by A. J. Downey
Maren made us smores and when I bit into mine it was with surprise. She smiled, laughing, and I shook my head and chewed. Salty sweet, I’d already forgotten about the conversation Sage and I had about using peanut butter cups rather than straight chocolate in his sister’s s’mores.
“Told you they were good,” he said, laughing, and he had me there. They really were. It was a perfect first night so far.
Chapter 30
Maren
Music and laughter. Zeb played his guitar by the fire and sang songs from New Zealand that were beautiful, even though they were in his native tongue and we couldn’t understand a word. The guys drank beer, the women drank wine, except for Melody, who couldn’t. She sipped iced tea along with me. Everyone said I could drink around them, but I wanted to set a good example for Sage.
Unfortunately, that good example now lead to my bladder crying out for relief when I was comfortably, and languidly, lounging against Nox with no desire whatsoever to actually move. I sighed piteously and stirred which caused Nox to kiss my temple and ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Have to pee,” I whispered. He chuckled and relinquished his hold on me. I sat up, out from underneath the blanket we had covering us and stretched.
“Be right back,” I said and got up.
“Inside the back door, follow the signs to the ballroom, and take a right down the little hall just before the doors. It’s the closest one, Sweetheart.”
I smiled, “Thanks, Dragon.”
“No sweat.”
I followed his directions and took care of things quickly, washing my hands and drying them, running the damp paper towel over my face which was tight from the heat of the campfire. I slipped back out and went back the way I came.
I slipped out the back door into the cool night air and very nearly smacked right into Rush.
“Oh, geez! I’m sorry,” I stammered. He looked over my zipped up jacket and vest with distaste and I leaned back, surprised.
“You have no idea what that really means,” he mumbled. “You’re too young. You’re just gonna get bored and break his fuckin’ heart and I don’t want that for him. Why don’t you stop using him and just leave him alone?” he slammed his shoulder into mine on the way past me, knocking me off balance. I stood there, stunned, and blinked once, long and slow.
I had no idea that Rush thought that way of me, and I found it both distressing and depressing. I looked down the trail, speechless, and locked eyes with Nox, who instantly scowled and waved me towards him.
I couldn’t make my feet move right away, turning Rush’s words around in my mind. I was worried, I mean, was it true? It was as if he had flipped a switch and the whole perfect day shattered around me, like some kind of illusion.
I felt like I had just been sucked down into a black morass of these awful feelings, sadness, anger, bitterness, worry, concern, fear; all of them twisted into a Gordian knot of awful in the center of my chest. I didn’t know what was happening.
Nox stood up and I just stood there and stared, my eyes welling up with tears. No, it wasn’t true! I loved Nox more than I had ever loved anything in my life. I not only loved him, I relied on him… but did I rely on him too much? Was I indeed using him?
Panic welled up, sharp and fierce. The serrated edges tearing me up from the inside even as Nox’s hands landed gently on my shoulders.
“Angel, Baby, what’s wrong?” he murmured, cupping my chin and raising my face to look at him.
His eyes locked onto mine and some order was restored, the panic ebbing just long enough for me to burst out, “You don’t think I rely on you too much, do you? That I’m using you?”
“Aw fuck. No, Angel, not at all; those are Rush’s issues. You’re having an anxiety attack. Just breathe, Baby.” He pulled me tight against his chest, his arms going around me, and murmured, “I’m gonna beat his fucking ass.”
“I’m sorry!” I whined, fear rising like a bubble off the surface and when it popped, I cried. I shook, and the tears slipped free and I gripped the lapels of Nox’s coat and sobbed.
“Maren?” Sage called and Nox fixed it like he fixed everything…
“It’s okay, Sage. Your sister’s just having a little panic attack, that’s all.”
“Why?” my brother demanded and I took in several deep breaths and tried valiantly to calm down. It’d been a while since I’d had one.
“It’s okay, Baby. Three things you can see,” Nox said and I tried to focus.
