The Sea Star

by Nash, Jean

  “A little,” Susanna said.

  “A little. I’m not surprised. He doesn’t like to talk about those days. Sometimes I think he works so hard because he doesn’t even want to think about them.”

  Morgan’s tone was so grave that Susanna shivered involuntarily.

  “He was always the head of the family, you know,” Morgan said, but it was as if she were speaking to herself, not to the attentive woman who hung on her every word. “My father....” She paused with a pensive smile. “My father was a perfect darling, but he wasn’t very practical. Jay made all the important family decisions while he was still in his teens.”

  “Didn’t your father object to that?” Susanna asked, thinking of her own autocratic sire.

  “Susanna, Papa couldn’t have been more relieved. All he wanted in life was to admire his art collection and putter around with his flowers. After we lost everything and moved to Prince Street, he cultivated a small garden in the backyard and spent all his time there—while Jay was working. Working,” she repeated as a thought struck her. “I never realized this until now, but Jay wasn’t much older then than my oldest boy is now.”

  She fell silent for a moment. Her blue-gray eyes, so much like Jay’s, were a little sad.

  “And then,” she went on, “my mother contracted consumption. Not long afterward, my other brother fell ill, too. Jay was beside himself. As young as I was, I can still remember his anxiety, his fear for them. I used to hear him talking with my father. Papa would ask him what to do, as if Jay were the parent and Papa the helpless child. ‘Don’t worry,’ Jay would tell him, ‘I’ll find a way to take care of them.’ And he would take on yet another backbreaking job. It seemed to me that he worked around the clock. When my mother and brother died....” Morgan paused and swallowed hard. “Jay was shattered, inconsolable. Even now,” she said somberly, “I doubt he is reconciled to their deaths. Sometimes I think he drives himself so hard because a part of him is still trying to earn the money to take care of them.”

  Susanna’s love for Jay expanded until it seemed there wasn’t room in her heart to contain it. At an age when he should have been enjoying a carefree childhood, he’d been laden with responsibilities, a father to his siblings and to his parents as well. What an honorable, admirable man he was. No wonder Susanna loved him. She wished she could share his burdens, past and future. There was nothing, nothing on Earth she wouldn’t do for him—if only he would let her.

  Susanna wanted to look especially beautiful for him on the eve of the new century. She hadn’t seen him for several days. He’d had to go to Baltimore because of a problem with one of his hotels. Susanna missed him unbearably. What would she do, she wondered, when it was time to leave New York and return to Atlantic City?

  Her gown was new, a peacock blue satin with bead embroidery on the slim skirt and short puffed sleeves. With the help of Morgan’s maid, she swept up her hair and pinned the sapphire and diamond sea star in a cluster of chestnut curls. Behind her ears and at her throat she dabbed a light touch of lilac perfume. Although it was snowing outdoors, she felt like a delicious breath of spring.

  When she entered the Harper ballroom at a quarter past ten, the room was filled with holiday revelers, but Jay had not yet arrived. The ladies’ gowns were in every rainbow color. Their jewels were beyond compare. Diamond tiaras graced cornsilk hair, precious pearls lay on snowy breasts. Susanna’s only adornment was the delicate sea star, but because Jay had given it to her, she felt more regal than Alexandra, the Princess of Wales.

  “Susanna, there you are!” said Morgan. “Have you met the Van Bidens and the Slopers?” She introduced her as if she were already a cherished family member. “And here are the Astors and the Fricks.”

  The introductions went on and on. An orchestra was playing a lively popular tune. Ruddy-cheeked gentlemen pressed glass after glass of champagne on the delighted guest-of-honor. Susanna talked and laughed and felt as at home in this elegant society as if she had been born to it. And then, to her utmost pleasure, Jay finally arrived.

  Susanna saw him enter the room, taller and more handsome than any man there. He spotted her at once and began to walk toward her with that fluid, powerful stride she so loved. As he drew nearer, she was enveloped in the blue-gray sea that was his eyes. At that moment, to her mind, everyone else in the room disappeared.

