“Daddy, look!” She pulled the pale pink, satin ballet slippers from the box by the long ribbons that would wrap around her ankles. She held them up and stared at them, her face a blanket of wonder and awe. “Wow,” she breathed after several seconds. Turning from the slippers to me, her eyes were wide as she asked, “Can you put them on me? Please, Ms. Lilly?”
“Of course, sweetie.” I sat down on the bench next to her and lifted her feet up. The ballet slippers didn’t quite go with the princess dress she was wearing for the party, but she didn’t seem to care. I showed her how to lace them up around her ankles and tie them in a little bow, and as soon as I stood up, she and her friends took off like they were on fire, screaming and running around the back yard. It always tripped me out how short kids’ attention spans were. Present time was officially over and it was back to playing.
“Don’t worry,” I muttered from the side of my mouth to Quinn. “They’re totally machine washable.”
He let out a deep belly laugh, and I noticed the sound pulled the gaze of his mother, father, and the man and woman I now knew to be his wife’s parents. The four of them seemed shocked to hear him laugh, and I was left wondering what that was all about.
Before I could think longer on it, Quinn’s voice called my attention. “Well, thank Christ for that, because there’s no way I’m getting those off her feet. Pretty sure she’s going to sleep in them.”
I beamed up at him and watched in amazement as his eyes traveled down to my lips. That telltale spark I felt every time he looked at me like that ignited beneath my skin, once again, making me feel like there was something deeper between us.
I knew it was more than likely all in my imagination, and that I needed to brush it off, so in an attempt to do that, I shook my head and began gathering up the plates and other trash scattered around the table from Sophia’s cake and presents.
“Just leave that,” he began to argue. “I’ll get to it later.”
“I don’t mind helping. Besides, two hands are better than one, and if we get this cleaned up now, you won’t be stuck with the mess later.”
That smile of his grew just a tad closer to his eyes as he reached down and started gathering up more trash. “Thanks.”
THE PARTYGOERS HAD started to clear out a while later. I hung around, wanting to help clean up as much as I could before taking off. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing the last of the dirty dishes when a voice spoke up behind me.
“You’re Sophia’s dance teacher, aren’t you?”
I looked over my shoulder at the pretty brunette, Sophia’s grandmother. “Yes ma’am.”
She closed the distance between us as I dried my hands and offered hers up for a shake. “I’m Janice Benson. It’s lovely to meet you.”
I shook her soft hand as I studied her sincere expression. “It’s nice to meet you too.”
“She talks about your class every time we have a call.” She must have read my confusion as she went on to explain, “My husband and I live in Seattle. We don’t get to see Sophia as much as we want to anymore, so we have regularly scheduled phone calls three times a week.”
That was incredibly sad, and judging by what I saw behind her eyes, she felt the same way. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, what she expected me to say. There didn’t seem like any right words, so all I could offer was a heartfelt, “It’s really nice you take the time to keep in contact.”
Her face only grew sadder, even with her attempt at a smile. “We miss her… them. We miss both of them.”
I was about two seconds away from crying if I didn’t get my shit together. She sniffed, clearly trying to hold back her own tears and gave me another wobbly smile. “Is he…” She stopped suddenly and cleared her throat against the rush of emotion that caused her words to break. “Quinn, is he… okay? I mean, does he seem happy?”
My mouth opened and closed several times before I was finally able to stutter, “I-I don’t… I’m not… I…” I had no clue how to answer that question. The truth was, some days he seemed content, but as far as happy, I just wasn’t sure about that. And I didn’t think she wanted to hear the truth. She wanted hope.
“He laughed with you, earlier today. He actually laughed. I haven’t heard that in… well, I don’t know how long. That has to mean something, right?”
I couldn’t let her continue with the worry she was carrying around, not if I was able to do something to help. “Yes,” I whispered. “He seems happy.”
The weight dropping off her shoulders was almost palpable. “Thank you,” she spoke in a ragged whisper. “Thank you. That means—”
“Everything okay in here?” We were both startled by the unexpected voice and turned to find Quinn standing in the doorway leading to the back yard.
“Yeah,” I answered brightly, trying to cover up the intensity of the moment that had just occurred. “All good. We were just finishing up the last of the dishes.”
He hesitated before stepping fully into the kitchen. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Oh… I didn’t mind. I—” I was suddenly cut off by the man I’d come to know as Janice’s husband. Quinn’s deceased wife’s father.
“Janice… you about ready, darling?”
Quinn’s body went on alert, his posture stiffening as the man stopped just feet from him. Not once did he look over at the man he’d known as his father-in-law. I couldn’t for the life of me understand the dynamic between all these people, but there was one thing I knew for sure. It wasn’t healthy. For any of them.
“Sure,” Janice smiled and moved toward her husband. “Let me just say goodnight to Sophia.”
The man looked from his wife to Quinn before saying, “I’ll go with you.” Then, just like that, they were both gone, but the tension still hung heavy in the air.
“You okay?” Quinn asked, giving me a start.
“Uh…” A nervous laugh bubbled from deep within. “I’m pretty sure I should be asking you that question. You get any more rigid and you just might crack.”