“You, the trees, and my brother.”
“Good, two things you can hear.”
I closed my eyes and said, “Frogs, and the fire crackling.”
“Good girl, that’s it, one thing you can smell…”
“Campfire,” I muttered and he held me a little back from him. I opened my eyes, feeling a little calmer, a little more centered, and I apologized again.
“No need to apologize,” he murmured, and I reached for Sage, hugging my brother tightly who looked like he was on the verge of tears himself.
“How much has this been happening?” he demanded.
“It just happens sometimes,” I said. “It’s okay, I don’t need you to worry about it… Everything is fine.”
“No, it’s not!” he cried, and then he started to cry.
I hugged my brother tightly, but by now we had the attention of the whole fireside, and Archer called out, “Nox, what’s going on?”
“Rush needs his fuckin’ ass beat,” Nox called back. “But first, I need someone to take Maren and Sage inside.”
“Right here,” Everett said and just sort of appeared, then Sunshine and Doll showed up right behind her.
“We’ve got just the thing for you, sister-mom, just as soon as we get little brother squared away.” Evy said, and called out, “Reaver, Dray, and Connor. Could use you too!”
“Anything for you, Baby,” Dray called and heaved himself to his feet.
“Whipped,” Duracell said, laughing.
“I ain’t got a problem with that,” Dray uttered, secure in his masculinity, but then ruined it by shooting over at our club brother: “At least I got pussy to fuck.” Duracell laughed and even Blue hazarded a smile, even if it was secretive like he knew something the lot of us didn’t.
“Come on Honey,” Everett said and took me and Sage from Nox. Sage, I was guessing by now was having his own issues. Distressed to find out I wasn’t as infallible as he thought I was and honestly, I was a bit crestfallen that he had to find out this way. I’d always prided myself on keeping it together around him.
I looked back over my shoulder at Nox who smiled and gave a nod, “Be right there, Angel. Just as soon as I have a talk with my twin.”
Apprehension made me want to stay, but practicality told me there was something much deeper at play here, and so I let Everett and the other ol’ ladies take me inside. It wasn’t missed by me that the rest ghosted to their feet and began to follow leaving just the men outside.
Chapter 31
Nox
When Rush came out, it was to my fist right in his fucking mouth. He grunted and staggered back his hands going to his lips while I shook out my aching left hand. Fuck, I needed to watch that shit, or I was going to miss work.
“What the fuck, Nox?”
“You need to keep your fucking mouth shut around my woman,” I grated.
“What the hell are you talking about? She go cryin’ about it to you or something? Fuck, man! She’s seventeen! She don’t know what she wants and she’s gonna wreck you!”
I swung on him, but Rush had always been the better fighter. He side stepped and swung on me but he was drunk to my sober so I dodged pretty easily.
“Shit boys, I can’t tell if this is twin business or club business,” I heard Archer say.
Dragon harrumphed, “A little a both I’d say, but the result’s the same. Disrespect is an ass whoopin’ and bein’ that it’s Nox’s ol’ lady? That makes it Nox’s huckleberry.”
“We should let them so
rt it out then?” Trig asked as SAA. I was focused on Rush, who had his hands up now and got myself into a traditional boxer’s stance.
“Yup,” Dragon said and it was all I really needed to hear. I swung on my brother again and this time, I clocked him, cracking him a good one on his cheekbone.
“Ow! Motherfucker!”
“That’s what you get for being a fucking douche!”
“You know I’m fucking right, you assclown,” he grated and came at me.
We danced, trading blow for blow with me landing more than him only by the grace of his fuckin’ drunk over my sober. Unfortunately, his drunk meant he didn’t really feel half the blows I landed, while my sober meant I felt everyone, which sucked hard. My brother hit like a motherfucker, and that shit hurt.
He got in a lucky shot, right in my mouth and I tasted blood. I grunted and let fly, tackling him to the ground and laying into his gut with four or five well-placed blows.