  He didn’t greet her, he didn’t smile. The stern set of his mouth told her all she wanted to know. He took her gloved hand and raised it to his lips. She could feel the heat of his mouth. She imagined it pressing on hers. A sensuous warmth, like the sun on bare skin, brought the color of roses to her cheeks.

  “Jay,” she whispered, “I’m so happy you’re back.”

  “No more than I am, Susanna.”

  His hand still held hers tightly, as if he feared she would escape him. His eyes swept over her features as if to imprint them on his brain.

  “I’m sorry I’m late.” It seemed he moved closer to her though he hadn’t moved an inch. “The snow is so deep that the roads are nearly impassible.”

  “Did all go well in Baltimore?” She wanted to reach up and touch his mouth. “Did you settle the difficulties?”

  His grip on her hand tightened. “I settled them—after a fashion—not in the way I had hoped to do. Perhaps if I had.... Listen, it doesn’t matter what I did there.” But she saw that it did. “The entire time I was away, all I could think of was you.”

  She returned his gaze with an intensity of her own. She had missed him so much, she could not have enough of looking at him. Around her the music and talk were an indistinct drone. Jay’s voice, low and urgent, was a sonata to her ears.

  “I want to be alone with you.”

  His words struck a chord of pleasure within her. It was what she wanted, too, wanted so badly that she ached with the need of it.

  “Where shall we go?” Her words were almost inaudible.

  “Come.”

  He took her arm, drew her out of the crowded room, then down the hall to Daniel’s study. The only light in the room was the glow from the fireplace. Jay shut the door as soon as they entered, then with one swift sinuous movement he took her in his arms, leaned back against the door, and his mouth came down on hers with a passion that stopped her breath.

  For a long time he kissed her, possessed her, devoured her. If he’d been making physical love to her, he could not have more thoroughly taken her. Susanna couldn’t move or think. Only sensation held sway. Her heart beat so furiously it was a torment in her breast. Her lips burned from his kisses. Her body, pressed close against him, trembled in concert with his.

  Never before had his ardor been so passionate, his unrestrained emotions feeding fuel to hers. His mouth left hers and moved down to her breast. With a breathless gasp, she twined her fingers in his hair. Her knees shook so badly that had she not been crushed hard against him, she would have fallen like a rag doll at his feet. She felt like a rag doll. She was limp with desire, yet every nerve in her body was charged with glorious energy.

  Then, just as swiftly as he had seized her, he broke suddenly away from her.

  “Jesus,” he uttered and stared at her, quivering. His voice was hoarse. “Susanna, forgive me.”

  Forgive him? She wanted him back in her arms. She wanted his love, free and total. She wanted all of him always. She wanted him never to let her go.

  She couldn’t move. She could hardly stand upright. Her hair was disheveled, her bodice askew. She reached out to him helplessly. He led her to the sofa, sat down beside her and straightened her attire with noticeable restraint, then he put a firm arm about her shoulders.

  “What must you think of me?” His voice was angry now and self-reproachful. “I walk into the house, drag you off like a Neanderthal, then proceed to abuse you as if you were a common—”

  He broke off, rose abruptly, then began to pace restlessly, his hands knotted behind his back.

  “I shouldn’t have gone to Baltimore,” he said in that same
embittered voice. “Not now, at any rate.”

  Rationality was slowly being restored to Susanna. She realized now, as she had not before, that the violence of Jay’s kisses had been greater than the passion. “What happened in Baltimore?”

  He uttered a sound of disgust. “That goddamned—I beg your pardon, Susanna—Alan Devlin, the blackguard who manages my hotel there, has run the place aground. He’s been embezzling funds for God knows how long, and he finally absconded like the low thief he is. The creditors are screaming their heads off. I assured them they’d be paid to the last penny but that they’d have to wait because construction on my new hotel has eaten up all my available cash. To make a long story short, they said no, they’ve waited long enough for their money. They want it now.”

  “But what harm will it do if they wait a little longer?”

  “None at all that I can see.” Tensely, he lighted a cigarette. “But there’s more to it than that. The city fathers never wanted my hotel there in the first place. The natives of Baltimore are the most insular lot of people I’ve ever had the ill fortune to encounter, and this is their chance to nail the lid on my coffin.”

