“Come on, she’s not worth your time.” I walk Nate out of the elevator and walk to our room, making sure she doesn’t follow us, although she probably knows which room he’s staying in.
Watching them argue was like watching a car crash happening. You see it happen, you want to stop it, but there’s nothing you can do but brace for what’s to come. And that’s exactly what I’ll have to do. Brace for whatever decision Nate is going to make about the threat that is hanging over his head. He doesn’t have that many options. Go through with it and end it with me, forbidding us from living a happy life together or pick me and hope for the best regarding what kind of repercussion would ensue from his father’s wrath.
I slip the key in the slot and let us in. Nate walks in, and I close the door behind me. I’m usually good with words and advice, but this is the one time where I have no idea of what to say. I don’t know what could make it better for Nate. He looks defeated.
“You know I’m here for you, babe.” I sit next to him and wrap my arm around his shoulders.
“I know. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” He rubs his face and tries to keep it together, but I can tell he’s struggling.
“How about we drop everything and go to Bora Bora or something and live in a manmade cabin on the beach?”
“If only.” He chuckles humorlessly.
“It’s doable if we want to.”
“He’d find us and ruin it for us.”
“You’re afraid of what your father will do if he finds out?”
“I’m afraid of what I’ll do when he finds out.”
“Oh.”
“You thought I’d pick her?” he asks stunned.
“I was wondering who you would pick, yes.”
“Fair enough.” He looks heartbroken that I doubted him, and I hate that I did doubt him.
“It’s more of a what you’d pick—the easy way out and not have to suffer the consequences of your choice, or pick me and hope for the best,” I say truthfully.
“Thanks for being honest.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Always. I wish I knew what to do or what to say. I feel helpless right now, and I don’t think a blowjob would solve things,” I joke, trying to lighten up the mood.
“I don’t think I could get it up.”
“I like a challenge.” I smirk and kiss his neck.
“I know you do. I just need some time.”
“For?” I ask, my heart suddenly pounding.
“To process what just happened. Even though I’ve known most of my life that I was attracted to men and fully accepted that I know you’re my one, I have yet to process the fact that I’ll have to tell my family what’s going on. I’m scared shitless of what they could do to you. I don’t care if they hurt me. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
“I’m your one?” I ask stunned.
“Out of what I just said, that’s all you took out of it?”
“Well, it’s a big deal.” I chuckle, slightly embarrassed.
“Yes, you’re my one. Fuck, I never thought I’d be in love with someone, but what we’ve been experiencing together these past couple of months has made me realize how I really feel for you. I don’t know if you feel the same, but yeah, I love you, Matt. And I fucking wish I could have told you under other circumstances.”
“I love you too, Nate. It hit me this morning that I was in love with you and scared shitless of losing you.”
“When?”
“After we heard Lindsey.”
“That’s when I realized too.” He chuckles.
“We’re just perfect together.” I smirk.
“We are.” He kisses me and wraps his arms around me.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask caressing his back.
“Yeah, I just need some time.”
“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”
“I’m just going to go for a walk along the beach. I just need to process it all. I promise I’ll be back really soon.” He kisses me softly.
“If you’re not back by tonight, I’ll send a search and rescue team.” I chuckle, half meaning it.
“Make it tomorrow morning if my sister decides to kidnap me again and torture the shit out of me with their giggling.” He shudders.
“Alright, I’ll give that to you.”
“Here, give me your phone.” He holds his hand out, and I pass it to him.
“What are you doing?”
“Putting her phone number in your contacts so you can join her. It might be a huge mistake, but if it puts you at peace, I’m willing to do it for you.” He smiles and hands me back my phone after adding his sister’s number.
“Thanks, babe. Be careful please.”
“I will be. Don’t worry about me.”
“You know I’ll worry about you.” I frown.
“I know and me about you.”
“Well, unless Charlie Hunnam comes out of the TV screen and asks me to ride away with him on his Harley into the sunset, you don’t have to worry much about me.” I chuckle.
“Would you leave me for him?” He feigns being outraged.
“No, you’re way hotter than him, and you have a nicer ass.” I smirk and grab his ass as he gets up.
“Good to know I still have something over him.” He leans down and holds my face with his hands. “I love you, always remember that.” He kisses me hard and walks out, taking one of the key cards with him.
Despite him confessing his love to me, it feels like he’s just walked out of my life, and I let him.
Four episodes into Sons of Anarchy and I get a text from Nate.
Nate: I’m in good company. Don’t worry or frown, it’ll give you premature wrinkles!
He attached a selfie of him with Spencer at the bar. I’m relieved that he’s just not wandering outside on his own. I know we’re in the touristy part of Maui and it’s a luxury resort and all that, but there are always people with all the wrong intentions ready to hurt you and jump you at any given chance, including Lindsey. The bitch.
Me: Should I be worried? :p
Nate: No, we’re just chatting and having a drink.
Me: I’m glad you’re comfortable enough with Spence now.