He came closer, his face suspicious. “Did she say something that upset you?”
“What? No, not at all. She was really nice, actually. Why would you think that?”
I could tell he didn’t believe me. “You looked upset when I walked in, that’s all. Things with them can be…”
“Can be what?” I asked when he didn’t finish his sentence.
“It’s a difficult situation, that’s all. They do what they can to maintain a relationship with Sophia, but we don’t really talk.”
I was shocked to hear him admit something so personal. He was normally so closed-off that his openness about his in-laws was surprising. I had expected those shutters of his to come down. Seeing as they hadn’t, I decided to take my chances and asked, “Why?”
What he said next broke my heart. The words, coupled with the emptiness in his beautiful eyes killed me. “They blame me,” he admitted raggedly.
I closed the gap between us in two steps, grabbing hold of his hands in an attempt to offer some sort of comfort, no matter how small. “What? No, Quinn, that’s not—”
“It’s all right. I blame myself, too. It’s just…” He looked so ravaged, so pained. I would have given anything in that moment to take it all away from him. “I wish things were different between all of us. For Sophia’s sake.”
“I think you’re wrong,” I told him softly, reaching up to hold his face in my hands. “She’s worried. She told me herself that they miss you. She didn’t sound like a woman who placed blame, Quinn.”
His eyes grew dark as those shutters began to lower. “You wouldn’t understand.”
I was just about to argue, to tell him that maybe I could understand if he’d just talk to me, but Sophia called out from the backyard, interrupting the moment.
“I need to get out there. Thank you for everything today.” He turned and walked out, effectively closing the door on our conversation and leaving me hurting for him.
&n
bsp; Lilly
SINCE MY FATHER’S diagnosis it had been hard to keep from stopping by my parents’ house unexpectedly every chance I had. The only thing that kept me from going over constantly was the fact that we’d changed our monthly dinners to weekly, so I was able to keep a closer eye on my father. Other than being tired and losing weight, he’d been in pretty good spirits recently. It wasn’t until I walked into their kitchen the day after Sophia’s party and got a look at my mother’s face that I knew something wasn’t right.
Her eyes were bloodshot, dark circles made them appear sunken in. Her skin was pale and her normally put together appearance was disheveled. She looked like she hadn’t been sleeping.
“Mom? What’s wrong?”
She gave me a sad, tired smile as she slowly chopped a stalk of celery. “Oh, hi, sweetie. I didn’t hear you come in.”
I walked to her and took the knife from her hand. “Maybe that’s because you’re half-asleep? What’s going on?”
She let out a weary sigh and all but collapsed onto the barstool at the island. “Sorry. It’s just been a little rough. You’re father hasn’t had a very good week.”
It felt like someone reached into my chest and squeezed. “Is he okay?”
Hearing the worry in my voice, Mom reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. He’s okay. He’s just been a little under the weather. You know how it gets when a person’s sick. The nights are always the worst. I’ve been staying up to take care of him.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Lilly,” she said softly. “You’re already juggling enough with the studio and your big show coming up. Fall and Winter are a stressful time for you as it is. I didn’t want to burden you.”
That tightness in my chest returned and my eyes began to burn. “Mom, how could you think that? You’re my parents. You and Dad could never be a burden. When Dad is sick, or you’re not getting any sleep, I want to help. Please, let me help.”
She looked so tired, so sad. This was the woman who kissed away every ache and pain, who held me when the kids at school teased me, who’d been my rock my entire life. I was twenty-four years old and she was still looking out for me. It was time for me to pitch in. I owed it to her to carry some of her burden for a change.
“You know what? There’s really no reason for you to go all out on dinner every night. Why don’t I handle it for a change while you go take a nap?” She gave me a look that spoke volumes about her faith in me when it came to cooking, so I amended by saying, “I’ll order a pizza. You and I can eat that, and I’ll make Dad a sandwich. I can’t possibly screw up a sandwich, right?”
Her smile was one of relief as she gave my hand a gentle pat. “Okay, sweetheart. You do that. I’m just going to rest in the living room for a bit. Your father’s sleeping in the bedroom and I don’t want to disturb him.”
Mom went to lay down while I prepared a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup for Dad and put in a call for a mushroom and pepperoni pizza.
The ache in my heart only grew worse when I pushed the bedroom door open and saw my father, so small and frail, lying asleep in the bed. He’d always been such a force of nature when I was growing up. I even remembered back when I thought my father was invincible. He was a strong, proud man. Seeing how cancer was slowly ravaging his body was tearing me apart.
“I smell tomato soup and grilled cheese,” he spoke, pulling me from my dreary thoughts. I smiled as he cracked his eyes open. “I knew it. That smell could only mean one thing — Lilly’s on dinner duty.”
“Ha ha,” I deadpanned, as I made my way into the room and set the tray down over his lap. “Very funny, Daddy. Not everyone can have Mom’s skills in the kitchen.” I helped him prop up on a few pillows and took a seat next to him.
“That’s okay, Lilly Flower. You make up for it with the way you dance. Always felt like I was watching magic every time I saw you.”