  He strode over to the fireplace and stared grimly into the flames. “But the worst of this mess is Alan’s treachery. I had thought that I could read people. Ha! A blind man would have seen through that snake at the start.”

  “Jay, don’t blame yourself.” Susanna rose, went to him and laid a comforting hand on his sleeve. “There’s no way you could have known what he was doing.”

  He turned on her, startling her. “Susanna, I should have known. I own seven hotels, but I can’t be everywhere at once. That’s why I employ people I know I can trust.”

  “Jay, don’t torture yourself with what can’t be changed.” And then, remembering her conversation with Morgan: “If you have to give up the hotel, it might be for the best. You’re overburdened as it is.”

  “For the best?” He flung his cigarette into the fire. “Are you mad? Do you know what I had to do to open that hotel to begin with? Do you know how many palms I had to grease, how much guff I had to take from a pack of clod-hopping yokels?”

  He was shouting now. It frightened her. She unconsciously took a step backward.

  Jay saw this and instantly regretted his outburst. “Susanna, I’m sorry I raised my voice. I’m not angry with you.” He took her hands in his and pressed them fervently to his lips. “My God, you’re the last person I could ever be angry with.”

  She was only a little bit mollified. Jay had shown her a part of himself she hadn’t even known existed. He had reason to be upset, that was true, but the intensity of his rage had badly scared her. Silently she wondered, What do I know of this man? A voice within her answered, Not nearly as much as you should.

  An odd look crossed Jay’s face. It seemed he had read her thoughts. “Susanna, sit down,” he urged, leading her back to the sofa. “Let’s forget about Baltimore. It’s the eve of the new century, the eve of your birthday. This is no time to be discussing business matters.”

  He crossed the room and tugged at the bell cord. After a moment, Parks appeared.

  “Parks, bring some brandy, if you please, and some champagne for Miss Sterling.”

  “Jay, no. I’ve had enough to drink tonight.”

  “Nonsense, Susanna, we must toast the double occasion.”

  “Mr. Jay,” said Parks, “if Miss Morgan should ask for you...?”

  “Tell her you can’t find us. Parks, hurry it up, would you? It’s nearly midnight.”

  The haste with which Parks complied was astonishing. When he returned with a silver tray, it was obvious to Susanna that the elderly retainer, though now in Morgan’s service, still gave his allegiance to his former young master. The thought banished her earlier uncertainties. Surely she had no reason to doubt a man who inspired such long-lived loyalty.

  Parks left the room. Jay eased the cork from the champagne bottle, filled Susanna’s glass, then poured himself some brandy.

  He drew out his watch. “One minute to go. This is a momentous night, Susanna. Not everyone is fortunate enough to see the century turn.”

  He drank the brandy in one swallow, then refilled his glass. His eyes, Susanna saw, were feverish-bright. She doubted the “momentous” occasion had produced that unnatural shine. She knew that his thoughts were still strongly bent on Baltimore.

  Church bells started pealing and cries of “Happy New Year!” reached her ears.

  “Happy birthday, Susanna.” Jay raised his glass. “And a happy new century. How strange it sounds to say 1900, when for more than thirty years I’ve been saying 1800. I bought my first hotel in 1897. The Imperial was built in 1895. I met you in 1899. Having met you in the nineteenth century,” he said with a smile, “no promise of the twentieth can rouse me to anticipation.”

  “I feel that way, too,” she said softly. “I’ve never been happier than these months I’ve known you.”

  Jay kissed her warmly on the mouth. “I hope that I’ll be able to make you happier still in the future.”

  He took her glass and set it down on the table with his. “I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes.”

  “Jay,” she laughed, “I’m not a child!”

  “Oh, I forgot,” he said dryly. “You’re an old lady of twenty-five now. Nevertheless, indulge me just this once.”

  She closed her eyes. Jay picked up her left hand and slipped a ring on her finger. Susanna tried to suppress a rising excitement. Was it....? Dared she hope a second time?

  “You may open your eyes now.”

  The ring was a ruby set in gold, surrounded by diamonds, a creation of such beauty and perfection that Susanna could only say in awe, “Oh, Jay.”