“God damn motherfucking son of a bitch!”
“She was your fucking mother too!” I pointed out and caught off guard, he laughed, which pissed me off more.
I drew back to really fuck him up and was pulled off of him, I struggled for a fraction of a second, Revelator and Trig on either side of me, while Archer and Dragon hauled Rush to his feet.
“You’re gonna fucking apologize to Maren after you admit that your punk ass is just fuckin’ jealous!” I spit at him.
The outdoors got real fuckin’ quiet, my twin’s eyes growing stormy before he jerked out of Dragon and Archer’s hold.
“Man, fuck you!” he shouted and spun, marching off past the fire into the dark.
“Think you might have hit a lot closer to home than Rush’d like to admit, little brother,” Archer said quietly. I sniffed and wiped at the blood under my nose.
“Yeah.”
I went to go inside, after my woman, after what was now my family to watch over, hold close and to guide and heard my brother Archer behind me.
“Heh, don’t worry about ‘em, they ain’t done it quite like this before, but they always kiss and make up in the end.”
I raised my middle finger up over my shoulder at him and dragged the back door to the lodge open, letting the wooden screen door crash closed behind me. I went to the nearest bathroom first to clean up. Maren and Sage were both either freaked or freaking out, and the last thing they needed was to see me bloodied.
I turned on the tap to cold and let the water run, bracing my hands on the edge of the sink and staring into the mirror above it.
It was eating at me, fighting with my twin. It always did until we resolved it somehow, but this one was one of the bigger divides we’d encountered yet. I didn’t like that but knowing Rush, he didn’t like it either.
I splashed cold water onto my face several times over and ignored it when the bathroom door swung open and shut. When I looked, I wasn’t too surprised to see Archer in the mirror above the sink. Used to be Grinder who carried out all the peace talks. It was kind of outside Archer’s realm of responsibility. Grind had always been the peacemaker among us… This just twisted the knife of missing him even harder.
“You’re pretty serious about this bitch, eh?”
“Don’t call her a bitch,” I said and scowled. Archer raised his hands in surrender.
“Didn’t mean nothin’ by it, you know that kid.”
“Yeah, still, don’t do it, okay? That’s my ol’ lady.”
“I noticed. About that… you sure? On a kind of Rush and all?”
“Yeah. She and I are solid, bro. More solid than anything I’ve ever had before. I feel it in my bones. She’s young, but she’s got an old soul… you know?”
Archer shook his head smiling, his long hair dragging across the patches on his cut, “Don’t start with that meta-whatsit, magic, mumbo-jumbo, new age bullshit.”
I laughed lightly, “’Scuse the fuck out of me for being more spiritually enlightened that you sorry fucks.”
“Whatever you say, kid.”
Worry crossed his face, flickering through his eyes for a moment that was clear as day, and it knocked me off my reservation. I straightened and went for the paper towels, pulling some and squashing them against my face to soak off some of the water trying to drip off it before I completely straightened up.
“This ain’t a catastrophic divide between you two fucks that I’m dealing with, is it? Because I ain’t suited to try and fix that shit. I ain’t Grind.”
I shook my head, “No. He’s my twin, Archer.”
“Never seen you go at him like that before. Not for anything.”
“I will, and I did, for her… Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Archer was quiet for some long minutes before he finally nodded, “It does,” he said quietly, and something passed between us. I could see it then, in my brother from another mother…
“You’d do the same for Mel, now wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah, I would,” he said without missing a beat.
I tipped my head back and rolled it on my neck, sighing out. “Never thought I’d see the day, man.”
“That makes two of us,” he said staring at the toes of his boots. He heaved a sigh and fixed me with his considering, calculating stare, “Welcome to the club, I guess.”
“What club?” I asked with a reckless grin.
“Club pussy whipped,” he said and I laughed.
