by Albany,Cara
For what? She glanced around the cave. Adventures in the wilderness? A solitary life, even if it was all in a good cause. But, solitary nevertheless. These past two years she had tried not to think about leaving Azim, tried not to ask herself if she'd done the right thing. And now, here she was. By his side, in an isolated cave in the mountains, eating food with him and trying not to pay attention to his incredibly handsome features, his undeniably compelling sexuality.
It felt almost like destiny, like some cruel, laughing deity was having fun at their expense. They'd been thrown back together like this, and there was nothing for it but to make the most of the situation.
As she ate, glancing at Azim in the soft light, she recalled how they'd split, recalled the acrimony, the arguments building up to it, the feelings of sheer, life-crushing disappointment afterwards. Images flickered into her mind, the same images she'd worked so hard to obliterate. And now she was here, sitting next to him, in the most unlikely place she could ever have imagined.
More than once he glanced at her, the dark pools of his eyes seeking and searching for something she knew she wasn't in a position to give. Not any more. Lucy and Azim were history. There was no getting away from that simple fact. That was the way she wanted it. Wasn't it?
Yet again, he smiled at her, and something tumbled in her middle. The way the corners of his eyes creased when he smiled had always had a predictable effect upon her. Now was no different than before. He looked so damned handsome in this soft light, she told herself.
The shadows cast by the artificial light merely accentuated his power, the sheer maleness he possessed. Darkness highlighted his furrowed brows, his high cheekbones, the straight line of his nose. Above all, the single source of light highlighted just how full his lips were, how tempting they were.
Right now, here in this cave, she couldn't help thinking that he still possessed an animal quality. One of the things about him which had caused her to fall for him in the first place. There had always been something primal about Azim. Something elemental, as if he had inherited some strain of dominating, sensual force from his desert ancestors. Even though he could look every bit the modern, playboy billionaire that he was, when she saw him here, like this, in his robes, in the mountain wilderness, he seemed so different, so utterly irresistible.
She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. There was no point in thinking like this, she told herself. This would all lead to nothing. She had agreed to spend this short time with him and she'd accepted his offer of help. She had to at least carry on with the pretence, even if it proved to be something that would drive her wild with unsatisfied, tempting desire. Because that was what she feeling right now. Wasn't it? The treacherous flickering of an old desire which she had thought she had completely buried with her busy life.
"You okay?" he asked quietly. In the confines of the cave his voice was a controlled growl that sent tingles down her spine.
She swallowed the last mouthful of the bread and nodded. "Sure," she blurted out.
"It just seemed like you were miles away."
Lucy shook her head and brushed crumbs off the front of her shirt. She saw the way he watched her doing that, and immediately regretted she'd done it. There was hunger in that look. Pure, instantaneous, ravenous need.
Lucy shifted away from him and reached for the container of water. "I was just thinking about how early we can get going tomorrow," she said lifting the container.
Before he had a chance to respond, she took a long sip of the cool water. Over the lip of the container she saw him watching her with that same look still on his features. Was she safe with him here? Of course she was, she told herself.
She'd always felt safe with Azim. That was the one thing she'd had with him, that no other man had ever made her feel. As if there was nothing in the world that could harm her. As if there was nothing in the world that he would allow to harm her. She recalled how that had felt, knowing that he was protecting her, keeping her safe. That was what he was doing now. Protecting her, just like he had always done.
That thought made her spill some of the water down her chin. Some of it dripped down onto her shirt. "Careless me," she exclaimed wiping the wet part which had, annoyingly, made its way onto her shirt over her breasts.
When she glanced up at him she knew she shouldn't have been surprised to see that what before had been a look of desire had now transformed into a look of barely hidden need. She saw that his jaw had tightened, his nostrils flaring with raw instinct.
Lucy twisted and tried to make light of dealing with the spill. She knew she needed to change his focus, drag his attention to something other than her.
"Tell me what you've been up to since we last saw each other," she said, rushing to get the words out and immediately regretting how casual, how callous they sounded.
She saw him gather his attention quickly, his brows furrowing at the sudden change. Was he frustrated or even indignant? She wasn't completely sure, but she saw the corner of his mouth crease as if he was trying to adjust.
His eyes were filled with sudden thought as he tried to prepare some kind of reply. After a moment he finally found the words. "I've been...busy. Just like yourself."
"Just busy," she tested.
Azim nodded. He stared off into the distance. "Let me see. I've been kept busy with the Internal Affairs department." He grinned. "All very boring. You don't want to hear about that."
"And your parents? How are they?"
Azim looked suddenly serious. "They're both well. My father, as usual, tries to interfere in everything I do. But, I don't let him. He has his own ideas about the destiny of Qazhar. They aren't always the same as the current generation."
Azim smiled at Lucy and she felt that uncontrollable warmth pulse in her heart.
"My mother just allows my father to do what he wants" he continued. "She tries not to get in the way, although I'm sure she's always arranging things behind the scenes. That's just her way. But, you remember that about her, don't you."
Lucy nodded. "I think your mother is a wonderful person. An amazing woman. She always made me feel very welcome."