  “Well?” Jay said. “Does it meet with your approval?”

  “Oh, Jay,” she said again, as the great square-cut ruby caught the firelight and radiated a brilliant fire of its own.

  “Come now,” he said impatiently. “That can either mean ‘Oh, Jay, I love it,’ or ‘Oh, Jay, what a hideous hunk of junk.’ Which is it?”

  “You know I love it,” she said, lifting a luminous face to his. “I’ve never seen anything more magnificent.”

  “Good,” he said, satisfied. “I’m glad you like it.”

  “Jay,” she said, unable to contain her happiness, “does this mean....?”

  “Does this mean what, Susanna?”

  “That we’re betrothed?”

  “Is that what you want it to mean?”

  “Oh, yes,” she said. “It’s what I’ve wanted for the longest time.”

  “Are you sure, Susanna? You don’t think I’m too old for you? Will you promise me you won’t toss me aside for the first dashing younger man who comes your way?” His tone was light, bantering, yet in his eyes Susanna saw what, incredibly, looked like anxiety.

  “You foolish man,” she said gently. “I’ll never want anyone but you. I give you my promise.”

  Jay smiled and said nothing. He just took her in his arms. And when he drew her close to his body, when his mouth came down on hers, Susanna knew he felt as she did, both triumphant and joyful, for on this magical night that the century had turned, Jay had turned his dream and hers into a lovely reality.

  “Congratulations!” Morgan exclaimed when Susanna showed her the ring in the wee hours of New Year’s Day morning.

  There had been no betrothal announcement at the gala. Jay had told Susanna he didn’t want to share the moment with anyone but her. And then he kissed her, oh, so sweetly, and of course she conceded. At that moment she would have promised him anything.

  But later, she could no longer keep her secret to herself. When Morgan bid her good night at the guest room door, Susanna impulsively pulled her into the room and told her the news.

  “I can’t tell you how delighted I am,” Morgan said. “I had despaired of Jay’s ever settling down, but I can see now that he was only waiting for the right woman. Lord knows he did enough searching. The scandal
sheets—how I detest them!—say that he wears a different beauty on his arm every night. Oh, Susanna, forgive me! What a tactless thing to say.”

  A stab of jealousy marred Susanna’s joy. She had never thought of Jay in connection with women, which was odd, she realized now, because a man as attractive as he could hardly have lived the life of a monk.

  “Morgan, there’s no need to apologize,” she said and hoped she sounded sincere. “I know that Jay’s romantic life didn’t begin with me.”

  Morgan smiled in relief. “How wise you are, Susanna. What matters in the long run is that Jay chose you for his wife. When will you be married? Have you set a date? Will it be in Atlantic City? Will it be a grand affair?”

  That drew Susanna up short. A grand affair? Perhaps not, she thought, being that Jay was so financially strapped at the moment. She wondered if she should tell Morgan about the difficulty in Baltimore, then decided that this was too glorious an occasion to spoil with the discussion of business matters. Besides, Jay would find a way to solve his problem. Susanna was sure of it. Her extraordinary future husband could do anything he set his mind to!

  When she awakened just after nine, her first thought was, I’m going to be married! She stretched drowsily, luxuriating in the thought. She pictured Jay lying beside her, his mouth moving on hers, his hands caressing her skin, then she blushed at her erotic imaginings.

  A half hour later, when she was idling in a fragrant bath, frequently lifting her hand to gaze at the glowing ruby, she wondered why Jay, so much in debt and with so little cash available, had bought her a ruby and diamond ring? She wondered, too, if she should talk to him about it, but quickly discounted the idea. Men were so touchy when it came to money matters.

  Once, when she was little, she had overheard her parents quarreling. Augusta had been badgering Matthew for more money to run the household. Matthew refused. Susanna remembered loud voices, angry words. She’d cowered in the shadows outside her parents’ bedroom, frightened by the argument but unable to tear herself away. She remembered thinking, Why doesn’t Papa give Mama what she wants? And then her father had said, “Silence, Madam! Don’t shame me by asking for money I don’t have.”