“Nah man, this is just welcome to what it’s like to love and be loved. As far as clubs go, it ain’t half bad, is it?”
“No two I’d rather belong to,” he confessed and I nodded.
“It’s different,” I admitted.
“It is at that.”
“Just hope our brother gets to join it soon.”
“That makes two of us, maybe then he’ll pull his head out of his fuckin’ ass.”
“Amen to that,” I muttered.
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Archer grunted, and asked, “She do that epic freak out shit often?”
“Used to, but it’s been a while.”
“Didn’t I always tell you not to stick your dick in crazy?”
“Sure did, but it’s not that kind of crazy. Just got to her a little too late when it came to that school of hers.”
“Ah, that little problem you cleared up left a mark, huh?”
“That it did.”
“Well, it looks like you got instant family, just add relationship, so you got some responsibilities now. Best get back out there and live up to ‘em.”
“Think I’ve been doing pretty well so far,” I said.
“Weren’t no accusations comin’ out my mouth otherwise, kid. You been doin’ alright, for all I ain’t been paying much attention on account of my own thing going on over here.” He frowned and I held up a hand.
“Family looks good on you, brother. I’m glad things are working out for you and Mel.
“Thanks,” he said and dragged open the bathroom door.
“No problem,” I muttered and went on through.
We found our ol’ ladies and the boys in the lodge’s main room, parked in front of a big screen TV just getting started on a movie. Sage had bounced back, smiling and laughing with Connor at one end of the couch, while Maren sat huddled in one of the recliners. Her eyes traveled over my face and came to rest on the scraped and bloodied knuckles of my left hand. Sorrow passed through her eyes which she tried to cover with a brave smile.
“Work things out?” she asked softly, and Archer answered before I could.
“Not yet, but trust me, they will. They always do.”
I appreciated Archer’s attempt at comfort. I knew it wasn’t his strong suit, and I had to give Melody a wink. She was changing my hard-assed older brother, and the changes were good.
I went to the recliner and held out a hand. Maren took it and stood and I sat down in her place, pulling her into my lap, kissing the top of her head.
“What’re we watching?” I asked and Sage piped up.
/> “Night of the Living Dead!”
Zombie apocalypse. Cool.
***
About three or four torturous days after the lake run, I finally went out to Rush’s shop to see if peace could be had. I hated being at odds with my twin. It fucking sucked massive dick, and truthfully it sucked the balls too that he hadn’t reached out to me…
He sat at his workbench, hand carving a service tray with flowers and vines, and I leaned a hip against the edge of the bench, arms crossed over my chest.
“What’s that?” I asked, just to break the ice and get the conversation going.
“You wanted me to fucking apologize, what’s it look like?”
“That’s for Maren?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
A long silence stretched out between us, and I sighed.
“Look –” I started but he shook his head.
“No need. You were right... I am jealous, I guess. It’s like you and Arch have both got just about everything I’ve wanted and are leaving me in the dust, and it sucks.”
I blinked, stupefied, and it was out of my mouth before I could stop myself, “Seriously? That’s what you think? That I’m trying to shut you out? Dude, Rush… Maren and Sage are basically my family now and as cool as it is, it scares the fuck out of me too.”
He looked up at me and scowled, “Why? You fuckin’ got this.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Glad you fuckin’ think so douche nozzle! Shit. Feels like I’m flyin’ by the seat of my pants and seriously feels like you’re shoving me away over it. You’re my goddamn fuckin’ twin, Rush. I ain’t interested in gaining over there while I’m losing over here.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and chewed his split lip, “You ain’t losing shit over here; you greedy fuck.”
“Fuckin’ straight! You heard that right, I want my cake and I’m gonna eat it too.”
Rush smirked and pressed his mouth shut, trying not to laugh and I felt my face split into a fuckin’ mile wide grin.
“Just fuckin’ say it you perverted fuck. We shared a goddamn womb for nine months and I know what you’re thinkin’.”