"She liked you. A lot," Azim said, emphasizing the last words.
Lucy remembered the hope she'd seen in Azim's mother's eyes every time the subject of Lucy and Azim's future had come up in polite conversation. Hanifah was a beautiful, elegant woman. She was a proud mother to Azim and his two brothers and younger sister. If anyone was the head of the Al Marhez family household, it was certainly the tall, dark-haired native beauty of Qazhar. Lucy had always envied Hanifah's poise and the dignified way with which she had always carried herself. Nothing flustered the woman. She always seemed to be the heart and core of the Al Mahrez family. The pulse of wisdom that kept them all together and happy.
"She and I got along really well," Lucy admitted. "I really respect what she's done. It can't have been easy bringing up children like you and your brothers," she added with a grin. "Seemed to me you were a bunch of real troublemakers," she teased.
Azim sighed and shrugged. "I suppose we aren't the easiest to tolerate. Although, my sister has grown up a lot since you last were here."
"How is Nadyah?"
Azim shook his head and smiled. "The same busybody as always. Probably even more so than before. Although now she's got something to look forward to. She pretty excited about the wedding."
"Nadyah is getting married?" Lucy exclaimed.
"No. Not her. My brother Zarif is getting married."
"Zarif and Alana are getting married at last?"
Azim lowered his head. He looked suddenly uneasy. "Not Alana." He paused as if trying to find the right words. "Zarif and Alana didn't work out."
"But they seemed so perfect for each other," Lucy replied. "What happened?"
"It's complicated. Alana turned out to be quite...how can I describe her? Demanding? She and Zarif didn't see eye to eye on everything." Azim looked puzzled as if he couldn't even understand it himself.
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"But she and Zarif had known each other for ages. I thought they were so good together."
Azim nodded. "I agree. Their marriage seemed almost inevitable to everyone. Especially to my parents. They were pretty disappointed when Zarif and Alana split." Azim looked thoughtful and then continued. "Zarif went off to London to find properties and instead found himself a bride."
"Wow," Lucy replied. She was momentarily lost for words. "Who's the lucky woman?" she asked after a pause to take in this surprising news.
"Rachel. She's English and a bit of an English rose. At least that's the way she looks to me. She's very pretty and really perfect for Zarif in every way. Needless to say he's totally smitten." Azim smiled. "I've never seen him like this before." Azim paused and then added with a slightly perplexed look on his face. "Zarif's really in love. I never saw him like that when he was with Alana. I guess it's destiny," he concluded.
"When is the wedding?" Lucy asked ignoring that last remark.
"Next week," Azim replied.
"Next week!" Lucy exclaimed. "You'll have to be back in time. You can't miss your brother's wedding."
"I don't intend to miss it. Everyone's invited. Our friends, the Al Kharif family members will be there in force." Azim laughed quietly. "There was an epidemic of marriages in that family. All the brothers got married since I last saw you." Azim gazed at Lucy. "I suppose we're all at that stage in life when marriage just happens." His eyes seemed to shimmer in the soft light. "Seems as if love is in the Qazhar air."
Lucy felt her pulse quicken. She shifted on the blanket. "Certainly seems that way." She needed to keep the subject of the conversation on other people. Azim hadn't mentioned his other brother, Shahid. "And what about Shahid. Is he still the wild one of the brothers?"
Azim frowned. She'd expected him to respond to her attempt at humor with a familiar resignation. Shahid was the real untameable sheikh in the Al Mahrez family. She'd sensed his wildness on their first meeting, and had heard stories about his extravagant lifestyle, his many female companions, his determination to remain single even against the wishes of his parents who demanded he comply with tradition, not dishonor the family with questionable conduct.
Azim grunted. "Shahid is a law unto himself. Still," he said and there was real resignation, genuine disappointment in Azim's voice. "There's not much that will change Shahid," he added.
"Maybe he just hasn't met the right woman," Lucy said.
Azim shook his head. "I don't think that's ever going to happen. It'll take a pretty special woman to tame Shahid."
"You make him sound like a wild animal."
Azim sighed. "He's a good man. Deep down. But, sometimes brothers just don't take advice. Especially from their family. Shahid is stubborn. He's got a simple idea of the kind of life he wants, and it doesn't involve being a married man."
"Maybe marriage isn't for everyone," Lucy said.
Azim's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Perhaps some people just don't need to spend their entire life with the same person. Maybe a career or lifestyle can be enough," she said.
Azim's features darkened. "You really believe that?"
They were straying into dangerous territory. She could feel it suddenly in the cooling evening air.
"What time does it get light outside?" she asked suddenly eager to change the subject.
Azim seemed taken aback by her sudden change. "Pretty early. I'll wake you," he said glancing at the blanket she'd be sleeping on overnight.
"Maybe we should turn in early," she suggested.
Azim nodded. Lucy moved closer to him and felt a breeze sweep in from the cave entrance. She shivered slightly and she saw him notice that. He turned and reached into the pack and pulled out a thin blanket. "You can take this. It'll keep you warm overnight."
"What about you?" she asked.
He glanced down at his white robes and grinned. "I think I'm pretty well covered already."