Nate: He has good advice.
Me: I know, and you have a similar story. It’ll help you in the area where I can’t.
Nate: Trust me, babe, you’ve helped me more than I could have asked for these past couple of months.
Me: I’m glad I could, and you did too. Have a drink for me.
Nate: Will do. I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Nate managed to make my dick twitch and my heart skip a couple of beats with just text messages.
I’m glad he’s having drinks with Spencer and talking to him. They really have a similar past in the way that neither of their families accepted them for who they chose to love. Even though Spencer turned out straight and is marrying Haven, he still went through the trouble of having to confess to his parents that at the time, he was into men.
A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. I groan because I have to put something decent on. I do enjoy spending time lounging around my place naked, and hotel rooms are no different.
I slip on a pair of sweatpants and walk to the door. I look through the peephole and see nothing but darkness. Whoever knocked on the door is blocking the view. It could mean two things: it’s either someone who wants to harm me or it’s Haven or maybe Gabby wanting to bother me.
“Who is it?” I shout through the door.
“Your worst nightmare…” a creepy voice greets me.
“Haven, what a surprise,” I say as I open the door.
“How did you know?” she pouts, annoyed that I figured it was her.
“Because you did the exact same to me on Halloween last year.” I chuckle.
“Oh, I did. Ah well, I brought cake and figured you would want some company.” She grins and walks in.
“Why would I want som
e company?”
“Charming!” she huffs.
“I’m joking.”
“Sure, sure, I got a text from Spencer saying that he would be late because he’s having drinks with Nate and he wasn’t himself. I figured it either meant you two had a fight and thus, you’d want cake, or maybe he was still annoyed by Lindsey, and you’d be annoyed too so you’d want cake. Besides, who can say no to cake!”
“Too many cakes in one sentence, babe.” I chuckle and get plates from the bar area.
“Which one is it?” she asks impatiently.
“The latter. He needs time to process what he’s going to say to his parents when he comes out.”
“So he’s going to come out?” She’s stunned.
“Yes.” I smile.
“I’m so happy for you two.” She hugs me, and I hug her back.
“Thanks, gorgeous. I hope his family won’t mess with him too much.” I blow out a breath.
“I know you’ll be there for him if such a thing happens.”
“I will.” I smile at her and see that she brought enough cake to feed five people. Mind you, once Haven and I dig into a cake, there’s no telling when we’ll stop. Little hint, usually there’s none left, much to Spencer’s despair.
I tell her all about our make out session in the elevator and Lindsey seeing us and threatening Nate, and about mine and Nate’s talk about our mutual feelings for each other. One thing about Haven, she’ll always be there to listen to you. I don’t always have a lot to tell her about my private life because not much was happening when I was still with John, but I’m glad she’s letting me talk on and on about how I feel about what’s going on. It’s a relief to have a friend like her in my life, and I’m glad Nate has that with Spencer. It’s a relief that he has someone to talk to about his worries and concerns.
I didn’t think today could get any worse.
Hearing Lindsey’s conversation was already enough to fuck with my mood for the day, but seeing her in the elevator as Matt and I were making out was the last nail in the coffin I’ve slowly buried myself in.
One of the few people I didn’t want to know about Matt and she knows, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I know where I stand with Matt. I love him, there’s no doubt or questions about that. I’m just worried about what my family could do to Matt. That’s really all I worry about. Knowing them, they’d go after Matt instead of trying to hurt me.
Let’s just hope that Lindsey will keep her promise to wait until the Bahamas trip next month to tell my parents about it. Not that I’m planning on going, but at least it gives me some time to prepare how I want to break the news to my parents. I know they’ll still try to get me to marry her or any other woman that could bring them whatever it is that they are after, but I need to get it off of my chest. It’s been long enough, and I want to start living my life with Matt without the fear of bumping into one of my family members.
Matt has been really patient and understanding with me, and I couldn’t be happier than to know that he feels the same way for me as I do for him. It’s such an amazing and overwhelming feeling to know that you are loved and it’s reciprocated. I was scared shitless that he wouldn’t love me or at least not feel it as soon.
I hate the fact that I left Matt on his own after all he’s done for me and the support he’s given me, but I needed some time to reflect on everything. It’s a lot to take in. I never expected today to go the way it did, and it got the best of me.
When I walked away from him, in that split second when I looked at him, it seemed like I was walking away from him forever. I intend to go back to our room shortly. I just need a moment on my own.
I’m sitting outside by the pool, having a cold one, when someone plops down on the sun lounger next to mine. I instantly think it’s Lindsey and ignore her. I don’t want to deal with her bullshit.
“Are you seriously going to ignore me?” Spencer chuckles from next to me. I turn to him and shake my head.
“Sorry, thought you were someone else.”
“Matt? Did you two fight?” he asks concerned.
“No, Lindsey,” I say through gritted teeth.
“So Matt and you are okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” I ask, confused.
“I don’t know, man, going by the look on your face you look like you’ve just had your heart shattered into pieces.”