“Stop it, or you’re going to make me cry,” I teased, even though I felt dangerously close to bursting into tears.
Dad might have looked worse than he had the week before, but I could still see the love and humor in his eyes. He slowly lifted the spoon to his mouth and sipped the soup. “So, I take it your mom’s finally resting?”
I could hear his concern for her in his voice. “She is,” I sighed. “Dad, when things get like this, you need to call me so I can help. Mom doesn’t need to exhaust herself and you don’t need to worry when I’m just a phone call away.”
“Lilly Flower, that’s just what parents do. You’ll understand one day. No matter what’s happening, it’s our job to take care of our children. We didn’t want you to get upset.”
I sniffed, trying my hardest to fight back the wave of emotion. “Daddy, you have to let me help.” I took his hand in mine, noticing how frail it was. The man I once thought could save me from every bad thing that existed was slowly withering away before my very eyes. “I need you to let me help,” I managed past the lump in my throat.
“Oh, baby girl.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him for a tight hug. It was then that I lost my fight and let the tears fall silently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all of this.”
“It’s not your fault,” I whispered. “None of this is. It just…” I hiccupped through another wave of tears. “It sucks. I hate this.”
“I know, honey.” We were both silent for several minutes, just holding each other as sorrow filled the room. “Hey,” Dad finally spoke up. “Remember that winter the blizzard came through and dumped so much snow the whole town shut down for a week?”
“Yeah.”
“Everyone was stuck in their houses. You were going stir-crazy, driving your mom up the wall.”
I giggled at the memory. “I remember. You finally had enough of listening to us argue, so you came up with the brilliant idea to take me sledding.”
“Only we didn’t have sleds.”
At that, I let out a full belly laugh. “Yep. So, in your infinite wisdom, you decided I was small enough to use the massive silver serving platter that Grandma Rose had passed down to Mom on your wedding day. Remember her reaction when she found out what I’d been sliding down the hill on? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her turn so red in my life.”
Dad chuckled, his chest vibrating against my ear. “Hey, how was I supposed to know it was a family heirloom?”
We both burst into laughter. Silence filled the room once the humor had petered out. “Lilly Flower, look at me.”
I tipped my head up and looked into my father’s loving eyes.
“Those are the memories I want you to hold onto when I’m gone. I know this will be hard, baby girl. I know it’s going to hurt. But we’ve managed to make a lifetime of memories just like that one. Remember those times when it starts to get hard. Can you do that for me?”
A lone tear spilled over onto my cheek as I smiled up at my dad. “I can do that, Daddy.”
“That’s my girl.” He returned my smile and I knew that this moment was going to be yet another among years worth of happy memories that I held on to once he was finally gone.
THAT NIGHT, I decided it was best for me to stay the night with my folks. I wasn’t teaching until later the following day and Mom really needed a break. She was so exhausted that when I tried to wake her for pizza, she mumbled a few unintelligible words, rolled over, and passed back out. I pulled a blanket over her and let her be, hoping that she’d catch up on the sleep she so desperately needed.
I closed down the house for the night and had just crawled into my old bed when my cellphone began to ring from the bedside table, the light from the screen creating a soft glow in the otherwise dark bedroom.
I was surprised to see Quinn’s name, and quickly slid my thumb across the glass face to answer the call. “Quinn? Is everything all right? Is Sophia okay?”
His deep, rough voice came through the line, sending a tingle across my skin. “Yeah
, everything’s fine. Why do you ask?”
A quick glance at the clock on my nightstand showed it was a few minutes past ten. “It’s just kind of late. I didn’t know if something was wrong.”
He was silent for a second before whispering, “Shit. I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
I found myself smiling in spite of the weight still resting on my chest from the stress with my father. “No. I wasn’t asleep. So, what’s up?”
“I was just…” When he trailed off, I got the weird sense that he wasn’t sure of himself, like he was nervous to be calling me in the middle of the night. “I knew you had dinner with your folks tonight and I wanted to check on you. See how you’re doing.”
Warmth spread threw my limbs and my heart gave a little jump in my chest. He was checking up on me. He knew how hard all of this was, and just wanted to make sure I was okay. At that realization, the weight seemed to lessen just a bit.
I was suddenly choked up at the show of support. “Thank you,” I managed to say on a whisper. “That… that means a lot.”
“So how’s your dad doing?”
I let out a sigh and stacked the pillows behind my back in an effort to get comfortable. “He’s had a tough few days. I’m staying the night to try and give my mom a break. She was exhausted by the time I showed up.”
“I’m so sorry, Lilly.”
“It’s okay,” I spoke. “It sucks, but it is what it is.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
God, this man. The more time I spent getting to know him, the blurrier the line between friends and something more became. He made it damn near impossible to not fall for him.
“Just talking to you helps,” I answered truthfully. “It might sound crazy, but knowing I can vent to you if I need to really helps.”
His voice was soft as he said, “I get it. Believe me. And I’m always here. You need me, you call. Day or night. Got it?”
I giggled into the phone at his bossy demeanor. “Yes sir.”
A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3) Page 8