She laughed, realizing how dumb the question must have sounded.
Azim moved the pack to the top end of her blanket and laid it just where her head would be. He arranged it so that it would at least provide something for her to rest her head on during the night. At least she wouldn't be lying completely flat, she thought. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to fall asleep like that. He arranged the pack with such care and attention that she was genuinely affected by the effort he was putting in to make sure she was comfortable.
Lucy took off her boots and lay back down on the blanket, feeling the hard earth beneath her body. She watched Azim lay the other blanket across her body. She felt the weight of the fabric rest across her torso and all the way down to her stockinged feet. She felt momentarily safer, as if she was being tucked in for the night. A crazy thought, she knew, but one that almost made her laugh.
Azim paid the same intense, careful attention to laying the blanket across her body that he had done in arranging the pack to support her head. She thought he seemed to be taking extra-special care not to touch any part of her body as he did that. Was he so worried that if he touched her he might not be responsible for the reaction? What about Lucy, herself? Did she even know how she would react if he did touch her while she lay here?
Lucy clutched the edge of the woollen blanket and tugged it up across her shoulders. She felt Azim arrange the blanket along the length of her body. From the expression of appreciation on his face he certainly seemed to be taking pleasure from this very simple, basic activity.
Once he'd finished, he gazed down at her. She saw that his gaze had darkened slightly. It must have been caused by looking at her like this, she thought. Maybe it was bringing back memories of the other times they had lain together. The other nights he'd looked at her as she lay in bed. She could see he was trying to control himself. His jaw was tight. He swallowed a couple of times as if the sight of her lying beneath him had triggered a surge of need that he struggled to contain.
"Comfortable?" he asked, his voice a quiet, slightly cracked, murmur.
Lucy nodded. "I'm fine."
Azim leaned a hand on the ground by the side of her shoulder. She thought he was about to lower himself, possibly dip his head closer to her. Maybe even try to kiss her. She wasn't sure she wanted that, wasn't certain about her own reaction. As if sensing her hesitancy, Azim remained upright and simply looked down at her. He grinned, the corners of his delicious mouth creasing.
"You've changed, you know that, don't you?" he said softly.
Lucy arched her brows at him. "Really? You think so?"
Azim nodded. His eyes narrowed and he studied her for a moment. "There's something new in your eyes. Something about you, I just can't quite put it into words. You're just...different."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" she asked, desperate to know the answer and struggling to disguise her need to know.
"What do you think?" he said with a grin.
She felt a sudden rush of emotion. Why did he have to go looking at her like that? Didn't he know how hard it was for her to contain how she was feeling?
"I don't know," she said defensively.
The emotion surged again, and she looked away from him, desperate to hide what her face would tell him, even if she refused to utter the words.
Lucy peered back at him. "Azim. I need to say something."
His brows rose hopefully and she could see that he was suddenly eager to hear her next words. She knew the thing she was about to say would hurt him, that it would hurt her to utter the words. But, if she was to have any chance of surviving the coming night, let alone the journey back to Qazhar city she knew she had to tell the truth. Even if it stung, even it made them both feel unwanted pain.
Lucy drew in a deep breath and gazed at Azim. "We were good together, Azim."
She saw him grin and he was about to say something but she cut him off by continuing.
"But, that was the past. It's all in the past." She felt her throat tighten but she forced herself to carry on. "And no
w, I think if we're to get through the next day or two, then it would be best if we just accept that, and try to keep things between us as simple as we can."
Lucy watched Azim's features tighten, his eyes darken.
"Let's just be friends. Okay?" she said, hardly believing she was saying such a thing to this incredible man seated by her side. His eyes narrowed and he gazed at her as if she had just pulled the earth out from beneath him.
Azim paused a few moments, then glanced away from Lucy. She wondered how he was going to respond. Finally, he looked back at her and she could see the change her words had caused.
"Friends?" he asked in a flat voice. His features were an impassive, cold mask.
Lucy could only nod silently. Her voice had deserted her completely.
Azim sighed and she saw his shoulders slump. He slid away from her. "Fine. Let's be friends, Lucy. If that's what you'd like."
"I think it's best, Azim." Lucy said.
Azim dropped down onto the blanket, thrust his hands behind his head and gazed up at the roof of the cave. His face had become an impassive block of stone, as hard and impenetrable as the rocks that surrounded them. She saw his gaze fix upon a spot high up above them, and she wondered what he was thinking. Had she been too blunt? Could she have said it better? Had she hurt him? Of course she had, she told herself. That had been what she'd intended, hadn't it?
Lucy drew in a long breath and considered saying something, anything that could retrieve the situation. Something that could take back the hurt she had caused. But, she knew it was too late.
He already seemed lost to her, and it had only taken a few brief words. She could hardly believe she had done it. But she had.
Regret curled like a hard ball in her middle and she flipped herself onto her side, her back to Azim. It was going to be a long night and she hoped that the blessed relief of sleep would come sooner rather than later.
What had she just done?
CHAPTER SIX
The next morning, Azim awoke with the barely discernible rays of dawn at the entrance to the cave. He sat up and gazed down at the sleeping form next to him.
