this lady right here. From day one, she believed in me and she stuck around through all of the hard shit, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful for her. Seven years ago, Charlie blessed me with the greatest gift ever and that’s my lil mama in the back of the room tearing up that cake,” Jaquan said and the room erupted in laughter because my baby was tearing up that Publix vanilla cake.
“Anyway, with my lifestyle, I always make sure that I put everything on hold when it comes to my family. A couple of weeks ago, Charlie and I found out some good news about our baby girl but unfortunately with our busy schedules, we weren’t there to share that special moment with our daughter, so I’m going to use the moment right here to make it up to her. Would everybody please stand up and help me honor our baby girl, who was awarded A/B honor roll and also student of the month,” Jaquan said.
305 Lovin' 4: The Finale Page 10