“No, we’re good. I did come down to clear my mind.”
“So something happened…” he presses.
“Yes, but not with Matt.” I blow out a breath.
“What has Lindsey done?” He sits up and faces toward me, resting his elbows on his knees.
“It’s a long story.”
“I have all night.”
That’s how I proceeded to tell Spencer pretty much everything that had happened with Lindsey and then my entire life story as he started to ask a lot of questions. I’m not sure what made me talk to him so freely. Maybe because I finally needed to let everything out. I feel much lighter from telling him everything. Maybe because he’s not as close to me as Matt is, or just because I don’t have the same feeling as I have for Matt.
Spencer is really easy to talk to. He’ll listen to you and try to give you advice, much like Matt.
“You know, we have a similar past besides the military thing,” he says taking a pull of his fresh beer as we move to the bar. I just texted Matt that I was in great hands.
“What do you mean?” I ask intrigued.
“My parents never accepted the fact that I told them I was gay. They disowned me and kicked me out. Haven was there for me and supported me. She’s helped me out so much to figure shit out.”
“There’s one thing I don’t get.”
“Why did I tell my parents I was gay if I was in love with Haven?”
“Bang on.” I chuckle.
“For a while, I thought I was gay. Haven was the only one I was attracted to, but I thought it was just because we were best friends and she was my everything. After a while, I realized that I was very much in love with her and couldn’t be with anybody else, so I just went with the flow and had sex with men and women. I didn’t care, it was just to release some tension. There never were any feelings, but it was getting harder to actually be with someone when I was falling harder for Haven day in and day out. Then I met Matt.” He chuckles and takes a long pull of his beer.
“What was he like?”
“As fabulous as he is now. He was amazing. He tried to get me to talk to him and to confess what was going through my mind, but I always refused to talk to him about anything. I didn’t want to bother anyone about it, and I just dealt with it how I could. Mind you, it wasn’t the best idea, but in the end, it worked. Matt and I were fuck buddies for a little over a year, and he was always amazing. It actually started as fuck buddies, but we ended up the best of friends after that.
“In the beginning, it was purely sexual. We would call or text each other up, set up a time and a place, and we’d fuck and then go back to our places. The sex was good, so we kept going for it. Then, we started to actually talk when we were in the same restaurant on our own. We had lunch and just chatted our lunch break away, and we both ended up back to work three hours later.
“After that day, we’d meet for coffee, have dinner together, go for drinks and partying. Normal stuff, but it never developed into a romantic thing. At one point, I think we both wanted it to, but it didn’t work. In hindsight, I’m glad it didn’t because it could have ruined an amazing friendship. Matt ended things when he started seeing John. I respected his decision, and we just stayed friends. John always hated me, and I always hated John. He’s such a dickhead.” We both laugh. “Sorry for talking about mine and Matt’s story so much.”
“It’s alright. I knew most of it anyway.” I shrug.
“You two have been talking a lot.”
“Yeah, we’ve only started hanging out properly a couple of months ago. Actually, after he came in to book for his
leg tattoo. After that, we’ve spent pretty much every evening having dinner or a drink over the fence.” I smile at some of the memories I have of us just casually having a drink in the garden.
“You make a good couple. He’s perfect for you, not only because he’s experienced, but he’s very leveled. He’s just an amazing guy to be around. He’ll make you feel special and always make sure you’re alright before himself, even though he can appear very self-centered. And you’re perfect for him because you’ll keep him on his toes, and you’re as leveled as he is. Despite things with him being new for you, you can bring him something good, something fresh.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it. It really is all new to me. I never expected to fall in love so quickly, or to fall in love at all.” I frown.
“Why the frown, and why did you never expect to fall in love?”
“I never believed in love. I’ve never been in love or had someone love me. I never let someone get close enough to me to let that happen. Hell, a couple of months ago, I was dead set on never being in a relationship. I was fine with just casual sex. Now, I find myself wanting a relationship and something good with Matt.”
“That’s good.” Spencer smiles at me.
“It is, but it’s terrifying.”
“That’s the whole point. You are putting your fragile heart in the hands of someone else, and you have to trust them not to drop it and stomp on it, but you have to take that leap of faith and give your trust to someone and accept theirs. It’s your first real relationship, and you’re old enough to face life’s adversities. People will judge you. They’ll try to break you two up. They’ll want to see you fail. It’s your job to be stronger than them. Just ignore them and be happy living your life with Matt. You’ve been through hell and back, and you survived. You’ll survive this with Matt if you stand with each other and hold onto each other,” Spencer says looking deep into my eyes.
“You should write books, you’re good with words.” I chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood. Shit got very serious, and he’s right about all of it; that’s the worst part.
“I know, I’d be a bestseller overnight.” He chuckles. “In all seriousness, screw everybody else. You and Matt deserve to be happy with each other. Just make the right decision.” He gives me a pointed look.
Love at First Hate Page 16
